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Issue with my mum

Community Member

I live (rent) with my mum who has very little savings and I want to move to another location which is about 5 hours away to be closer to a best friend and for a change of scenery but I know if I leave it will cause issues with my mum because she's not sure if she really wants to come with me (she brought up moving closer to my friend in the first place but has since changed her mind many times) and she will struggle with finding somewhere else to live or paying the rent on current property.

I'm in my 30s and just feel held back from doing something I want even before this housing crisis there was issues with my mum and I about me wanting to move out. Eventually I did for 6 years but now have had to share with my mum again because the landlord changed the lease to a periodic lease (we had the same landlord but had different houses next door to each other) and my mum got worried so we ended up moving into another property together.

I'm just not sure what to do but I just feel miserable and stuck. People have said I should do what I need to do but my mum gets so upset at me when I say what I want to do. She says I don't care but if I didn't care I would have left by now. She has the option of coming with me or possibly getting someone to move in with her but she doesn't want to do that which I can understand but I just don't know what to do for the best it's making me feel so confused.

Thanks for reading 


1 Reply 1

Community Champion
Community Champion

hello and welcome.


I can understand this is a difficult situation. It sounds like you feel torn between pursuing your own goals and not wanting to upset your mother.


While your mum might not see it, it definitely sounds like you care about her very much. You consider your mother's wellbeing moving forward. As others have said, you also deserve to live your life and follow your aspirations. Perhaps you could have an open conversation with her - explain your desire to move closer to your friend and get a fresh start, while reassuring her that you care deeply about her and want to remain close despite the distance. Listen to her concerns, but also gently share your perspective.


Perhaps you could present it as the next phase in your life journey, where you can both support each other's growth. Hopefully you can find a solution as your happiness matters too. If your mother sees how this move could allow you to thrive, she may become more understanding over time.