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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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G.P Wedding planning ruining our relationship
  • replies: 1

My fiance and I are just a few weeks out from our wedding, and our patience with each other and our stress levels have increased significantly. More than ever we're arguing, emotionally drained, financially depleted, losing sleep, spend less quality ... View more

My fiance and I are just a few weeks out from our wedding, and our patience with each other and our stress levels have increased significantly. More than ever we're arguing, emotionally drained, financially depleted, losing sleep, spend less quality time with each other and losing sight of the day as a celebration of us, and not the guests. We're exhausted, and admittedly I have doubts about our relationship and if going through with this is still worth it. Sometimes I do see that we have a bright future together, other times I don't see it at all. His anger bites harder, and many hurtful things are said in the moment. For me, that's the hardest part, absorbing his anger and really thinking if the anger is reflective of what's to come moving forward. I just don't know anymore. Will this all pass, or is this the end of the road for us? GP

MeccaAddict What do I do?
  • replies: 2

I (34f) am having an affair with (47m) colleagueStuck in my head.Everyone is going to think I’m an asshole, as I probably am one. In fact I know I am one, but life is complex.I’m a 34 year old female who has been with my husband also 34 for 11 years.... View more

I (34f) am having an affair with (47m) colleagueStuck in my head.Everyone is going to think I’m an asshole, as I probably am one. In fact I know I am one, but life is complex.I’m a 34 year old female who has been with my husband also 34 for 11 years. We have 2 children aged 6 & 2. Our marriage certainly hasn’t been without complications and there’s been rocky times particularly after we had our first child but we are still standing.When we met, I’d had a string of failed/bad relationships - your usual ghosting scenarios, men not wanting to commit etc… so when he came along and was so nice, I just went with it. In hindsight, it certainly wasn’t that head over heals feeling… but there was familiarity that I never worried he wasn’t going to text etc. I don’t know looking back if he was ever head over heals for me… it certainly didn’t seem to be a crazy passionate lover affair, more of a slow and steady burn.I started a new job four years ago. Our marriage was rocky with a two year old and we had some problems with interfering family members. There was a good chance for a while we would not make it. It became very volatile.I ended up striking up a friendship through work. I remember the first time I saw him and I’ve since been told vice versa. There was crazy underlining chemistry in this friendship. We ended up sitting next to each other three years ago and the friendship ramped up - we’d talk for hours when we were at work.. I looked forward to seeing him so much. At the Xmas party that year, we ended up kissing and it was incredible. A week later, I found out I was pregnant with my husband and my second child. That was that, I put things in their place. When I’d see him at work, he was like a lovestruck puppy… but respectful as well and never crossed boundaries. It was horrible having to tell him I was pregnant. Note he also has a girlfriend.I ended up having my second child and then had a years maternity leave. Life was good, I relished my life at home with my two kids. Out of sight and out of mind is really true. Once my maternity leave ended, I had to go back to work and it was like no time had passed between us. At a work do, we ended up having a great chat and said we couldn’t understand why we both liked each other so much but acknowledged that we did. We stayed out until 2am dancing after the event however no physical boundaries were crossed.Eventually we both met up once for a picnic, and kissed. The next time we met up, it was in a hotel room & there have been several meet ups since.I am in my head, thinking I want to leave my husband and that I am in love with him.He’s never asked and nor do I think he would ask me to leave, as he says he doesn’t want to hurt my family but I think he loves me too. He honestly looks at me like no one has ever looked at me before. Because our lives are so busy, the meet ups are so infrequent that I only get small tastes in to what life would be like and the remaining time we only see each other through work. He mirrors my language, shows genuine interest in my life, is affectionate when we are together which makes me think it’s more than sex. He’s told me once he feels deeply for me..I know the grass isn’t always greener, but despite my affair, I feel my marriage is stagnant. I resent the additional house duties I take on while working, I feel like the passion is not there but I also do love my husband - he’s my family and would want to remain friends should we split and share custody.I don’t know what to do. Im half thinking I should leave, break both situations off and focus on being single and my kids to get my head right.Has anyone been in a situation like this and left their current partner and come out the other side? Do you regret your choice? Would you have regretted staying more? Do I stay unhappy and wanting more from my marriage for the sake of my family? Do I blow everything apart when it may not even work out?

Soberlicious96 Two Issues with one friend and one acquaintance
  • replies: 4

Issue 1: I’m feeling a bit annoyed with L__ right now. Every time I mention my motorbike she tries to shut me down. She has an intense dislike for ‘all’ motorbikes that is, in my opinion,, not rational. Just because her brother died on one – and I kn... View more

Issue 1: I’m feeling a bit annoyed with L__ right now. Every time I mention my motorbike she tries to shut me down. She has an intense dislike for ‘all’ motorbikes that is, in my opinion,, not rational. Just because her brother died on one – and I know that is a truly awful thing and extremely devastating – doesn’t mean that I too am a bad rider. But that’s how it feels; as though she thinks I am a ‘silly risk taker’ when I am NOT. For starters, her brother, she tells me, was drunk at the time when he crashed and died. I DON’T DRINK AT ALL! I wear ALL the gear all the time (maybe no gloves around town on the odd occasion) and I ride with caution. I do NOT ride if I am feeling at all anxious or distracted or not fully physically fit for whatever reason.I feel like I want to say something to her like ‘back off’ or ‘stop judging me as being a bad rider’ but I love her and don’t want to hurt her. Losing her brother would have been awful, I understand that. But thinking that ALL riders are unsafe is ‘blanket’ thinking and unrealistic. It’s like saying ‘all men are 'nasty’ just because of one rotten egg ….. like T___ (my ex). I could EASILY say that all men are nasty, but I don’t. I know they are not, I know that is ‘blanket’ thinking and I now have PROOF they are NOT all nasty: I have a wonderful man in my life now! Issue 2: I know T___ is a wonderful young lady and I know she means well, but I just don’t have the time she wants me to have. I don’t’ have the emotional energy to …… deal with her? I know that sounds awful ……. But really, I see her as more an acquaintance than a friend ….. and I think she sees me as a friend more than an acquaintance. I mean, sure, we worked together for a couple of years, but that was work. And it was a long time ago now. I tend to let go of work friends. Work friendships are not like personal friendships. They’re different. She keeps asking to catch up for coffee and I just keep saying no. I have tried the polite rebuff for a long time now and it’s not sinking in. Full time work is taking up huge chunks of my time and I barely have time now for my CLOSE friends and family, let alone those in a more outer-circle. I feel pressured by her to catch up when really, I just don’t want to. Maybe it's her disability that prevents her from understanding subtle social cues? I don't know. I do NOT in any way want to offend her or hurt her, but I really just don't have the time or the energy to maintain a 'friendship' that is outside of my energy radar. Anyway, any help or suggestions as to who to handle these two situations would be most appreciated. Thanks.

Loveanimals Why does my twin sister hate me
  • replies: 14

I am in my late forties. I have a twin sister whom I have never got along with. She has always been a bully and a control freak. We have an older brother. As kids they used to play together and leave me out. They used to enjoy making me cry. I often ... View more

I am in my late forties. I have a twin sister whom I have never got along with. She has always been a bully and a control freak. We have an older brother. As kids they used to play together and leave me out. They used to enjoy making me cry. I often was left alone. Parents were not great (understatement). Mother passed away five years ago. Dad is in his eighties and is not very well. Brother lives overseas and I have nothing to do with him. She has taken it upon herself to take control of all of Dad's affairs. Money being the main issue. He is doing ok but she is hassling me to see him more and do more for him. I try to organise things but he is busy doing is own thing! She gets frustrated as she has created this co -dependant relationship with him....nothing anyone does or says is good enough for her. She is creating problems where there aren't any. I have learnt that Dad has paid for her new car. Dad wanted to give me some money and she told him I didn't need it?! I earn one third of what she does! I actually think she is taking money from Dad and I would never know as she is in control of his bank accounts. I saw her this morning at Dad's and the aggression coming off her was so toxic. I have no idea why. She scares me because she is such a horrible aggressive person. I have had decades of her horrid behaviour and I am totally sick of it. I always come away feeling absolutely awful. I have rung Lifeline many times due to her. I know I have to totally avoid her. That is obvious. I suffer as I do not know why she does this. She has attacked me verbally, physically..my whole life. She shows no care towards me whatsoever. I guess I just spend my life hoping she will change. Wondering what I have done wrong. Then getting angry and upset. I wish I could kick her out of my life but that won't be so easy. I love Dad and want to see him. He is being controlled by her I think. I am so lost and sad. Please help. Thankyou.

CountingCrows1 Disowned my family / disowned by my family
  • replies: 1

Am I toxic or is it my family? I haven't spoken to my parents in 5 years. I have depersonalisation disorder. - my father is an alcoholic and doesn't speak with family. He has trauma from many of them passing away. He sits silently and I get triggered... View more

Am I toxic or is it my family? I haven't spoken to my parents in 5 years. I have depersonalisation disorder. - my father is an alcoholic and doesn't speak with family. He has trauma from many of them passing away. He sits silently and I get triggered because I don't know what to say. He and I both can't carry a conversation. I resent him because he was scary and was never interested to know me. Maybe his drinking and distant personality is not entirely his fault. - my mother has always been highly stressed. She has never phoned me to chat. The only time she ever called me was on my birthday and Christmas obligatory calls. Maybe the responsibility is mine now in my 30's to call, but I find it too difficult as she never wanted to be close. She admitted to not being a family person. It became toxic growing up: me desperately wanting a relationship, her ignoring me. One trigger is she always put on a voice. It is a fake over pronounced "hello, how are you" "ohhhh thats nice" and then nothing deeper. My childhood was her ignoring me and rushing around the house, stressed. Maybe she doesn't have social skills. But my parents both ignoring me when I used to go there to visit, makes me dissociate badly, and long for the parents I never had to finally love me and want me one day. - my sister abandoned the family, probably for the above reasons. She was living with me at the time. I called the police and she was a missing person for a while. Her disappearance affected me. I wondered if it was my fault. During the six months we lived together, she didn't speak with me. I knocked on the door to chat sometimes, but she wanted to be alone. We used to get along ok growing up. I came to the conclusion that she needed to break away from her past, which included me. This was 8 years ago and I haven't heard a single word. It confuses me, as we used to have a friendship and it didn't seem toxic. I doubt that I will ever see her again. Not knowing if she is alive causes me distress. I miss he dearly and I hope she is ok. - my brother hasn't been in my life due to a poor relationship with my father. We reconnected in my 20's a few times. But when my sister left, I became fixated on 'maybe I am the flawed one'. I haven't spoken with him for at least 5 years now. He has a very normal, happy life. He didn't grow up in my family. So I want to protect him, and also I couldn't live with the rejection if he got to know me and also rejected me. Maybe I am just meant to be alone without love.

Bluna Hate being touched when upset or in distress.
  • replies: 3

I hate being touched when I'm angry, anxious, in pain, on my period or have a panic attack. It causes me stress and makes me anxious.I've recently noticed I flinch when someone touches me, or I think they are going to when I'm in one of the mentioned... View more

I hate being touched when I'm angry, anxious, in pain, on my period or have a panic attack. It causes me stress and makes me anxious.I've recently noticed I flinch when someone touches me, or I think they are going to when I'm in one of the mentioned states.I have level 1 autism and think it could be that, but I loved hugs and could handle people comforting me when I was younger.I also think it could be because I've been isolated for years and had no one to comfort me when in the mentioned states.I'm quite confused on why and I never fully noticed it until I got a room-mate recently.Does anyone else experience this?

Florence88 Struggling with being a long distance from husband. Feel lost, sad, lonely and confused
  • replies: 2

I am Australian, My husband and I live in the UK but after an issue with my visa when we we’re returning from holiday I wasn’t able to return home with him and had to come to Australia to stay with family to wait for the visa to be sorted. I have now... View more

I am Australian, My husband and I live in the UK but after an issue with my visa when we we’re returning from holiday I wasn’t able to return home with him and had to come to Australia to stay with family to wait for the visa to be sorted. I have now been here in Australia for 8 months while he is there taking care of the house and continuing working. I have been struggling lot the past few months and begging him to visit but their is always a reason he won’t. Last weekend I found out he asked a women to go for a night out with him, she is an old friend from his past they were close 10 years ago. I have never met her I didn’t even know they kept in contact he never mentions her never introduced us nothing. This was a huge shock because1 I don’t know this woman 2 I didn’t know they were in contact 3 I just don’t agree with a married man or woman having a one on one meet up with the opposite gender. We have been arguing about it all week. He said he didn’t tell me because he knew I’d get upset so to me this makes it worse, he knew I wouldn’t be happy about it and choose to do it anyway and to keep it from me. I’m just so lost my mind is going crazy I am depressed and anxious. I’m just really struggling.

kate95 Boyfriend shutting me out
  • replies: 3

I’m really really struggling currently with my boyfriend of 4 years. I love him more then anything and I have ALWAYS been here for him and he knows that, but he’s shutting me out currently and the stress is killing me. rewind to about 12 weeks ago ev... View more

I’m really really struggling currently with my boyfriend of 4 years. I love him more then anything and I have ALWAYS been here for him and he knows that, but he’s shutting me out currently and the stress is killing me. rewind to about 12 weeks ago everything was like normal. Then slowly he started to reply a bit less but I didn’t think anything of it. Around this time he started a new position at work as acting manager whilst the boss is away for 3 months. He ended up messaging me to say sorry he’s not been himself and he’s just depressed and sick of his job and how much he loves and appreciates me. I felt awful for him and I’ve told him time and time again I’m there for him and how much I love him and please don’t shut me out because it scares me. I’ve seen him once a week IF that for since he started this position. His hours are longer and he is tired so I can understand that. But I just feel as if it’s mean to not message me. It’s like most days he will just say he loves me lots and reply to two small things. Whereas usually we message a lot, just silly things. i saw him 5 days ago and he was GREAT. I could tell he was a bit tired and he had a god awful day at work, but was great. I had no doubts about our relationship. Now ever since then he’s been even colder and just says he loves me and that’s it. I think what hurts more is that he had the last 4 days off and the entire time I hardly heard anything.. he ignored my message when I said I wanted to come say hi and he ignored my phone call. this all might sound silly, but I have my reasons for being so worried. This time exactly 2 years ago he was like this and dumped me via text. He said I can do better and he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. The way he treated me afterwards was not nice. He just ignored me completely until a month later he regretted it big time and completely lost it. We got back together and he said it was the biggest mistake he’d made. I was skeptical at first but every since then he’s changed for the best and we’ve been better then ever, until now.. i get really worried when he’s in this headspace because he’s just not himself and he shuts me out. he told me last week that his boss was meant to be back in 3 weeks, but now it’ll be another 6-8 weeks unless he decides to not come back.. im at the point where I’m depressed and just cry about him. I’ve even told him he’s stressing me out. I wait for a message all day from him and if I don’t hear I feel physically sick. mum really worried about how much longer this will go on for. I miss my boyfriend so much..

sd_xx05 Frienship issues
  • replies: 5

hi everyone, im currently a high schooler in australia and i just wanted to let something off my chest that i have been keeping in for quite a while. i honestly feel so lonely. lonely, to a point where i think my life is just useless. i just joined a... View more

hi everyone, im currently a high schooler in australia and i just wanted to let something off my chest that i have been keeping in for quite a while. i honestly feel so lonely. lonely, to a point where i think my life is just useless. i just joined a new school at the start of this year and i feel like its been the worst decision ever. i hang out with 2 people from my class during class times. other than that, i have a few friends here and there but not close friends. so the 2 other girls in my class who sit with honestly seem so happy with each other and its like whenever i try to join they stop enjoying. i feel like they ignore me constantly. i dont know if the ignoring is intentional or accidental, but whatever it is i feel like the person on the sidewalk. im starting to blame it on myself by thinking that their is something wrong with my looks or personality which might be the reason they ignore me. but truthfully speaking, i have never been rude to them or ignored them and have always helped them out and have been kind. i feel like they dont want me to be with them anymore but i dont have any other friends in my class. theres honeslty much more to the story and i have friend issues with other people as well but this is probably the main one. i always think people are jjust friends with me for the sake of it and thats a reason i feel left out. like, i see people laughing and similing with their friends and i just wish it was like that for me. my parents dont know much about this and i dont plan on telling them as they would probably think what im thinking is useless. i know this is not a major problem but i really needed to let this out and thought this would be the best way to.

IBambi Sex with strangers
  • replies: 20

I don't know why, all of a sudden I have the urge to have sex with strangers. I am trying to meet with people just for sex. I don't even want a conversation sometimes. I don't even know their name and I seem to be getting worse and it's pretty quickl... View more

I don't know why, all of a sudden I have the urge to have sex with strangers. I am trying to meet with people just for sex. I don't even want a conversation sometimes. I don't even know their name and I seem to be getting worse and it's pretty quickly. Whenever I have free time, I will find someone new. I don't know why this has come about. I havnt been able to get in to see my psychologist in the last few months. It's a bit of a drive and hard to get appointments. I don't even know if I could tell my psychologist this. I need help but at same time, I want to continue to have sex with strange people. I just know its not right. I don't have time for a relationship and I have a young child and although I struggle to find time. If an appointment is cancelled or I suddenly have time, first thing I do is find someone. I do use protection and I am enjoying myself. Its just constantly on my mind and its starting to consume me