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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Mark h Can I trust this person?
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone I would really love to grab YOUR advice and help with an issue I am facing currently. I begin by telling you that I was married for 22 years and unfortunately that ended in separation 3 years ago now. This ended due to infidelity on my ex... View more

Hi everyone I would really love to grab YOUR advice and help with an issue I am facing currently. I begin by telling you that I was married for 22 years and unfortunately that ended in separation 3 years ago now. This ended due to infidelity on my ex wife's side and so I spent 14 months on my own to get myself back on track with the help of my two amazing boys. It was tough but I got through it. Back in Feb 2022 I met a new lady who I fell in love with very quickly. We were the same person, we liked the same things, we were inseparable. In March this year, this lady moved into my property to see if we could actually live together which I believed was the next progression after 13 months of being together. It was at this point things started going wrong. This person started having monthly cycles where she became highly unreasonable, I didn't feel safe. I was shouted at, screamed at occasionally and the things that were said were unrationable. After seeing a health professional she was told that she was in full Menopause as well as suffering with depression. I was fine with this and was here to support in any way I could but the monthly cycles increased and I just wasn't coping. I lost my identity or sense of purpose. I even ended up staying out driving fearful of coming back to my home. Five weeks ago, I ended the relationship. I just didn't see a future and she ended moving back into her brothers house being that she had sold her family home months before. Everybody including me, told her not to do this but there was no telling her unfortunately. She is obviously now facing a challenging time with no home to go to but she also has the funds from her house sale which is substantial. I feel incredibly guilty for ending this. I still love this person, she keeps telling me that she wants to come back and make everything work. She sees her mistakes and wants to be with me. Unfortunately I have been told that she has been seeing other men and even went on dates two weeks after we separated. Today I asked her if she has been seeing anyone and she has told me that she went back on a dating app called Hinge but she is not interested anymore and wants to be back. I don't know if I can trust this person to not fall back into old ways. I love her, I have feelings but how do I forgive and accept her into the home after everything? I am a very passive person and very non confrontational. People that surround her say that she is focussed on money and has narcisistic qualities? I am being told it's in my best interests to stay away BUT why do I feel drawn to try and make this work? Any help or advice you can share would be extremely beneficial.M

Jack77 Losing support
  • replies: 2

Hi all I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety for some years now thought I had support from my wife but now I fill that the relationship is braking up so filling l may be losing her support is it because of my depression getting too much for... View more

Hi all I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety for some years now thought I had support from my wife but now I fill that the relationship is braking up so filling l may be losing her support is it because of my depression getting too much for her trying talking about it but it’s hard and even trying asking if we could talk to a marriage therapist but doesn’t seem too want to I love her she’s my best friend how do you get someone to talk about how they filling if that don’t want to

Aria87 Narcissistic Dad...and his blame game.
  • replies: 18

Over the past few years, my dads behavior has taken a toll on my marriage.My father treats my husband like he does everyone and anyone. Hes rude, he talks about people, and blames everyone else for any action. My husband had enough, and cut himself o... View more

Over the past few years, my dads behavior has taken a toll on my marriage.My father treats my husband like he does everyone and anyone. Hes rude, he talks about people, and blames everyone else for any action. My husband had enough, and cut himself off from my parents as he was over my dad calling him only when he wanted something, then when my husband would reach out back he would ignore him or reject his calls if it wasnt a convenient time for him then my dad would stay all quiet acting like he did nothing wrong. Months have gone by, and my dad hasnt asked where my husband has been, because he knows he has stuffed up again. But my dad, will blame my husband and also backstab him to my brothers. My mum would ask, as she is the fixer for all these situations however my husband wont back down now until my dad contacts him back and my husband wants to tell my dad how he upset him so he can learn to stop doing it to him. My husband will every now and then comment about my parents, and i believe this is unfair as i have accepted what they have done, i dont ask my husband to attend things or anything. my dad would call, and call when he wants something, then i would call back when it works for me and he would drop comments like how hes disappointed i haven't gone over sooner, blah blah blah. as strong as i try to be with this, it manages to get under my skin.and, whats worse, i work with my family, so i cant always stay away from my father, unfortunately. im anxious that when it comes down to it and i tell my dad what he did, he will just blow up and blame me and my husband over and over again causing MORE troubles. its like he picks a fight with a new person every month.

Huri Given up
  • replies: 3

My daughter and I had a misunderstanding at the start of the year over her partner. I suffer bad Mental Health and also have Health Problems added to it. So my daughter found out what I said to my younger son about her partner I know it was wrong I s... View more

My daughter and I had a misunderstanding at the start of the year over her partner. I suffer bad Mental Health and also have Health Problems added to it. So my daughter found out what I said to my younger son about her partner I know it was wrong I should have confronted her so he told her. Instead of confronting me I had a very long message so hurtful it broke me as well as it broke her. 1 she said that I was see that her partner was treating her the same way I was treated (but in denial). 2 said her partner loves her (but hear stories when he gets angry at her).He is nice it his own ways just don't like the way she gets treated. So I had forward the message to my sister she suggested to let my daughter know I love her and message her now and again that I do. We follow each other on social media and yesterday I had sent her message today received a reply and she is not happy with me at all. It has broken me and at a point where I am completely done. I am too old for this too broken and feel like I don't want to be here anymore.I haven't had any self harm thoughts in over 10 years and it's managed to creep its ugly head back in. BUT I know I can't do that to the rest of my family what will it prove, my son will be so lonely and I can't do that to him. But that thought is sitting hard on my shoulder. My cat is looking at me saying I know you are not okay but you will be fine.

Guest_6011 Feeling like others are playing the victim
  • replies: 5

Yeah just feels like others are playing the victim all the time, just never ends. No one ever takes responsibility for their errors and their emotions. And honestly just does my head in, how can they not? Just hit a brick wall each time and eventuall... View more

Yeah just feels like others are playing the victim all the time, just never ends. No one ever takes responsibility for their errors and their emotions. And honestly just does my head in, how can they not? Just hit a brick wall each time and eventually have to take a break in the end. Which I will do now, unfortunate thing is feelings of nausea preventing me from working. And less related to certain other emotions, probably separate from this topic here though- have come up. So yeah that affects my commitments but it had to be done, just how it is. People will never truly get it that they are being a genuine pain to me, honestly wont and will continue to play the victim. Won't stop me from doing what I can, but a break will be needed

William255 Relationship falling apart
  • replies: 2

So I recently moved to a city with my partner and sister and I have had family court drama going on in my life recently and it’s badly affected me the past month and made me treat my partner not right (nothing abusive) just how I spoke to her sometim... View more

So I recently moved to a city with my partner and sister and I have had family court drama going on in my life recently and it’s badly affected me the past month and made me treat my partner not right (nothing abusive) just how I spoke to her sometimes, or wasn’t motivated to do things or wasn’t thinking straight and I would forget things cause I had a lot on my plate, I was hoping she would understand this because she suffers from bpd, bi-polar, depression and had a rough upbringing and toxic and abusive ex’s who also cheated, she told me 2 days before my court cause against my father that she feels like the relationship is falling apart and feels unloved in the past month and I tried to reason with her and apologize I’m ridding myself of bad habits and putting a lot of effort in and she feels like she doesn’t wanna continue the relationship cause she’s seen this phase so many times with ex lovers even when I had a talk with her saying I still love her I’m not mentally right and I’m seriously committing to you if you let me, and I’m heartbroken that she feels like she can’t keep it going, I asked for support in fixing it that it was my fault you felt like that and you shouldn’t ever feel that way and asked if she would let me fix it and she said she ran out of effort and it’s really affecting me, the past day or 2 we’ve still talked like girlfriend boyfriend but she has times and she wants my attention and love and times where she wants to be alone I’m respecting her boundaries but also wanna give her more attention cause I feel like I never gave her enough but I don’t wanna come off as too clingy, we have laughed loved and talked good when ever we don’t talk about our relationship and talk about life. I really wanna fix this for the good but I feel like I’m losing her, (might be me feeling pretty but a week before the month started I asked her to talk about how I felt about things and how I would feel the next couple of weeks and we never had time to talk about it so I feel kinda betrayed) she also said how the last month felt like not a relationship I just slept with her loved her and dropped her off at work and etc, which kinda broke me cause we had some good times in the month still idk if this is a bipolar on top of the matter, I don’t know what to do I try to tell her I’m changing for the good and that I love her but her bad experiences and her mental illnesses make me feel like it’s impossible

ladybird22 2nd Sunday in May
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone...Haven't posted in just under a year, but good old Mothers Day seems to trigger me, so here I am writing out there to the unknown hoping someone understands. I seem to struggle with how my relationship with my adult children isn't as goo... View more

Hi everyone...Haven't posted in just under a year, but good old Mothers Day seems to trigger me, so here I am writing out there to the unknown hoping someone understands. I seem to struggle with how my relationship with my adult children isn't as good as others & that they are "just too busy for me & don't need me anymore". I feel like I'm not an important person in their lives anymore.Yes my grandchildren are older now and I did choose to move into a regional area, but their care factor has dropped and it's been hurting me for a while & worse today.I did get three texts from them this morning on mother's day, which is better than nothing, but the texts were all about "how they were going to be spoiled on their mothers day".... Texts & FB are so impersonal and a quick phone call doesn't take much effort. I went off my antidepressants 2 weeks ago ever so slowly & have been ok, but ive noticed the same old tired black dog creeping in and today it's horrible. I did my best as their mum at the time & perhaps I could have made wiser decisions, but I wasn't always wise back then...I feel they sent me a "Happy Mothers Day" text early in the day just to get it over with so they could enjoy their own day.... I haven't been well and not one of them asked in their texts this morning, "how r u mum?"... I can't drive down to see them due to ill health and I can't make phone calls to them as they are just "too busy" & I feel like I'm a hindrance phoning. What to do? Do I just accept that I don't have a close family & accept the loneliness and depression that's been creeping up on me again lately? To all those estranged mothers today feeling the hurt, please remember you are a unique special person & "Happy Mothers Day to you!"

CM21 Scared To Start a family
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone, I don't know where else to go for advice or support. My longer term partner of 9 years is desperate to start a family but he just doesn't understand why I am so scared, I don't know why I am so scared, I don't think he realizes the commi... View more

Hi Everyone, I don't know where else to go for advice or support. My longer term partner of 9 years is desperate to start a family but he just doesn't understand why I am so scared, I don't know why I am so scared, I don't think he realizes the commitment that is involved for me to carry, birth and raise children. I know how badly he wants children but it absolutely petrifies me. we currently live pretty freely we drink and socialize a lot, im scared he is no longer going to love me or find me fun or something... my mind is going crazy at the moment with the pros/cons ifs and buts.

Federer Unlearn Psychopathy
  • replies: 4

How do I unlearn psychopathy? Or prevent my kids on becoming psychopaths or sociopaths. After working in the corporate environment I have decided not I was setup for failure it was such a toxic work environment and I can still feel the pressure in my... View more

How do I unlearn psychopathy? Or prevent my kids on becoming psychopaths or sociopaths. After working in the corporate environment I have decided not I was setup for failure it was such a toxic work environment and I can still feel the pressure in my eyes because of the psychopaths and sociopaths I was around and the narcissists I was around who manipulated and gaslighted me where I thought I was losing my mind. So How do I unlearn this? Because I don't want my kids to become psychopaths (BTW I don't have kids)