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So very very lonely

Skary Bill
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Like most people here, I've got a bunch of things going on.. Self improvement. Managing anxiety, financial and physical limitations. But I have a problem that has been steadily forcing it's way to the top of the list. It's having a profound effect on everything else and I'm at risk of getting quite stuck on it.

Quite simply, I have no friends. Family is scattered far and wide and.. well.. Family, as in there is love there. But not mateship. I've been quite active online since I began suffering agoraphobia. But online friendships are often fleeting and lack depth. And recent changes in my accommodation options force me to move back to the bush where I don't even have a phone signal let alone internet.

While I'm a reasonably sociable person who is community spirited. I've never been particularly needy, and so I guess for a while I was happy doing my own thing. But some months ago now, I stood in my shed.. Looked at something I just made, realised I had nobody to share it with and suddenly understood just how very lonely I actually am. Since then, I've been looking. I've been challenging my agoraphobia to get out there and meet people. I've been going along to men's sheds and doing some volunteering. I've been looking around online for people near me with similar interests. And folks, I've struck out completely. Everyone I've encountered has either had a good couple of decades on me and deep into retirement. Or they are younger and wilder, and the ones around my age (early 40's) are for the most part busy with families.

So it seems I've become quite the outsider. And when I go back to the bush. I can go weeks without seeing another human. It's devastating and I can't see the way out from here. I'm thinking about saving up to buy a motorcycle that is suited to touring, locking the remnants of my life in a shipping container and hitting the road. But even then, I'm writing cheques my anxiety probably can't cash lol.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I'm staying with a relative for the weekend. Enjoying the internet. I guess I'm sharing because I just need to talk to someone. 🙂



43 Replies 43

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Bill,

Thanks for sharing your story. It does sound like you are making an effort to stave off the loneliness by joining the men's shed and volunteering.

I'd like to encourage you to keep doing those things.

Even though some of the people you are meeting are not your age, is it possible for you to engage with them anyway? A couple of my dearest friends were about 25 years older than me. The friendship, love and care they provided was amazing.

Not having regular access to the internet or phone service must be difficult as well. Is it possible for you to move closer to services or is that out of the question?

Would you like to share with us what you made in your shed?

I do realise you don't have regular access to the internet, if you were somehow able to change that, I would like to encourage you to keep chatting here.

There are many different sections to the forum. We have a social zone as well.

Can you access a library computer when you are in town?

I really do hope you find some solutions!

All the best from Dools

Skary Bill
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hiya Dools, thanks for your thoughts.

Unfortunately this recent move which is entirely financially motivated has taken me further from such resources.. But fingers crossed, I may find it took me closer to new opportunities.. {LoL, check out Mr Glass 1/2 full} 😄

The age difference wasn't a deal breaker by any stretch. The problem was they only met for a few hours every now and then in the morning, once a week sort of thing. And they weren't really doing much as a group other than cup of tea and a biscuit with a chinwag. Then they packed it up and went home before lunchtime. The few blokes who were doing something interesting were just there for the tools and facilities and you'd be hard pressed to drag more than a grunt out of them. Anyway, I tried 3 of them in my region and they were all variations of the same. The main issue for me was I just wasn't getting a reasonable return on the investment of fuel and emotional energy it took to get in the car and go out of my comfort zone to get there.

I used to be active in the SES and Rural Fire scene. But I'm not really physically capable of being an active member now. I joined the local historical car club, hoping to at least be able to talk about cars. But it's so rural out here that the club meetings are basically a beer at the bowls club once a month where they break into small groups and discuss their vintage tractors lol. And nobody has a website, the entire social scene is based on bumping into certain people on main st of town.

Anyway, I've got loads of computers. And I'll keep checking in here for sure. Whenever I have to go to town for supplies, I pull over and use a laptop and phone to see what's happening in the world. Since finding this site, I've really valued being able to talk to/amongst people who might understand. 🙂

I still think this plan to buy another motorcycle and join a social riding club might have legs. I'm just going to have to turn a corner on the agoraphobia thing is all.


Community Member

Hello Bill. Nice to meet you. I must say....you are very articulate. I liked reading your post.

I am also friendless. I think it's fairly commonplace these days. We don't really need to leave the house if we don't feel like it. We can do everything online.

I retired from the workplace about 5 years ago to take care of my partner who has a brain injury. The thing I miss the most about working (apart from the money) is the lack of social interaction. I worked with a really great bunch of people and we kept in contact for a couple of years, but, as is often the case, our "get togethers" and phone calls fell by the wayside.

They had busy lives, some were transferred, and I was often unavailable because my partner can't be left alone and I couldn't find a carer. She suffers from agoraphobia also and no amount of "lets go for a drive to the beach" or a drive in the country will entice her into leaving the house. She also has terrible anxiety attacks if she has to talk to other people.

Little by little, I stopped accepting social invitations and she won't have people at the house. It gets very lonely at times. I can honestly say that, apart from going to buy groceries, I can go weeks without leaving the house.

Anyway, just wanted to say I am hearing you. It's a lonely life. I don't have any magical answers I'm afraid, but, this is a good place. There are some really nice people here.

If you move to a place where you have better internet....pop in. Stay a while. Write a post and let us know how you are getting along.

Until then, may the coming months be a period of beautiful transformation for you.


G'day Lumpyspuds, Nice too meet you too mate.

I'm sorry to hear of your wife's injury. It sounds like a very tough assignment you've got there and I've nothing but respect for your noble sacrifice to be her rock.

Fwiw, it means a great deal to me knowing that as isolated as we may feel sometimes, we are not alone. I think you're right, there are many people suffering from a lack of social interaction these days. Technology seems to have made bringing people together easier. But it's also changed the way we gather. And it's not quite the same.

There are heaps of sites for finding 'friends' lol. But all the ones I looked at are targeted towards romantic interest, which is a layer of complexity I can live without at the moment. So I've been going through the long list of hobbies I've enjoyed over the years. Seeing what I might be able to rekindle interest in, with a view to joining a club or two. Finding people with common interests etc. Archery might be a good one, with a traditional bow club down the road a short way.

If you have any hobbies and interests that you would enjoy chatting about, let me know. I'm a bit of a mad tinkerer, so if it has moving parts or makes a noise, chances are I'm interested in it lol.



Hi Bill and Lumpyspuds,

I've greatly enjoyed reading your posts here. Loneliness can happen when you are in a room full of people!

Sorry to read about your wife Lumpyspuds, that must be difficult for you both. You mentioned your wife doesn't like people in the house, could you sit out the back with a mate and have a chat?

Bill, some groups are "interesting" the way they interact! I get that. Some people just want to do their own thing or nothing at all. It can be hard to break into a group and feel welcome sometimes.

I joined a craft group that for some reason had a split. I was away at the time. The other day I dropped in on the "break away" group, I had no idea how I would be accepted but boldly walked in anyway. Decided to have a coffee and joined in the chat, had a few laughs and felt great after for my boldness.

I'm a little envious of the whole motorbike thing as I would love to own a bike and go touring! Being female it was not the done thing to have a motorbike when I grew up. Two male cousins had bikes and I was always asking them to take me for a ride.

One also had a dirt bike, I loved screaming around on that.

For a while I was a member of the local CFS as it is here in S.A. I have a back injury so found it too tough being out on the trucks after a while, I helped in the office for a time then my mental health became an issue. I might drop in there one training night and say Hello.

Guys, I hope you both find ways to connect with others and may be able to stay connected here as well. Hope even infrequent communications here helps you Bill.

Cheers to you both, from Dools

Skary Bill
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi all, I'm back in town for the night. Long drive, but this is one of the places I consider to be a comfort zone. So I'm really glad to have arrived and couldn't wait to check in on the forum lol.

I'm going forward with the bike idea. I've purchased something that makes me chuckle every time I think about it. I politely made a silly offer on a silly bike, and to my surprise the seller accepted. So I'm gathering my energies for a long journey out of the comfort zone to pick it up next week. For anyone who might wonder. If you know bikes.. It's a bobbed virago 250 with ape hangers lol. If you don't know bikes.. Picture a harley shaped bike with a tiny engine and crazy tall handlebars on it. And if you're wondering why, it's because I need something I don't take too seriously. And this is a very non threatening bike that cost me very little. So if my plan fails, I should be able to just sell it on easily.

Anyway, that's my interesting news. Heaps of things going on and it's all stressful. But I'm just chipping away at it all step by step.

If anyone reads this thread and is also looking for friendly people to chat with, don't be shy. 🙂


Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello scary Bill,

I haven’t posted on here before, I had a nightmare and I’m just surfing the foerums when I read your thread..I’m using you for a bit of distraction to try and get the image out of my head..I’m sorry..but I found your post interesting..

I love the viragos, My hubby had a Harley and I always thought if I got my licence I would get a virago, as I thing they are a nice looking *little harley*..we tooknour Harley apart it was a 76 Harley shovel head...

Can I ask you if this is your first bike project?..I hope you get a lot of distraction and self satisfaction on doing it it...and of course I hope you enjoy the thrills of riding it once you’ve done so..

I understand your loneliness so much and not having anyone to share your achievements with..it’s stopped me from doing anything..but please Skary Bill, don’t let it stop you, you’re in for a fun and fulfilling time...I’m pleased that you have a chuckle every now and then by thinking about it..

Well done on following your dream..

I hope I haven’t offended you by me using you to get out of my own mind tonight..if I did I’m sorry, but I needed someone to talk to, and I live alone and only have here..

Kind thoughts,


Skary Bill
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Grandy, Absolutely no offense taken. I'm delighted you know the sort of thing I'm talking about.

Definitely not the first bike project. But I've been about 8 years out of the saddle. I went out to the shed a couple of weeks ago and dusted off a couple of bikes. Both of them are very sporty and the one closest to being roadworthy is just too tall for me. So I started looking for something much more relaxed.. And I'd say I probably found it. Honestly, it may prove to be a little too underpowered for my weight.. But,I'll find out soon. 🙂

I must say, you've got me curious about the classic shovelhead. Did it ever go back together? Or is it the never ending project?

Anyway, I'd probably better hit the hay so I don't ruin tomorrow. Hoping the rest of your slumber is peaceful. Cheers,


Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Skary Bill,

It took us just over 12 months to put it together believe it or not it was dismantled in the garage, then the frame sprayed and rebuilt in our loungeroom..lnot thinking how to get it outside..we ended up having to take the springer front end off to get it out the door... it is a beautiful looking bike and ran very good, My hubby passed away 5 years ago and my eldest son now has the Harley and shows it at different times as it was restored to original condition. My son also rides it regularly to keep itvin good shape...or at least he was last time I heard from him..

We also had a few more ground up restorations..The first was a BSA 76 Lightening..then 1970s triumph Bonnaville. then a Ducati sports model I think was 1980s model...

Im certain that you will enjoy your time restoring it, I think you will be quite surprised by the amount of power that it holds...

Enjoy your trip next week picking up your new project...

Kind thoughts,