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feeling confused

Community Member

hi all,

i'm new to this i joined today and i've never been one to tell people about my problems or even ask for help, but i will try here 

as the title says i'm feeling a bit confused on my feelings, i was in a long term relationship it nearly lasted 11 years and out of that relationship we had a son together who is now 9 yrs old..

our relationship ended late last year and she moved out of our house in January this year, since then we have had a roller coaster relationship where we would feel like we were on then off, she is also ill with a multitude of problems and me being me i would help and drive her to hospital for her appointments i would also spend time with her and our boy at times and other times i wouldn't talk to her for up to a week at a time,

since February i had contact with another woman and only a few weeks ago i got to meet her and we hit it off really well both of us thought we were right for each other on our 3rd meeting at my house i had my boy for the weekend and i put him to bed early so i could have my new friend around for a visit, but little did i know that my son was awake while she was there he was contacting his mother through his iPad telling her what was going on then suddenly his mum was walking through my front door while i was on the lounge entertaining my new friend.

i spent the next 2 weeks without contact with my son and his mum and dedicated time with my new friend and her kids, all of us got on well and i was thinking this is where i want to be we were all happy my heart opened up to her i was letting her in then all of a sudden my new friend has called it over and shut me out. 

where i'm confused right now is do i feel crap about having my heart slammed shut and thrown back at me or am i upset that i have ruined any chance or dreams for my son to have his parents back together..      


1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome here, glad you posted.

When my first marriage split a few months went by and I missed my kids so much I thought about getting back together with their mother. I had advice from an elderly friend "never go backwards and especially for children".

It was good advice. Kids grow, in 9 years he'll be 18 and off to his own life and you'll be with your wife forever. It doesnt make sense to me. You should be getting back together because you are madly in love and have solved all of your differences.

Your 9yo son can be forgiven. He isnt to know what he did was untrustworthy. Your "wife" should, if she wants you back, take you back, not intrude into your personal life when you are apart.

And you should make up your mind. But I totally understand the situation and it isnt easy.

Meet with your wife and ask her to separate you and her emotionally and continue with your friendship if thats possible. Or, try again but nothing in between.

And if she wants to remain apart ask her to teach your son not to transfer information between you and her.

And dont get into deep "ex wife" conversations within ear shot

Take care.   Tony WK