Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Michelle1978 Some days are hard and I still think about him a year later ....
  • replies: 4

Well I was with my ex boyfriend for just over 4 years. I really loved him and fitted in with his family quite well. His mum even said to him to start saving for an engagement ring. I didnt want to marry him - sometimes I just felt that we were on dif... View more

Well I was with my ex boyfriend for just over 4 years. I really loved him and fitted in with his family quite well. His mum even said to him to start saving for an engagement ring. I didnt want to marry him - sometimes I just felt that we were on different paths in life. He wanted to get married and have a family. But I loved him all the same and supported him as best I could. He was from a very wealthy family and seemed to have no idea about money etc.Anyway over the years we spoke about moving in together but it just never happened. I was still trying to save a deposit together to buy a property which we could live in or use as an investment. I had a mutual friend of ours give me an ultimatum at one stage which made me upset. I didnt remain friends with her because I dont believe real friends give ultimatums. My ex boyfriend still remained friends with them which upset me. I never stopped him from seeing them but as he had a big mouth I would just ask him not to talk about me at all etc. because I didnt want to be a topic of conversation. He wasnt very supportive. I went back to uni a couple of years ago and he wasnt happy about that at all but I did it anyway. His reason why he didnt want me to was because it would take time out of our relationship. He didnt seem to like any change. Just go with the status quo.Anyway there was a couple of times in the relationship where he just withdrew himself etc. I didnt know why but then he would come around and be ok. His family lived in another state and we were going to go on holidays to see them last year. Before we booked the tickets I asked him was he happy with me and our relationship and he said "Yes" so he booked the tickets. I was excited as it was one of my fav spots to visit.Anyway about 6 weeks later he had withdrawn himself and was acting a bit strange. Said he wanted to have a break and that he didnt feel the same for me (it just happened out of the blue). We went to counselling and he said the only reason why he booked my ticket to see his family was so that he didnt want to go on his own. This upset me as I gave him a chance to express his feelings before we booked the tickets. He was really pushing me to have a baby and in counselling when asked how we he afford it he said "There is government support available" and the in the next sentence he said "One day I will be filthy rich" this is due to his inheritance that he will get one day. This showed me that he had no idea. This didnt align with my values on money either as I have always been taught to work hard and save hard for the things you want in life. After the counselling we split up and the counsellor said to me that he was very immature and she thought that he didnt have enough maturity to become a father (he is 34). Anyway I told him I didnt want to stay friends with him but Facebook was ok because I had nothing to hide - then a couple of weeks later he blocked me and couldnt give me a good excuse why. This really upset and annoyed me. Anyway I havent had any contact with him for many months. In that time I have brought my own place etc. then a couple of weeks ago I found out he has a new gf who is a lot younger. Also his mum treated to the family to an exclusive get away and I just thought "He will never learn about money". Sometimes I still think about him and wonder how he is doing. I still get a little upset about it sometimes. I was talking to a distant relative of his on skype and he told me that he said to my ex that it was a shame that we split up because he liked us together and then my ex got upset and wont talk to him at all which is just immature. I have tried to move on with life. I have put myself online and gone out for a couple of coffee dates recently but sometimes the feelings keep coming back

Bee_94 Him wanting a break
  • replies: 4

I was told late last week that he had lost the spark from our relationship, he wanted a break and i agreed to it even though its not want i wanted, i wanted to work on our relationship and get that spark back , he didnt want any of that so i have fou... View more

I was told late last week that he had lost the spark from our relationship, he wanted a break and i agreed to it even though its not want i wanted, i wanted to work on our relationship and get that spark back , he didnt want any of that so i have found myself all weekend in a crazy spiral, one minute im fine next im a crying mess, i feel like there is this pain that i cant get rid of, i think about shelf harming, jumping infront of a train hoping i would go into a coma and lose my memory then i think your such a stupid girl, a silly little patheic girl. I dont know what to do, i just want this pain gone !

hope23 How can I help my son?
  • replies: 3

I'm not sure how to help my 25yers old son. He is at home and doesn't want to work or study or go on centerlink. I'm financially supporting him, he plays internet games, sleeps in and hardly ever goes out, is overweight. gets angry when I ask him wha... View more

I'm not sure how to help my 25yers old son. He is at home and doesn't want to work or study or go on centerlink. I'm financially supporting him, he plays internet games, sleeps in and hardly ever goes out, is overweight. gets angry when I ask him what he wants to do? or I have suggested him to study, that I will take him to see a doctor, help him to find work. I ask him everyday if he is ok, a couple of times a day. I make sure he has a cooked meal and food in the house. In the past he has started and stopped courses and work and going to job club. He has been like this for a few years. Now I have recently married 2 years ago, after raising 2 kids on my own. I want help my son to help himself and be happy, productive, to work or study and be active. I have no idea how to do this?????

AnthonyS My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me, I have no friends to talk to.
  • replies: 8

Hi I'm new to the forums, My ex has broken up with me yesterday. We have dated since I was 17 and now I'm 21 and the relationship is over. She left me because our relationship has been a little rocky and she found herself attracted to someone else. T... View more

Hi I'm new to the forums, My ex has broken up with me yesterday. We have dated since I was 17 and now I'm 21 and the relationship is over. She left me because our relationship has been a little rocky and she found herself attracted to someone else. The break up was respectful and I respect her for breaking it off with me before she "did anything" with him. (I believe her because I still feel that I can trust her). I know there is no way to be back with her. I understand that some may view this as just a highschool heartache and that the relationship isn't serious. But from 17-21 we changed together so much. It was those years where I really transitioned from being a kid to an adult. I feel that everything about me and the things I enjoy are linked closely to her, we did everything together. I neglected spending time with my friends while I was with her and now that she is gone I have no one to talk to about how I feel. I have deleted her from everything, I have thrown out all the pictures but literally everything in my room I got while I was with her. I look at everything in my room and for some reason my brain can recall all the moments I shared with her with that said item. I want to move on but I always have an urge to pick up with phone and call her. I cant stop crying. I'm in university and the subjects are hard and depressing. I'm also doing a shitty unpaid 8.30-5.30 internship two days a week. I spend my week hating this **** and would have 1 day off to look forward to seeing my only friend, my girlfriend. Now that she is gone, I don't know how I will cope. What should I do?

Brokenandbruised I feel so lonely and in need of affection
  • replies: 17

I'm hoping someone can help me. I'm feeling severely depressed . It's been going on since January this year. I've been thinking of harming myself but I'm even too much of a coward to do that. Everything is going wrong. I feel so lonely and need of af... View more

I'm hoping someone can help me. I'm feeling severely depressed . It's been going on since January this year. I've been thinking of harming myself but I'm even too much of a coward to do that. Everything is going wrong. I feel so lonely and need of affection. I even tried begging my ex- boyfriend to come back to me. When I ended the relationship it seemed right.. He was smothering me. Now because I'm so vulnerable I wish he was again. But I broke his heart, and he's with someone else now. He said he hates me now and can't even be friends because it's all too painful for him. He even changed his mobile number a few days ago so I can't contact him. That hurts so much. And there's another guy who I've never met in person who I've been talking to on and off for 11 years. He's very ill right now and he doesn't want to communicate with anyone right now. I feel strongly for him , but I can't call him. I'm trying to respect his wishes . I feel so empty. No one understands how bad I feel. My family see me as a burden. I can't think of one person who would miss me if I weren't here anymore. Am I so broken? I feel like my whole life I've suffered, I can't take it anymore. Why is it that other people can find love? I want to believe there's someone for me, but I've just about given up. When someone who adored me for 6 years now says he hates me, he even told me to kill myself. Even he with all his problems has found someone. Even my daughter's father is married, when he claimed when I was with him that I was the only woman he had ever loved. But I had to leave him, because it was an abusive relationship. Because my self-esteem is pretty non existent right now, every thing really hurts me emotionally. And I'm not strong enough anymore to take this. I'm sick of being abused by people. I'm sick of everyone taking their problems out on me. I'm sick of being different. Like I don't belong in this world. It's like everyone knows this secret language and I don't. I'm sick of starting a new relationship and to become emotionally attached, only to be betrayed or discover that it can't work out. Is it too much to ask to find one man who will love me for who I am, and who wants to be with me? It seems it is. I'm 41 now., and I feel like I'm 81.. I'm sorry this post is so depressing, but this is how I feel. I can't turn off my thoughts. I can't sleep because I can't relax. This voice is in my head all the time. And it won't stop. Can someone offer help. I'm seeing a psychologist and on medications but nothing works. I just don't see any hope for the future. I was religious, but even God has deserted me. I feel like I'm nothing. I am empty inside. I just need someone to listen to me. So if anyone wants to talk, please let me know. I'm only hanging on by a thread. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

shanny28 My husband is gone and i feel like im dying
  • replies: 5

We have been married 12 years we have three boys ages 13.12.7..and we have not been getting along due to his cheating and disrespect.We separated and now me and the kids are staying with my sister we had a argument and he told me he didn't want to ev... View more

We have been married 12 years we have three boys ages 13.12.7..and we have not been getting along due to his cheating and disrespect.We separated and now me and the kids are staying with my sister we had a argument and he told me he didn't want to ever talk to me or see me n.life again..Honestly I never cheated on this man Ever he has cheated so many times treat me like crap etc...Recently we argued via text BC I asked if he wanted to have the boys over and he stated he didn't want me n didn't want to deal with me he started saying the youngest son is not his BC he is darker and and how my he hates me etc...So I got upset and I did say somethings to him BC I got tired of the way he speaks to be especially since he is the one cheating and neglecting the kids and now he is upset with me for me reacting the way I did and Friday I found out our son has a bone disease and a heart conditions and I called him and asked if he can go with me to the appointments this week n he said no BC of the way I talked to him..I tried calling today he changed his number and I went to the house to ask for it he said he would call but never did.I don't know what to do now BC he has done so much to me n I have forgave him and BC I got angry and told him how I felt he feels like I'm wrong? I don't know how to let him be BC I feel if I stop chasing him he will forget about the kids what should I do?

guest75 I have nobody to talk to
  • replies: 10

Everything in my life is abslutely falling apart My relationship with Katy is over (not to mention the one with Tara, the one that lasted 11.5 years and apparently meant nothing to her) Im about to be unemployed, my current role finishes next week. I... View more

Everything in my life is abslutely falling apart My relationship with Katy is over (not to mention the one with Tara, the one that lasted 11.5 years and apparently meant nothing to her) Im about to be unemployed, my current role finishes next week. I have had a few calls so far about stuff i have applied for but everything seems to be, they want to interview 2 people and you were 3rd...I've heard that now 3 times in the last few weeks, including just a minute ago Im currently living with my mother and sister since Tara is the house i worked my *** off to buy, and they are going overseas in 2 weeks and had organised a house sitter to stay there before they knew i would be coming back (when i was at Katys house), so now my only option is to stay with my dad for those 2 weeks...I havent even asked him yet coz i dont want to stay there, i feel uncomfortable there I was hoping I would have a new job lined up and not have to go there but that is looking less and less likely...I was hoping to have a new job lined up so i could get my own place and start trying to rebuild my life...I have the money sitting there saved but dont know where i will be working so not sure where to get a place at The only good thing in my life at the moment is seeing my kids..thats it And i have nobody to talk to...My mum doesnt understand depression or what im going thru...my psych gave her some stuff to read when i first started seeing her but she still doesnt get it...my sister is no better...Im only seeing my psych once a month now and saw her last week...The only person Ive ever felt comfortable talking to is Tara....Even katy didnt know what was going on with me coz i didnt tell her much....I just want someone to talk to who will understand, who will care Oh crap i better finish this up now coz im at work and i can feel im about to start crying Matty

Guest_3712 poisonous relations
  • replies: 34

Hi all, is it just me or does it appear to others that everything seems to be against you when you are battling this disease. You make a conscious decision to address one or more of your triggers, and then Wham! something happens to start it all over... View more

Hi all, is it just me or does it appear to others that everything seems to be against you when you are battling this disease. You make a conscious decision to address one or more of your triggers, and then Wham! something happens to start it all over again. As you all know I have spent many many hours with my psych working out my triggers and how to deal with the demons that come with them. I have recently decided to severely limit my interaction with my family and in particular with my mother and one sister. I almost felt I was getting to a place where the hurt wasn't quiet as raw, and the rejection didn't make my anxiety peak until yesterday. I received a text early in the morning from one sister advising me our mother had been taken to hospital in an unconscious state ( she resides permanently in a nursing home). So of course instant panic and I prepare to drop everything to rush to her side( 2 hour drive). I was aware I had a psych appointment in the afternoon and desperately wanted to keep it as I need that regular support. I waited till lunch time and when my sister let me know my mother was stable I decided to go to psych. the battle I had going on inside me about whether I had made the right decision or not had me in quiet a state by the time I arrived for appointment. My psych was proud of me for resisting the urge to once again try and gain 'brownie points' or be the best daughter by rushing there. My resolve was slipping though and despite the sensible side of me knowing it would not enhance my relationship with my mother to go I was sorely doubting my decision. I said to my psych over and over that it didn't matter what she had done to me, she was my mother and I should be there. His concern as always was that the constant rejection and disdain my mother showed me would ultimately break me. my other trigger is my need to be needed. I have always been the family organiser, the go to sibling. I organise all family events , almost to a manic level. I am obsessed with the need to keep the family together as much as possible. I am currently exploring the reasons behind this too, and have consciously dropped out and not done any organising- the result being no-one else does it. Anyway half way through my session I received a phone call from my uncle to let me know my last living aunt had passed away. OMG ! it was like someone had flipped a switch. Straight away I was telling my uncle don't worry I will be over asap , I will help organise things and I will let all of my sibs know. I then advised him that my mother was in hospital and maybe shouldn't tell her, blah, blah . When I hung up my psych was just staring at me . there I was receiving therapy for major, control issue among other things and in one moment I had forgot everything. It's not like there isn't anyone else who can do these things, it's just that I think it has to be me- obviously these behaviours stem from the issues in my childhood which I won't go into . I need to get this balance right. I need to accept my mother is never going to give me what I want , she will never change and I am destroying and wasting my life hoping otherwise. My previously fractured relationship with one sister is beyond repair and the hurt is so painful at times it's physical. I have at the moment decided not to jump in car and race down to see mother, right or wrong I don't know. I think I am going to hurt either way. It is just so hard to cut family out of my life, even though it seems that most if not all of my issues stem from these poisonous relationships. My husband supports my decision because although he doesn't know the extent of my problems he has seen the rejection and the hurt it causes me. I don't know how long I am going to be able to stay strong though as I know the guilt I would feel should she pass away without me seeing her would be devastating. I know a lot of my friends here on BB are facing similar issues so maybe can see something I maybe missing. thanks for listening Stressless

Tr87 Shame
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, i don't really have many people to talk to about this so i thought id give this a try. I've struggled previously with depression but nothing like this. I have lost all motivation to do anything. After much convincing, I moved overseas to be ... View more

Hi guys, i don't really have many people to talk to about this so i thought id give this a try. I've struggled previously with depression but nothing like this. I have lost all motivation to do anything. After much convincing, I moved overseas to be with a special (so i thought) girl, i gave up lot. But the last few weeks I've really been battling to get off the couch and do anything beside work, and just generally down in the dumps. Im a pretty quiet kind of guy and keep to myself mostly except for my girlfriend. Today she left me for someone else because of this. Even though she claimed she loved me. We were planning a trip together to see my family, all booked and paid for by my family. So now i have to go back alone and I'm scared and ashamed that I've been so stupid and threw away so much for her. I really don't know what to do. Even before she left i was feeling really low, but now its so much worse. I feel almost paralysed. We had our future all planned out, now i have no idea what I'm going to do. And im scared and alone

Justlost Betrayed beyond belief
  • replies: 1

I feel totally destroyed.I trusted my sister with my life.We went into business together 3 years ago.She ran the business and took care of the money side of things.No issues I trusted her.Our property was on the part of mortgage for the business.We h... View more

I feel totally destroyed.I trusted my sister with my life.We went into business together 3 years ago.She ran the business and took care of the money side of things.No issues I trusted her.Our property was on the part of mortgage for the business.We had a falling out 2 years ago and I lived those 2 years of my life scared,the business was put on the market but did not sell.I got called into work one day 3 months ago to be told by here that her and her family were filing for bankruptcy,and had already done so they were closing the doors the next day.She had closed all the accounts that day which made it impossible to sell or for me to even take over.They had been planning this I found out later for a month.She left owing near $50,000 to creditors and on their way out they stole a lot of stock ...just heartbreaking to me I still have trouble coming to terms with it everyday.I had to take 4 weeks off work to empty the business which was devastating. This is when my life started spiralling out of control.Its all my fault that my family has been left with over half a million dollars debt.The dream house we built on our dream property over the last 10 years with blood sweat and tears is for sale and we only have a month left before the banks take it. I am so angry at myself some days that I just want to get in my car and drive and never stop.It drives me insane when everyone makes the remark...oh you lost everything,but at least you have each other.My husband never gets angry with me but I know that we both have had thoughts of suicide and Mad moments of just bawling.This was our life ,this is what we both created together for our family all our hard work ,all the spending time apart to make it happen with work,the two jobs and sometimes 3 my husband held so we could build our dream.We started with nothing 10 years ago ..Now it is all crashing down around us bit by bit.And I feel so guilty so so guilty.I just don't know what to do ,where to go and how to even put one foot in front of the other while this is going on,it feels as though we are in Limbo.I put on a brave face at work and look happy and chatty but inside my heart feels as though it is crushed.This is a small town and everybody knows what has happened.I feel so ashamed.So stupid and angry with myself. We have two sons who are beautiful young men.I feel that I have let them down so much as this amazing property was built with love for them in the future.I think being where we are now in limbo is the hardest place to be, we have sold just about all our belongings we have to pay some of creditors and we just keep praying that the house will sell.That there is someone out there that will love and cherish this place as much as we have.The market at the moment is certainly not doing us any favours. I just don't know how to cope through this nightmare I feel I have created.