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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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tinyone Trying to leave
  • replies: 3

Long story, but I will keep it short. I feel as though I've completely lost myself recently. My partner and I separated 2 years ago. We have 2 kids. And we're together 16 years. I finally found myself again and really enjoyed being single and living ... View more

Long story, but I will keep it short. I feel as though I've completely lost myself recently. My partner and I separated 2 years ago. We have 2 kids. And we're together 16 years. I finally found myself again and really enjoyed being single and living my own life for once. I was doing things at my own pace and enjoying my own interests.Recently ex decided he wanted to try and get back together. I have told him multiple times I'm not keen and that I don't really want a relationship. I've been very honest about it. he wants to try over and over but he still hasn't changed. He still drinks and is very obsessed clingy then gives me silent treatment and plays mind games. He makes me feel like I just cannot enjoy things. Takes over everything I do. I feel so overwhelmed constantly and feel extremely defeatedI'm back in a situation that I never wanted even be apart of. And I'm struggling to stand my ground and I find myself giving in just to keep him happy

Shelly58 Alienated Grandparent Hope
  • replies: 2

Hi all !In 2019 I joined the forums to vent about my sadness and frustration at being prevented from seeing my two young Grandsons. I had a close relationship with them from the day of their birth. My DIL filed a malicous DVO that prevented me from s... View more

Hi all !In 2019 I joined the forums to vent about my sadness and frustration at being prevented from seeing my two young Grandsons. I had a close relationship with them from the day of their birth. My DIL filed a malicous DVO that prevented me from seeing them which I fought to the hilt but was eventually advised by my Solicitor that the Court will usually side with the Applicant. I ended up accepting the order on a "non admissions " basis. I plunged into a deep Depression. I'm here to give you hope that sometimes things can change.In January of last year my DIL told my son that she didn't love him anymore and he had to leave the family home. He came back to live with my Husband and myself. To cut a long story short my DIL dragged the children (including a new granddaughter that I had not met) into some very risky living circumstances. In February she asked my son to take the boys to also live with us as the person she was moving in with would only accommodate my granddaughter. We quickly found out that the person she was moving in with was in fact her boyfriend and the reason she asked my son to leave.Anyway the boys are all still living with us a year and three months later. I am the primary care giver as we have encouraged our son to keep his career. It has been a pretty hard road as they have both been diagnosed with Early Chilhood Trauma as a result of what they were dragged through during the marriage breakdown. There have been lots of behavioural issues but with a lot of commitment and Therapy things are starting to come good. I wouldn't trade their hugs and I love you's for anything. My granddaughter who is 2 has also started spending overnighters with us from the beginning of the year. My husband and I are developing a great bond with her. Your circumstances may not be the same as mine but never give up hope. Keep a close relationship with your son or daughter ....it could lead to a relationship with your Grandchildren also. Good luck to all the Grandparents out there whose hearts are literally breaking

Rogger How to deal with and act happy to parents?
  • replies: 3

Hi, I suffer from loneliness due to being estranged from my extended family, lacking strong social bonds with friends, and having difficulty relating to my immediate family (my parents) due to their racist, transphobic, and sexist worldviews. These f... View more

Hi, I suffer from loneliness due to being estranged from my extended family, lacking strong social bonds with friends, and having difficulty relating to my immediate family (my parents) due to their racist, transphobic, and sexist worldviews. These feelings can sometimes cause me to act in ways that involve me being upset (crying is an example). However, my parents don't seem to like this, and they can even sometimes define it as bad behaviour, depending on the situation. I've tried talking to them, but from what they've said, I don't think I'll ever change their mind regarding this. Now, you might be wondering why I don't just move out and limit contact. That would be what most people do in this situation. The thing is that my parents are very wealthy. When I behave in ways they deem as "good", I can get many things and opportunities that I would have never otherwise had access to. So, for this reason, I would like to try to act in a way that my parent deems appropriate (even if it mismatches how I feel inside), which involves essentially being happy and silly as much as I can. And I am making this post to see if anyone could give me some suggestions on how to do this and how also to take care of my own mental health (journalling my frustrations was one idea I had myself). I appreciate your help!

Zan11 Feels like I’m losing my best friend
  • replies: 6

I’m feeling overwhelmed, the inevitable has happened and I still was not ready. My best friend who i’ve been intimate with for the last 4yrs ended it. When he told me, I felt a cold chill sweat in my body. Is that normal? It’s been 24hrs but I’m stru... View more

I’m feeling overwhelmed, the inevitable has happened and I still was not ready. My best friend who i’ve been intimate with for the last 4yrs ended it. When he told me, I felt a cold chill sweat in my body. Is that normal? It’s been 24hrs but I’m struggling to stop this anxiety and missing what we had. How do I stop overthinking? I can’t focus on anything, can’t accept it, even tho I knew it this day would come. I want to move on quickly. I don’t want to feel this down.

beau22 My girlfriend of 5 years left me because she dosnt know if she loves me or not
  • replies: 2

My girl friend of 5 years moved to her mums almost 2 weeks ago she said she dosnt know if she loves me anymore and she needs space to figure out what she wants it’s so hard not to check in on her every day we have done everything together for 5 years... View more

My girl friend of 5 years moved to her mums almost 2 weeks ago she said she dosnt know if she loves me anymore and she needs space to figure out what she wants it’s so hard not to check in on her every day we have done everything together for 5 years barely bin apart she is my rock and I am hers I havnt bin the easiest to deal with I have anxiety and depression and can be quite overwhelming sometimes she has bin amazing through it allshe has her family im left in our house alone all I can see is memories of her every where I lookshe called the other day basically said it was over then a few days later told me it could take weeks months even years for her to come backI want to fight for her because she is my soul mate but I know I am definitely pushing her away by doing this the worst thing is I know that she is hurting to and I can’t do anything about it there has bin no discussion about why or what problems she was having it just happened and because I have no answers I’m making scenarios in my head sending my self mental I tryed speaking to mates they all did not help they basically said she hasn’t bin the same since she started her new job are you sure she hasn’t found someone els I was slowly getting my life back on track after my brothers death a year ago now this has brought every thing back the one person I speak to about my problems and I can’t I need help I don’t know what to do or think

Globetrotter Child above & PTSD
  • replies: 1

How do you live or deal with having been abused sexually by one of your closest family members that you'd think wouldn't be possible.I tried to mask it to bury all my life in the hope that it would protect the other family members if i Just took it a... View more

How do you live or deal with having been abused sexually by one of your closest family members that you'd think wouldn't be possible.I tried to mask it to bury all my life in the hope that it would protect the other family members if i Just took it all on myself then the hope it would eventually stop and it stopped and got through without thinking about it all for a few years but it's coming back. In different ways too. In my thoughts, in the way I shut down immediately if anything triggers me and the worse I'm put into those feelings when the triggers pop out and starting to frame my partner as the same person that abused me but he's not. We have been married for over a decade now and have beautiful children, but because I can't get pass those I often feel resentful, angry, and our intimacy is gone. I feel dirty, I always hated having being born with this body...I always wished I wasn't born or could just go...but now I can't for my family. I just feel numb, I can't get pass this, it's ruined most of me and who I am, who I became...Anyone having suffered the same having managed to at least let it out as I haven't found who would be able to even listen to all of this that cares.... psychs have taken my money but don't really care. Many years ago I started talking to one but never got even close to letting this out and then I just felt it was leading nowhere on my path to healing. If there's even one....

LisaMG1967 hello everyone
  • replies: 2

I just need some support as my marriage has just broken down... after more than 30 years... I had to move out as my husband was drinking too much and he did not think it was a problem... He now has started seeing someone and it is breaking my heart..... View more

I just need some support as my marriage has just broken down... after more than 30 years... I had to move out as my husband was drinking too much and he did not think it was a problem... He now has started seeing someone and it is breaking my heart... I just do not know what to do to get past this... please can someone help...

duck123 Alcoholic partner
  • replies: 4

Hello. I just need some advice. My partner is an alcoholic and I recently left him. We have a young daughter and i have a son from a previous relationship 12 years ago who looks as him as his dad. He knew the reason i left was because he was drinking... View more

Hello. I just need some advice. My partner is an alcoholic and I recently left him. We have a young daughter and i have a son from a previous relationship 12 years ago who looks as him as his dad. He knew the reason i left was because he was drinking and being emotionally abusive and making me feel unsafe- the old cycle of abuse was happening and i didn’t even know until i went to ‘couples counselling’. We were separated for approx 6 months and during this time he had 3 months sober and really started to be a present dad and a healthier person. So I ended up accepting him back into my life. Fast forward to now and he is back to his usual drinking and then being unkind to me because i can not bring my self to be physical with him anymore. He gives me the ick. He is very unpredictable and negative about everything but expects me to positive and want to be around him. His mood swings make me feel like im forever walking on eggshells. So really i am asking for people to let me know if they have experienced anything similar and did their partner ever stop drinking, and did the ick ever go away? ps. I keep him away from my children when drinking. They are safe.

One_day_soon Controlled by a narcissistic husband
  • replies: 12

My world is not my own. I am constantly watched, judged and put down. He controls who I speak to. I am not allowed any social media accounts. My movements need to be run by him and my whereabouts need to be accounted for throughout the day. I need to... View more

My world is not my own. I am constantly watched, judged and put down. He controls who I speak to. I am not allowed any social media accounts. My movements need to be run by him and my whereabouts need to be accounted for throughout the day. I need to ask permission if I can go into the office to work, when I get there I need to send photos of proof. I need to tell him who I speak to and when. He checks my phone and has also had my phone hacked. His aggression is out of control. He demands that I praise him several times a day and show him love and affection. I have tried hard to leave. I do not love this person. I am scared of my emotional well-being as well as the toll this puts on our children. There is no such thing as standing up for myself or setting boundaries. This only makes things worse. Complying to him is easier for everyone. I do not know how to escape. I have never dealt with a narcissistic person before. Once I realised what was happening it was far too late. We were already married with 3 kids. I thought I was the one causing all of our problems. If I had of known his real persona I would have ran a mile. I am scared and a nervous wreck. For me, this forum is about communicating what is going on for me as this is something no one knows about. I need to let my story out. I don't want to be judged for it. Please, if you have a similar story I would love to hear from you.

shaz800 My husband hates my mum
  • replies: 4

My husband and I have been married for 7 yrs. Over the last year things have gone down so badly between him and especially my mother. He is refusing to attend any family gatherings now for over a year and I feel he is disrespectful to me. Everytime I... View more

My husband and I have been married for 7 yrs. Over the last year things have gone down so badly between him and especially my mother. He is refusing to attend any family gatherings now for over a year and I feel he is disrespectful to me. Everytime I try to ask him to come for me and think of the kids and he still wouldn’t attend . Our conversation always end up with him blasting at me and telling me to stop talking or asking him to go. I feel I cannot connect with him anymore and he is constantly shutting out. I’m starting to feel my marriage is not working anymore and I feel I need to get out.My mother and I are close so I share my difficulties about some marriage problems with her. I think it is my fault now how this all began , because I was so tired one day as I haven’t slept because of looking after my newborn and I told my mother that my husband in fact doesn’t like them. He has been saying this in the background all these years as my husband doesn’t like my mother and her personality , and it has affected me. He always bring her up in every argument we have even though sometimes she has nothing to do with it , which is absurd . I think he just doesn’t like her from the start . My mother has a difficult personality and she shows it when she doesn’t like a person. She can be rude. So she started being rude by not responding to him whenever he says hello and then she started to snub his mother when she tried to talk to her.So it started from there. And somehow he heard things from his friends about my mum not trusting her son in law and afraid that he is going to take her finances . I cannot confirm this source and I asked my mum and she has shown me all her conversations with her friends( she doesn’t have many)I know her she is very private about these things esp finances so it is not like her to say it so easily to her friends .anyway my husband is greatly affected by what his bunch of friends heard about my mother saying stuff like that , which i can’t even confirm the source. And from then onwards, he started hating my family and saying he wants them out of his life and he doesn’t want to spend any second to see them.it hurts me a lot as I can’t resolve this, I feel I could be a cause of the start of this but now it’s gotten so bad and I feel his reaction is too big.