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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Federer Unlearn Psychopathy
  • replies: 4

How do I unlearn psychopathy? Or prevent my kids on becoming psychopaths or sociopaths. After working in the corporate environment I have decided not I was setup for failure it was such a toxic work environment and I can still feel the pressure in my... View more

How do I unlearn psychopathy? Or prevent my kids on becoming psychopaths or sociopaths. After working in the corporate environment I have decided not I was setup for failure it was such a toxic work environment and I can still feel the pressure in my eyes because of the psychopaths and sociopaths I was around and the narcissists I was around who manipulated and gaslighted me where I thought I was losing my mind. So How do I unlearn this? Because I don't want my kids to become psychopaths (BTW I don't have kids)

Sophi_e What do I do?
  • replies: 5

My boyfriend and I recently moved in with each other and before this I knew he enjoyed drugs. Since I have been living with him and found him in dire states more than a couple of times - he came to me and told me he wasn't happy with his use and I ag... View more

My boyfriend and I recently moved in with each other and before this I knew he enjoyed drugs. Since I have been living with him and found him in dire states more than a couple of times - he came to me and told me he wasn't happy with his use and I agreed and asked what I could do to help him. I have supported him over the last few months in many stressful periods and told him that he doesn't need to hide anything if he does anything, just be open and honest is my philosophy. It has recently gotten worse where I am convinced that he has been taking illicit substances on nights out or when he's home and he convinces me that I am silly and he would never - to which I always find out about a week later that he lied to me. I have encouraged him to see someone or to try and take himself out of situations where he knows friends will encourage him. I no longer know what to do, I am in a very stressful period myself and can't keep being lied to. This isn't a good relationship foundation as now I have developed trust issues around other areas because if he can lie about this - what else can he lie about? Please help me.

Phoenix2222 After Infidelity
  • replies: 5

I'm in my 50's. My 20 yr marriage was rocked when I discovered last year that my wife had a 12 month affair. It was over when I found out but could easily have started up again given what I read. There were many graphic texts and emails plus some pho... View more

I'm in my 50's. My 20 yr marriage was rocked when I discovered last year that my wife had a 12 month affair. It was over when I found out but could easily have started up again given what I read. There were many graphic texts and emails plus some photos. I put and end to the other bloke attempts to re-connect and also exposed him to his wife. He took out an AVO against me which was dismissed in court. My wife's attitude was that I had brought it on myself. Things had gone bad. The main thing is that I don't blame myself but I can see how my pedantic anxiety ridden personality, grumpiness and critical remarks helped create the landscape where this was possible. What has been revealed is that I have been a long term depressive. I had become angry and overweight, unhappy with my life. She earns the bulk of the family income but has a drinking problem. I was hoping and expecting some genuine remorse from her and possibly some counselling to re-ignite the spark and bring us closer. In reality after 18 months she has done nothing. She just can't do it. We had not been intimate in more than 1 year and when we finally were intimate recently she was hardly involved. I gave up and said don't worry about it. I have been going to the gym, working many more hours (having spent years as Mr Mum and working part time) and tried my hardest to be a better man. The thing is that nothing has changed from her end. The end result is that I have continued to do counselling on my own and had to completely re-examine my life. I'm still in a world of pain but I keep going. It's tough when you do not feel admired or loved in the way you feel you deserve. I thought I would post here to get some feed back and maybe some advice. I am still plagued by triggers of her affair and feelings of revenge against this low life who snuck in under the radar and how willing my wife was to be part of it. The humiliation is massive but I keep fighting it. Anyway thanks for reading. There is a lot to say about this but the main thing is how this incident revealed me to myself. A kind of blessing in disguise for personal growth but an awful lesson. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Thanks.

dfdm74 Where do you start with a circle?
  • replies: 3

I was diagnosed with bipolar and I had intence counselling for it to the point I was off all medication for years.However within the last year everything that could go wrong has gone wrong, I no longer talk to most of my children ( all adults now ) a... View more

I was diagnosed with bipolar and I had intence counselling for it to the point I was off all medication for years.However within the last year everything that could go wrong has gone wrong, I no longer talk to most of my children ( all adults now ) and since one of my sons girlfriend has been at my home things got worse.I was going through a period of wanting to die so I sort help from my doctor, I guess admitting I needed help was a good thing. Anyway without having to go into everything as it would be to long of a post if I did, to cut it short one of my daughters wishes I was dead and though I have apologised for my bad peranting when she was younger she still throws my past in my face well she will tell anybody who is listening but fails to except responsibilities for her own part in our arguments then to top it of my sons gf makes living with her hard because she doesn't want to respect my house rules.I have explained why they are in place and asked her more than once to abide by them but I feel really disrespected as she continues to ignore them.But then they my son an the gf get angry at me because I told her once the car is fixed she had to leave and go home, since I'm unable to live with someone who just wants to be lazy all day every day.I really don't feel I'm in the wrong, anyway I have so much going through my head I really can't just pin everything on my kids or the gf but can someone please tell me am I out of line for trying to protect my health and my mental health

Anonymous__01 I constantly screw up my friendships and I don’t know what to do
  • replies: 1

Not sure if correct category as it pertains to a friendship. Basically me and a coworker of mine really hit it off, the banter was fun, bounce off each other really well, etc despite our age gap(I’m 22 and she’s 17) and it led to me questioning if I ... View more

Not sure if correct category as it pertains to a friendship. Basically me and a coworker of mine really hit it off, the banter was fun, bounce off each other really well, etc despite our age gap(I’m 22 and she’s 17) and it led to me questioning if I have feelings for her or not which made me feel so torn up inside but I genuinely liked her as a person and spending time with her so I asked to hang out. On the day we meet, everything’s going well but towards the end of the night I essentially unexpectedly break down and trauma dump on her as well as blurt out that I feel so selfish because of my uncertain feelings for her. We were parked outside a McDonald’s at this point, she said she needed to go to the toilet and reassured me she’d be back which I knew wasn’t the case as she took an Uber back home, she apologised on message shortly after and said it was because she felt neither of us were in the right mindset, we had a very brief call where she said we’re good and that she’s open to hanging out still but today at work she just felt very distant in her tone and body language and didn’t happily approach me like usual which is now sending me into panic mode admittedly to the point where I tried to call her multiple times today and have messaged her quite a bit. I just hate myself so much for ruining what was a fun and wholesome friendship and I constantly have done this in the past(Sabotage my friendships in some way shape or form), it’s like I’m caught in a loop I’m self-aware of and can’t break out of it.

Owlingo Attached to toxic family
  • replies: 1

Recently I got diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression, as well as agoraphobia. I've lived with a really toxic and dysfunctional family. My parents were abusive when I was younger and emotionally abusive during most of my teen years. My parents ... View more

Recently I got diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression, as well as agoraphobia. I've lived with a really toxic and dysfunctional family. My parents were abusive when I was younger and emotionally abusive during most of my teen years. My parents fight every. Single. Day. Mostly about money. Which caused me financial truama and anxiety. Now I am 18. They don't come at me anymore (maybe because they can see I am dealing with things), but my siblings have always gotten more shit from them then I have ever. My parents always saw me as sensitive and weak. I've been told countless times by my siblings that my parents always listen to me whenever I need something. I noticed that as well and use that as an advantage to help my siblings. But I've always felt like my parents hated me and are annoyed by my presence. I want to move out. But I don't know how long until I feel like I can. I am struggling to anything on my own. I feel like they made me so dependent on them, that I can't do anything. I'm trying to learn skills from scratch for future me to live on my own. I have no intrest in getting married, but my parents said I can only leave the house if I'm married. But I want to live alone and have my own life. So, when I leave, they will probably never talk to me again. Which terrifies me. Because I don't want to lose them, I just want to give myself a healthy environment and to do that I need to distance myself. I know my siblings wound stay in constant because they understand. Im so mad at myself for struggling and being so weak. Why don't I have any skills or strength? I wish there was a place I could stay and have help whenever I need. But I would make sure that I only use it if I need it. A place I can learn independence while having anxiety and depression. I don't even know if I'll ever be able to secure myself financially because I can't handle working 8 hours a day. How am I going to live alone if I don't have money? This is so stressful and exhausting.

Upset-sometimes Innocent or not
  • replies: 1

We have been together for just over 9 years. He started staying over at work for an hour to have a cigarette with the cleaner who needed some support as no one was talking to her. He told me all about what was happening but as time went on I started ... View more

We have been together for just over 9 years. He started staying over at work for an hour to have a cigarette with the cleaner who needed some support as no one was talking to her. He told me all about what was happening but as time went on I started to get upset. I tried to talk about it but he always brushed me off with, 'she is a lovely woman' I became more and more upset and he knew why but he didn't stop. Over 3 months went by and his manager noticed and told him that I wouldn't be happy if I knew what was happening. He told me all this....it gave me the courage to tell his straight how upset I was....very angrily. He told her immediately that he was coming home on time from now on and never stayed back again. He told me that there was never anything romantic in his mind. It is now 18 months later and I'm still angry and upset

Lijay Open Marriage
  • replies: 2

Earlier this year my husband of 34 years confessed to cheating with prostitutes over the last 15 years of our marriage. He is in swingers groups and told me he wanted an open marriage. I’ve been having individual counselling, which has helped and we ... View more

Earlier this year my husband of 34 years confessed to cheating with prostitutes over the last 15 years of our marriage. He is in swingers groups and told me he wanted an open marriage. I’ve been having individual counselling, which has helped and we had some couples counselling that was not very good. He was remorseful to a point and wants to stay married but does not think he can give up his other life. I don’t want an open marriage, or to swing, or to have threesomes. I never have and never will. It took many months for him to finally confess the bulk of what he’s been doing and I’m sure I don’t know all of it. I am doing everything I can to remain civil for then sake of our sons but I am so shocked and hurt. Some days the pain is unbearable. He moved out a few months ago because I could no longer live with the lies and gaslighting while he tried to convince me that an open marriage would be good for both of us. How could I have missed all of this and how could I have so misjudged the man I have been with for so long?

BC16 Why am I so angry with my husband?
  • replies: 1

My husband and I have been married for over 10 years and from the day we got engaged his mum’s behaviour has been horrible to me. I let a lot of it go until I was pregnant when I couldn’t anymore I told my husband about the behaviour and showed him t... View more

My husband and I have been married for over 10 years and from the day we got engaged his mum’s behaviour has been horrible to me. I let a lot of it go until I was pregnant when I couldn’t anymore I told my husband about the behaviour and showed him the texts and pages she made about me but nothing was said. Earlier this year he decyto go no contact because she was toxic but still wanted me to keep an open relationship between her and our children. I finally couldn’t do it anymore and thanks to his sister I’m no longer in contact with her (or our kids). I should be relieved but I’m so angry with him , it’s been a week or so and the anger I feel when I’m near him I just can’t explain. He can’t help fix the situation because I can’t even figure out why I’m so angry, everything is just making me angry (dishes not being done, I’m always picking up after him etc) I love him and I want to get rid of this feeling but I don’t know how

Ashmc213 How can I trust her again I feel like a failed my relationship and children
  • replies: 1

Hi iv been going through problems for last 3 years with my children's mother I found out she was cheeting on me with her work colleague last 3 years iv been fighting to keep my family together while she continues to cheat yea I'll admit I'm not the e... View more

Hi iv been going through problems for last 3 years with my children's mother I found out she was cheeting on me with her work colleague last 3 years iv been fighting to keep my family together while she continues to cheat yea I'll admit I'm not the easiest person to live with and yes iv done some thing wrong but iv always stayed faithful to my kids mother but she has made me feel like everything is my fault that I'm the one who has to fight to keep my family together we constantly argue I constantly accuse her of cheating all the time I feel like iv failed my children not only as a father but as a partner to iv done nothing but worked hard to provide for them its to the point we can't be in the same room iv asked her to see councillors to work out our problems but she refuses to get help for us our family I feel so depressed and hopeless. I feel my kids no longer respect me am I a fool for taking her back and let her constantly walk all over me and let her treat me the way she dosebut she also tells me if I walk away I'll never see my kids again I feel my kids is all I got left if I didn't have them who know what the out come of my life would be sometimes I feel that her and the kids would be better of with out me I ask myself what did I ever do to deserve this iv done nothing but been a honest partner , loving father a devoted parent I also live in another country and have no family support or friends to talk to iv shut everyone out of my life I don't go anywhere I don't socialize becouse I feel everyone I know knows what has happened and I feel so embarrassed and ashamed I know I need to leave to better my self as a person not only mentally but physically but I feel if I leave I will be stripped of being a father to my children who are absolutely my world and my rock what do I do. do I keep letting her beat me down till there is nothing but a empty shell even if I did leave I don't think I could ever trust or love someone again after everything iv been through how do I move on how do I get myself out of a situation that I no longer want to be in how come I still lover her after all the things she's done I know our relationship is toxic now most of all I really feel for my kids they should never have to witness what there mother and father are going through the hatred we have for each other the things we say to each other and I know we only saying the things we do to hurt each other but never violent to each other I need help I know I need to move on but I don't know how I really feel I'm gona loose it soon but trying to stay strong for my kids I'm tired I'm sick of the fighting I'm sick of wonder who's she cheating on me with this time really don't know what to do but feel as a male I have no rights and to just suck it up and take a concrete pill and harden up and get over myself people ask me if I'm ok I just smile and say everything is good becouse God forbid if the crack start to form then people will really see what's going on a full grown man that's let his woman walk all over him and let her get away with the things she has done it makes me feel weak to the core maby it is my fault maby I could have tried harder why do I have to give 99 percent and she only gives 1 percent why won't she meet me half way is that the sighn she has given up a long time ago if so then why keep me in dispense like I have some sort of hope or is it all a loss cause