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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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TedG Oh, what a tangled web I wove: lost my best friend (happens to be a woman) to my hiding my love.
  • replies: 1

(I’m new to this site, first post and have read comparable circumstances. No idea where this might lead. Thanks) Now found out for my hiding love for her from her, not just once but several times, to the point of (understandably) she sees me as havin... View more

(I’m new to this site, first post and have read comparable circumstances. No idea where this might lead. Thanks) Now found out for my hiding love for her from her, not just once but several times, to the point of (understandably) she sees me as having been a stalker. And that was awful for her; to have me, her best friend (yes, she declared that often to others) behave as I did. To be clear she set boundaries. Re-stated time and again that she was not interested in me as a partner, nor any partner for that matter. We’ve known each other for 35 years, she first getting to know the mother of my two sons. The old story parents with young kids get together. We’ve lived (in separate houses) in a housing co-op for many of those years; doing stuff together as we worked well together. We are both community activists and achieved a lot and met new friends; friends to us both. We went on holidays together. She again called out my deception a few months ago and things went down from there. Co-incidentally a mutual male friend (of 35 years too) returned to where we live and started catching up with her and having a nice time. My jealousy erupted; not explosively but destructively. Now from having declared she was not interested in any partner is now declaring him to be her partner. All this challenges my self-worth, and how to relate to our mutual friends. Although I’m doing my best to give space to her, easier now I’ve my own home away from the co-op, but we still have need to communicate. on some activities. Not with standing her lack of interest in me as a possible partner, she’s declared my deception and untruthfulness as the last straw. But I know her well enough and if I was in need, she would be the best friend she could be. Yes, I need help and I’ve been enquiring about local councillors. Trouble is I do not know what I want help with. I can not ever see me stopping loving her; she has been such a help in my life. I could focus on addressing my integrity, in being truthful and being willing to accept the consequences. Now 70 and retired puts me in an interesting situation. I’ve much scientific writing that I want to complete; so at least I have satisfying things I can do. I go to several choirs a week; been doing so for 15 years. A good outlet, but not a strategy to meet a possible partner. Anyway I have shattered self-confidence. And I drink too much and take meds for anxiety.

Dray My sons ex is trying to cut me out of the grand childrens lives
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My son was given sole custody of his children as his ex was narcsissistic and only focused on hurting my son and not enjoying and doing whats best for the children. She also beat my son up and subjected the children to inappropriate material and purg... View more

My son was given sole custody of his children as his ex was narcsissistic and only focused on hurting my son and not enjoying and doing whats best for the children. She also beat my son up and subjected the children to inappropriate material and purgerised herself in court. She attempted to appeal and lost . Then all of a sudden an allegation came out of nowhere of the inappropriate nature against my son and she immediately got the kids back while it is investigated. 3 months on and no charges and no intentions of charging apparently due to no evidence. prior to this I had a very active role in the grandchildrens life. The ex has cut the kids off from their brother, and all of my sons family. She is a pathological liar. I have spent thousands to make sure that I get to see the children. They spent the first few years of there lives with me. I feel so gutted. And my son is absolutely gutted. He always bent over backwards to accomodate what she wanted, but not once did she return the favour. I must mention that my children were abused when they were little and I did everything in my power to make sure that the perpetrator spent many years in jail and we had intensive councelling. I feel that making the accusation would be the only way that she could ever get the kids back in her care and has run with it. All the evidence is pointing to the same. inconsistencies in stories. There has been mentions of possible coaching by the mother. I am trying to have faith in the justice system, but its so hard. If my grandchild is being abused, the police have potentially put them straight in the hands of someone that can do it freely. And not allowing me to even speak with them is absolutely killing me.

aussieboy2024 Echoes of Departure
  • replies: 1

Yesterday marked the end of my six-year relationship. What I anticipated would be an ordinary day took an unexpected turn, leaving me feeling numb and bewildered. When I sought to discuss it, she declined, expressing her unhappiness and need to depar... View more

Yesterday marked the end of my six-year relationship. What I anticipated would be an ordinary day took an unexpected turn, leaving me feeling numb and bewildered. When I sought to discuss it, she declined, expressing her unhappiness and need to depart, yet affirming her love for me. The transition from years of daily conversations and waking up together to a sudden halt is profoundly challenging.

imhereIguess_69 Bad Wednesday Night
  • replies: 3

had an a bad night last Wednesday. I went to a university party with a couple of my friends. It started out pretty decent, but then we met some girls and all three of them took a liking my friend and a guy we had just met.I tried talking to them, usi... View more

had an a bad night last Wednesday. I went to a university party with a couple of my friends. It started out pretty decent, but then we met some girls and all three of them took a liking my friend and a guy we had just met.I tried talking to them, using all the approaches that had worked previously in the last couple of months. It didn't work, they just brushed me off with one word answers at best, ignored me at worst. With my friends though (who were interacting similarly to me), they were all up close and giving them fairly long, enthusiastic responses. Idk, it just made me feel like shit.I did manage to add two out of three on snap, but when I snapped them (on Friday), they unadded me pretty much right away. Apparently though, my friends were still having conversations with them on Friday. I have no clue why they didn't even bother to make an effort with me, but they clearly were into and very interested in my other mates. This scenario has happened in the past, but I've tried pushing it away. I have no explanation for this. It makes me feel hopeless and miserable.

RJ86 Need support or advice please
  • replies: 1

Hi all. I'm really struggling with a lot right now. I'm here in Australia from Ireland. I met my Aussie bf online and he talked me into getting a working holiday visa to come here. So I did and we've been living together almost a year now and everyth... View more

Hi all. I'm really struggling with a lot right now. I'm here in Australia from Ireland. I met my Aussie bf online and he talked me into getting a working holiday visa to come here. So I did and we've been living together almost a year now and everything has just fallen apart. Our plan was for me to get a partner visa but I've struggled to find any work besides pet sitting. Employers who did respond said it was because of the 6 months work limit on the visa. So I was relying on the partner visa to have full working rights. A few weeks ago my bf told me he doesn't want to go the partner visa route because I haven't been able to find work. He started being moody all the time and sometimes barely talking to me and just on his phone or computer. He said he was going to move back home to save so he could come to Ireland in a year or so. But then 2 days ago told me he's going to get a place with his sister once I leave. So I just broke down and told him I was done. That he clearly had no plans to come to Ireland if he wasn't moving home to save etc. I also found out at this time that my granny was in hospital on her death bed. He didn't say much but the next day said he wanted to break up. So he's done. Today my granny died. She never wanted me to come to Australia because she was worried she'd never see me again. I'm just in shock and devastated that I spent the final year of her life here, trying to make a life with someone who has now decided he doesn't want me. I have no friends or family here. I'm all alone. I won't make it home in time for the funeral. All I've been doing is crying. I'm a mess. I've decided to go home in about a week to give me a chance to pack and try sell some things I'd bought to make this apartment feel homely for us. But I don't want to go home, because there is nothing for me there. I live in a small town in Ireland and rarely leave my house because I know too many people. I know I'm going to fall into a deep depression and I'm scared. At least in Australia I'm more confident and less paranoid to go outside and live. I'm feeling a lot of anger towards my ex right now, that he acted like he loved me so much just to discard me now. But we still have to live together until I leave so we're mostly being friendly and I'm just staying in the bedroom to cry. I can't apply for a second year visa because I'm too old so I have no option but to leave the country. I'm just so sad right now and I feel like my life has fallen apart in two days.

Travis1988 I need help
  • replies: 1

Hi, my name is Travis I have suffered from RJ OCD for many years. But my current relationship is getting bad because of myself.My girlfriend ex boyfriend is 10 years younger then her he is her first Australian boyfriend. She is half chinese half indo... View more

Hi, my name is Travis I have suffered from RJ OCD for many years. But my current relationship is getting bad because of myself.My girlfriend ex boyfriend is 10 years younger then her he is her first Australian boyfriend. She is half chinese half indonesian. She is only around 4,11 tall. Her ex boyfriend was taller stronger and good looking. She told me 4 months in our relationship he had a big long pp. And he was handsome they was in a relationship 4 years lived together. And before him she was single over 1 year. She dated a malaysian boyfriend 2016 then met her young australian boyfriend 2018. The one who she dated 4 years. Then we met 6 months after they broke up. But she told me she met 2 other australian guys in this time period but nothing happened with them. I have seen the photos of her special tall handsome australian boyfriend. He still has pictures of her on his profile. I think of what it was like when they first met and how excited she must of felt. When I asked her about it she get angry and ego and showed me photo them kisses and together. She told me the malaysian ex had a small penis also. I just want to feel like her australian ex boyfriend is not lucky special big. And that she had a young good looking australian boy before her that she made him jealous and he was better and better then he was. Anyways I really need help to stop my brain from thinking and asking questions that her ex was smaller. And her ex before was better and he is not special. If you read this far thanks

KezzaJ Dealing with separation from grandchildren.
  • replies: 1

Hello all. I'm a grandmother who has very recently become involved in the separation of my son & his long time partner & now I don't know what to do as I have no one to talk to about how to proceed. The separation is becoming quite heated as is the o... View more

Hello all. I'm a grandmother who has very recently become involved in the separation of my son & his long time partner & now I don't know what to do as I have no one to talk to about how to proceed. The separation is becoming quite heated as is the often the case with both parties inevitably ending up being the victims. My point is that I am being prevented from seeing my grandchildren & this is very distressing. I have had to take time off work because I am so upset about what is going on & how a person can be so vindictive & cruel to the people who have given nothing but love & respect. I can't afford to seek private legal services but am unsure about accessing legal aid. I'm so worried that all of this is going to go very badly for my son & that he will be the biggest loser in the end because the lawyer he has engaged doesn't seem to feel that there is any urgency in getting things in motion & that I won't be able to see my grandchildren as often. Where do I go from here? Who do I contact other than a counselling service?

Safran Responding to partner's hygiene habits
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I'd really appreciate some objective advice on how best to respond to some pretty confronting bathroom habits from my 41yr old partner. We've been together almost 8yrs and throughout this whole time we have constant arguments about the state he leave... View more

I'd really appreciate some objective advice on how best to respond to some pretty confronting bathroom habits from my 41yr old partner. We've been together almost 8yrs and throughout this whole time we have constant arguments about the state he leaves the toilet in - not just the toilet bowl, but the seat too as it's continually smeared with poo. He assures me it's not a medical issue - just laziness on his part as he 'forgets' to clean it up. Our relationship is otherwise very healthy - we own a house together and are very committed but this is about to break me. I've tried every possible approach to get him to stop (raising it with him calmly using 'I' statements and clearly articulating how it makes me feel and impacts me, through to firmer conversations and ultimatums) and every time he says he'll improve but he doesn't. Lately this has escalated to full blown arguments because he keeps saying he'll stop doing it but the behaviour doesn't change. Today was the last straw and I've threatened getting a portaloo for his own use if it happens one more time. Am I being unreasonable? Are there any other approaches I can use?

flossie62 Husband of 50 years emotionally abuses me
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There was an episode over the weekend where we had visitors and I was planning on cooking a pork roast for dinner. I won't go into full details right now, but I had put the roast in for 40 minutes for the crackling, following the written instructions... View more

There was an episode over the weekend where we had visitors and I was planning on cooking a pork roast for dinner. I won't go into full details right now, but I had put the roast in for 40 minutes for the crackling, following the written instructions on the packet. After a while my husband saw smoke filling the room and carried on in a childish manner blaming and disrespecting me for stuffing up the oven and drinking too much and not knowing what I was doing. It was very embarrassing and I couldn't hold back my tears, not wanting to get into a full blown fight in front of visitors. These sorts of issues have happened over the years, but I think this was the worst. We have had a talk and I have said that I will not stay if this happens again. He has apologised but I really don't know what to do.

Walto17 How do i apologize to a friend that i hurt
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Hey everyone just need some advice.Long story short, i was friends with this person for about 4 years, we used to play xbox everynight until we had a falling out, bascially it was me and him who played all the time and then another person came into o... View more

Hey everyone just need some advice.Long story short, i was friends with this person for about 4 years, we used to play xbox everynight until we had a falling out, bascially it was me and him who played all the time and then another person came into our circle and caused a lot of drama because my friend and the other person butted heads. My friend did some childish things but i regret how things went down. Anyways, we haven't spoken for over 2 years and he blocked me on all of our social medias and it bugs me that things ended the way they did because i do miss our conversations, so i was thinking of trying to get in touch with him and saying sorry. I'm just curious as to how i should go about it. If i did message him, i wouldn't expect a response or anything but just to let him know that deep down i am sorry and would rather him know that i regret what happened instead of us never speaking and him maybe thinking i don't care about him because i still do. Any advice would be appreciated.