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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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eafie I don't know what's good for me or him
  • replies: 3

Hi, I've been with my partner for nearly two years now, since we finished highschool. Things were never drastically romantic or heartfelt in anyway, and that was okay. We've been addicted to cannabis our entire relationship, and it has established a ... View more

Hi, I've been with my partner for nearly two years now, since we finished highschool. Things were never drastically romantic or heartfelt in anyway, and that was okay. We've been addicted to cannabis our entire relationship, and it has established a subsequent co-dependency. He works full-time, I'm studying paramedics full-time and cleaning. We have been 'living' together for nearly a year now. I don't have any posessions here (his home), but I cook and clean for him and buy groceries etc. I study at my 'home' when he works during the day, and come over at night to cook and clean. Problems arise due to the time I spend here being only used for cooking and cleaning and sitting behind him while he games. He tells me he feels smothered, due to working all day and coming home to spend time with me. I feel neglected, due to the fact he doesn't speak to me when we are together, or speaks over me while he Skypes his friends every night. He ignores me physically, turned away from me for up to 6 hours +, not speaking to me, ignoring my messages during the day.. we don't converse and he deliberately refuses to respond when I try to talk about such issues... He has never shown an interest in my passions, problems, or life in general. I don't have a single friend.. I rarely see my family. My 'home' is unoccupied 90% of the time due to my mothers travel. My partner is the only person i've had regular contact with for over 8 months.. I would leave him alone, I really wish I had the willpower but if I don't speak to him, I go days without human contact, and that doesn't bother him at all. It kills me that he is so uninterested in helping me become what he wants, he only demands it. I self harmed for nearly a decade, and have survived suicide attempts and am now suffering with unemployment due to severe scarring and physical limitations from a spinal operation. He condescends my inability to get work, speaks down to me constantly, accuses me of things I would never do and assumes the worst... All i want is for him to be happy.. no matter how hard i try i can't do it.. I'm too poor to provide him anything or pay him proper rent and i feel absolutely awful, i try to do things for him like buy groceries and cook for him and clean but i only receive ignorance.. i don't know what to do.. i don't want to be alone or locked up again.. but i don't want to be a burden anymore

Janksie Hoarding in laws
  • replies: 2

Hi, I'm sorry I have been lost for a while, my crawling toddler takes a lot of my time. Anyway I have been feeling very frustrated and I want to speak it out because it gets me very depressed. I live with my in laws. Before I continue my story, I jus... View more

Hi, I'm sorry I have been lost for a while, my crawling toddler takes a lot of my time. Anyway I have been feeling very frustrated and I want to speak it out because it gets me very depressed. I live with my in laws. Before I continue my story, I just wanted to say that there is no way I can move out because of my husband and culture reasons. Secondly in our culture we don't talk directly to our inlaws. Thirdly, my husband is very attached to his parents, he will not do anything to change things even if I say it. anyway back to my point,my in laws are hoarders. We live in this beautiful house that looks beautiful from outside but inside it is like a slum market, there are things everywhere, old things from 40 years ago to present. My room and my baby's room are the only cleanest rooms in the house. We have a kitchen that has 5 fridges that are fully crammed with food. We have a living room and study room etc that are fully filled with stuff that you have very little space to walk in between to get what you want. My in laws have separate rooms because their rooms are so filled up they they both can't fit in their rooms. Every day I wake up and see this I feel disgusted and put off with life, I have tried talking about it but no one wants to do anything. My worry is my son, my son is too small to understand anything, but as he grows will this be his childhood? Will this hoarding be normal to him? Will he be like that because everyone is like that? My family members never go out anywhere we are always forever at home, it has been many months since I went anywhere and that was for my son appointment. I have become used to it for 8 years now. I am a housewife and don't work. I haven't got my driving licence yet. i worry that my son will be like them and I don't think I can handle it. When I try to clean myself they all get angry because they can't find their stuff. how do I get rid of this frustration and the feelings I have? anyway I just wanted to let it out. Thankyou for reading.

QuantumRed Boyfriend's mother a huge source of anxiety and discomfort
  • replies: 5

Hello, I've been trying to get my life back together after a severe breakdown three years a​go with two hospitalisations. Currently have a diagnosis of PTSD, but ypu wouldn't guess it to look at me! I manage quite well and am so happy with my life ri... View more

Hello, I've been trying to get my life back together after a severe breakdown three years a​go with two hospitalisations. Currently have a diagnosis of PTSD, but ypu wouldn't guess it to look at me! I manage quite well and am so happy with my life right now. A lot of that happiness stems from my wonderfully stable and suppoetive relationship with my boyfriend, but his mother threaten a lot of that. I have always been a charmer with friends' parents and even though this woman adores me I can't stand her . She is very intense and by no fault of her own her personality disorder makes her VERY uncomfortable to be with. Firstly she talks a lot about an abortion of a deformed foetus 21 years ago. It is heart breaking to watch a mother hurt her own sons by talking about this foetus as equal to them. It hurts my partner so and no one knows how to react when it comes up. It becomes an attention seeking thing. A recent visible tattoo with her 'three' childrens names, the jewlery with the foetus's name so she can talk about 'oh I lost a girl'. My partner knows his mum and it is for the attention. I'm at a loss how to act around her when it comes up because it is so very very uncomfortable. She is very unlikely to change. Secondly she says very inappropriote things to my partner and me. 'I don't have a girl, you gave to share her!' to my partner, calling us 'children' and unsolicited relationship advice. Trying to curb any of this has been a losing battle as her conflict resolution skills are near zero. She doesn't back down and just gets angry for a looong time. Never an apology or compromise. At the moment I am successfully avoiding her at all cost. She does have good elements, but I come home crying to my parenrs sometimes after being thoughtlessly insulted and overwhelmed by her intesity so it is hard for them to stand out. I wish I never had to see hef again. Maybe as my PTSD fades I will be able to tolerate ger at a distance. Any thoughts and advice are most welcome! My partner is so very much worth it despite his mother. He has his own problems with her...

Cattrap Suggestions please
  • replies: 2

I have been trying to manage my depression and anxiety for around 8 years. For the past 4 I have been seeing a psychiatrist and been on medication with fairly good results. I am now mostly functional. 6 months ago, I broke up with my first partner. W... View more

I have been trying to manage my depression and anxiety for around 8 years. For the past 4 I have been seeing a psychiatrist and been on medication with fairly good results. I am now mostly functional. 6 months ago, I broke up with my first partner. We were together for 2 years and he was emotionally and sexually abusive towards me. Initially he seemed socially outgoing, energetic and nuts about me. I had expressed that equality was important to me in relationships and he said he respected that. He progressed to being socially reclusive (I later discovered he had no close friends and spent all his spare time at home) incredibly selfish, consistently ignored my clearly expressed boundaries and was obsessed with chasing other women. Initially when I was upset by some of his behaviour he expressed remorse. Later this turned into constantly finding reasons why his behaviour was my fault and using emotional blackmail to get his way. He also required me to be dependent on him and asked me to spend less time with my friends and family. I quit one of my casual jobs after I left him as I was not coping emotionally and felt I had too much on my plate. I felt a huge sense of relief but I am struggling with feeling frequently overwhelmed with shame that I could have allowed someone like this into my life. I have always struggled with very low self esteem but despite this I have a number of good, close female friends. All of these friends have full time work or study and are in committed long term relationships. They now have very little time for me and I am mostly the one initiating catch ups. When I am well I am socially outgoing but when Im not I have trouble intiating contact. I want to make new friends but I have a lot of difficulty trusting anyone and dont want to attract anyone into my life that might abuse me. I am incredibly lonely most of the time and I don't know what to do about it.

wanted_a_simple_life I still blame myself
  • replies: 8

Its been almost 15 months now since my wife left me. I look back now and I know I could have reacted better and been more supportive of her, but I still believe in old fashion values of when you are in marriage, you dont have guy friends as such espe... View more

Its been almost 15 months now since my wife left me. I look back now and I know I could have reacted better and been more supportive of her, but I still believe in old fashion values of when you are in marriage, you dont have guy friends as such especially when you catch up alone. I have always tried to be a peace keeper, I left go of the small things she annoys me with, but she did not with me, she picked at me all the time. I provided really well for my family and have done a lot about the household too. She has been always a very confrontational person and speaks her mind before she thinks. This upset me a lot and sometimes I would react in a way I shouldnt have even though I never laid a hand on her. She physically abused me on several occasions. There were several times in our marriage I discovered her texting them and once for sure it was inappropriate and when I asked her if they had been in contact, she denied it. So before she left me, she started an emotional affair with a guy interstate and within 10 weeks of knowing him, which was less than 3 weeks a getting rid of me, she was engaged to him. During the last month of our marriage and subsequent month after, we did marriage counselling and she spoke to our friends and even pastors of our church, but never admitted the truth even though it was starting to get plastered all over social media. She continued to lie about the whole thing and to this day has never been remorseful. Most people have seen she has taken a different direction in life and has estranged anyone who has challenged her. After breaking up with her fiance, she went about 7 weeks on her own before she has hooked up with another guy and been dating for about 7 months now. I still look at what I could have done better, but I was absolutely pushed to my limit and gave up so much of myself for my family, Im so lost...... Her family uses the "hes unstable card" all the time after I react to situations that are totally unfair when the kids are used as pawns, but Ive held long term friendships and careers and have been succesful in business too, but If I mention that if she is after what she has done, they get offended.... Im over feeling this way and still cant move on in my own personal life.....

Chance8888 How to find happiness again!
  • replies: 2

Quick run down my daughter refused to go to school for 1.5 years. I did everything l could but in the end l had to leave work to her to sort out.l had to leave two jobs and was sacked by another for taking time of due to her circumstance.I am now exh... View more

Quick run down my daughter refused to go to school for 1.5 years. I did everything l could but in the end l had to leave work to her to sort out.l had to leave two jobs and was sacked by another for taking time of due to her circumstance.I am now exhausted and feel flat. Usually l strive to find work and love to get into something different.But after two particular jobs here l find myself lost. One particular job l was physically and verbally abused.The other job l really enjoyed but some of the boys called me a sweetheart nutter, loser, played pranks (which may have been funny if it didn't affect my work ability), told l had something wrong with me, generally the job was great working with kids and outdoor activities.l just feel demoralised and have lost confidence.My daughter's time off has drained me as expected to home school when l have had troubles with learning and not great with my English. The school only gave me a English book to guide her and l fell apart!I have had memory problems and just feel pretty worthless.My daughter at times saying she wanted me dead, ugly, can't ride, stupid, got physical but then stopped shortly after that. Told l need to be on medication or in an Mental Institute!I know she has gone through being bullied and other things but the one person l tried for has actually pulled me down!Knowing l should just let these things go and just egnor but l am completely stuffed!!!My daughter has been back at school for a week and l find myself drained and useless!!

Suzy13 Help required.
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone my name is Suzy,today is my first day here.I have a sister who is 67 and she is in a care centre with Dementia.I visit 3 days a week and stay 2-3 hours each visit,my sister is no longer very talkative so I have to try and think of differe... View more

Hi everyone my name is Suzy,today is my first day here.I have a sister who is 67 and she is in a care centre with Dementia.I visit 3 days a week and stay 2-3 hours each visit,my sister is no longer very talkative so I have to try and think of different stories of things happening in the world or just in my every day life.My sister requires full care as she can't do much for herself except eat when food is given to her ,she has no interest in anything anymore.I love spending the time with her and won't give up on her but find I'm breaking down in tears more often and not sleeping well. I have recently started to have nightmares again as I do when stressed, I suffered from post traumatic stress disorder after a physical and mentally abusive marriage and ended seeing a phsycitrist for help. I have come on here hoping for some help and guidance.Thanks

Amity1234 Why am I feeling this way? Please help
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, How are you all? I am new to this forum and really need to let out my feelings that I has been destroying me this past few weeks. I feel so lonely. I have friends at work but I think I dont fit in. They are nice people but I cant help bu... View more

Hi Everyone, How are you all? I am new to this forum and really need to let out my feelings that I has been destroying me this past few weeks. I feel so lonely. I have friends at work but I think I dont fit in. They are nice people but I cant help but feel I am not fitting in. I am just only an admin person and they are technical people so I feel inferior. Sorry if I dont sound coherent, my head and heart are not in a good place. If I can share my problem and pls do feel free to tell me that I am being selfish and that my feelings are wrong. I have a close friend in the office. He is in a senior role but he's been close to me and he was really good by being there when I had a tough few months last year. Anyway, our team expanded and I became close to a fellow colleague. Like my guy friend, she also holds a senior position. First few months we were getting close but I know she was also getting close to my guy friend. Now it seems that they are more close to each other now than to me. We have our group chat and i feel out of place because they talk about things i dont know. I admit they are quite sophisticated people with fancy tastes - while I dont. Most of the time, I think they are better off being friends and I should just keep my distance because they are just too good for me. Besides, I cant even contribute to their discussions. Plus Im just admin while they hold high positions. I know you'd think they dont care about my position but sometimes my guy friend who likes to joke around would jokingly call me "the help". I have been okay before but lately I take it personally and destroys my self.confidence and fuels my low self esteem. Lately i have been feeling extremely down and just want to leave my job because of this. I used to love my female friend but now i feel resentment and feel that she used me to get close to my guy friend. I know i am being paranoid but i just dont feel good about myself. Please help me. Please be honest and tell me off if I am wrong. I would really appreciate it. Thank you all. Amity

digit_ Dating an addict: making me depressed and anxious
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone, I didn't know where else to come, so I came here considering the situation is making me depressed, anxious, scared, sad and extremely angry. i found out last night my boyfriend is smoking ice... I don't know what to do so I'm hoping som... View more

Hey everyone, I didn't know where else to come, so I came here considering the situation is making me depressed, anxious, scared, sad and extremely angry. i found out last night my boyfriend is smoking ice... I don't know what to do so I'm hoping someone has some advice for me.. I don't want to be with someone who does that because it's ruined so many lives including family members of mine and violence has come from it too. He's a really amazing guy, funny, treats me well but I haven't replied to him since he told me he did it, he's an ex-addict.. Went to rehab and had been clean for so long. Advice, anything would be appreciated!! Should I reply to him? Cut ties, break up? Support him? I just don't want to support someone who wants to keep doing it. help.

Eddie6 Dating someone with major depression
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I've just started seeing a guy with major depression, and I'm not sure what to do. I've suffered from depression in the past, sometimes severely, but have recovered from it through counselling, and feel happy with my life now. This guy seems ... View more

Hi all, I've just started seeing a guy with major depression, and I'm not sure what to do. I've suffered from depression in the past, sometimes severely, but have recovered from it through counselling, and feel happy with my life now. This guy seems seriously depressed, and I think he has been on meds and seeing psyches for a long time, perhaps even years. I'm not sure how much it has helped him. He's taken time off of work, and has been in and out of doctors all week. His contact with me has been patchy with me since going on a date last weekend, which he apologised for because he was feeling unwell. I sent him a message yesterday to check in with him and ask him whether he wanted to catch up with me this weekend, and he hasn't responded. I pretty sure he's really interested in me. We had mutually major crushes on each other for around a year before stuff started happening a few weeks ago. He kept telling me he was so happy that things started happening. So I don't think that's the reason for the lack of contact, but still, it makes me feel ignored even though I know depression can make people shut others out and act non-rationally. I didn't ask him out sooner because a year ago I was severely depressed, and didn't think it was a good time to date. I'm worried that he won't be able to deal with dating because of his mental health. But then again, he's had long-term relationships in the past. Should I still date him? I don't like this lack of contact, but I know it isn't necessarily something he's in control of. What am I signing up for? I really like him, but what if he's someone who won't get better ever? Eddie

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