Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Cotts Relationship and Family-Vaccine-New Parent Cut off.
  • replies: 8

My Son and I have always been very close and have to date had a loving relationship. He has been in UK the past 10 years and over the past year has become a Dad with his Partner who is Heavily Anti Vaccine driven. At first at the start of the Pandemi... View more

My Son and I have always been very close and have to date had a loving relationship. He has been in UK the past 10 years and over the past year has become a Dad with his Partner who is Heavily Anti Vaccine driven. At first at the start of the Pandemic and later when Vaccine became a thing my Son bent over backwards trying to convince me the Vaccine is dangerous. After due diligence I formed a view the vaccine would be the best thing for my own health as well as others. Today, after 5 Vaccine's I'm very happy with my decision. I have tried to encourage my Son to Vaccine always pointing to fact checkers to disprove each and every you tube anti Vax theory he threw at me. It got exhausting. Our latest discussion my Son decided out of the blue to cut me off from all forms of communication, phone, Internet, email the lot as well as advising friends and other family he know longer wants any contact with me. Now, My Son and his Partner and 6 month old Baby, all Unvaccinated are in Australia and I have no way of seeing my Grand Daughter. Whether right or wrong all I was trying to do was care for their health and well-being and to be cut off for this has left me with a rotten feeling deep inside. As some of the earlier posts have said, you devote all time to our kids, every second , every thought and it all gets chucked out because of this dispute. Note this includes National Immunisation Schedule for Children. My feelings toward my Son and his Partner have now really questioned my entire life and the way I raised my Child. Both his Mum and myself are single Parents and amicably shared custody. If my Son got sick of me he's go to Mum's and if he got sick of Mum he's gravitate back to me. This is a massive kick in the guts. I now feel as if I don't even want to see him anymore. Feelings i never had before. It scares me. What does he plan to tell his Grand Daughter in 15 years when she's old enough to come see me? "We cut Grand Dad off because he wanted you to get Vaxxed." Right now it's difficult to move on with life, depressed, feel my life has been a total waste and wonder how my own Son could make such a massive call only because his Dad was worried for the well being of his Grand Daughter not to mention his own Son.

CupcakeHugs Dealing with a relationship that is affected by severe low-esteem causing insecurity
  • replies: 2

Currently in a relationship that is affected by my partners low esteem that then resorts to insecurity. It's becoming so draining half of the time I don't know how to feel with him. One thing I do know is that I do truly love and care for him. Though... View more

Currently in a relationship that is affected by my partners low esteem that then resorts to insecurity. It's becoming so draining half of the time I don't know how to feel with him. One thing I do know is that I do truly love and care for him. Though my heart is suffering and so is my mental health at times. I don't know if it will get better or get worst. Over the weeks I have noticed it becoming more regular that we are having daily issues with mis communication that starts from conversations that go from good to worst. I am the person that in his life makes him feel worth. I live on egg shells so if I say the wrong thing and that could be in every line, even though I am not intentionally trying to make him feel like crap he still sees in some way that I have made him feel terrible. Lets just say it's like fighting a losing battle. I just want positivity and prosper in life he just gets that way where he can't see that some days and so wrapped up in his emotions. I don't know how to think or feel half of the time with him but yet I love him so dearly. I feel he has so many issues with mental health that it sets of my mental health that is no good at times when I reach a peak level of stress with this relationship. Anyone can relate?

beanstalk_worm Trust issues, radioactive jealousy and trauma from past experiences
  • replies: 3

(P2) i moved on from this relationship 2 months before we split up and was taking a liking to a boy I went to school with and saw everyday. We started to talk more and I really liked him and enjoyed his company. We then started to talk more and more ... View more

(P2) i moved on from this relationship 2 months before we split up and was taking a liking to a boy I went to school with and saw everyday. We started to talk more and I really liked him and enjoyed his company. We then started to talk more and more and dated around November of 2021. We have been dating ever since but I can not seem to let go of my past with relationships and boys. I am so jelous when I see him with girls he used to like or even now, just girls who have a reputation. I keep seeing him around girls and it is getting to the point I think he’s like my ex. He is nothing like my ex, and would never do anything like that to hurt me in a million years but I can’t help but jump to the worst possible conclusion every single time. It’s so bad, that it’s a effecting my relationship and he has repeatedly used the word tiring to describe how he is feeling with my jelous and trust issues. I have tried to open up about my past in the past (haha) but he just shuts it down by saying okay. I just want everything to be good again, and I wish I could allow him to feel more free and less restricted. I just want things to workout and I feel sorry that I’m dragging him down with me. I don’t want to let my ex boyfriend ruin dating for me, and I hope that this nasty feeling that clouds me can disappear and the sun will shine bright again. Please help me, how can I stop seeing him with other girls and throw a tantrum of anger, frustration and jealousy and become completely and utterly sour to the point my boyfriend is struggling to cope with it all. I don’t want to break up, but I don’t want to keep feeling jelous because I worry he will cheat or something will happen. Did I mention that I trust him, just not those around? But does that make sense because if I truszted him, why do I feel this way? Help me, I’m a little worm climbing a beanstalk and keep getting blown down by the wind and having to start the big climb all over again. This feeling is torture and never ending. You’d think after nearly a year and a half you’d mature and build trust. For me I’m stuck in a rut

sparrowhawk My boyfriend slept with a sex worker
  • replies: 14

I (31F) have been dating a man (37M) for the past three months. I left a long-term unhealthy environment (a religious community) last year, have carried a lot of hurt and pain from that, and didn't expect I would find someone who would care for me or... View more

I (31F) have been dating a man (37M) for the past three months. I left a long-term unhealthy environment (a religious community) last year, have carried a lot of hurt and pain from that, and didn't expect I would find someone who would care for me or want to be with me (he is my first boyfriend). We've formed a very deep and open connection and have been honest about ourselves. He went overseas during April and while he was away I sensed something was off. We usually message daily, he had mentioned before he left he'd call and stay in touch but we had minimal contact. I tried to put it down to the fact he was away, and of course wanted him to have a good time, but something didn't sit right and I thought he might have found someone else or wanted to break up. I saw him last Friday after he got back and he was still a bit off, but I put it down to him being jetlagged. When I talked to him on Sunday he told me he wants to take things slow, and that he's unsure of his long-term goals. Last night he called me and told me he paid for sex while overseas. He was incredibly apologetic and aware of what this might mean for our relationship. I'm completely devastated and can't help feeling like this is a reflection on me and that I'm obviously not good enough, just as I wasn't good enough for the people I lived with in community. I have really found myself falling for him, really liking him and feeling very connected and safe with him. It's breaking me to think we need to part ways but I can't see any reason that would make this something I could move through. I just can't stop crying.

Kimberley78 Partner of 10 years showing signs of mid-life crisis & depression, maybe dumping me out of the blue
  • replies: 1

I’m a female who’s nearly 45 and my partner, who I’ve been with for almost 10 years and have known for over 30 years, has shown signs of mid life crisis and possibly depression since Easter. On Saturday, he told me he’s feeling bad and ‘still cares a... View more

I’m a female who’s nearly 45 and my partner, who I’ve been with for almost 10 years and have known for over 30 years, has shown signs of mid life crisis and possibly depression since Easter. On Saturday, he told me he’s feeling bad and ‘still cares about me’. It came out of the blue and I feel so heartbroken and shut out. I don’t know where I stand with him, meaning are we still together or not? I have gotten him to talk and he keeps saying ‘I don’t know’ when I ask questions about where I stand with him, why he’s acting this way, etc. I split up from my ex-husband back in 2009 and the divorce from him was finalised in 2013. 10 years later, I’m worried I’m about to be back to where I was in 2009.I really love my partner and I want to help him and I’m trying to help him. I have said that I think he needs counselling and I suggested taking up a hobby or getting back into basketball, which he enjoys. When I’m alone, I’ve been crying on and off, trying to process things because I don’t understand why he’s acting this way and where this talk of potentially dumping me came from. I even asked him ‘is potentially dumping me really the answer?’ I said to him that ‘it feels like you’ve hit a hurdle in the road and given up, not just on yourself but also on us’. I pleaded with him not to shut me out.I’ve been sleeping in the spare room on a sofa bed which is not that comfortable for the last few nights, the room itself is cold and it’s cramped. I’m doing this to give him space but I’m afraid I’ll end up having to move myself and my cat out in the future. We’re in the midst of a rental crisis at the moment and this is all scary. During the working week I go to work and have to put on a brave face and try not to think about it, which itself isn’t easy. I feel alone and I don’t know what else to do

Gooigi Boyfriend broke up with me due to mental health (gay couple)
  • replies: 1

I met my boyfriend last September. I have never had a stronger connection with someone. I cannot believe how drastically the relationship changed within the space of a week. He lost his job and after about 6 weeks of unemployment he stopped being kin... View more

I met my boyfriend last September. I have never had a stronger connection with someone. I cannot believe how drastically the relationship changed within the space of a week. He lost his job and after about 6 weeks of unemployment he stopped being kind, responding to my messages and lost interest in me. Naturally I assumed he was getting over me, but he told me he wasn't and that he was just so sad about not having a job. This was helpful because I realised it wasn't about me. It meant I could focus on him better. All I asked was that he could respond to my messages no matter how depressed he was feeling. I was trying so hard to support him: preparing him meals for the week, doing his groceries and just trying to make him laugh. But he found me overbearing. I was feeling so unappreciated despite how hard I was trying. This made me overextend more, which I think was making him feel worse. He didn't improve his communication with me and my anxiety was getting so bad. There is no other way to put it: he was treating me like shit. I was desperate for things to get back to the way they were so I decided that would go on a break with him to give him space to focus on himself. However, I couldn't work out how to do it without making him more sad. He was finally realising (after 2.5 months of this depressive episode) how sad i was becoming in the relationship. He suggested that we break up so that he could focus on himself. The next day I was sad, but I wasn't anxious anymore so I felt like it was a positive step. The gist of the break up was that we would revisit the relationship in a month to see if he is in a better headspace. I told him that i would find it really hard if i saw him on a dating app, he responded saying "I don't even feel like having sex with my own boyfriend, I'm not about to start dating". A couple of days later, I must have been feeling particularly self destructive because I decided to download grindr to see if i could find my boyfriend, which I did... I was crushed. I messaged him because I wanted to clarify whether he actually had any intention of getting back together with me but he never responded. I am so hurt that he can't even do this. Maybe I am naive, but I still believe he wants to get back together when he is better. I know it's his depression but he has been so cruel. I don't even know if I COULD date him anymore after this, as much as I want to restore what we had.

Cordyline Mid-life Crisis ending 30 year relationship - do I give up?
  • replies: 2

I guess I'm here because I'm looking for a reality check and some shared experience to stop my brain spinning.Mid last year my husband told me he was unhappy and left. He asked for 6 months to try living away - we have been together for 30 years (we'... View more

I guess I'm here because I'm looking for a reality check and some shared experience to stop my brain spinning.Mid last year my husband told me he was unhappy and left. He asked for 6 months to try living away - we have been together for 30 years (we're in our mid -40s). Together, we have two challenging teens (ASD & ADHD), our daughter has also been severely ill and hospitalised in ICU twice. My husband has a complex family background and most certainly has abandonment issues, his mum passed 7 years ago. This was the trigger for a change in his behaviour - he stopped enjoying life, drank more, slept less, paid less attention to the kids and generally disengaged with all of us. I have been juggling family life for years in the hope that he would 'wake up'.He has never dealt with the trauma of his past, finds it super hard to talk about his feelings or emotions. Now, he's told me it's over for good. He wants me to sell our house so he can start a new life. He's also had a girlfriend for nearly 6 months. I still have to see him every time we 'swap' the kids over. But... aside from this he has pretty much totally cut me out of his life. He cannot tell me why he left, he can't explain, he simply says he is not depressed and does not want to continue. When we do actually see each other it's as though nothing is different, he's friendly, smiley and jokes with me. He wrote to me late last year to tell me I was an amazing wife and mother yet, he didn't want to be with me. I'm am struggling every day with the loss of my best friend and partner in life.I am beyond confused, hurt and devastated. I'm seeing a psych. I'm taking anti-depressants. I'm trying to immerse myself in positive wellbeing actions. BUT I'm grieving, confused and worried that I'm holding onto false hope that he will realise he's having a mental health breakdown and will want to repair at some point. The man I see at the moment is not my husband, it's like he's a had a total personality transplant. I feel like I'm sinking in quick sand - his leaving was so unexpected I'm in disbelief, I can't head out and date anyone because it feels like going against my integrity but I've been stuck in a sad, dark holding pattern for nearly a year, I'm not sleeping properly, I wake up angry or sad, I dream about him and our family life, almost everything in life reminds me of him. I don't know how to be, whether to give up on our marriage or not....

patrick_ Feeling like a burden and causing a communication breakdown
  • replies: 1

I have bad depression and quit my 10+ year career to work on my mental health, i met my current girlfriend toward the beginning of that period and she had some personal issues and some financial barriers to starting her business which I paid for and ... View more

I have bad depression and quit my 10+ year career to work on my mental health, i met my current girlfriend toward the beginning of that period and she had some personal issues and some financial barriers to starting her business which I paid for and she promised she would support me through my recovery when her business was up and running. Now we are in this position and i have run out of all my life savings and reliant on her income (i start a casual job next week) i now cant handle any negative talk about money, my brain just completely shuts down if there's a money issue and I cant function, I come off as cold and grumpy and mean. Tonight she said she was stressed about money and I said I cant talk about it right now because it made me feel like my head was going to pop off. This intern makes her feel like she cant vent about anything to me and all the responsibility is on her i of course feel terrible because i feel like my depression has sapped so much energy i cant concentrate on seeing the reality of the situation. This causes big arguments because i feel like im being attacked for putting us into this situation even though shes just trying to just vent to me. I react in a way thats super defensive and like someone whos being accused of something. we now are sleeping in seperate rooms after tonights argument and not sure if she even wants to keep trying anymore because she said supporting me through this is too much for her now. im so tired of not feeling like myself and the longer it goes the more not myself i become. im even more tired of making her feel sad. i dont really have enough money to go to therapy anymore and i feel like dying cause ive just made mistake after mistake and i need a reset, whatever that is. dying on purpose takes alot of energy and i have none so i dont think i will. i wish i knew how to have the energy to fix myself

Toonice Being pushed to my limits
  • replies: 27

Hi, I am hoping for some advice on my current living situation, which is pushing me to my limits and really affecting my mental health. So, almost a year ago I had an old work friend turn up at my doorstep early one morning because her house was abou... View more

Hi, I am hoping for some advice on my current living situation, which is pushing me to my limits and really affecting my mental health. So, almost a year ago I had an old work friend turn up at my doorstep early one morning because her house was about to flood. She had her stuff with her and I obviously let her in and then stay with us (my daughter and I). I let her stay in my daughter's room and my daughter slept in my room. She started getting payments from her insurance company for accommodation of $350 a week, and offered to give me half. I regrettably agreed to that and to this day she is still living with us in my daughter's room. I feel in the last 11 months I have gone to hell and back. Her living here has taken it's toll on my mental health. I was finally enjoying living alone with daughter after leaving an abusive relationship with her father. I am an introvert and like to have my own space. My friend is very needy and clingy. She had to come absolutely everywhere with us and do things at home with us too. This became too much for my introvert nature. I also cook dinner and breakfast for her and give her a lift to the shopping centre nearly every week day so she can get on a bus to go where she needs to go. I have been doing this for the whole 11 months and I am sick of it. Also, 5 months ago I stupidly let her reduce her payment to me down to $100 a week. I only agreed to it because she said it was for "a few weeks." She now refuses to pay me the normal amount due to her having to save for a new roof. This $100 she gives me covers the rent, bills and food. When I asked for $50 more she refused. Because of my personality and how opposite we are, we have clashed a few times. She is a very strange person and has a lot of quirks that drive me crazy. During the week I have to drop my daughter off at school and then go to work, which is stressful enough. Then she makes me run late because she is not ready, which causes me a lot of stress! I feel terribly guilty having these thoughts because I feel very sorry for her losing her house and most of her stuff in the floods. I feel like such a bad person, but I am feeling so stressed and depressed with her living here. I was happy to help out, but didn't realise it would go on so long. I'm hoping someone has advice for me