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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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MSAN Struggling being a mum
  • replies: 6

Hi, just throwing this in the universe, hoping someone will relate. I became a mum about a year ago with twins. My life is full of ups and downs. The first few months were so hectic. I was so down even with all the family around. Felt like a ghost, a... View more

Hi, just throwing this in the universe, hoping someone will relate. I became a mum about a year ago with twins. My life is full of ups and downs. The first few months were so hectic. I was so down even with all the family around. Felt like a ghost, a fraud in my body, still feel this way. Lately, ive been having lots of self hating thoughts about myself, mainly because of all the changes my body has undergone since giving birth. I feel grotesque. I hate myself. I am petite and I’ve put on quite a bit of weight. The GP says continuous sleep deprivation does that to your body. Nothing i can do about that. My husband sometimes jokes about my weight gain. Once he called me a fat golliwogg. I am a black women with frizzy hair. And i had to cut my hair due to hormones, hair falling off. Anyway, i still havnt recovered from this comment. Im so hurt. He makes comments about skinny beautiful women on tv. I feel angry. I gave birth to his babies and I’m paying the price still. I was already depressed but now i feel worthless, ugly, unworthy of love, of sex, of attention. Im just sad all the time.

Kr4d_Nr41k I'm losing feelings for my girlfriend. Can someone help?
  • replies: 2

We've been together for just under 6 months now. And lately I've just lost feelings for her. I don't know why this is or how to explain it because this is my first relationship. But earlier in the relationship I was so happy when I was around her. No... View more

We've been together for just under 6 months now. And lately I've just lost feelings for her. I don't know why this is or how to explain it because this is my first relationship. But earlier in the relationship I was so happy when I was around her. Now that's not the case, it's quite the opposite. My best mate and her and her best friend and an argument over something. And now her best friend wants nothing to do with me, and my girlfriend also hates his guts now. Now before I have people saying "You should communicate more", I already did. With my mate and her. What should I do? How do I try and salvage this?

Bluespooks My bipolar girlfriend of a few weeks shy of a year just broke up with me pretty much out of the blue
  • replies: 2

Hi so I need some advice, my (F) girlfriend (F) has bipolar 2 and is medicated for it and is in regular therapy and has been since her diagnosis (about 2 years ago). Our relationship has been up and down as it often is and she has tried to leave me b... View more

Hi so I need some advice, my (F) girlfriend (F) has bipolar 2 and is medicated for it and is in regular therapy and has been since her diagnosis (about 2 years ago). Our relationship has been up and down as it often is and she has tried to leave me before in moments of bipolar rage but always apologizes and we make up. I have my own slew of mental health issues with anxiety and c-ptsd from a sexual assault act that happened with a previous partner. This is relevant. Recently I went through a change in medication and the transition period was a bit rough on the relationship but I thought we worked through and it was okay. My girlfriend, let's call her P, got sent into a manic episode about a week and a half ago but came out of it probably about 4-5 days ago and she went straight into a depressive episode, she has been depressive for about 2 months consistently (with the 1 and a half week manic break) P went to see her therapist two days ago and her therapist told her that she is really worried about her and that the way P has treated me wasn't okay and she needs to follow her gut on what to do, following this therapy session her and I talked and we were okay, the conversations were normal until I started to fall asleep on ft and P started talking thinking I was asleep, she told me how much she loved me and how I was perfect and how I was the perfect person for her, and that she knew I was going to get better and she would be there watching me no matter if she was still here or not. That last comment struck me as odd but I moved past it and eventually fell asleep. I woke up the following day with a bad gut feeling but P texted good morning as normal "Good morning my angel" so I went on with my day. that afternoon I decided to go home and get some uni work done and called her mid-way through since I was bored we talked and everything was normal until suddenly she said we need to fix ourselves. This started a spiral of very emotional conversation which ended with her ending things. the reason she gave was that she wasn't well and needed to get better and so did I. The issue with this is that I am quite well, the best I have been for years. She proceeded to tell me how she didn't want to do this and that she will always love me but she had to do this for me. which once again confused me. I saw her today and we cried together and she told me she hated this and would come back later if she could because she will never love anyone else like this but she needed to do this for me. She has done this once before for the same reasons and changed her mind after 6 days, later telling me it was because she was unwell and suicidal and pushing me away. Is the same thing happening here or is it really over? If it is the same thing as last time what do I do? Please someone help me.

Mark h Can I trust this person?
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone I would really love to grab YOUR advice and help with an issue I am facing currently. I begin by telling you that I was married for 22 years and unfortunately that ended in separation 3 years ago now. This ended due to infidelity on my ex... View more

Hi everyone I would really love to grab YOUR advice and help with an issue I am facing currently. I begin by telling you that I was married for 22 years and unfortunately that ended in separation 3 years ago now. This ended due to infidelity on my ex wife's side and so I spent 14 months on my own to get myself back on track with the help of my two amazing boys. It was tough but I got through it. Back in Feb 2022 I met a new lady who I fell in love with very quickly. We were the same person, we liked the same things, we were inseparable. In March this year, this lady moved into my property to see if we could actually live together which I believed was the next progression after 13 months of being together. It was at this point things started going wrong. This person started having monthly cycles where she became highly unreasonable, I didn't feel safe. I was shouted at, screamed at occasionally and the things that were said were unrationable. After seeing a health professional she was told that she was in full Menopause as well as suffering with depression. I was fine with this and was here to support in any way I could but the monthly cycles increased and I just wasn't coping. I lost my identity or sense of purpose. I even ended up staying out driving fearful of coming back to my home. Five weeks ago, I ended the relationship. I just didn't see a future and she ended moving back into her brothers house being that she had sold her family home months before. Everybody including me, told her not to do this but there was no telling her unfortunately. She is obviously now facing a challenging time with no home to go to but she also has the funds from her house sale which is substantial. I feel incredibly guilty for ending this. I still love this person, she keeps telling me that she wants to come back and make everything work. She sees her mistakes and wants to be with me. Unfortunately I have been told that she has been seeing other men and even went on dates two weeks after we separated. Today I asked her if she has been seeing anyone and she has told me that she went back on a dating app called Hinge but she is not interested anymore and wants to be back. I don't know if I can trust this person to not fall back into old ways. I love her, I have feelings but how do I forgive and accept her into the home after everything? I am a very passive person and very non confrontational. People that surround her say that she is focussed on money and has narcisistic qualities? I am being told it's in my best interests to stay away BUT why do I feel drawn to try and make this work? Any help or advice you can share would be extremely beneficial.M

Jack77 Losing support
  • replies: 2

Hi all I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety for some years now thought I had support from my wife but now I fill that the relationship is braking up so filling l may be losing her support is it because of my depression getting too much for... View more

Hi all I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety for some years now thought I had support from my wife but now I fill that the relationship is braking up so filling l may be losing her support is it because of my depression getting too much for her trying talking about it but it’s hard and even trying asking if we could talk to a marriage therapist but doesn’t seem too want to I love her she’s my best friend how do you get someone to talk about how they filling if that don’t want to

Aria87 Narcissistic Dad...and his blame game.
  • replies: 18

Over the past few years, my dads behavior has taken a toll on my marriage.My father treats my husband like he does everyone and anyone. Hes rude, he talks about people, and blames everyone else for any action. My husband had enough, and cut himself o... View more

Over the past few years, my dads behavior has taken a toll on my marriage.My father treats my husband like he does everyone and anyone. Hes rude, he talks about people, and blames everyone else for any action. My husband had enough, and cut himself off from my parents as he was over my dad calling him only when he wanted something, then when my husband would reach out back he would ignore him or reject his calls if it wasnt a convenient time for him then my dad would stay all quiet acting like he did nothing wrong. Months have gone by, and my dad hasnt asked where my husband has been, because he knows he has stuffed up again. But my dad, will blame my husband and also backstab him to my brothers. My mum would ask, as she is the fixer for all these situations however my husband wont back down now until my dad contacts him back and my husband wants to tell my dad how he upset him so he can learn to stop doing it to him. My husband will every now and then comment about my parents, and i believe this is unfair as i have accepted what they have done, i dont ask my husband to attend things or anything. my dad would call, and call when he wants something, then i would call back when it works for me and he would drop comments like how hes disappointed i haven't gone over sooner, blah blah blah. as strong as i try to be with this, it manages to get under my skin.and, whats worse, i work with my family, so i cant always stay away from my father, unfortunately. im anxious that when it comes down to it and i tell my dad what he did, he will just blow up and blame me and my husband over and over again causing MORE troubles. its like he picks a fight with a new person every month.

Huri Given up
  • replies: 3

My daughter and I had a misunderstanding at the start of the year over her partner. I suffer bad Mental Health and also have Health Problems added to it. So my daughter found out what I said to my younger son about her partner I know it was wrong I s... View more

My daughter and I had a misunderstanding at the start of the year over her partner. I suffer bad Mental Health and also have Health Problems added to it. So my daughter found out what I said to my younger son about her partner I know it was wrong I should have confronted her so he told her. Instead of confronting me I had a very long message so hurtful it broke me as well as it broke her. 1 she said that I was see that her partner was treating her the same way I was treated (but in denial). 2 said her partner loves her (but hear stories when he gets angry at her).He is nice it his own ways just don't like the way she gets treated. So I had forward the message to my sister she suggested to let my daughter know I love her and message her now and again that I do. We follow each other on social media and yesterday I had sent her message today received a reply and she is not happy with me at all. It has broken me and at a point where I am completely done. I am too old for this too broken and feel like I don't want to be here anymore.I haven't had any self harm thoughts in over 10 years and it's managed to creep its ugly head back in. BUT I know I can't do that to the rest of my family what will it prove, my son will be so lonely and I can't do that to him. But that thought is sitting hard on my shoulder. My cat is looking at me saying I know you are not okay but you will be fine.

Guest_6011 Feeling like others are playing the victim
  • replies: 5

Yeah just feels like others are playing the victim all the time, just never ends. No one ever takes responsibility for their errors and their emotions. And honestly just does my head in, how can they not? Just hit a brick wall each time and eventuall... View more

Yeah just feels like others are playing the victim all the time, just never ends. No one ever takes responsibility for their errors and their emotions. And honestly just does my head in, how can they not? Just hit a brick wall each time and eventually have to take a break in the end. Which I will do now, unfortunate thing is feelings of nausea preventing me from working. And less related to certain other emotions, probably separate from this topic here though- have come up. So yeah that affects my commitments but it had to be done, just how it is. People will never truly get it that they are being a genuine pain to me, honestly wont and will continue to play the victim. Won't stop me from doing what I can, but a break will be needed

William255 Relationship falling apart
  • replies: 2

So I recently moved to a city with my partner and sister and I have had family court drama going on in my life recently and it’s badly affected me the past month and made me treat my partner not right (nothing abusive) just how I spoke to her sometim... View more

So I recently moved to a city with my partner and sister and I have had family court drama going on in my life recently and it’s badly affected me the past month and made me treat my partner not right (nothing abusive) just how I spoke to her sometimes, or wasn’t motivated to do things or wasn’t thinking straight and I would forget things cause I had a lot on my plate, I was hoping she would understand this because she suffers from bpd, bi-polar, depression and had a rough upbringing and toxic and abusive ex’s who also cheated, she told me 2 days before my court cause against my father that she feels like the relationship is falling apart and feels unloved in the past month and I tried to reason with her and apologize I’m ridding myself of bad habits and putting a lot of effort in and she feels like she doesn’t wanna continue the relationship cause she’s seen this phase so many times with ex lovers even when I had a talk with her saying I still love her I’m not mentally right and I’m seriously committing to you if you let me, and I’m heartbroken that she feels like she can’t keep it going, I asked for support in fixing it that it was my fault you felt like that and you shouldn’t ever feel that way and asked if she would let me fix it and she said she ran out of effort and it’s really affecting me, the past day or 2 we’ve still talked like girlfriend boyfriend but she has times and she wants my attention and love and times where she wants to be alone I’m respecting her boundaries but also wanna give her more attention cause I feel like I never gave her enough but I don’t wanna come off as too clingy, we have laughed loved and talked good when ever we don’t talk about our relationship and talk about life. I really wanna fix this for the good but I feel like I’m losing her, (might be me feeling pretty but a week before the month started I asked her to talk about how I felt about things and how I would feel the next couple of weeks and we never had time to talk about it so I feel kinda betrayed) she also said how the last month felt like not a relationship I just slept with her loved her and dropped her off at work and etc, which kinda broke me cause we had some good times in the month still idk if this is a bipolar on top of the matter, I don’t know what to do I try to tell her I’m changing for the good and that I love her but her bad experiences and her mental illnesses make me feel like it’s impossible