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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Nick-Pari Am I wrong?
  • replies: 2

I absolutely love my boyfriend. He’s handsome, kind to my family and other and smart. I am currently studying and working at the same time. We have been together for 3.5 years now. He is a hard worker. I know that much. He works more than 75 hours a ... View more

I absolutely love my boyfriend. He’s handsome, kind to my family and other and smart. I am currently studying and working at the same time. We have been together for 3.5 years now. He is a hard worker. I know that much. He works more than 75 hours a fortnight. My issue is, I’ve been feeling lonely in my own relationship. I don’t have friends to hangout with. I don’t have anyone close here. Not even family. I feel so guilty when I ask him to spend sometime with me because I’m my hearts of hearts I know he would rather be working.

Abby2018 Wanting to connect with people going through mental health issues and relationship issues
  • replies: 9

Hi everyone! I'm a 40 yr old working mum with 3 kids. My partner of 20 yrs. told me 3 weeks ago he had been thinking of leaving me for about a year now. The news broke me, and I was hysterical and inconsolable. Though he suggested therapy and counsel... View more

Hi everyone! I'm a 40 yr old working mum with 3 kids. My partner of 20 yrs. told me 3 weeks ago he had been thinking of leaving me for about a year now. The news broke me, and I was hysterical and inconsolable. Though he suggested therapy and counselling, the news hit me like a ton of bricks and I'm struggling to cope. I was hoping to connect with people going through the same issues or perhaps someone who has overcome this or similar. I have severe anxiety and my mental health is declining. I have reached out to Beyond Blue and other resources and working really hard to overcome this and hoping we can fix our partnership and our family. Is there anyone out there going through something similar, maybe we can support each other and bounce of each other in this journey. Thanks

rabbithole333 Struggling to move forward
  • replies: 1

my ex and I of 5 years ended in August last year. It was all very toxic especially in the weeks leading up to the breakup and following. We were living overseas at the time and drugs and alcohol were involved. We tried to do long distance as I needed... View more

my ex and I of 5 years ended in August last year. It was all very toxic especially in the weeks leading up to the breakup and following. We were living overseas at the time and drugs and alcohol were involved. We tried to do long distance as I needed to go back home early to clear my head. It was hard. I knew I wasn’t being treated right but I couldn’t let go. He ended things on the phone with me the day he got home. It’s now been three months of essentially no contact. I was feeling relatively great until we decided to call to catch up I guess. Now I’m left feeling confused and hurt again. I know that time is going to help but I’m just feeling like I want him back even though he treated me so badly. I feel like he’s going to come back around but I also don’t want to be waiting for someone who I know isn’t right for me. I guess with the history we have I just wish he was the one still. Can someone please just help me understand that these feelings end. A big part of me feels we can still work but I feel I am also being delusional. How to people get past this kind of thing.

psyberpunk I feel rejected
  • replies: 5

My wife and I have been together 10 years - but since our first child my wife has lost the desire/capacity for any kind of intamacy with me. In four years she's almost never initiated even a hug, kiss, cuddle and I think we've had sex about 6 times a... View more

My wife and I have been together 10 years - but since our first child my wife has lost the desire/capacity for any kind of intamacy with me. In four years she's almost never initiated even a hug, kiss, cuddle and I think we've had sex about 6 times and each time has felt like i'm forcing her and its a charity case. I started trying to talk to her more about it about a year ago. In the last few months she has initiated a couple of short hugs. My wife has also created created this 'bubble' with our son, they sleep together, we sleep seperately, and I feel like i'm not welcome in it. She doesn't want to even go on a date with me, out to dinner, see a movie. Several family members have offered to watch our son while we do go do something for us and our relationship, but she doesn't want to. When we've had issues with him and are talking about it - she has used terms like 'you dissapeared with MY son" which makes me feel like i'm not even considered really part of anything. This bubble pushes the issue beyond physical and I feel emotionally pushed away as well, we almost never get to really talk or confide in each other anymore. As i mentioned above when I starting talking more about a lack of emotional/physical intamacy and exclusion it with her about a year ago, she talked about being mentally and emotionally drained and 'touched out' from interacting with our son. I suggested she needed to get some help and it initiated her to go and seek some help around feeling mentally drained and she's been diagnosed with ADHD and is now taking some medication for that. However nothing really has changed for us - a few months after she started taking medications she agreed to some physical intimacy, but afterwards when I was talking to her about it and us, she said she had no desire or need for it anymore.When it comes to our son I think I'm a reasonably active dad - but often what i'm engaging to do with him is wrong. I raised the total lack of desire to want to be intimate or make time for us it with her again last night in that I feel rejected and she's basically ignored it. I dont know what to do.

Want2keep I want to keep the baby but my partner wants me to abort!
  • replies: 7

Hi, I have come here for advice as I have no family left. I found out I am 6 weeks pregnant and my partner wants to abort as he feels we cannot financially support a baby. We both have jobs and I would get 3 months maternatity leave. My partner is cu... View more

Hi, I have come here for advice as I have no family left. I found out I am 6 weeks pregnant and my partner wants to abort as he feels we cannot financially support a baby. We both have jobs and I would get 3 months maternatity leave. My partner is currently going through a divorce and feels that we are not in a financial position to have a baby. This is his only reason. He said if I keep the baby he will potentially not cope and kill himself. I am very upset as I was hopeful that he might have wanted to keep the baby, but he is very against it. Pls someone help me I feel that my only option is to terminate. I dont have his family support either. We are both 38 years old and I see it as a gift that I have fallen pregnant. He sees it as a big mistake.

grublet_ Should I stay or should I go?
  • replies: 5

HiAbout 5 months ago I found out my husband was having an affair with a co-worker. This shocked me to the core and I had no idea. He was my safe space and I honestly never would have thought he would do this to me and our family (naive really). When ... View more

HiAbout 5 months ago I found out my husband was having an affair with a co-worker. This shocked me to the core and I had no idea. He was my safe space and I honestly never would have thought he would do this to me and our family (naive really). When I found out he ended the affair immediately and has begged me not to leave. He has done everything right (according to everything I have read) to make amends for what he has done. I believe him when he says he is sorry and he does show remorse. He has been nothing but honest with me since the affair was discovered, we have both seeked therapy and we have been working on our marriage ever since. As dumb as this may sound I do want to save my marriage. I love this man with all my being and I do believe he loves me (well mostly - like why have an affair if you truly love me?). My main issue is how much the pain still hurts. While I may not think about the affair as much as I did at the start, when I do the pain is just as bad as it was the day I found out. And sometimes I feel like our marriage is a big sham. When the memories and pain come back all I can think is divorce - it is a vicious mental cycle I can't seem to get out of. I feel so alone in this whole situation as I don't want to discuss this with my family and most friends. I feel ashamed and do not need their judgement. Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Lotus_85 Y don't I want to be better
  • replies: 4

So, I have these moments where I think I should join the gym, eat better, see a therapist, be a more interactive mum. All these things that would better me. I never do any of it, I talk myself out of it. I say I'm too lazy, I can't be bothered, what'... View more

So, I have these moments where I think I should join the gym, eat better, see a therapist, be a more interactive mum. All these things that would better me. I never do any of it, I talk myself out of it. I say I'm too lazy, I can't be bothered, what's the point. Nah stuff it. But the fleeting moments of wanting ro be better come and go. Not really sure why I never actually do anything. Sometimes I blame hubby but I think that's an excuse. For instance I mentioned I was thinking about gym and he said we could go together but when I said I was thinking of b4 work wen he is already gone, he got all disappointed. So now I cant do that. Is it just my next excuse or do I really allow someone's reactions to have so much power over me that I don't want to do anything to rock the boat or make ppl upset with me. Whenever someone disagrees with me or he expresses disappointment in something I do or want, I feel like a child trying to gain approval from ppl. Did I never grow up or am I just so immature that I live my life for the childish feeling.No idea. But no doubt I will move on from my fleeting thought of being better, and just be, soon enough. I always do.

SapphireGreen Sexless marriage - how do I speak to my wife which thinks there's no problem?
  • replies: 1

Hi, I've been with my wife for over 8 years and married more than 5. We have two children. When we were first dating, there was lots of intimacy and sex in our relationship. This continued until we were engaged, a little over 1.5 years after we start... View more

Hi, I've been with my wife for over 8 years and married more than 5. We have two children. When we were first dating, there was lots of intimacy and sex in our relationship. This continued until we were engaged, a little over 1.5 years after we started dating. We went from having sex multiple times a week to about once a week. I didn't pay it much mind then. When we got married, our sex life had another hit. She, from my perspective, was increasingly less interested, and we were then only having sex once every 2 weeks. We got married after 3 years of dating. At this time, it was growing frustrating. Once my wife was pregnant with our first child she went cold turkey; no sex at all. Only the rare prescribed sex such as to induce labor at the end of our pregnancy. Other than that, since her pregnancy, we didn't have sex once for 2 years. The conception of our second child was a miracle, much like our first, she fell pregnant after our first try. After the 2 year dry spell as mentioned from the pregnancy of our first child, we had sex about once every month or 2 months. Similar with her first pregnancy, only prescribed sex by her doctor during the end of her second pregnancy. I felt my intimacy was being used. Of course, since then we haven't had sex at all. Our second child is now 10 months old. Over all this time, my wife frequently and explicitly push away my advances, no matter how subtle. Then, my growing frustration and resentment resulted in blunt and direct advances by asking if she'd want to have sex. After the continued rejection, my advances became completely effortless and in the form of jokes as a defence mechanism to preserve some dignity and self respect. Paired with the lack of sex is a lack of intimacy. My wife had birth complications which caused her pain after our first child which re-presented after our second. My wife says she's it'll be too painful for intercorse, though we've never tried it. This excuse is used for any form of intimacy whatsoever, as if intercorse is the only form of intimacy.

Ell2024 Anxious Attachment
  • replies: 5

Good morning,This is my first post. I have a very good male friend who I keep pushing away.I know I have trust issues with men which come from my father leaving when I was 2 and a marriage when I was 24 that didn’t even last a year.This friendship is... View more

Good morning,This is my first post. I have a very good male friend who I keep pushing away.I know I have trust issues with men which come from my father leaving when I was 2 and a marriage when I was 24 that didn’t even last a year.This friendship is extremely important to me but I have the constant need for him to reassure me that our friendship is real and will last.He has been nothing but supportive and reassuring but I treat him terribly and push him away. He forgives me all the time but I’m worried I’ll push too hard and to far and he won’t come back.I feel like I’m needy and clingy with him and jealous of the friendships he has with other people because I want that kind of friendship with him.I really don’t want to lose him but I can’t stop myself constantly pushing him away.

Hepa4300 Panic shame and desperation
  • replies: 2

I don’t know if anyone can relate to this, I just need to get this out of me. As my relationship with my wife continues to deteriorate I have started having panic attacks, I have had a few now that I can only describe as the worse feeling I have ever... View more

I don’t know if anyone can relate to this, I just need to get this out of me. As my relationship with my wife continues to deteriorate I have started having panic attacks, I have had a few now that I can only describe as the worse feeling I have ever had. I lose control mentally physically emotionally, I’m on the outside of myself, everything feels wrong. I had strong thoughts of hurting myself or worse, I wanted to sit under the tree in our yard and let go, the pull was strong, I got up and went to the kitchen. I tried to explain with my thoughts I had no control, but she didn’t understand that. Last night she accused me of manipulating her, that the panic attacks are controlling her. I am filled with guilt that I can’t control what’s happening. I finally filled a script for antidepressants, I am afraid of the panic attacks and hope these will ease them, the side effects scared me so I held off filling the script, now I feel I have no choice but to medicate.