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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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BrokenMum Adult Daughter lashes out once again
  • replies: 2

My 31yr old daughter has lashed out once again. This time I gave the "wrong response" to something. I had just returned from a week with them, helping clean and babysitting prior to them moving. I thought it had gone well. Daughter actually said she ... View more

My 31yr old daughter has lashed out once again. This time I gave the "wrong response" to something. I had just returned from a week with them, helping clean and babysitting prior to them moving. I thought it had gone well. Daughter actually said she thought we were the best we'd been! My apology for saying wrong thing was met with partner accusing me of gaslighting and daughter claiming I was 'passively disapproving' to hurt her all week. Wouldn't have been there if i was! SO confused!!4 yrs ago, (after being together for 6) she rang me out of the blue telling me she was thinking of leaving partner. Therapist had suggested things weren't going to change. I tried to be careful with words but asked her how she'd feel if he wanted to end it. She said relieved! 3days later she said they'd talked and all was going to be good. 4 days later He proposed!! In response to that I said to him "I guess you realised what you had to lose" (that's all!) Apparently that one line was the nail in my coffin! They just brought it up again to show my heartlessness. Because of this, no contact for 8 months. They got married with just his parents present which hurt a lot. But I kept it down and we reconciled when she got pregnant. I have been there to help whenever needed. Kept my mouth shut with partners controlling behaviour. He said I was a sociopath, that all 3 of my kids are great and that's because he can't see any of me in them and that he feels so sorry for them. My husband msgd them to say STOP THIS! Then they said how sad for him to have to be with me. Husband said I think more joy in this house than yours (that's all) This had daughter screaming 'What has she been saying? I'm the happiest I've ever been!' Then "Don't ever contact us or try to see grandson again.My daughter has attacked me out of the blue on a few occasions since she was 16, I think there are some mental issues with both of them. She has accused me of controlling, judging, not trusting. Her well-adjusted older brothers have trouble with that. As the youngest and only girl, they think she got things a lot easier and could not have had a better Mother. I have become used to treading on eggshells with them but let my guard down for a minute! I honestly don't know how I'm here. Cant stop thinking about it, trying to understand it. Drowning in despair with it all and the thought of not seeing that little boy again. But my sons have given me 4 little girls that love me and I have to somehow keep living for.

cherrytea My boyfriends porn addiction has broken me
  • replies: 2

Hi, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly two years now, we are very supportive of each other and have a very strong relationship. However, a few months into our relationship I found out about his porn addiction on accident when ... View more

Hi, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly two years now, we are very supportive of each other and have a very strong relationship. However, a few months into our relationship I found out about his porn addiction on accident when I saw a photo of a random woman in his gallery, he got incredibly defensive when I asked who the woman was, but later opened up about his porn addiction. To help his problem, he went into therapy and went on medications. I was very proud of him and his dedication, he remained clear for nearly a year before relapsing (and again - I found out on pure accident at his work get-together when she showed a co-worker something on Instagram, and his whole For You page was full of women in bikinis.) I thought this was the last time a relapse would happen but I was wrong. For the past couple of weeks, I had a nagging feeling something wasn't right, so when he was in the shower I went through his phone and saw his search history, and saw not only was he looking at porn, but he was looking at a girls Only Fans. I didn't bother confronting him and just left for my parent's place. He came over and we had a very emotional and personal talk, I gave him the chance to tell me everything, and when I mentioned the Only Fans, he said he was only looking, he never bought a subscription. I didn't contact him for the whole weekend, and since that incident, I have been switching between staying at my parent's house and spending the night at our place, I stopped asking about his mental health and stopped making suggestions about it. Our relationship feels like its getting back to normal, he has definitely shown both physical and mental improvements, but the thoughts of what would've happened if I didn't find out keep me up at night. I've also dealt with a lot of self esteem issues and anorexia, so having my boyfriend look at other women is not only hurtful but incredibly triggering. I love him so much but I've worked too hard to recover from my eating disorder to have my efforts be destroyed. I've contemplated on ending the relationship because he's destroyed my trust and I just don't want to feel like I have to compete against other women for my partner's attention.

Roofluff Past affectiing future
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone,For many years i have burried my past away to hide it all as i was a child of domestic abuse. I was beaten as kid and then all through my childhood and teenage years it continued through the different partners my mother had. But through a... View more

Hi Everyone,For many years i have burried my past away to hide it all as i was a child of domestic abuse. I was beaten as kid and then all through my childhood and teenage years it continued through the different partners my mother had. But through all of this i had to be the strong figure for my 3 younger siblings but unfortunately it all has resurfaced now in my 30s as my current partner asked me about having kids and marriage. During the past month i have been sleeping our spare room as ive lost all feelings for her and dont know if its worth being together and have thoughts of running away.

ElaraJ Cross dressing/gender dysphoric husband - can we be happy?
  • replies: 7

HiI've been with my husband for 22 years and we've been married for 16 years. Shortly after we married, I discovered he liked wearing women's underwear when I wasn't around. I was young, shocked, confused and hurt. He told me he wasn't gay and it had... View more

HiI've been with my husband for 22 years and we've been married for 16 years. Shortly after we married, I discovered he liked wearing women's underwear when I wasn't around. I was young, shocked, confused and hurt. He told me he wasn't gay and it had just been something he'd done since a child. I think I just assumed it might stop now that I knew and I didn't know how to talk to him about it. We swept it under the carpet and moved on. Over the years there have been other things. I saw that he'd been looking at women's clothes online etc. there would be gaps of years though. We have always had a very loving and intimate relationship and we've always felt so solid. In recent years our sex life has been less active but I'm going through perimenopause and we've been together a long time! Sex is still good when we have it and we're always affectionate. Last year it all came to a head when I found women's gym shorts hidden in a draw and found it that he'd been on Grindr. I assumed the worst - that he was cheating on me and trying things with other genders. I was heartbroken and confronted him. I said we couldn't brush this under the carpet anymore and if he didn't want to be with me I needed to know. He said he only went on to Grindr to try and speak to people who felt like him. He said he was straight, fancied women and didn't want to change his gender from male, but that wanting to look at and wear women's clothes was like a compulsion. We agreed to speak to counsellors separately. After my sessions I saw that I could be supportive by giving space or alone time for him to wear the clothes, but I didn't feel I could feel attracted to him in women's clothes if he wanted to bring them in to the bedroom etc. I feel bad about this, but I can't change the way I feel. He said he actually hated the thought of me and my daughter leaving the house so he could do this. He said it's not what he wanted. He also said it wasn't even a sexual thing for him to wear the clothes anymore either. We don't see the counsellors anymore and it's been a year. He felt he wasn't getting anything out of it and we promised we would talk more about it, but we don't. This week I used his iPad and saw he'd been on Grindr again. All of my fears came to the surface again. Is he just reaching out for help from those who understand? Is he lying to me about wanting to be with me because he's scared of confused about the alternative and breaking up our family. I don't want him to live a lie, nor me.

Here2Talk Supporting children with autism
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I have a 6yo son with level 2 asd. An interesting episode tonight. He tripped last night and got a small graze on the top of his foot, and after a day it finally bloodied up (you now how grazes can sometimes not bleed or scab straight away). ... View more

Hi all, I have a 6yo son with level 2 asd. An interesting episode tonight. He tripped last night and got a small graze on the top of his foot, and after a day it finally bloodied up (you now how grazes can sometimes not bleed or scab straight away). Anyway he was distressed, as usual, when getting into the shower, because he said “it’s going to hurt”. I tried to placate him and persuade him that it would be manageable; alas he was so distressed that eventually we just put a bandaid on and let him shower like that. The exact scenario is not that important; I am just Wondering if anyone has thoughts or ideas or experiences with autistic children, and in terms of what you should do in terms of nudging them to try and do difficult or uncomfortable things? He is very intelligent young man (ahead of the class eg in maths and spelling and reading), but has trouble with rigid ideas and subtlety characteristic of autism. I’ve heard of others with autism being guided very well, some even becoming very successful in careers etc and I just wondered - philosophically - how much one should try to encourage children With asd throughout development. Obviously one can’t (morally) push any human to do things that are distressing - but in trying to make everything conform to a child’s agenda and protect them from every difficulty they might encounter would seem like depriving them of skills necessary for life - this world is going to throw difficulties at children .... So I guess does anyone have advice for the ultimate amount of pushing vs placating/comforting a child with ASD- more geared to level 2 high intelligence children but any advice/experiences in general are welcome. Best wishes.

PsychedelicFur My Boyfriend called me a spoilt brat & a f**king b*tch
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone. I have an issue that happened earlier today and I'm unsure if I'm the one who behaved badly or not. My boyfriend was making me breakfast and I like my microwave Oats done and certain way and when I went over to try and make my Oats an... View more

Hello everyone. I have an issue that happened earlier today and I'm unsure if I'm the one who behaved badly or not. My boyfriend was making me breakfast and I like my microwave Oats done and certain way and when I went over to try and make my Oats and told me he was going to do it. When it was done it wasn't the way I liked it. And I told him it wasn't the way I liked it. And then he called me a spoilt brat for not liking it and seeing he did something nice for me. He said that other adults would just eat it and not be a weirdo about it. I have Autism and like things done and certain way. And him calling me a weirdo, a spoilt brat and a f**king bitch has really hurt my feelings. I don't know if I did the wrong thing. I didn't eat up eating the Oats as there was too much milk in them. I struggle with food so much and he knows this. Was it wrong for me to tell him that i didn't like the way it was done? I'm unsure.

Guest_48945486 Constant Validation
  • replies: 2

My partner tells me I don't tell her i'm proud of her enough, that I should tell her i'm proud of her because she cleaned the house, or did the washing.She tells me I don't believe in her because she only every knows when I'm angry or upset about som... View more

My partner tells me I don't tell her i'm proud of her enough, that I should tell her i'm proud of her because she cleaned the house, or did the washing.She tells me I don't believe in her because she only every knows when I'm angry or upset about something. I don't praise her enough, I don't cry to her and don't seek validation from her myself. I don't know if she's being unhealthy in her expectations, or if I'm unhealthy because I'm content and don't feel the need to unpack every emotion throughout my day. Emotions are just a party of life and I don't feel the need to state every emotion with a hundred words. I share my moments of joy, we laugh, we have fun together, I share about my work days and ask about hers. But that doesn't seem to be enough.She wants for nothing, I pay for everything, she goes out with friends etc and has her social life outsider of me. She works 20 hours a week to my 40, so she gay plenty of time to do housework etc, and I still help out, I cook, I clean, I keep things tidy to make life easier on both of us.I'm lost, I don't think I should have to constantly validate her nor unpack every feeling I have. I know it's easier for me to grump and be frustrated when something isn't done that I feel isn't okay, like not changing a toilet roll, but I don't yell or scream, I simply sigh and fix it myself.I dunno, I dunno what healthy expectations of my emotions are. What is reasonable for her to ask if me?

Krystle R Loneliness bites
  • replies: 3

Feeling alone is the worst. Son (20) has mental issue's, dad no longer in the picture (doesn’t want to be), I can’t talk to sister about it and I have no other family. My best friend is good to talk to but she has her own family issues. So hard to ma... View more

Feeling alone is the worst. Son (20) has mental issue's, dad no longer in the picture (doesn’t want to be), I can’t talk to sister about it and I have no other family. My best friend is good to talk to but she has her own family issues. So hard to make friends in small town. I’m not doing so well being by myself, as my son lives in his room. I’m so sad and feel really alone.

Unknown1 My husband has just come out as Bisexual
  • replies: 6

I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 4 years and we have 1 child together. He has just told me that he thinks he is bisexual. My reaction was not the most supportive which I'm ashamed about. He tells me that he has no intention of lea... View more

I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 4 years and we have 1 child together. He has just told me that he thinks he is bisexual. My reaction was not the most supportive which I'm ashamed about. He tells me that he has no intention of leaving me and loves me. He has never been with a man. I do not want an open marriage. I have told him we should separate until he figures out what he wants. He does not want this. I am so confused...I know he would want to do right by our family but I don't want someone that stays with me out of obligation and is inherently unhappy with themselves or decides in 5 years time that he doesn't want to be with me. I have also read a lot of forums that sometimes bisexuality can be a stepping stone to gay (although I know this is not always the case). Obviously a lot of questions that I need to discuss with my husband but I have no one I can talk to and was hoping to get some support from others going through this (bisexual men or wives of bisexual men). Thank you

CB23 Getting it out
  • replies: 1

Okay, short back story....Over a year ago I kicked my partner of 10 years out due to just so much emotional abuse. Just constantly putting me and our children down or calling us names. I found out shortly after that he was on OnlyFans paying for pict... View more

Okay, short back story....Over a year ago I kicked my partner of 10 years out due to just so much emotional abuse. Just constantly putting me and our children down or calling us names. I found out shortly after that he was on OnlyFans paying for pictures and videos. I found out confronted him and he basically told me he stopped. (This is the second time he has cheated) anyways I obviously still agree to try and make it work because I don't even know why now I'm writing it out. Now the whole relationship he has had anger issues and this was a huge issue at one point and he went anger management and basically decided it was not for him. Anyways seemed his mood got a bit better until it wasn't and it was back to him just yelling abuse when he was inconvenienced. Now the whole relationship I can't say I'm a saint either I spent alot of my youth on drugs also with anger issues, depression and heightened anxiety. I am dealing with my issues I think pretty good these days. (No more drugs, full time great job, eating better, sleeping better, emotionally feeling pretty in control but still have those days)Now I feel like I've made a huge mistake, I feel trapped in this cycle with my partner I feel like I can't trust him I feel like he doesn't want the same things as I do but when I talk to him about it, it's almost like his just telling me what I want to hear but his actions are not showing the same thing and his getting out of drugs for good, yet last night he went off because he didn't have cigarettes. I don't know what the he'll I'm after with this post but I need to get it out. I just feel like I'm about to explode with emotion because idk I still feel like I love him but I can't let myself get comfortable because his so untrustworthy, so I'm in this weird limbo.Am I crazy? What do I do? And how do I do it? I need an emotional support friend to stand next to me and hold my hand because I'm hurting a little bit and I wanna keep myself level and not lose myself again.