Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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JamesL Struggling to make connections in Adelaide
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone. Newbie here. Basically I am at a stage where I am really concerned about my mother. To cut a long story short, we moved to Adelaide a couple of years ago, and we have both found it extremely difficult to make meaningful connections-frien... View more

Hi everyone. Newbie here. Basically I am at a stage where I am really concerned about my mother. To cut a long story short, we moved to Adelaide a couple of years ago, and we have both found it extremely difficult to make meaningful connections-friendships with people here. My mother is in her sixties, and she has tried many ways to meet new people and get closer to them, including the following: - Going to meetups. But it seems that people there are not interested in pursuing anything outside the meet ups. My mother is looking for something more than just spending a day a month with other people. - Inviting people over for lunches, but none of these people ever did the same or even called back, etc. Even through volunteering it is hard to build a connection as people are mainly interested in doing the job and leaving. The overall feeling is that there’s well established circles in Adelaide that are extremely hard to break into, and that there’s no openness to anything new. And even people are reluctant to introduce you to their circle of friends. Your thoughts and advice about all this would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.

snailpace Dads behaviour
  • replies: 9

My ex is now demanding to be involved in our sons daycare which took me forever to organise had he is not paying nor helping at all.We separated before birth and his father was on an IVO due to stalking abuse and serious harassment.Our differences ar... View more

My ex is now demanding to be involved in our sons daycare which took me forever to organise had he is not paying nor helping at all.We separated before birth and his father was on an IVO due to stalking abuse and serious harassment.Our differences are irreconcilable. He's spent the last year deliberately undermining the parenting order and abusing me for his own choices denying it and blaming me for EVERYTHING. He picks fights in front of our son and belittles me with vulgar language.He has repeatedly tried to set traps to financially destabilise me the most recent was quitting his job so he doesn't have to pay child support.He makes agreements outside of the plan and doesn't tell me, always starts fights over asking for extra time drops DS off early picks him up late with no warning, books appointments and doesnt show or to get out of commitment time and never offer's make up days. He spends himself broke on $300 glasses, headphones ect this man is 54 years old, and cant pay $30 a month in child support. He snoops my house and bins so I cant have him inside have to fight to keep him out of my house.I pay for EVERYTHING and put in all the work. He refuses to contribute to anything even christmas.Worked so hard just to get DS into daycare so i can find work as I have been suffocated for nearly 3 years and kept deliberately financially restrained by his father.If he has a problem he doesn't tell me, he just cuts off the payments because he's angry and he cant be trusted at all and sends verbal abuse.He refused to properly commit to our parenting agreement and for 10 months he has belittled me, undermined me seriously and tried to use our son as a pick up tool.DS is always starving, Feverish, smelly with dihorrea and aggressive when he returns from his dads sometimes for days often with injury.His dad never helps and often taunts that he "should be the Mum" even though i don't put a foot wrong. Its so offensive. He has two other kids in their 20's who are in trouble.Now dad is demanding to have involvement in daycare but daycare is also part of my parenting group and other things that i want to remain private.I need that support.If he attends he will defiantly try to undermine me and it will be uncomfortable as well as overstepping.

Odette-1 Husband left me
  • replies: 24

Hey all. I really need to vent in a safe space. Last week my husband of 15 years left me and our son and our dog. He says he loves me but is not in love with me and needs to figure out what he’s going to do with the rest of his life. My son and I wer... View more

Hey all. I really need to vent in a safe space. Last week my husband of 15 years left me and our son and our dog. He says he loves me but is not in love with me and needs to figure out what he’s going to do with the rest of his life. My son and I were in tears and he conducted himself so coldly. Basically said that how he feels is more important than us. I am so tired and so scared. I’ve been a stay at home mum for 19 years and have no real work experience. I’m scared I won’t be able to provide for my 13 year old. He’s turning 40 next year and I’m thinking it might be a mid life crisis. I had one but I didn’t turn my back on my family, whenever I tried to leave he’s manipulate me into staying. Getting my friends to text me to tell me that I was doing the wrong thing. But now that he wants to go, there’s no stopping him. I just don’t know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Especially from those who have come out the other side.

JDB1983 Home
  • replies: 1

I love my family so much but I struggle to go home on a daily basis to be with them. Is there something I should be doing differently?

I love my family so much but I struggle to go home on a daily basis to be with them. Is there something I should be doing differently?

TheVoid Caring advice for Girlfriend who has severe depression
  • replies: 3

my girl friend has experiencing depression with self harm before. However, she stopped doing that when we start dating. Recently, she told me she is feeling the urges to do it again and its scarring her so i reassure her and told her it's fine it mea... View more

my girl friend has experiencing depression with self harm before. However, she stopped doing that when we start dating. Recently, she told me she is feeling the urges to do it again and its scarring her so i reassure her and told her it's fine it means your at the end of healing process. Then, she starts distancing with me and i asked her why she just told me she is so busy so she can't be free like before, and we can't even meet each other that often. Therefore, i keep asking her to give me more attention and time to spend with her which she did but i always question it cuz i was experiencing tremendous of stress as well. Until recently, she told me everything just so much for her and yet i did it again putting more stress on her and she decided to breakup with me because she thinks she is not good enough and she tried her best to give me what i want. She said she is not in the right mindset for relationship right now and i was right she can't give me enough attention and my needs, she think our rela can't be fixed cuz i can't fix her and she can't be healed. She told me she needs to end our relationship before it breaks her. She said she is struggling more than she would like to, and i deserve better. So i agreed with her about the break up for i can't stand the thinking of her getting hurt. After i agreed with her she started saying how she love me so much and i will always be the best person she ever had and she will never be able to find someone like me and she hopes me all the best and i deserve better. She said sorry that she has to do that to me cuz she doesn't want to hurt me and that is the last thing she would do. i understand that she may experience another episode or crysis, so i don't know if she pushes me away cuz she fear that she may pull me down or she is done with me. Today, i messaged her saying i know that shes fighting her fight and i wish i would take off her pain or softer things for her but i can't so i will be here as long as it needed. she replied thank you for saying this same goes to you but she doesn't want me to wait for her cuz she thinks she won't coming back. Should i keep checking up on her making sure she is alr? i'm not sure what to do and whether she pushes me away cuz shes fighting her fight and it's not fair for me if she still maintains our relationship or shes done with me? What should i do in this case

Doogaldog He will be the end of me
  • replies: 2

I am in my late fifties and live with my 19 year old son. He has always been 'difficult' in that he caves in at the slightest moment of stress etc. I do not understand as I have always worked and been self sufficient. He is now at the point where he ... View more

I am in my late fifties and live with my 19 year old son. He has always been 'difficult' in that he caves in at the slightest moment of stress etc. I do not understand as I have always worked and been self sufficient. He is now at the point where he has a tantrum if he has to go to work. Threatens to kill himself. Says he hates himself etc etc. Strangely when he gets out of work he is ok again. Wanting takeout/money etc etc. He is also supposedly attending Uni. It is all online and he has made zero effort to register for his classes this semester. He is just so lazy, unmotivated and selfish. I told him he had to do the Uni stuff and he prevaricated for over two weeks! Then he wanted me to help him sort it out! He is so pathetic. I am embarrassed by his antics. Unfortunately I still love him. Not much but I do. He is driving me to an early death. Yesterday he went ballistic and threatened to kill himself. He grabbed a knife and was yelling and screaming at me. He threw my phone on the floor and broke it. I managed to calm him down. Again; once he knew he didn't have to go to work he was perfectly alright. He was laughing on the computer with his 'mates' and then invited a friend of his over. Meanwhile I was absolutely shattered and feeling like death. Today he has made no mention of any of it and indeed asked if he could buy a tablet to replace the phone he smashed??? I truly feel I am going insane...his behaviour is so abhorrent...he has taken over my house. I am ABSOLUTELY TRAPPED as he could not afford to live anywhere else (I have BEGGED his father to help). I do not need this! I am paying a huge mortgage, maintenance costs etc...I could live in a retirement village! And have peace and some spare cash! As it is I am on the poverty line. I am ready to go because I simply cannot see any way out of this. It is a nightmare that I never wake up from. Please don't recommend speaking to people as I have been doing that all of my life and nothing has helped I just wanted to get this out there. For what it is worth I spent years on IVF to have him. How I wish I could turn back time.

displayname3 I want to break up with my girlfriend of 2.5years but I don’t have the guts.
  • replies: 2

I love my girlfriend so much but I just can’t see me being with her for the rest of my life as we have so many issues and and I don’t think she’s the one for me. The only problem is I met her at a point in my life when I had 0 friends, wasn’t getting... View more

I love my girlfriend so much but I just can’t see me being with her for the rest of my life as we have so many issues and and I don’t think she’s the one for me. The only problem is I met her at a point in my life when I had 0 friends, wasn’t getting along with my parents and she became my only friend and her family was the family I needed. Since then we have moved in together at my house living separately upstairs above my parents and we go to see her family every weekend. We adopted a cat together just before we moved in together as well. I’m at such a low point in my life that Ive quit all my jobs because the stress was just too much and I’m living off my savings and have no Centrelink or anything. I’m not studying and I have no friends except my girlfriend. I don’t get on well with my parents most of the time except maybe my mum. I’ve stopped playing sports and going to the gym and basically everything else I enjoy. If I was to break up with my girlfriend I would have absolutely nobody. I would lose her, her family, maybe our cat since we wouldn’t wanna try and share a cat. Even if I did keep our cat I would still feel guilty that our cat has lost his mum and he wouldn’t know what happened to her. If we broke up we’d also have to go through the entire ordeal of moving all my girlfriends stuff back to her house and then explaining to her family that I wanted the break up. I know I need to end of the relationship but I’m so terrified of everything that will follow that instead I’ve just been desperately trying to repair how broken our relationship is instead. I feel so trapped and I don’t know what to do.

alice_s Boyfriend’s mum disrespects me
  • replies: 4

I’ve been dating my bf for 7 months. The second time I met his mum, he and his mum talked about our plan to go to see my family in my hometown. Then his mum showed me a bad attitude on her behaviour and words, said it's dangerous there. Asked me to g... View more

I’ve been dating my bf for 7 months. The second time I met his mum, he and his mum talked about our plan to go to see my family in my hometown. Then his mum showed me a bad attitude on her behaviour and words, said it's dangerous there. Asked me to give her everyone in my family addresses and phone numbers. Talked about the news that a man got scammed by a girl from my country and got killed. If I can’t give her info she needs, no one can go anywhere. My bf was mad at her and they argued a bit then he brought me out then we talked about it. I told him that I feel bad that she disrespected my family. However, in the end I just said that it’s fine, I will forget about it as I don’t want to make him feel bad or overthink. After that, I still keep seeing his family as much as I could, but this whole month I’ve been feeling unwell both physically and mentally so I couldn’t get to see his family at all, only asked bf to thank them for inviting and apologise for me for not being able to go. Yesterday he argued with his mum about me not being able to go for dinner with them. His mum said I’m trying to avoid them and asked why he always find a girl like this? Cuz his ex was always avoiding his fam and had conflicts with his mum as far as I know. He told her it's not the same but she wasn’t listening but getting angry, told him if I don’t want to be a part of family then don’t have to invite me anymore.I plan to see them this weekend but after hearing that I don’t feel comfortable seeing her ever again. I told my bf that I won’t go to see his family again since his mum showed me no respect or empathy as a human being especially she knows that I am sick.My mental health is in severe depression. I don’t want to involve myself in any sort of toxic situation. I told my bf that this time she must acknowledge that I am not someone she could cross the line, and she does need to apologise. He promised to talk to her about this.I don’t know if my decision to not see his fam after this is best for our relationship? Or what else can I do? He’s a nice person and I don’t want any other people to ruin our relationship.

Peter8901 What should I do about this?
  • replies: 5

My name is Peter and I'm 22. I have stopped talking to my sister who is 32, we had a fight over text when I called her out on her never making a effort to speak to me or hang out since she moved out of home over a year ago, she ended up blocking me o... View more

My name is Peter and I'm 22. I have stopped talking to my sister who is 32, we had a fight over text when I called her out on her never making a effort to speak to me or hang out since she moved out of home over a year ago, she ended up blocking me on facebook which I found hurtful. I apologised on snapchat and asked her to add me back but she ghosted me. My sister has always been a narcissist and when gets angry at you she tends to be very mean and gets angered quickly, I feel like if I try talk to her she will just remove me again or say something nasty. I feel like the only option I have with her is just unloading how she made me feel even though we were close all our lives it was mostly me looking over and making excuses for her bad behaviour out of my own naivety and love for her. But I feel like if she's gonna block me I may as well get my moneys worth and let my last interaction with her be remembered as the truth of what I think of her now. Should I tell her the truth or try be nice in hopes some rare chance she acts normal and admits some fault? I also stopped talking to my brother. He's 34. We haven't spoken since a family drama involving my parents happened last year. He has a 1 year old daughter and he hasn't once tried to make amends and get me to meet my niece. He still talk to my dad but not me or my mum anymore even tho I had nothing to do with the drama that happened he somehow blamed me for it based on unrelated events that happened 2017 and 2019 where I was getting harrassed by people and when I was having conflicts with the school deputy principal and principal. In conclusion I feel sad and abandoned because I was close with both these people for most of my life. So what would you do in this situation?

-max- I want affection and attention
  • replies: 3

My girlfriend loves me and gives me affection but not a lot and k isn’t know if I’m being selling or she just doesn’t give me enough. I want more I wanna be cuddled and told how much she loves me often and I just don’t get it enough.

My girlfriend loves me and gives me affection but not a lot and k isn’t know if I’m being selling or she just doesn’t give me enough. I want more I wanna be cuddled and told how much she loves me often and I just don’t get it enough.