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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Wan Dealing with own emotion
  • replies: 1

Hello,I need some help dealing with my own emotions. I was born overseas. When I was young, I saw my father hit my mum a lot until they separated. Since then, I've been scared of men. Many years have passed, and I got married to a very good man, and ... View more

Hello,I need some help dealing with my own emotions. I was born overseas. When I was young, I saw my father hit my mum a lot until they separated. Since then, I've been scared of men. Many years have passed, and I got married to a very good man, and we have two sons together. We moved to Australia. The problem is, my husband is a mama's boy, and my mother-in-law is very attached to her son. This makes me feel upset, angry every time I see them together, insecure, and left out. I'm also not sure if my feelings of jealousy and being left out are directly related to my childhood trauma. I don't like feeling this way. What should I do?"

beachaholic3 Smell of Breakup
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, revisiting my most recent and final breakup before I decided to forget relationships altogether. For me the smell of cigarette smoke and hospital wards just scream 'breakup'. I remember losing my job, being addicted to cigarettes and alc... View more

Hi everyone, revisiting my most recent and final breakup before I decided to forget relationships altogether. For me the smell of cigarette smoke and hospital wards just scream 'breakup'. I remember losing my job, being addicted to cigarettes and alcohol and wandering the halls of the emergency/psychiatric ward with no purpose and waiting for it all to be over and done with. Apparently I was too codependent to the point of my partner feeling 'responsible for my happiness'. My life has been shit for the last 10 years. I retraced it all to the day I stepped foot into Year 7 and the teacher said 'ladies and gentlemen, your lives from now on will change. You're adults now'. I've found peace and fulfillment by regressing in maturity and personality back to when I was a wee lad. Not everyone is impressed but if I've learnt anything, it's that I don't exist to please others. I've spent 10 years doing that shit

Riri Cross roads
  • replies: 5

I have been married for two years and known my husband for five. Im quiet independent with a secure attachment style his is more insecure and a little co dependent. My parents never approved and still don't. I have always had my own things in life an... View more

I have been married for two years and known my husband for five. Im quiet independent with a secure attachment style his is more insecure and a little co dependent. My parents never approved and still don't. I have always had my own things in life and been happy with work and family around me. I have lived in the big smoke my entire life and had strong connections and proximity to family. My partner does not have strong family connections and does not like city living especially as we are living in my mother's rental and due to that situation, my partner pushed for us to buy own own house, in a reginal town as a compromise, so an hours drive from my family. We have renovated our house for the last three years. Our stuff is in there, well half of it. I'm no longer feeling comfortable with the move due to how we have been lately. There is no intimacy or emotional connection between us and I don't feel I can be vulnerable around him most of the time. He does not validate my emotions or opinions and becomes upset at me. I have been seeing a counselor for 2 years. And we have tried couples counseling. I get upset quite a bit as I persist on my boundaries and at times this has ment leaving the house Renos and driving back in storms, pitch black and in tears. I'm worried that if I move there the behaviours may continue or become worse. He has depression and is not dealing with it but promises he will. He also suffers PTSD after a near death experience and a previous divorce. His not a controlling person in actions but words seem it although not so obvious and often leave me confused and doubting my own feelings and perception. He says I need to change my perception and think of him in a generous way...when I try to explain that this leads to lack of intimacy he will deny any responsibility. He simply says I need to man up and move forward with my life. He tells me it's not healthy to be under my parents thumb and living in their place(rental). I'm feeling hurt and lonely. We don't have kids. I'm not sure if there is any point continuing with the marriage. He is a nice person but I feel we clash alot. I could leave now and move on with my old life quiet easily but if I move from where I am I feel it will be to hard to move back. He says he will try his hardest, but I'm not sure how when he can't hear what I'm saying. I can't simply flick a switch. I don't know if there is any hope.

Guest_41412403 Been feeling lonely
  • replies: 1

Hi so I've had family issues from 15yr old my family dad wasn't the best teaching me skills I had to learn myself dad got marry 3 times my real mum suide when I was 3 my sis was 9 second step mum abused me but they divorced I left home at 15 I'm not ... View more

Hi so I've had family issues from 15yr old my family dad wasn't the best teaching me skills I had to learn myself dad got marry 3 times my real mum suide when I was 3 my sis was 9 second step mum abused me but they divorced I left home at 15 I'm not sure if it's a faze but things are getting to me I'm have 2 one she's 28 nearly married and 16yr boy I'm regretting now that I didn't have another baby close age as my son has mental health cognitive imparment ODD /ADHA since 12 it started till now I've moved mountain to get help from phys to dulea but was always up to him as ODD there's no residential treatment in Australia only oversea but always up to him so put all my focus on him so now is in jail one month now he sees phsy and others because by force then I had to put my dog down of 16yrs 2 Month's ago so now I'm 47 been struggling if I had one close would it be different been on drugs most of my life that's why I put off having another due to him sick in hospital but now it's haunting me am I going through menopause I'm getting depression again I see family's with kids makes me sad it's hitting me hard now how can I cope I don't go anywhere how can I stop regrets

Ken2024 problem with marriage
  • replies: 1

I'm 45 and my wife is 41, we've married since 2018. My wife lost one of her ovary during surgical complication and she had another surgery on her other ovary hence there's little left. Based on the above issues she no longer interest with sex and I u... View more

I'm 45 and my wife is 41, we've married since 2018. My wife lost one of her ovary during surgical complication and she had another surgery on her other ovary hence there's little left. Based on the above issues she no longer interest with sex and I understand. We tried IVF (only her family know about it, I cannot discuss to anyone but my boss as my wife believe my parents will tell everyone) and finally succeeded two years ago, we love our daughter but I was overwhelmed with chores (some of her demands can be tedious, laborious and illogical but I still have to do it), feeling undervalue as I no longer believe I mean much to my wife and frustrated when my daughter cried for mommy ever I'm next to her. She wanted to go for another IVF but her age making it ever more difficult (even the IVF specialist believed the previous one to be a miracle), I supported her decision as I won't deny her right, however I worry and fear for a few years of fruitless journey. I'm getting more frustrated with the lack of sex life recently and she finally agreed on Sunday night, the entire experience was dreadful, turning her back on me and playing with cell phone, showing me videos of a jealous husband toward his daughter and laughed (I do not found it funny), and I still remembered looking at her disgusting dark blue sweater. The event felt like I'm dying on thirst and begged her for water, she poured the water on the floor and I licked the floor as I'm dying on thirst. I'm currently experiencing signs of depressions (I had depression since high school hence "hello darkness my old friend, I come to visit you again") including shutting myself to her (I no longer want to look and talk to her since Sunday, she didn't understand why and I can't be bothered to explain to her as I already know the outcome), lack of energy and motivation (tired), don't want to leave the bed but have to as my office is my last sanctuary (I don't want to know what's my plan on weekend) with minor tears (my previous depression involved uncontrol crying for every 4 hours and I certainly don't want to happen again).

Robby60 Single Fatherhood
  • replies: 3

Anyone other single fathers lived through co-raising a child with a reasonably intelligent, manipulative, superficially engaged but covertly resentful, sabotaging and destructive mother very good at duping school staff and assorted people into believ... View more

Anyone other single fathers lived through co-raising a child with a reasonably intelligent, manipulative, superficially engaged but covertly resentful, sabotaging and destructive mother very good at duping school staff and assorted people into believing they are wonderful and you are sullen? It really, really sucks. I don’t have any pressing issue right now but the effect of going through this has left me mistrustful, unwilling to be alone with any female and rather socially isolated. I wonder if there’s other single fathers who feel this way.

MrsNellie Spouse with addiction
  • replies: 1

My husband has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. He has a porn addiction and has had for many years. The porn doesn’t bother me, it’s the messaging of other women sending photos etc that does. I tried to get onboard a few years ago and was joining i... View more

My husband has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. He has a porn addiction and has had for many years. The porn doesn’t bother me, it’s the messaging of other women sending photos etc that does. I tried to get onboard a few years ago and was joining in with him but I didn’t like the time it was taking from us. he agreed to stop, but then found out later he was still messaging said gym friend on a different social media platform and was deleting everything so I wouldn’t find it. we had some time apart and have been working hard on fixing things. he acknowledged this was out of his control because of the ADHD (not medicated yet). But I’ve recent had a feeling something was off. I’ve since found he has an only fan account and a secret email address. I also think he has a seperate messenger account but I have no prof of him sending messages as I can’t access the actual content. I don’t know how to approach the subject because I was snooping through his devices which isn’t right. Even if I do approach him he will bluntly lie. Is this normal behaviour for ADHD? Should I just let it go. I don’t want to break our family up we have 2 kids that dote on him. this is giving me so much anxiety, I don’t sleep, and just don’t feel happy like I use to. I don’t know what to do. I love him but not the addiction.

David35 my brother is making me feel guilty because I am not in debt like he is
  • replies: 7

I live with my mother. I'm on a DSP, pay my own way as much as possible (board, petrol, bills, private health cover). Mum and I have a mutual agreement that I help out as much as I can with finances. But recently I've had some problems with my brothe... View more

I live with my mother. I'm on a DSP, pay my own way as much as possible (board, petrol, bills, private health cover). Mum and I have a mutual agreement that I help out as much as I can with finances. But recently I've had some problems with my brother. Every phone call he now rubs it in that he has a mortgage. He and his wife have a history of wasting money. Several years my dad passed away and we forwarded him a copy of the will, which includes a provision for a reasonable dwelling for me, because I've been unemployed for the past 20 or so years to my head injury. I often come off the phone exhausted listening to his sympathy act. Basically he wants mum's money now to help pay off his mortgage. Because he knows I help make the decisions regarding mum's finances, he now gets in my ear every chance he gets to try and guilt me into helping him out. Bear in mind that the last 2 years mum had bladder cancer, so he times his "jokes" well. Upon telling my mum this, she just gets so mad and despondent, that she is a complete emotional mess. Am I taking things too personal? Don't most people his age (51) have a mortgage if they want to own a home? My opinion is that it is sheer jealousy but I've had other struggles in life too, besides financial ones. Like trying to rehabilitate myself after a frontal lobe brain injury, surviving depression and alcoholism, looking after dad when he died, looking after mum when she had cancer, and grief. I'm interested to know other people's thoughts.

Vguy Living with Parents after marriage
  • replies: 1

My girlfriend and I are currently in Australia and my parents are in India. We have been dating from past 17 months and have hit the deadlock about the future scenarios. I used to have an elder brother but he passed away in 2011. Since then I am the ... View more

My girlfriend and I are currently in Australia and my parents are in India. We have been dating from past 17 months and have hit the deadlock about the future scenarios. I used to have an elder brother but he passed away in 2011. Since then I am the only child . I moved to Australia in 2016 and been here since then. My current girl friend has a condition that she would not be comfortable to live with my parents after marriage in any scenario. She expects me to handle my responsibilities towards my parents separately and does not wish you be part of that. The challenge is that : I am not rich enough to have a separate house in Australia for my parents, pay for their Permanent visa and pay for their household expenses and medical expenses all on my own .My girl friend though she is also originally from India says that she cannot move back to india as she would not have the same professional opportunities and hence we moving back to India where I could afford to handle this situation is also not an option. She is also not fine If I go to india to handle an emergency situation as she believes there is no definite window when I could return as the oldage scenario could be tricky. My parenst do not have anyone to fallback to in an emergency situation She keeps insisting that I talk to someone who is older than me and in a similar situation who can advice how I can handle this situation.

Fish35 Overwhelmed
  • replies: 1

Hi, first time posting. I have 4 kids with the oldest 2 (13 and 15) currently unable to even be in the same room with each other. Husband of almost 18 yrs refuses to seek any help for himself despite me asking for the last 2-3 years, has no real rela... View more

Hi, first time posting. I have 4 kids with the oldest 2 (13 and 15) currently unable to even be in the same room with each other. Husband of almost 18 yrs refuses to seek any help for himself despite me asking for the last 2-3 years, has no real relationship with his sons (the 13 and 15 yr olds) and has never had help to deal with his own parents death at the age of 21 and 23. I do all the appointments for the children (paediatricians, psychologists, OT etc (11yr old daughter has Autism and school refusal for last 18m-2 yrs)). He is always too busy despite the 15 yr old begging him in tears to teach him how to be a man and saying he doesn’t show any emotion other than happiness or anger. He’s taken off his wedding ring 3-4 times in the last few years and thrown it at me telling me to “deal with them” (meaning the kids) when I have asked him to walk away because his behaviour has escalated into yelling and recently trying to physically remove the 15 yr old from the room. I work pretty much full time (as does he) but I am the one who gives up my days to attend appointments/parent teacher meetings etc even though I don’t get paid sick/holiday pay. Our family is at breaking point and I can’t keep doing everything to hold everything together.