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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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mrsb123 I asked my husband to move out
  • replies: 3

I have been with husband for 20yrs, we have 2 kids. I havent wanted to be intimate with him for a long time. He is a heavy drinker, drinks daily but is not aggressive or abusive, but it impacts on me as it means he can’t take the kids to sport, get d... View more

I have been with husband for 20yrs, we have 2 kids. I havent wanted to be intimate with him for a long time. He is a heavy drinker, drinks daily but is not aggressive or abusive, but it impacts on me as it means he can’t take the kids to sport, get dinner and he just sits on couch playing Xbox I have told him for years about my concerns with drinking, how much time he spends on Xbox etc. I do all the activities with kids, he doesn’t come as he sees it as time for himself to play Xbox. The kids have noticed it and So do my friends. I do nearly everything around the house & work FT. I have to ask him to help & when I finally flip out about things that have been building for months he acts as if I'm nagging him. I do a lot of things that I know a lot of my friends don’t do. I fill his car with oil bc he doesn’t & then it dies on me when I drive it, I take garbage to the tip, I pick up the dog poop & clean the bird cage, these are just small examples but it sets the tone. I was recently diagnosed with cancer (I’m 40) & went through chemo & radiation. Tbh I was very surprised at how helpful he was during chemo. But as soon as it finished, he also stopped helping out. I am still not in remission. I still do all of those things I mentioned, incl back to work FT & raising kids. He hasn’t done anything around the house for a long time. We got home from vacation on NYE & I asked nicely if he could find this week to get containers from attic so I can put Xmas decos away. He said he would, it’s been a week. I asked again today. This time he was being such a smart arse asking why I couldn’t get in the roof & get them. I’ve been working all week, he’s been on annual leave (he has 5 weeks leave over the Xmas period) and not taken kids out once. He knows my body aches from chemo still and he still expects me to climb into the roof & get down boxes. I don’t think it was a lot for me to ask. I told him a few days ago that I need him to stop drinking as I found out that a little while ago he & a mate & our kids went out & on the way home his other friend wanted a lift home, so my hub asked his friend (who was driving) to put my 10yo boy in the boot of the car so his other friend could get a lift. I am still fuming. Today I lost it after he told me to get boxes from roof, and I’ve told him I’m done with the marriage. This has been building for many years. I’ve been scared because of financial reasons but I just can’t do it anymore. He is so selfish, insensitive & I’ve never felt like me and the kids are his priority. He’s never made me feel like he’ll protect me. I know it’s the right decision but I’m scared.

Fernfam My husbands OCD is getting unbearable
  • replies: 7

My husband and I have been married for 17 years . We love each other a lot . I have known him to have OCD and wanting things to be in order and put it down to house pride. It's over the last few years ever since we have our own home this has become u... View more

My husband and I have been married for 17 years . We love each other a lot . I have known him to have OCD and wanting things to be in order and put it down to house pride. It's over the last few years ever since we have our own home this has become unbearable . We have a 9 year old and he is paranoid about his walls, car and we rarely allowed to have guest over. He spends hours washing the dishes . If anyone comes by he will wash , vaccum and even cleans the walls. We aren't allowed to drive the car to the beach, we will check the car for any scratches when I drive it. It's so unbearable that even my daughter is freaking out about how crazy he gets if things touch the wall or aren't a certain way. He has become worse over the years. I love entertaining and have a big family who always have us over and there are so many invites I haven't been able to reciprocate to. I have said he needs help but he keeps saying he is getting better. We moved from sydney to port to work on these issues he has also to get away from so much distraction and family we had so he can work on himself and actually live close to the beach so he can get used to the sand . This is not something that has happened . We have been here 6 months but I don't see change . It's really hard to live in this controlling space. Help

Crimson74 Husband doesn’t understand
  • replies: 2

Hi , I’ve had a mental illness for over 10 years due to a sexual assault after a home invasion which left me with PTSD , panic Disorder, general anxiety, agoraphobia, and since talking with my psychiatrist I found out that I’m also suffering from BPD... View more

Hi , I’ve had a mental illness for over 10 years due to a sexual assault after a home invasion which left me with PTSD , panic Disorder, general anxiety, agoraphobia, and since talking with my psychiatrist I found out that I’m also suffering from BPD which apparently was a result from sexually abused as a child but didn’t show any sign until the sexual assault as a adult. Anyway after the home invasion My relationship between my husband and myself just deteriorated because I just didn’t want to be touched at all not even for a hug. So my husband and I just separated but he stayed living with me and became my caregiver, because I just couldn’t look after myself anymore and at one point my mental illness got so bad that I was sleeping 20 hours a day and not eating and no matter what I went through still stayed to take care of me. During all of what was going on with my illness , my love for my husband never went away and I still felt like he was my soulmate even though we were separated. Over the last year I have learnt to control my illness a little better to the point where I can now eat and live a semi normal lifestyle ( I still have panic attacks and still can’t leave the house alot and still suffer from BPD but I’m getting out of bed and started to be happy. So the better I got I’ve noticed that the need for human touch is coming back and I’ve started to feel like I want to be with my husband again and want his affection.. so I spoke about this with my husband and he told me that he has always loved me as much as he did when we got married but knew that he had to put his feelings aside to be my caregiver and also to respect me and what I was going through. After our discussion we tried to be a husband and wife again and tried to be affectionate and started weekly dates like cooking a meal together and watching a movie but as soon as we got closer I started getting mad and pushing him away and started to closing up again and put my personal wall up , which upset myself and my husband and I also noticed that my mental illness started declining again and I’ve noticed I’ve become very depressed so I’m left wondering will I ever be able to have a relationship with my husband or will my mental illness always stop that from happening .

JS1990 Seperation Advice
  • replies: 2

Hi all,I've been with my wife for 7 and a half years and married about 4 and a half years.In 2018 I moved away from her for 12 months to her home town because she was home sick. We got married in her home town in 2019 and she eventually was able to r... View more

Hi all,I've been with my wife for 7 and a half years and married about 4 and a half years.In 2018 I moved away from her for 12 months to her home town because she was home sick. We got married in her home town in 2019 and she eventually was able to relocate to her home town In the same year. Whilst away from her I became very lonely and became addicted to pornography. This eventually led to online infidelity to meet my needs which I also became addicted too. Whilst it happened less and less it still happened into our marriage until she found evidence of it in early 2020 and was extremely hurt. I don't believe she has ever truly recovered. I sought counselling and got myself on the straight and narrow and our marriage appeared back on track. In early 2023 I fell back into the same behaviour. On the day I turned to infidelity she found evidence again. I seeked help again and can honestly say I haven't slipped back into that behaviour and I'm confident I won't repeat it or would communicate it to my wife if I did struggle again with it. Unfortunately in late 2023 my wife cheated on and I'm grateful she admitted it. She said she never really forgave me the 2nd time around and had been miserable ever sense. She has used my past behaviour as an excuse to account for her own and hasn't shown any remorse. She wanted a break initially which led to a seperation which was her call also. I have forgiven her, we all make mistakes and I felt it would be hypocritical of me not to give her a chance.Despite all that's happened I never stopped loving her and I still love her in the seperation. If she wants to rekindle the marriage It is what I want more than anything. I just hope it's not beyond all repair which I believe it could be. I'm giving her space and time to heal and find herself again. Based on what I've said do you think there is any chance our marriage can continue? I can't imagine my life without her, she means everything to me and I have lived with regret for all these years knowing how much my actions have hurt her.

LostWithNoDirection Purpose of life without kids after separation?
  • replies: 1

I made the choice to leave my wife, kids and the family home because our situation and family environment was toxic for all of us and we were all victims and perpetrators of DV. Both the wife and I have ongoing mental health issues as well as myself ... View more

I made the choice to leave my wife, kids and the family home because our situation and family environment was toxic for all of us and we were all victims and perpetrators of DV. Both the wife and I have ongoing mental health issues as well as myself battling a gambling addiction. I have had zero contact with my kids for 3 months now and can’t see that changing anytime soon. I feel the mother is very controlling in allowing me access to our kids and I have no faith in the family court system. I have no friends in life besides my work colleagues who don’t know the extremities of my situation. I feel lost and have no direction in my life. I miss my kids dearly and feel empty and very lonely without them. I don’t look forward to the weekends as I’m just sitting around by myself all weekend. I’m too nervous to try and meet new people and I have no idea about how to make friends as an adult. I really struggle to see how I can be happy again in the future. Any help or suggestions? There’s so much more I can go into but I think this is a good overall general start.

Confusedlady Lost and Confused
  • replies: 1

A week ago my partner dumped me out of the blue. We both have children and were not living together, we all got along really well. He recently finalised his separation with his ex wife and has been very stressed for months and hasn’t been coping very... View more

A week ago my partner dumped me out of the blue. We both have children and were not living together, we all got along really well. He recently finalised his separation with his ex wife and has been very stressed for months and hasn’t been coping very well. I tried to support him through everything I possibly could. We caught up for the first time a few days ago and he looked so sad with tears in his eyes. He kept staring at me but didn’t say much. He said he really wanted to try to stay friends and I said I didn’t think it would work. He said he really needed to sort his head out as he was so overwhelmed. He kept telling me about issues he was having with his ex (mother to his children) and his conversation was all over the shop and didn’t really make sense. Since that day, we haven’t really spoken to eachother and he has been a bit brief when I did reach out. we are catching up with all the kids in a few days to spend a day doing a few activities we had already planned and I’m freaking out about it. I don’t know if I’m ready to socialise like a family again and not sure why he would want us to all meet up. I’m so confused. I love him so much and have been trying to give him his space. Is this a lost cause? Do I just cut him off and forget about him? He hasn’t made any indication he wants to reconcile, just said, let’s catch up with the kids and see how it goes. Help.

AlwaysUnrequited I want to fight for my marriage, but am I delusional?
  • replies: 3

My wife and I have been together for over five years and have two beautiful children. When we are alone we get along great, date often, explore, laugh. Children changed us in that both their births were traumatic and we are both still processing aspe... View more

My wife and I have been together for over five years and have two beautiful children. When we are alone we get along great, date often, explore, laugh. Children changed us in that both their births were traumatic and we are both still processing aspects of it. We didn't get the happy early moments to help us deal with the tough slog of parenting. Then sprinkle lack of support with covid on top. We are both ambitious so we were in addition renovating a house at the same time which forced me to work very long hours. With overwork and dealing with my own emotional processing of trauma I didn't realise my wife wasn't processing her trauma properly and she feels betrayed by me. It was all too much and we pushed ourselves too far.We did couples counselling where she mentioned she had thoughts of leaving, so I took drastic measures to support her. We began talking and sharing. Improvements were obvious. She finally took up activities outside of being a mum enrolling in a new course. I could see her re-emerging from post natal. But because of this improvement I stopped asking how she was as much as I thought we had gotten to the point where she would be able to share. We were still intimate until about a month ago, where I now discovered she was approaching a year deadline of deciding whether the marriage will work unbeknownst to me. Started avoiding me. Then dropped a bombshell that she had had enough.I'm still in shock. Love her very deeply and she loves me, just the romantic love falls in and out. I think part of that is she senses chemistry with her new group of friends and in comparison I seem boring. But I do most of the cleaning, night time kid shifts, equal cooking, equal time looking after the kids and provide all the income. She has no issues with any practical things. I have lots of hobbies, just limited time. Because of this I've not had time for my friends so my wife has the burden of being my sole adult emotional outlet until I break out of the baby raising phase.I'm gearing up for a further fight, but I'm not sure if I'm kidding myself and being manipulated. She has said that her outlook on the institution has changed and is not sure she believes in marriage. She wants to explore connections with other people and believes that's a fuller life experience. That maybe we are only meant to be with certain people for phases of life and not have life partners. Which hurts me deeply because I feel like I've been laying most of the foundation precisely to have that more enjoyable part of life in the coming years only to find out that maybe I was only useful for the hard work part. I think of her as a soul mate and fully believe life partners are real and are a fuller experience of life that is rare as gold. I just want the chance to have the fun part of life with my soul mate.I'm already seeking out as many therapists as I can, exercising, eating sleeping and talking to friends/family so please no posts with that generic advice. I want to know how do I know if I'm being delusional looking for hope? When I think about it all it looks logically like she's moved on, but that doesn't seem right given how connected it felt a month ago. I'm assured there isn't another person specifically and at the moment she is after space to see if she has the energy to fight for something between us. I'm still a roller-coaster of emotion and my brain can't even start to fathom an actual seperation. Therapist sessions will mainly be used to try to prepare to avert a mental breakdown in case that is the reality ahead of me. Thanks for the time for reading. Always full of love

Fiatlux Disrespectful, Dependant Adult Child
  • replies: 13

I am just so distressed today. I can’t stop crying. I am at work and trying my best to earn more money. Covid lockdowns destroyed my business and I am almost starting over. I am in my mid 50’s. My real issue is with my adult son who relies on me for ... View more

I am just so distressed today. I can’t stop crying. I am at work and trying my best to earn more money. Covid lockdowns destroyed my business and I am almost starting over. I am in my mid 50’s. My real issue is with my adult son who relies on me for everything including money. He refuses to apply for Job Seeker. Today he sent me an awful message blaming me for his position. He refuses to move out of home and refuses to look for work, expecting me to find him a job through my connections. I am at my wits end today. I can’t even focus on my own work let alone him today. Help and advice would be appreciated.

Rainbowdino Support
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, I’m new here and I’ve been trying to get help and support in a few things that my bestfriend brought to my attention recently but I haven’t been very successful in that. i need help with not spamming my friends with messages when they are bu... View more

Hi guys, I’m new here and I’ve been trying to get help and support in a few things that my bestfriend brought to my attention recently but I haven’t been very successful in that. i need help with not spamming my friends with messages when they are busy or don’t want to talk, but also oversharing about my family life and what’s going on at home. But I also need help with my anxiety and my eating issues

James-Coventry My wife left me
  • replies: 2

Hello my name is James, I’m 29 years old. in August ‘23 I got my married to the love of my life. The woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We planned to have children next year some time. Life was great. until about 4 weeks ago she ... View more

Hello my name is James, I’m 29 years old. in August ‘23 I got my married to the love of my life. The woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We planned to have children next year some time. Life was great. until about 4 weeks ago she said she doesn’t love me anymore and she can’t be the person that I need her to be. My whole world got destroyed. I lost my wife, my house, my dogs and my cats. She said maybe in the future we can be civil and maybe even friends. But I don’t think I can do that. I can’t watch her move on from me with potential someone else. I’m already in so much pain I don’t know if my heart can take anymore. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. I’m scared. Lost. And unsure where I go from here.