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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Baileysmells Dating in your 20's sucks, how can an introvert meet someone without dating apps?
  • replies: 2

A few years ago, my social life was great. I was getting consistent dates, still had a small but close network of mates and I had no insecurities about this part of my life. Fast forward to now however, its a shell of what it used to be. I had to mov... View more

A few years ago, my social life was great. I was getting consistent dates, still had a small but close network of mates and I had no insecurities about this part of my life. Fast forward to now however, its a shell of what it used to be. I had to move away from the Gold Coast in 2021, leaving behind a great relationship in the process and now live in a much smaller place comparatively. This made me fall into a deep depression and I subsequently fell out of touch of all my friends. To put a cherry on top of everything, my matches on dating apps have completely died out and the dates I do go on don't turn into anything and usually lead to me getting ghosted. This is sending me into a spiral not knowing what is going wrong. Be it the location/culture, my medication changing me as a person or my mental health getting in the way- now that I think of it I do seek out a certain type in emo girls, could be a factor lmao. I'm honestly about done with dating apps but what is a hardcore introvert like myself supposed to do to meet people irl? Do you have any tips for navigating dating in your 20's and dealing with being ghosted every month? I just want a serious relationship. This is a much smaller place compared to where I used to live and not a whole lot is going on, I don't have my P's and its so car dependent as well. I'm stumped. This loneliness is really starting to get to me. I realized recently that connection is really the only thing I value in life, I used to love being alone but since I've started dating I feel empty without it. Any advice or words are appreciated thanks for taking the time to hear me out

lr0054 boyfriend doesn't express emotions
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend and I are living together. Have done so for almost 4 years. He is a doctor. I've always looked up to him. However, he is quite reserved and feels that he cannot share his difficulties with anyone, particularly with expressing his emotion... View more

My boyfriend and I are living together. Have done so for almost 4 years. He is a doctor. I've always looked up to him. However, he is quite reserved and feels that he cannot share his difficulties with anyone, particularly with expressing his emotions and be honest. He states he is fearful of what other people think of him i.e. like he is boring. He recogniseses this is something he has struggled with for a long time and wants to change. I honsetly think this is a load of rubbish and he is interesting and fun despite telling him that he struggles to beleive this. The problem for me is that I am still living with him and feel like with this attitude, he doesn't add much value to my life- doesn't make me exicted etc. We are very different because I am very outgoing and feel confident in who I am and love to share my experiences. I have stayed with him because I thought he would change and become more open. I feel mixed feelings about continuing the relationship as I feel like he is getting more from the relationship than I am. I feel like he doesn't really have a bubbly, fun and enjoyable personality that I have and want with someone. I am on the lease with him and not sure how I can break up as I have thought about this a lot over the years. Any support would be appreciated.

bagelsbee Stuck in a bad relationship but not ready to leave
  • replies: 6

I feel like I’ve been spiralling lately. My relationship with my partner has had highs and lows, and this time last year I was seeing a psych about it. She suggested I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and I think she was right, but I’m stil... View more

I feel like I’ve been spiralling lately. My relationship with my partner has had highs and lows, and this time last year I was seeing a psych about it. She suggested I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and I think she was right, but I’m still in it. He keeps calling me crazy after I’ve told him how it hurts me. And he doesn’t seem to consider my feelings in his actions. Somehow when he does something hurtful I end up at fault and apologising. But I can’t bring myself to leave him. I cry every day. I just want to get back to who I was before him. I feel like I can’t talk to my friends about any of this because I don’t want them to think less of me. I just feel so tired and alone and angry and hurt.

astridmoon My family don’t talk to each other
  • replies: 3

My Mum bought my stepdads ashes home and did not tell me. I got upset as not telling me important things had been a regular occurrence I’ve raised in the past. Since getting upset about the ashes she has refused to speak to me. She didn’t apologize. ... View more

My Mum bought my stepdads ashes home and did not tell me. I got upset as not telling me important things had been a regular occurrence I’ve raised in the past. Since getting upset about the ashes she has refused to speak to me. She didn’t apologize. I sent gifts as I was traveling overseas and got no thank you. This was also shortly after I got engaged. My twin brother who is close with my Mum said he is jealous of my engagement, even tho he has just bought a house and been with his gf for years. Maybe my mother is too? It has been months since anyone has talked to me so I moved back overseas away from my family as I only moved back initially to be close to them. My family do not know as they have not reached out. I have been on my own with only my fiancé. I also recently found out my grandfather passed away in August. He remarried and his family refused to let him stay in contact with us. They also did not tell his first family.I feel sad that I was born into a family that treat each other this way. What is the point of having a family if this is how lonely it feels.

CMF Lonely nights
  • replies: 27

Hi there,Anyone in a relationship but still feel lonely? I love time to myself but I find my self struggling lately when my partner goes home Sunday arvo & I'm sitting here on my own. I'm on my own every night when my little miss goes to bed. My part... View more

Hi there,Anyone in a relationship but still feel lonely? I love time to myself but I find my self struggling lately when my partner goes home Sunday arvo & I'm sitting here on my own. I'm on my own every night when my little miss goes to bed. My partner calls, we chat & that's fine but Sunday nights are getting hard. Maybe cos it's school holidays & little miss is at her dads? I look forward to going to work Monday so I can forget about it. The weekday routine is tiring but good. Maybe I'm not enjoying my weekends with my partner so I feel lonely in general & when he's gone it's amplified.Anyone feel the same?Cmf

han111 How to overcome a fear of intimacy?
  • replies: 1

I’m 20F, and I’ve never been in a relationship before, almost solely because I have such an intense fear of physical intimacy. In my head, I think it’d be nice to have a partner and I occasionally like people (maybe twice ever), but whenever it becom... View more

I’m 20F, and I’ve never been in a relationship before, almost solely because I have such an intense fear of physical intimacy. In my head, I think it’d be nice to have a partner and I occasionally like people (maybe twice ever), but whenever it becomes anywhere close to a reality I panic and back out and often cut off the person involved. I’ve been asked out, or any basic act of intimacy suggested, and I completely panic and find any possible way out of the situation every time. I do have diagnosed anxiety, which could be related, but it seems so much deeper than that, and it’s really just related to the physicality aspect more than anything else. I thought it might just be because I’ve had very little experience, but I’ve asked a lot of friends and they all said they weren’t scared before their first times, they were thrilled. I don’t understand why I’m like this, and it’s ruining not only the potential for romantic relationships but it gets in the way of platonic relationships too. I hate that I’d be happy to live alone, even if I’d be cripplingly lonely, and I don’t understand where it comes from. I wasn’t abused as a child, I’ve not had any toxic partners. I struggled to put how it feels into words, but I hope someone can understand and could help me be more normal about it all.

Cottonsocks Past relationship patterns?
  • replies: 1

I have had a failed past relationship of 17years whom I had 2 children with.It was and is still a very bitter break up. Both children have been turned against me by their father so that is hurtful. My relationship now is with a man who tries hard but... View more

I have had a failed past relationship of 17years whom I had 2 children with.It was and is still a very bitter break up. Both children have been turned against me by their father so that is hurtful. My relationship now is with a man who tries hard but doesn't know how to give emotional support or pick up emotional cues. I have to spell everything out and am beginning to resent that I just can't be me. He is very different to me and although when we are good we are great but when we fight I feel resentment build and I have had enough of compromise. I know relationships are hard work and I do compromise yet I am so aware of past patterns occuring that I get angry and resent my partner and look at all the negatives. My past partnership was full of resentment . I was always under pressure to have everything just right in every aspect of my life. I did everything around the house, raised the kids,worked and studied. I was never valued or appreciated and never an equal or a partner.How do I stop these feelings of pressure and resentment creeping in when I don't feel my present partner is consciously trying to put pressure on me. When we fight I just get so scared of another failed relationship that I push back due to fear,anxiety and resentment and I don't know how to change the way I react. Sometimes I feel life would be easier on my own.

Alel Every aspect of my life is messed up
  • replies: 1

My family - I live in a dysfunctional household with a toxic family that doesn't fully understand what I'm going through. Constant fighting everyday. But I also feel really attached to them. Religon - I've recently lost my religion and found out I do... View more

My family - I live in a dysfunctional household with a toxic family that doesn't fully understand what I'm going through. Constant fighting everyday. But I also feel really attached to them. Religon - I've recently lost my religion and found out I don't belive in God. So I feel like I have nothing to live for or believe in. Friendship - I have no friends. Career - I don't know what I want to do in life. Mental health - My mental heath is at its worst and will be something I have to deal with for the rest of my life. I don't know what to do. I feel like everything is affecting me in a negative way. Like my whole life is so overwhelming to handle. And I feel so broken that I can never be fixed. I don't know how to find peace and feel okay when everything around me is crazy. I'm afraid things won't get better.

CountingCrows1 Depersonalisation - alone forever?
  • replies: 1

I am too scared to find a partner because I don't trust my ability to find a good man. I have depersonalisation disorder and it makes navigating life very difficult. I am always dissociated. I have a lot of pain from my childhood and past experiences... View more

I am too scared to find a partner because I don't trust my ability to find a good man. I have depersonalisation disorder and it makes navigating life very difficult. I am always dissociated. I have a lot of pain from my childhood and past experiences, so I always want to see the good in people. I can never see the red flags. I also want to stay with the guy until I am 100% sure that I should leave, so I have wasted years this way. Now I am almost 40 and single because the dissociation has contributed towards my poor choices. Now I feel like men run when they see my age because they assume 1: she wants to have kids immediately, see ya! or 2: she can't have kids/healthy kids anymore, see ya! or 3: she can't have kids, but she's attractive so she's good for sex only.Not all older women want to have flings. Some of us made poor choices and have been treated badly and really REALLY just want to finally be loved. But I don't want to burden anyone with having to be with me. That's the problem. The depersonalisation disorder is not noticeable for others, it is a hidden disorder. But it is very noticeable for myself on the inside. It causes me fatigue and also I need to spend time always masking (kind of like autistic people do, to try to appear normal and be accepted in society). I do this to make other people comfortable, because I can't be my natural self. So this is exhausting in a relationship. If I dropped the mask, the guy would get bored or frustrated with me being tired and flat/zombie all the time. If I am in a relationship, I subscribe to a lifetime of not being myself through exhausting masking. Which is no fun for me. Then I second guess if I should be/could be a mother. If I have kids, could I handle it? Would it make my dissociation and masking difficulties and fatigue worse? But would not having kids be a huge regret? Because I have so much love to give and I want to help them and watch them grow and create a beautiful family and give someone the gift of life. But would it backfire and I wouldn't be good at it? But then am I being selfish because I didn't bring a beautiful person into the world to enjoy the world and have life? So many uncertainties. So I just stay alone. I haven't had a proper relationship for almost ten years now. Even those relationships I had were the poor choice ones with abuse involved. I haven't had a nice, loving, respectful relationship since 2006. No wonder I have given up on being able to identify a nice man. I had two beautiful relationships prior to 2006. But we were young and when you are under 22 in Australia, many people just break up to explore other options. I wish I held on to one of those relationships as there was not one good choice after that. Now I am almost 40 and I am too scared to try my last year to maybe find a man and have a family. Is it slipping away from me? Will this be the biggest regret of my life? I am guessing I will get all the 'life can still be wonderful without children, there's always adoption replies.' For me adoption is not feasible financially and I don't really agree with some of the ethics of international adoption. I am also a single woman and the amount of adoptions that occur domestically in Australia is minimal, let alone to a single woman who is not financially stable and has deperosnalisation disorder. I could have a family if I met a lovely man, but I don't think I could do it alone. Well this has been one huge negative rant and I apologise for that. Thank you for reading and I hope that you are ok if you are also on this forum.

adamc Mum Blames Me For Sister's Woes
  • replies: 1

Some months ago, Dad noticed my eldest sister sitting in the loungeroom looking down and asked her what was wrong. Mum, who was sitting nearby, stated "She sees her brother come home with all these DVDs and Blu-rays for himself and it upsets her, bec... View more

Some months ago, Dad noticed my eldest sister sitting in the loungeroom looking down and asked her what was wrong. Mum, who was sitting nearby, stated "She sees her brother come home with all these DVDs and Blu-rays for himself and it upsets her, because we can't go out and get what we want; a dog." And now, with my sister losing weight, not eating very much and looking depressed, last night Mum spoke up and said "Well, it doesn't really help when someone keeps getting parcels delivered."