Why am I so unloveable

[Animal_Lover]

10yrs ago my life changed and I was left with multiple medical issues/ disabilities and 6 years ago my mum became my full time carer and moved into my house with me. We've always had issues due to her abuse but she became my best friend and in ways my life partner due to going through menopause and no one wanting me. Just over a week ago I found out she was leaving when a taxi turned up. I am heartbroken she had already blocked my number so I emailed her saying what she did hurt me, begging for her support so I can get help with my mental health and how I'm scared to loose my dogs, spending the rest of my life dirty, hungry and no one caring what happens to me. My dogs are the only thing I have left and can't even think of giving them up, they are the reason I have any reason to fight. My mum replied yesterday saying she never wanted a daughter with a disability, no wonder no one wants you, I'm already dead to her and in capital letters please do not contact me again. I've lived all over Australia, I moved out at 16, I've always been so independent but now I feel I have nothing and no one left. I can't do this life alone, I haven't even been able to feed myself or have a shower since she left, and I've been basically stuck on the couch. I feel like I'm crying out but no one can hear me. I also found out yesterday it looks like my disabilities might not be covered under NDIS because they're the wrong types but the combination is what limits my ability. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do my life is becoming more hopeless by the minute. It doesn't help I tried to reach out to a crisis line but ended up feeling even more alone. I feel so tired and weak, I just want the pain to stop, someone to love and to love me back, I want my life back, I want a supportive mum or at least someone I can turn to and rely on. I finally learnt to say I'm not ok but there's no one to listen.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Animal_lover

Thank you for sharing this here. It sounds like it has been an incredibly tough time lately, and it’s bringing up some painful memories and feelings for you. 

We’re sorry to hear how you have been spoken to. No one should speak to you like this, or make you feel this way. It’s not ok, and you deserve so much better than that. If you'd like to have a chat with one of the lovely people at 1800Respect to discuss this, they're on 1800 737 732, or you can reach them on online chat, here: https://chat.1800respect.org.au/#/welcome 

You can also reach out to the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors anytime, on 1300 22 4636, available 24/7, or you can speak to them on webchat here. The counsellors there are here to listen and truly care. You do not deserve to go through this alone.

Thanks again for sharing here. We’re sure you’ll hear from some other community members soon. We hope you can be as kind to yourself during this difficult time as you have been in opening up and sharing with the community here, today. 
 
Kind regards, 
 
Sophie M