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Am I heartless?

Community Member

So, a lot of previously happened in my 3 year relationship.  But to cut it down a little we have both been married and sort of left our spouses for one another as things weren't working so well in those relationships.  However, he remained living with his for 2 years though "not together", anyway since he has moved out and us together him and his ex always find a way to talk... they have children together 1 who is about 18, and the other about 10.  There is another child involved from a previous relationship of his who he never talks to that mother but does see and chat with the child.

Anyway, so if it isn't the dog, the children to talk about they are always talking... I had my suspicions and said he was still in love with her etc etc... and found some text messages earlier this year which confirmed everything.  He blamed that on our relationship turning to crud and I was like well I didn't message my ex blah blah... then I found some more again after that so I was like this is it, I have had enough, you obviously still love her, never wanted to be with me etc. However we are still plodding along to see if we can try and improve things.  I have a daughter as well from my marriage but I very rarely talk to my ex, we are friends and will always be there for one another if we need to be, but we literally talk to organise who is picking up and dropping off, nothing really else, and certainly not on an everyday basis.  So.... now my partners father is dying, and now she needs to always talk to him about that.... and I cracked it at my partner saying she always finds some reason to depend on you.... now of course I don't expect him to turn around and go sorry I can't talk to you anymore.... but seriously, like he called me a heartless bitch, and maybe I am, but I just know if it wasn't for the father dying there would be some other reason to communicate between them...

She doesn't want to get back with him... but seriously..... UGHHH!!


2 Replies 2

Community Member
Sorry. I meant that my partners ex's father is dying. Not his father.

Hi DreamsArefree

Allowing ones partner to be friends with their ex is good especially if they share children. If this doesn't sit well with you then your insecurities should be your focus. One shouldn't compare relationships like a weighing scale eg because you don't have a friendship with your ex then your partner shouldn't with his. Allow others to make up their own minds. 

I cant see a mental illness issue here with yourself. And we are sufferers on here some on a regular basis like myself to help those with such illnesses through our experiences.

In cases such as yours a qualified relationship counsellor could help you greatly. Contact Relationships Australia or similar organisation.

Tony WK