Lost mother, grandfather then wife cheated

[Dustin]

I am bairly functioning you wouldn't know it to talk to me I seem like my outgoing self. I can't do anything when I'm at home and alone. I haven't grieved properly over lossing my mother or grandfather due to the chaos in my relationship. We were moving 2000 miles away to live our dream when our dream house fell through she started dating a doctor ( because i didnt keep my promise to quit smoking she says because it kills our sex life she says) who has been chasing her for years ( I found out )  she broke it off with him told me all the details (devastated me) moved to our dream location with out me telling me to come with her. Now six months later she bought a house she can't afford without me. She is waiting for me to get there and I can't even bring myself to pack. I'm so torn. I love her and hate her at the same time. I'm so depressed and don't know how to get through this

[white knight]

Hi Dustin, welcome to beyond Blue forums

Delayed grief is one thing, being cheated on is almost as bad. Devastation.

You situation is somewhat subjective in that many wouldnt forgive her but some would. The ones that would likely forgive (and you are one) hold the love close to their hearts and push their anger to the rear. The anger and disappointment then usually rises again later on.

It's your call. But once trust is breached it rarely makes good again. You are in a sad point in your life but once you make the decision to break off forever you will take a few weeks to regain your confidence then surge ahead, looking for that girl that deserves you and your loyalty.

Think about your grandparent, their struggles, their achievements. Explore their lives with relatives and seek out distant relatives to find out more about them. That could be a diversion from the hassles you are having with your woman at this time. Diversion is good, hobbies, clubs or friends.

Good luck  Tony WK

[geoff]

dear Dustin, I would also like to welcome you to the site.

I'm sorry for your loss of your mother and grandfather but all of this has been a whirlwind for you,

Love and hate are both strong words, but probably hate means a lot more than love, because the latter is said freely.

She criticised you for smoking and what she has said well, I've never heard that before which she probably said because she started dating her doctor and I don't think there would be anyone that wants to know the details of a previous relationship, I wouldn't and I'm sure it was unpleasant for you.

Some people can accept a person back and forgive them, but I'm one who wouldn't, and I feel as though your the same.

All along she has done what she wanted without consulting you, but it won't stop here it will continue, so you will left 'holding the fort' once again.

She can't afford paying for the new house and only wants you to move in to help with the payments.

There will much more heartache here for you, but it's your decision, however your depression and anxiety is caused by doubt and it could continue if you move back in with her, just an old man's suggestion.

Let us know how you get on. Geoff.