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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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sunflower2337 Relationship Troubles
  • replies: 2

Hello, i feel silly posting about it however i am so unsure of what to do moving forward. I’ve been with my partner for almost 2 years and i absolutely adore him and do everything together. However since my surgery earlier in the year he has seemed t... View more

Hello, i feel silly posting about it however i am so unsure of what to do moving forward. I’ve been with my partner for almost 2 years and i absolutely adore him and do everything together. However since my surgery earlier in the year he has seemed to have been controlling. (I’m not sure if that is the right word) during my surgery a whole lot of things went down and ever since then i feel as if our relationship has been damaged. Lately it’s been getting worse and i constantly feel as if i walking on egg shells. I can play part in some of the wrong and i admit that as i can also not be very nice sometimes but whenever I upset him (whether it be I didn’t talk loud enough for him to hear me, i said something on an even number (he may have OCD) or little things like that) he demands 3 apologies every time and sometimes they just completely blow up because when i do apologise he doesn’t like it or it’s not an uneven number. I have been called a c*** and also an ass**** on multiple occasions. We have been arguing every single day so far for almost 3 weeks now and somehow it always ends up being my fault and I’m the one breaking down apologising (in sets of 3) for upsetting him, hurting his feelings etc. he can be loving and caring majority of the time but it’s like a switch flips and he becomes a totally different person every now and then and I just don’t know what to do going forward. I feel as if because of this situation it is ruining my relationships with family members. My mum feels uncomfortable in her home because of certain situations etc and I just really am stuck in what to do.

Albert_247 I don't think this makes me a bad person at all
  • replies: 1

I genuinely am not sure if I wouldn't care half the time if my father passed for the most part. I do feel guilty to think sort of cold like this, as long as I had my financial security together that's the main thing, I justify these feelings because ... View more

I genuinely am not sure if I wouldn't care half the time if my father passed for the most part. I do feel guilty to think sort of cold like this, as long as I had my financial security together that's the main thing, I justify these feelings because my father is a self centred grandiose narcissistic man. He looks through to me as being like bipolar, handi capped & generally stupid. He doesn't validate the ideal standards for me to have independence, purpose & meaning. He spreads rumours and tells me directly that I am a social inept hermit, just because I prefer my hobby's and have introverted nature. He manipulates what's the better intelligence, His very devious and secretive when he wants to be. He treats my mother as a maid that carry's on to much. Sometimes when you do things for him, instead of the decency to say no thanks or thanks he just sais I didn't ask ( at times ). He talks behind peoples backs and even when you know it he denies it and and try's to undermine your suspicion or raise his loud voice to keep you in silence, it's been one of his narcissistic controlling tactics for years, If my brother or myself got into any driving situations he doesn't see the possible vulnerability with the driving & the roads, He would only blame us no matter what happened regardless. His even said when his gone your going to be homeless and crying, During primary school he would tell us " Good " when he knew we got hurt at school. His told my mum if she keeps yelling at him for bringing all of his mothers old furniture in this modern house that she can be thrown out with her two children and deal with life. He was even telling his friends and agreeing to pull me out of my high school because I used to skip going because I was being bullied back in those days, He ignores you when you talk also. So no I wouldn't truly feel I am the bad person for not caring

Fany910 Wanting to keep the baby but my bf want to abort
  • replies: 1

Hi there I am 40 years old this month, I was accidentally pregnant with my bf. I am on 4 weeks pregnant now. We lived together for 10 months now. We both have a job. I am on 485 visa now but my bf cannot sponsor me as he had sponsor 2 women before. I... View more

Hi there I am 40 years old this month, I was accidentally pregnant with my bf. I am on 4 weeks pregnant now. We lived together for 10 months now. We both have a job. I am on 485 visa now but my bf cannot sponsor me as he had sponsor 2 women before. I want to keep the baby no matter what. I even offer my bf to provide financially as I have saving and my salary is higher than him. But he said he is not ready to have baby now as he still have a personal loan ($8k) and need to help his mom for nose surgery. Other thing is he is not mentally ready as he broke up with his ex gf last year (Nov 2022). So he is still emotionally not stable. Why I want to keep the baby because I am 40 years old now, not sure if in the future I will have a baby again. I know my visa will be on risk but I don’t care as long as I can keep the baby. Can someone please help me to decide? I can’t tell my sisters or my parents as I am Asian and they will judge me if I am having baby before marriage. Thank you so much

Helpneededplease Support for me partner in jail
  • replies: 1

Hi my Parnter went to jail on Wednesday and I feel so sad angry lonely scared. I don’t know where to get support from

Hi my Parnter went to jail on Wednesday and I feel so sad angry lonely scared. I don’t know where to get support from

be_yourself I need a family lawyer
  • replies: 1

I want to take my child to my country for holidays. I'm not intended to leave for good. My ex has so many connections. I need a family lawyer to deal with this matter. Please tell me where I can find a lawyer who charges reasonable price... I know al... View more

I want to take my child to my country for holidays. I'm not intended to leave for good. My ex has so many connections. I need a family lawyer to deal with this matter. Please tell me where I can find a lawyer who charges reasonable price... I know all the lawyers are expensive. I can't try Citizens Advice Bureau as my ex is using.

pop_92 Advice please
  • replies: 1

I need advice on what to say to someone who says they want to meet up but never actually follow through.

I need advice on what to say to someone who says they want to meet up but never actually follow through.

Wrong_Side_Of_Fifty LDR in our fifties
  • replies: 1

Me (52), him (58), we're in a long distance relationship. He is often insensitive or just lacking in care and concern. I am having serious doubts about our relationship, but he isn't. I have tried to have very open, honest conversations with him and ... View more

Me (52), him (58), we're in a long distance relationship. He is often insensitive or just lacking in care and concern. I am having serious doubts about our relationship, but he isn't. I have tried to have very open, honest conversations with him and while he initially is open to change and mutual growth, he then reverts within days and we begin all over again. I try to prevent him from feeling attacked, but it doesn't always work. We had known each other for almost 18 months before he moved away. We have a checkered past as he was cheating on me with another woman until a few months ago and constantly lying about it. He still lies about even the littlest things. He is self absorbed a lot and I feel that he still does not trust, respect or care for me as his actions do not match his words and he has admitted that he has cared more for other girlfriends more than he currently cares for me. He says that it will grow. But, as his apparent lack of care for me seems to become clearer and increases, my care for him wanes. I loved him long before he loved me, he says. My desire for him is also decreasing as a result. There are other details of which I won't divulge just yet. But, I'm hoping for some opinions and experiences to use to weigh up my choices here. I can give more detail about the betrayals upon request. Not enough characters left to do it in this initial post. Should I stay or should I go is my query, but a discussion of opinions first, please.

Patty1995 Mr
  • replies: 1

I've currently got a crush on a girl and it's not going as I thought, any advice?

I've currently got a crush on a girl and it's not going as I thought, any advice?

Natalia_S Retroactive Jealousy - Anxiety/OCD over my partner's past - Getting severe
  • replies: 38

I (22F) haven't suffered with RJ until now, in my first committed relationship. Me and my boyfriend (25M) have been in a relationship for almost 10 months now. He’s had 3 long term relationships. At first I was mature about the fact that he’s almost ... View more

I (22F) haven't suffered with RJ until now, in my first committed relationship. Me and my boyfriend (25M) have been in a relationship for almost 10 months now. He’s had 3 long term relationships. At first I was mature about the fact that he’s almost 4 years older than me, he has had longer and more mature relationships and has done more in his life than me, but I still find myself stalking his exes on social media, digging around and asking for more information that I KNOW will hurt me, and straight up ignoring any reassurance he gives me. I hate picturing him with someone else and my instinct is to make him feel bad about his past that are beyond both of our control which I know is totally wrong. I go for weeks being absolutely fine, but the second an ex is brought into conversation, even by me, it’ll send me on a spiral of social media stalking and taking my anger out on him. It hurts us both every time. He loves me so much and he tells me that he’s never felt this loved in any relationship he has been in. I believe this to be true, especially from the things he’s told me about his exes. He says he’s never been able to see a future with any of his exes. I absolutely adore him and worship the ground he walks on. I think he’s the one but my behaviour really gets in the way of us being happy and trusting one another. Recently, I have been stalking HARDCORE, finding stuff from 2015 when he was with his ex and seeing what he's said about her, etc. I had to walk out of work because I was having an extreme panic attack and almost vomitted. It is getting worse and I don't want to lose him but I feel like the only way to stop suffering if to break up with him. I feel hopeless. I feel sick in the head and I feel like if I live like this forever, I will die. Does anyone feel the same or now effective ways to get over this for good? I've read books, articles and watched videos - nothing helps long term.

white knight Estranged fathers of young children
  • replies: 1

As an estranged father of one of my children, nothing can describe the inner anguish of such a separation. What's more, having the mother of our child demonise you to our child and not promote your relationship with the child.. even devaluing it, is ... View more

As an estranged father of one of my children, nothing can describe the inner anguish of such a separation. What's more, having the mother of our child demonise you to our child and not promote your relationship with the child.. even devaluing it, is near impossible to combat. If your hurt leads to anger you wont win, if you remain calm and express kindness you wont win either because your kindness can be portrayed as a "trick, that he isnt being his real self". In my case my eldest daughter left home at 12 to be with me as she was treated poorly as I was. So my ex wife had an agenda, to make sure our youngest didnt do the same. She taught our youngest all the narc tricks she has in her armoury. Some of the devaluing examples you might relate to- Withholding a child from parent and teacher nights as the night didnt fall within visiting timesElevating the role of a mother over a father eg they give birth, they breast feed etc ALL PARENTS ARE EQUALDifferences in parenting seen as poorer parenting So, cut to the chase, what can a dad do to survive this onslaught that is ongoing until your youngest reaches 18yo. That was the era when I stopped all child support and told mY ex never to contact me again under any circumstances. So, that last few words was one answer. You are not compelled to have communication with the mother of your children if you find them toxic. So that day will come and you can decide that. Also if your child/children follow in their mothers path with toxicity you have choices. Eg After 14 years of my youngest 14yo-28yo treating me with contempt, manipulation, triangulation, etc I made the hard decision to cut contact. Even good fathers need protection. Rise up, be proud, acknowledge that you are a good person and tried your best but in some personalities you cannot combat cruelty and when you try you are opening yourself up to more abuse. It is a no win situation so realise that and make changes but dont fall for the guilt trip. I have my older daughter now 34yo and she might have a child one day. Also I have young kids in my life, grandkids of friends. I make them toy trains and draw pictures with them. I no longer have toxic people in my life. THROUGH TURMOIL AND DISARRAY The road has dips we never seeOur family wasnt suppose to beA torn heart and a suppressed manBe the dad you always planned The best adult to all kids aroundHugs will come, your worth be foundThrough hurt, turmoil and disarrayThe dad you be can still smile away... TonyWK