I'm just about done...

[Jai_apos_s_Mum]

Long story short, my husband and I have had ongoing issues since before our son's suicide death in 2013 but now they seem magnified!

Anyhow, I'd arranged a romantic weekend away, just the two of us for our anniversary (14th) to the same place we'd spent our honeymoon, we were both looking forward to it however I think we were both taking something different from it.  I wanted a chance to reconnect, to begin again so to speak and so I was looking at this get away as something really important. He has now arranged to take his mother and step father to a medical appointment 6 hours away on the Monday which means we'd have to be back home earlier on the Sunday as he'd need to leave at approximately 2am Monday morning.  I got very upset with him, and decided to cancel the weekend as I feel it's going to be rushed and not worth the effort if we aren't going to be able to enjoy it.  His mother actually agrees with me that he shouldn't be going away for the weekend which is also a 4 hour drive one way and then have to drive a total of 12 hours on the Monday, it's unsafe.  I'd have preferred he tell his mother to find an alternative as we had this weekend planned since April however he has put me second once again.  I'm feeling really depressed about the whole thing, I'm at my wits end and am ready to leave however he sees nothing wrong with our situation!  I've suggested marriage counselling and have sought a counsellor who is willing to work with us as we work long hours however my husband won't agree to go with me.......advice needed on what I should do!

[geoff]

dear Jai's Mum, hello and welcome to this forum.

I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your son, which must rocked the both of you, both in your own way, because when such a sad event like this happens, you suffer, probably regret and always asking questions not only to yourself but to each other, but unfortunately each of you may disagree with what the other is saying.

There could be some blame that may happen, not only self blame but also blaming your husband, and vice versa, and please know that this is only natural.

It doesn't seem to be fair for you and your husband, as each of you are trying to cope with this terrible incident, and unfortunately what it can do is begin to separate the both of you, even though you want to do everything that's possible to reunite and get your marriage back on track, it doesn't seem as though your husband wants this as all he is doing is against all your efforts, and then with the support of his mother.

It would seem to be reasonable for her to get other transport for this medical appointment, but your husband is taking advantage of this situation, and again by not wanting to see a marriage counsellor.

I would like to suggest that you go and see your doctor and then let him/her follow up with other counselling, as you only seem to be on your own here, as your husband is avoiding everything you try and do.

I have just delete what I had typed, because I would dearly love to hear back from you first. L Geoff. x