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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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AlwaysUnrequited I want to fight for my marriage, but am I delusional?
  • replies: 3

My wife and I have been together for over five years and have two beautiful children. When we are alone we get along great, date often, explore, laugh. Children changed us in that both their births were traumatic and we are both still processing aspe... View more

My wife and I have been together for over five years and have two beautiful children. When we are alone we get along great, date often, explore, laugh. Children changed us in that both their births were traumatic and we are both still processing aspects of it. We didn't get the happy early moments to help us deal with the tough slog of parenting. Then sprinkle lack of support with covid on top. We are both ambitious so we were in addition renovating a house at the same time which forced me to work very long hours. With overwork and dealing with my own emotional processing of trauma I didn't realise my wife wasn't processing her trauma properly and she feels betrayed by me. It was all too much and we pushed ourselves too far.We did couples counselling where she mentioned she had thoughts of leaving, so I took drastic measures to support her. We began talking and sharing. Improvements were obvious. She finally took up activities outside of being a mum enrolling in a new course. I could see her re-emerging from post natal. But because of this improvement I stopped asking how she was as much as I thought we had gotten to the point where she would be able to share. We were still intimate until about a month ago, where I now discovered she was approaching a year deadline of deciding whether the marriage will work unbeknownst to me. Started avoiding me. Then dropped a bombshell that she had had enough.I'm still in shock. Love her very deeply and she loves me, just the romantic love falls in and out. I think part of that is she senses chemistry with her new group of friends and in comparison I seem boring. But I do most of the cleaning, night time kid shifts, equal cooking, equal time looking after the kids and provide all the income. She has no issues with any practical things. I have lots of hobbies, just limited time. Because of this I've not had time for my friends so my wife has the burden of being my sole adult emotional outlet until I break out of the baby raising phase.I'm gearing up for a further fight, but I'm not sure if I'm kidding myself and being manipulated. She has said that her outlook on the institution has changed and is not sure she believes in marriage. She wants to explore connections with other people and believes that's a fuller life experience. That maybe we are only meant to be with certain people for phases of life and not have life partners. Which hurts me deeply because I feel like I've been laying most of the foundation precisely to have that more enjoyable part of life in the coming years only to find out that maybe I was only useful for the hard work part. I think of her as a soul mate and fully believe life partners are real and are a fuller experience of life that is rare as gold. I just want the chance to have the fun part of life with my soul mate.I'm already seeking out as many therapists as I can, exercising, eating sleeping and talking to friends/family so please no posts with that generic advice. I want to know how do I know if I'm being delusional looking for hope? When I think about it all it looks logically like she's moved on, but that doesn't seem right given how connected it felt a month ago. I'm assured there isn't another person specifically and at the moment she is after space to see if she has the energy to fight for something between us. I'm still a roller-coaster of emotion and my brain can't even start to fathom an actual seperation. Therapist sessions will mainly be used to try to prepare to avert a mental breakdown in case that is the reality ahead of me. Thanks for the time for reading. Always full of love

Fiatlux Disrespectful, Dependant Adult Child
  • replies: 13

I am just so distressed today. I can’t stop crying. I am at work and trying my best to earn more money. Covid lockdowns destroyed my business and I am almost starting over. I am in my mid 50’s. My real issue is with my adult son who relies on me for ... View more

I am just so distressed today. I can’t stop crying. I am at work and trying my best to earn more money. Covid lockdowns destroyed my business and I am almost starting over. I am in my mid 50’s. My real issue is with my adult son who relies on me for everything including money. He refuses to apply for Job Seeker. Today he sent me an awful message blaming me for his position. He refuses to move out of home and refuses to look for work, expecting me to find him a job through my connections. I am at my wits end today. I can’t even focus on my own work let alone him today. Help and advice would be appreciated.

Rainbowdino Support
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, I’m new here and I’ve been trying to get help and support in a few things that my bestfriend brought to my attention recently but I haven’t been very successful in that. i need help with not spamming my friends with messages when they are bu... View more

Hi guys, I’m new here and I’ve been trying to get help and support in a few things that my bestfriend brought to my attention recently but I haven’t been very successful in that. i need help with not spamming my friends with messages when they are busy or don’t want to talk, but also oversharing about my family life and what’s going on at home. But I also need help with my anxiety and my eating issues

James-Coventry My wife left me
  • replies: 2

Hello my name is James, I’m 29 years old. in August ‘23 I got my married to the love of my life. The woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We planned to have children next year some time. Life was great. until about 4 weeks ago she ... View more

Hello my name is James, I’m 29 years old. in August ‘23 I got my married to the love of my life. The woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We planned to have children next year some time. Life was great. until about 4 weeks ago she said she doesn’t love me anymore and she can’t be the person that I need her to be. My whole world got destroyed. I lost my wife, my house, my dogs and my cats. She said maybe in the future we can be civil and maybe even friends. But I don’t think I can do that. I can’t watch her move on from me with potential someone else. I’m already in so much pain I don’t know if my heart can take anymore. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. I’m scared. Lost. And unsure where I go from here.

JayCee28 Separated and wanting to move town
  • replies: 2

Hi all, ( this is a bit long winded sorry)I am the sole carer of my son, his father has thoroughly damaged their relationship and my son does not want to see his dad, my son is 12 and no matter the options I give him, supervising a meeting, texts cal... View more

Hi all, ( this is a bit long winded sorry)I am the sole carer of my son, his father has thoroughly damaged their relationship and my son does not want to see his dad, my son is 12 and no matter the options I give him, supervising a meeting, texts calls or one on one time he is adamant he does not want to see his dad, and can get angry at me for asking ( I only ask occasionally not every day).My son and I have a great relationship, he feels safe with me, not his dad.Last yr my son was sexually assaulted at school by another boy, the teachers blamed my son for being in the wrong place, this boy has also verbally threatened sexual assault against my son.I have organised counselling for the trauma my son as gone through, police and education departments where also notified.My problem is my son does not want to go back to the school or reside in this town anymore, and I can understand why.Better schools are an hr away with more out of school activities for my son ( we live in a very small town).I would like to move for my son’s safety, and mental well being but as much as I try to explain to his dad that this will help our son, he absolutely refuses to accept us moving to another town, even though he knows the assault my son suffered.My ex just seems to think this will all blow over, he and I will get back together OR just expects me to take our son to his dads place and leave him there, crying or upset he doesn’t mind… our 12 yr old will just have to get used to it.My ex has exposed my/ our son to pornography as has his dad.My ex tries to manipulate my/our son to believe he matters.My ex MIL has stood at my front door at Christmas time saying my son is lying and that I’m a bad mum, and that my son only stays because he’s scared of me…The ex and his family are so toxic manipulative I just really want to take my son where he is safe and deal with one thing at a time…New school and away from the harassment from the school kid.If he wants to see his dad at any time I’ve told him I will help him any way I can in the future but I will not force him to go there .I have tried to get his dad to get counselling to learn how to engage with his son and be a better dad, he refuses.We have no court orders for parenting arrangements as my ex H just expects my son to just give in and go with him and that I should just be a caring mum and send him over there. Do you think Im doing the right thing wanting to move 1 hr away from his dad,I live in Victoria and so does he…any advice is greatly appreciated

197085 How do I break up with my boyfriend despite still loving him?
  • replies: 1

Im 23 years old, from Sydney, been living in London for the last 4 years. I’ve been with my boyfriend (who’s 14 years older than me) for the last 3 years. I’m currently the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, I’m taking medication, but it’s sti... View more

Im 23 years old, from Sydney, been living in London for the last 4 years. I’ve been with my boyfriend (who’s 14 years older than me) for the last 3 years. I’m currently the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, I’m taking medication, but it’s still a daily struggle. While my boyfriend has been as supportive as he can, I feel I can’t fully help myself whilst also being in a relationship. I need to learn how to love myself again. I’ve also had a gut feeling for the past few months that he isn’t ‘my person’ anymore, we don’t click like we once did, and our age gap makes me nervous for our future. We have been planning on moving to Sydney together on a partner visa, but I now realise this is a move I need to make on my own. Neither of us are willing to commit to a long distance relationship, and as horrible as it sounds, when I think about being single, it’s like a weight lifted off my shoulders. How do I tell my boyfriend who I still have love for, that I cant be with him anymore? Despite making promises to be together forever, fantasising about a new life in Australia, spending Christmas with my family who love and adore him. How do I let that all go, without feeling like a failure at the end of the day? I’m not sure if I’m ready to deal with the stress, sadness and anxiety of a breakup, but I know it will be for the best in the long term. thanks in advance for any advice offered.

Kez77 Help with partner with Bipolar
  • replies: 1

My partner has been on a drug medication for 30 years and I meet him 3 years ago and the medication was stable and he seemed normal and functioned normally and all seemed fine. At the start of last years his doctor lost his license and my partner had... View more

My partner has been on a drug medication for 30 years and I meet him 3 years ago and the medication was stable and he seemed normal and functioned normally and all seemed fine. At the start of last years his doctor lost his license and my partner had to go to the hospital to be get his daily medication prescription and they said they have a new and improved monthly injection and they only would give him that. Then eveything turned bad he was sick always sleeping and had massive rages, highs and lows. After giving it 3 months we knew wasn't working and his old doctor got license back and he went back to him and they put him back on the original daily tabs he use to have but months passed and still was not the same so doctor sent him to therapist and he put him on antidepressant which seem to help with the therapy as well but after the 6 weeks he saw him he went back to doctor and he put him on a bipolar medication and things got even worse. He was nearly functioning just able to go to work and then when home spent the whole time in bed sometimes days on end sleeping and was forgetful and said was ok but I knew wasn't from his actions and no self daily care and outrages rages which I was scared for my life. I tried to explain to him what was happening but was like he didn't remember what had done and said or didn't want to. He said was over feeling tired all the time so stopped taking medication and spent the last 3 months mainly in bed or verbally abusing me. I have tried to explain to him what is happening and my family have seen is and tried also but he thinks nothing is wrong. I have recorded him and begged him to see another doctor for his current seems dodgy as and only prescribes what he makes money off in my opinion for was giving him benzodiazepines on top of the other meds and that didnt seem right at all. I have thought about ringing the police when it gets out of hand and see if they can commit him to mental ward for assessment or something so can prove to him is a issue for he just blames me for everything and says I am making it all up even when work people have had issues with him and my family and still just thinks it is everyone else and he has no problem. I know the man I meet and the man he really is and this person I have tried to help the last year I don't know any other the 4 personalities I see and I am scared and don't know what to do for worried if I leave he may do something to himself or me as he has said.

Lightbulb-moment Only found out what a covert narcissist is . Ignorance was not bliss.
  • replies: 7

1 month no contact with my X.she was text book covert NPD.Once I researched it I could not un- know but the truth does not make it any easier or bring me any peace yet.I cannot stop going over 10 years of our relationship in my mind and being embarra... View more

1 month no contact with my X.she was text book covert NPD.Once I researched it I could not un- know but the truth does not make it any easier or bring me any peace yet.I cannot stop going over 10 years of our relationship in my mind and being embarrassed at all the obvious signs that it was only me ever putting in any real effort in. how was I so blind?Would really like to stop doing that but things just keep on popping into my mind.Hopefully time will lesson this happening?

becky_1992 End of a relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi every one. I am a 31 year old female. My ex partner is 37. it’s my first time using this forum, thank you for listening. I have been in a relationship with someone for 2.5 years. During this time, he always makes ‘jokes’ and ‘teases’ me about thin... View more

Hi every one. I am a 31 year old female. My ex partner is 37. it’s my first time using this forum, thank you for listening. I have been in a relationship with someone for 2.5 years. During this time, he always makes ‘jokes’ and ‘teases’ me about things. I have constantly communicated the fact to him that these jokes are upsetting, degrade me and make me feel worthless. For example, he tugged at both sides of my hips and raised an eyebrow. I have recently put on some weight. He will pat and rub my stomach during intimacy etc. I am always angry, irritated and upset lately and have been quite negative. I expressed to him how his joking makes me feel he said I was too sensitive, he’s just teasing and he can’t deal with my negativity. A big issue for us is that he can’t say he loves me. It’s been 2.5 years. He just says that has ‘strong feelings which are much more than like…. But not at the stage of love yet’ and that he has never loved anyone before. Last night I realised I can’t throw my life away with someone who can’t say I love you and I ended the relationship. He was very cold to me and implied my mental state is the thing that makes it hard for him to commit. I tried explaining that how he makes me feel leads to me being negative and low in mood. He then shut the conversation down, threatened to block me and told me not to go around to his house. I feel vulnerable right now. I know I have made the right decision for myself… but to be honest, I’m feeling upset, hurt and depressed. Unfortunately we were going on a holiday tomorrow and after I ended it, within an hour he had cancelled everything. I even asked if there was a possibility we could save our relationship by going on this holiday. He said no. I feel like I have given my heart, efforts and time to this person, only to be met with callousness and apathy. He has made me feel ‘crazy’ or ‘hyper emotional’ because I’m always angry at him. I am always angry because I am always getting put down and can’t stand it. Am I crazy here? He said he is just too ‘anxious’ to get married because of ‘how I am’. If I have been upset with him it’s just because of how I am treated. I feel alone and ask people if they have been in a similar experience and if you have any tips on how to get through this. Thank you

Jake5546 Fear of being cheated on
  • replies: 1

Hi guys, Im new here and i really just wanted to see what other people think i should do and how i could quiet my racing mind. I know I shouldn’t have but i went on my boyfriends phone last night because i always have had this ill feeling that he cou... View more

Hi guys, Im new here and i really just wanted to see what other people think i should do and how i could quiet my racing mind. I know I shouldn’t have but i went on my boyfriends phone last night because i always have had this ill feeling that he could be talking to other guys or hooking up with other guys. I went on his phone and went on X (formerly Twitter) and saw he looks at porn etc. which i dont care about because i do too but then i went to his dm’s and saw he was messaging different guys. I wanted to look at more but i just got really sick and had to stop looking at his messages but one that stood out was he said “you looking” i dont know what to say to him about it i brought it up to him saying are you talking to any guys or are you hooking up with other guys and he kept saying no but i dont know how to bring up that i looked through his phone and saw these messages.