Dear 197085~
I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum, a place some distance from where you are at the moment:)
I guess from all of you post the most important thing I read is that your mental health is poor, with a daily struggle against depression despite having medical support. I know in my own case it was at least partly circumstances that made me as down as I became, and when those circumstances changed, toghter with medical and family support, I improved out of sight.
You have said that you would like ot return here, that in so many words you find your relationship a burden and have doubts over its future, and that returning alone seem the best way to regain your health. In short from what I read (unless I misunderstand) you have made your mind up to break off and return to Australia alone.
I do not know enough of your circumstances to be able to comment on this. I do know it is a new venture for you , and that if you are relying upon medical and personal assistance where you are now you will need the same when you arrive here.
It looks like one of your main concerns is breaking the news to your boyfriend -and presumably also to your family. Incidentally I think it is a wise move by both of you not to rely upon a long distance relationship -at least at first.
Perhaps as this decision affects both of you deeply it might be only fair to talk it over in person. A most uncomfortable idea, however it has the advantage over something written, like a letter, in that you boyfriend gets a chance to discuss hte matter with you. He may accept the move as something you need, or he may, for arguments sake, offer to keep in contact in case thngs do not work out as you anticipate on your return.
I'd suggest honesty, saying you need to be alone for your mental health, that you are not confident of the relationship's future and even that you do not seem to be getting along as well in recent times. Also the relationship is weighing you down.
I would say in my own case my relationship became more and more difficult as depression totally filled my mind with the hopeless thoughts it supplied until I had no mental capacity left to deal with other people -no matter how well intentioned or loving. So I avoided them. Perhaps this might be an explanation that fits and you can explain.
BTW as my condition improved my relationships improved as well, and now my state is unrecognizable, loved and loving, supported and supporting and wiht feelings of accomplishment.
How he responds I've no idea of course. What I can say is that anyone who has your best interests at heart will cooperate as best they can and not make things more difficult for you.
If you would like to let me know how you get on that would be great
Croix
