How can I trust her again I feel like a failed my relationship and children

[Ashmc213]

Hi iv been going through problems for last 3 years with my children's mother I found out she was cheeting on me with her work colleague last 3 years iv been fighting to keep my family together while she continues to cheat yea I'll admit I'm not the easiest person to live with and yes iv done some thing wrong but iv always stayed faithful to my kids mother but she has made me feel like everything is my fault that I'm the one who has to fight to keep my family together we constantly argue I constantly accuse her of cheating all the time I feel like iv failed my children not only as a father but as a partner to iv done nothing but worked hard to provide for them its to the point we can't be in the same room iv asked her to see councillors to work out our problems but she refuses to get help for us our family I feel so depressed and hopeless. I feel my kids no longer respect me am I a fool for taking her back and let her constantly walk all over me and let her treat me the way she dosebut she also tells me if I walk away I'll never see my kids again I feel my kids is all I got left if I didn't have them who know what the out come of my life would be sometimes I feel that her and the kids would be better of with out me I ask myself what did I ever do to deserve this iv done nothing but been a honest partner , loving father a devoted parent I also live in another country and have no family support or friends to talk to iv shut everyone out of my life I don't go anywhere I don't socialize becouse I feel everyone I know knows what has happened and I feel so embarrassed and ashamed I know I need to leave to better my self as a person not only mentally but physically but I feel if I leave I will be stripped of being a father to my children who are absolutely my world and my rock what do I do. do I keep letting her beat me down till there is nothing but a empty shell even if I did leave I don't think I could ever trust or love someone again after everything iv been through how do I move on how do I get myself out of a situation that I no longer want to be in how come I still lover her after all the things she's done I know our relationship is toxic now most of all I really feel for my kids they should never have to witness what there mother and father are going through the hatred we have for each other the things we say to each other and I know we only saying the things we do to hurt each other but never violent to each other I need help I know I need to move on but I don't know how I really feel I'm gona loose it soon but trying to stay strong for my kids I'm tired I'm sick of the fighting I'm sick of wonder who's she cheating on me with this time really don't know what to do but feel as a male I have no rights and to just suck it up and take a concrete pill and harden up and get over myself people ask me if I'm ok I just smile and say everything is good becouse God forbid if the crack start to form then people will really see what's going on a full grown man that's let his woman walk all over him and let her get away with the things she has done it makes me feel weak to the core maby it is my fault maby I could have tried harder why do I have to give 99 percent and she only gives 1 percent why won't she meet me half way is that the sighn she has given up a long time ago if so then why keep me in dispense like I have some sort of hope  or is it all a loss cause 

[randomxx]

l'm so sorry about everything going on op.

l can't go into the rest of your situation or marriage sorry but l did want to just let you know of a couple of huge things in your situation.

No, she can not keep your kids from you or tell you you will never see them again, don't listen to that total bs from her, that is some old school woman game that can no longer be played in this country.

As a matter of fact, as she is the one that's cheated you are the one that could actually get custody of your kids, not her. She also cannot just take your house or all or any money either,oth er old school things still thrown around but so many men still don't seem to realize it is very much untrue these days.

Also in Australia for a long time now it's been 50 50 custody or time with our kids.

l'd really strongly suggest you try to look for some advice on everything too or at the very minimum at least someone to talk to. There's are a few l know of like ,

" dads in distress " which l think also has an online forum and also

"mens line" that you can call 24/7 and l know there are others to for dads, husbands and men in general but l think you'll be able to get some links and numbers through the two above just for starters.

l hope this at least helps you out with a start and plse mate take care and look after you too.

rx