Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Orin Dating a girl with bpd
  • replies: 2

Hi.. I lied I'm not rlly dating but we arnt really friends we are in between and she's also my ex last week on wensday she came back and apologised to me for everything she did (she turned my friends against me and ruined my life and i had no friends... View more

Hi.. I lied I'm not rlly dating but we arnt really friends we are in between and she's also my ex last week on wensday she came back and apologised to me for everything she did (she turned my friends against me and ruined my life and i had no friends for about a month ) and I accepted and I've been talking with her and she started flirting and stuff and she said she loved me but I know it's not promised but we were going good till Tuesday this week when she became distant like she barely knew me and she told me that her friends both of them her 2 besties that are both ex's to my best friend told her that she should be ashamed to like someone like me and that she shouldn't date me and since then she's been cold and distant and I really like her and we were planing dates but I can barely get a hold of her when she's alone she's different she's sweet and nice and she does have her own problems but my problem is that i think she's falling out of love she now says she thinks she likes me and she doesn't know what she feels for me and I know it was similar like this in the pass but she knew deep down she did but it's her friends that are telling her this cuase they hate me for no reason I just don't know what to do and I'm asking for help because it's coming a problem for me and my mental health I also struggle with depression so I need some advice of what to do

BigWhiteRoom Mentally recovering after an affair
  • replies: 3

Please no judgement. I am married & have been having an affair with a married man I work with. We have tried to stop a few times in the past but always started back up again. Yesterday we called it quits & I really want to stay strong this time. Ment... View more

Please no judgement. I am married & have been having an affair with a married man I work with. We have tried to stop a few times in the past but always started back up again. Yesterday we called it quits & I really want to stay strong this time. Mentally I feel useless, hopeless & like a terrible person as I would die if my husband cheated on me - I know how dumb this sounds! I never wanted to be this person & I just want to feel happy again. I have to see this man every day at work & we remain friends but I am constantly distracted & my work & mood are affected. What can I do to move past this? Leaving the job is not an option as I love my friends here.Please help!

Susan_68 Online Infidelity
  • replies: 3

I discovered by chance that my partner of 20 years had been in online contact with a school friend, where they swapped intimate photos and videos. She lives locally, and also attended places where he worked (he's in the entertainment industry). Whils... View more

I discovered by chance that my partner of 20 years had been in online contact with a school friend, where they swapped intimate photos and videos. She lives locally, and also attended places where he worked (he's in the entertainment industry). Whilst he swears there was no physical intimacy, I feel gutted, ugly, undesirable, stupid and so very isolated. I contacted her about it, and she responded by saying she hoped I got some tips from her videos, whilst accepting no responsibility for what's happened. My partner keeps telling me there was never any emotional investment on his part (even though she told him she loved him, and wanted more), and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I just don't know where to go to from here. I feel like the biggest fool, and if it was someone else telling this story, I'd tell them to run - fast. It's not that easy when it's yourself.

Rose9 Lost and alone
  • replies: 5

I’ll try to be brief. Suffer depression, anxiety and multiple health issues. Childhood trauma. My daughter has not spoken to me in over 5 years, I don’t know why. My best friend passed away from cancer early last year we were partners in crime for 20... View more

I’ll try to be brief. Suffer depression, anxiety and multiple health issues. Childhood trauma. My daughter has not spoken to me in over 5 years, I don’t know why. My best friend passed away from cancer early last year we were partners in crime for 20+ years. I miss her so much. Traveled to hubbys family last year after funeral, for birthday it did not go well so to avoid putting myself into deeper depression I made the call to leave. No harsh words were said. Apparently it seams I’m in no longer worth talking to, I don’t know what was said. I’m so very tired of being the baddie with out knowing why! So lonely, no friends no family (my side) only hubby and sons family. DIL does not talk to me much, tries to be kind. I’m very thankful for that. I feel as if it’s not worth being around anymore, I’m not suicidal, as I know it is not the answer, my luck I’d fail and end up worse of… thank you for taking the time to read.

Stasia71 Gaslighting and Narcissistic tendencies
  • replies: 17

I’ve been learning a lot about people who gaslight and have narcissistic tendencies. This is my husband 100% and today while listening to my audiobook Gaslighting, How to recognise manipulative and emotionally abusive people, I was almost in tears be... View more

I’ve been learning a lot about people who gaslight and have narcissistic tendencies. This is my husband 100% and today while listening to my audiobook Gaslighting, How to recognise manipulative and emotionally abusive people, I was almost in tears because he has been manipulating me for so many years (26 married years!) to the point I’ve been questioning my own sanity! I plan to leave him, I’ve decided that its going to happen, but in the meantime I’ve decided to educate myself on how to handle this behaviour so that he won’t be able to talk his way out of things anymore. I didn’t even realise that these behaviours even existed, and was always trying to make excuses for him or worse blame myself for his behaviour.....he has been so clever to turn any argument around so that I’m left feeling I’m to blame, or worse the kids are to blame, whether it’s true or not.....I have been living in this cloud of confusion, brainwashed in a way. I’m so thankful that I have found these resources so that I can empower myself to follow through with separation and divorce.

Monkey444 The hard road
  • replies: 3

Hi everyoneI’m fairly exhausted from circumstances of my life. I’ve been ghosted by many friends and lost a few jobs, well have left a few jobs. One due to unpleasant coworker and boss, the other was very physically demanding and well it was retail w... View more

Hi everyoneI’m fairly exhausted from circumstances of my life. I’ve been ghosted by many friends and lost a few jobs, well have left a few jobs. One due to unpleasant coworker and boss, the other was very physically demanding and well it was retail with sales, targets to be met and when random customer surveys were sub-par the boss gave us an earful. Now I’m in the midst of looking for new work but feel so despairing. I thought by my early 30s I would have things a bit more together but I don’t. My resume had a big gap from before covid and after leaving these I feel more anxious. Not having friends from not doing much just feeds into the low mood. I have seen professional therapists but that is such a long process I eventually gave up.Thanks

Malto2001 Need relationship advice
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend and I still live at home with parents, we are both 22 years old, I’m only allowed to have 1 sleep over a week at his house because that’s just what his parents allow, where as he can stay with me as much as he wants to, although he says ... View more

My boyfriend and I still live at home with parents, we are both 22 years old, I’m only allowed to have 1 sleep over a week at his house because that’s just what his parents allow, where as he can stay with me as much as he wants to, although he says he doesn’t like sleepovers. Am I being dramatic when I get upset that he doesn’t want to spend the night with me? We will have our one sleep over a week at his house and when I ask him to come sleep at mine he usually says No or when I say I miss him he says that it’s fine I’ll see him soon ect. But for me sleepovers are almost a need ? I almost cry every-time he says no to coming over or sleeping over. I am also always the one asking or begging but he says he likes his alone time, which is fair enough I completely understand but I can’t help comparing my relationship to others seeing my friends sleeping over with their boyfriend all the time, and it’s not like we’re kids. I don’t think he sees sleepovers as important but for me they are and I’m not sure if that’s just me being dramatic, needy and clingy? I have had this discussion with him and sometimes when I have anxiety and just want to be with him I’ll ask him to come over because he makes me feel better but he says that he can’t always be there for me and he can’t be the one I always lean on for help, which I also understand but sometimes I just want him here with me.

John78 Mid 40s and childless
  • replies: 3

Im about to turn 45 and Im currently childless and single. This had hit me so hard with the realisation that I have little chance of becoming a father. All my friends and family have kids that are well into there teens, and I feel that I've missed so... View more

Im about to turn 45 and Im currently childless and single. This had hit me so hard with the realisation that I have little chance of becoming a father. All my friends and family have kids that are well into there teens, and I feel that I've missed something in life. Even in my mid 30s, becoming a father wasnt on my mind and I didnt really think about it. Now, turning 45, its like I've woken up and its hit me straight in the face, and its now too late. When i turned 40, i had the same feeling but now im turning 45, Its killing me inside and I cant stop thinking about it.

p85 Husband has paid for sex
  • replies: 8

Hi not sure if this is the right space for discussion for the most part I’m to embarrassed to speak to friends But long story short my partner has struggled with pornography addiction for what I’d say mostly our entire relationship so 12 yearsthis ha... View more

Hi not sure if this is the right space for discussion for the most part I’m to embarrassed to speak to friends But long story short my partner has struggled with pornography addiction for what I’d say mostly our entire relationship so 12 yearsthis has put a massive dent in my confidence over the years as he has withdrawn mostly from intimacy and I felt it was me and weight gain or looks, and after having a baby in 2021 I have mostly just ignored it and poured my energy into our children we spoke quite in-depth about the lack of intimacy in our relationship through chat when he was flying home from work (fifo worker) he did refuse to accept his addiction has played any part but for the most part I said I lacked any confidence at all to engage in intimacy at this point I don’t know why , I then suggested maybe he should seek it and pay for it elsewhere while travelling for work , but that I wanted honesty and transparency. he shut it down pretty quickly saying it wouldn’t feel right and then we chatted a little more before we both went to bedwell he didn’t go to bed via our account statements I saw he then left his hotel and went to withdraw cash pretty much immediately the next day when I saw this on our banking app I asked and he said he went to a gentleman’s club and got a private dance , which was hurtful but I didn’t believe it as I know he didn’t have the kind of attire on him required to wear to a club I checked phone records and googled the number he had called which showed a massage parlour with full extras at the exact price of cash he withdrew when I confronted him he said nothing except he has worked in hell for four weeks and has nothing to show; so he kind of redirected to me saying I have spent too much money (I in fact don’t go anywhere or do anything , I make sure all household bills, kids and pets are taken care of , I also work part time ) he didn’t respond to the accusation of paying for services at allI am not sure where to from herehe goes back to work in a few days I feel really hurt , he won’t even admit to what happened But part of me also feels like well I told him to go do this thing so he did like I encouraged this in a way and have him a free pass I guess I’d hoped he’d see that as a cry to have him invest in our intimacy and relationship I know my insecurities are playing a part in this but I honestly never thought he would just go do it immediately I can’t just up and leavethree kids and pets and where am I going to go even then I don’t know if that’s what I wanti am still very shocked and hurting I feel numb and I feel sick to even look at him it hurts that I am here alone a lot raising our kids and running the house and trying so hard and then he did this without almost a second though sorry I’m advance for the long post ! thanks for reading

Squishy13 Starting a family when your partner has depression
  • replies: 4

Here's my situation in a nutshell:-Been with my partner for 6 years-I'm 35, he's 30-We've always talked about having kids and getting married-Three years ago he revealed he had been feeling depressed (a number of reasons why)-It has only gotten worse... View more

Here's my situation in a nutshell:-Been with my partner for 6 years-I'm 35, he's 30-We've always talked about having kids and getting married-Three years ago he revealed he had been feeling depressed (a number of reasons why)-It has only gotten worse and he has briefly sought psychological help but never stuck with it and he refuses medication-We agreed last year that we would start trying to conceive-That hasn't happened and the efforts have been half-hearted at best So my question is...am I wrong to want to keep trying? Biologically I'm running out of time and my fertility situation isn't great as it is. I love him with everything, and he loves me too. I want to have his babies. I think he'll be such a great dad. But I am scared that if I get pregnant, I'll be in it alone. I won't be able to depend on him when I need to during pregnancy and afterwards. We won't be a team. And what if it makes his depression worse? If he's not willing to do the work to help his mental health, should I abandon this baby-making mission? I don't want it to sound like I'm giving him an ultimatum or being forceful or critical. Please be kind, this is very difficult. And please don't just tell me to leave him.