TW: Some themes of suicide!!! Hi, so today I had a bit of a fight with
my mother, and while I feel they played a part in our confrontation, she
feels that the confrontation was largely (if not entirely) my fault.
Early this morning, I was in a disapp...
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TW: Some themes of suicide!!! Hi, so today I had a bit of a fight with
my mother, and while I feel they played a part in our confrontation, she
feels that the confrontation was largely (if not entirely) my fault.
Early this morning, I was in a disappointed mood, as I had a dream the
previous night which reminded me of some regrets I have. These regrets
are common for me, and while I have tried to talking to my Mum about
them, her thoughts on the matter rarely actually help me/make me feel
better. Further, my mother has grown sick of hearing about these issues,
feeling that they are dealt with and in the past. Despite this, I still
decided to try talking to her this morning as I didn't really have
anyone else to talk to and I was feeling upset. So, I tried talking to
her, and as normal, it didn't really do much to help me or make me feel
better. However, unlike normal, something happened to make me feel
worse. When my Mum was trying to say something to make me feel better,
she mentioned something that I was not fully aware of which wasn't
directly related to the situation that related to our family (nothing
illegal of course haha, just something me and my Mum butt heads over).
It was something that I was aware of to some vague extent, but never
really thought about it too much. However, hearing it outright said was
extremely upsetting to me, causing me to forget about the original issue
and start stressing/hating myself about the new issue. The words "I want
to kill myself" slipped from my tongue, and I went to my room to cry.
After crying for a short time, I decided to go for a walk. This is
significant as I rarely leave the house without my parents dropping me
off wherever I go. As I left the house, I told my mother I was going for
a walk, and needed to get out of the house, taking my phone with me. I
decided to walk to a local facility which was in walking distance and
was safe to me, arriving there safely. As I got there, my Mum tried to
call me, but as I felt upset with her, I didn't pick up my phone, she
later texted me, which I responded to. Little did I know, my parents
were very worried about whether I would try something. My Mum was happy
to let me go for a walk (claiming I'd come back when I came back), but
my Dad (who was at work and was told what happened by my Mum), became
concerned for me, believing based on my previous comments, and the fact
that I never just go for a walk on my own, that I might try something.
My Mum, once again, was less-concerned, as she was aware that while the
words "I want to kill myself" slip from my lips relatively frequently (I
do try to control it, or at least do it in private, to be fair), I
rarely actually mean the words. But, my Dad was very concerned, and told
my Mum that if she didn't go out and find me, he'd come home from work
and do it himself. After this, and seeing my parents concern, I did
ultimately respond to both of them through text, confirming I was
alright, although I did initially dodge telling them where specifically
I was located (still ultimately answering after being probed further).
Now, while I feel that both of us have fault here, with me refusing
phone calls and telling my parents where I was being wrong, but my Mum's
lack of enough empathy to know not to mention that specific issue when I
was already in a sensitive mood being her fault. However, my Mum instead
argues that the issue was largely, if not entirely my fault. So I was
hoping someone here might be able to help me weed this out! I'd maybe
try Reddit, but I don't want a bunch of people just telling me NTA haha!
Thanks for reading!
Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
