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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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BrokenHeartedMan Struggling with separation from wife.
  • replies: 5

My wife has just left me after being together for 30 years. We have been together since the age of 16, now at 46 she has decided she wants to 'live her life' and has told me that no chance of reconciliation of the marriage. We have 2 children 15 and ... View more

My wife has just left me after being together for 30 years. We have been together since the age of 16, now at 46 she has decided she wants to 'live her life' and has told me that no chance of reconciliation of the marriage. We have 2 children 15 and 17, they are currently living with me in out 'family' home and my wife has moved in with a friend of hers. I feel like my heart has been torn out and jumped on, if it was not for my kids being with me I would not be in a good place at all. I am trying so hard to be strong for my kids but I just keep breaking down. I have not eaten in 5 days, it makes me physically ill just thinking of food. I get about 2 hours sleep a night, my doctor has given me medication to try and help me sleep but it makes me a little drowsy but not sleep. I have suffered from depression for 20 years and have been on medication for it all that time. It just really hurts so much as she is the love of my life and I cannot imagine my life without her. I am not going to hurt myself or anything as I could not do that to my kids. But I am in so much pain, I am so lost, and seriously struggling. Any advice would be great. I would do anything to have our marriage fixed anything, but she is not open to it and has already told family and friends she has left me.

soot-sprite cleaning and mental health
  • replies: 3

Hi, first time poster and lost. I am in my late 20s and live at home with my mother.I suffer anxiety, depression and have been diagnosed with adhd; while my mother has her own mental health issues.We have a good bond, and I think recently it’s gettin... View more

Hi, first time poster and lost. I am in my late 20s and live at home with my mother.I suffer anxiety, depression and have been diagnosed with adhd; while my mother has her own mental health issues.We have a good bond, and I think recently it’s getting better, but we always run into the same upsetting argument. It relates to cleaning the house. It often comes up at the end of a really nice day, when my mum has drunk a little too much. She voices she is mad at me because I am not cleaning the house and that I hate our home.While I try my best to do housework, it’s not my minds main priority. When I write that or say it out loud it just sounds like I’m just saying I am lazy; but mentally it doesn’t feel like that. Often I am focused on keeping myself distracted from the thought that I am a failure and that I am a loser; it keeps me from thinking about past trauma and brewing on it. So often I focus on what little stay at home work I do via my computer or I engage in hobbies like reading. sometimes I do not even notice a chore needs to be done because I am busy avoiding reality to disassociate.I often find things much easier if I have someone point me in the right direction. So every time we fight, I try and bring about the solution and say I am happy to do any housework I am asked to do. She used to leave me notes with a list of a couple of chores and I would always get them done. But she gets even more mad at me for suggesting this and says she shouldn’t have to ask and that I should see something needs to be cleaned or that I should do it without being asked. we go around and around in circles like this until I simply bow out and go to my room. Then, the next day she doesn’t want to talk about it and the cycle begins again. these arguments make me feel like something is wrong with me because I can’t just do the chores. I also feel hopeless cause my best solution gets knocked back every time but my mum does not offer another solution. I read online that arguments about housework are never really about housework and I think for my mum it is because she wants to relax at home but can’t do that unless it’s spotless; while that level of clean does not effect me. I really want to help out, both so she can feel like she can relax and the fighting can end about it. does anyone have any ideas on how I can work through this with my mum?

emilyyy1 Boyfriend going on a camping trip with both our friends without me
  • replies: 6

So my boyfriend has just said no to me going on a camping trip in a few weeks as he wanted it to be a “boys weekend” and some time away. but it’s not actually a boys weekend there is a few girlfriends(I’m friends with) and a few single girls( I’m fri... View more

So my boyfriend has just said no to me going on a camping trip in a few weeks as he wanted it to be a “boys weekend” and some time away. but it’s not actually a boys weekend there is a few girlfriends(I’m friends with) and a few single girls( I’m friends with) going. Now I fully understand he wants too go on a boys weekend but if that’s the case and all my friends are going it’s not that fair. More the fact Because everyone I hang out with will be up there to and I’ll be at home by myself . I’ve said this to him and he said hmm and changed the subject. I really want too go and I’ve been invited up by all of people too. What do I do.

Leah_P DCp , GOM18+
  • replies: 2

I'm needing support and guidance With how to be a person after kids go into careI have been a mum since I was 17 ,I am now 34& completely lost on figuring out how I become a person , without being a parent

I'm needing support and guidance With how to be a person after kids go into careI have been a mum since I was 17 ,I am now 34& completely lost on figuring out how I become a person , without being a parent

Chickem100 Married, Jealous and confused.
  • replies: 9

Hi all, Looking for some advice. I’m a 41-year-old happily married man with a child. For the past few years, I’ve developed a wonderful friendship with a work colleague, we’ve always got along well and spend a lot of time together. I’ll admit that I’... View more

Hi all, Looking for some advice. I’m a 41-year-old happily married man with a child. For the past few years, I’ve developed a wonderful friendship with a work colleague, we’ve always got along well and spend a lot of time together. I’ll admit that I’ve always had a small crush on her but nothing too serious as I’m married and for what it’s worth, she’s single. She’s openly talked to me about her dating life and as much as we laugh about it, I always get this nervous and anxious feeling around it and I’m starting to think it could be jealously? I hate the feeling, I hate how I can’t switch it off and I despise the fact it occupies my mind and I’ll end up looking at the guy in questions profile as she always asks my advice and to check him out etc etc I have a perfectly happy home life yet this intrusion is really starting to grate at me. We’ve been such good friends for a long time now that it would break her and possibly me if I said this friendship was untenable. What really bothers me is how this has been going on for so long I and I can’t have her as a “normal” friend who’s interactions don’t require overthinking and possibly jealously over her personal life. The worst part of this is the expenditure of emotional energy which could and should be going into my family dynamic which I love so much. Any advice on this situation would be greatly appreciated. Cheers.

KJSJ92 Lost and Hurt
  • replies: 1

I'm struggling so much. I don't even know where to begin..I am a mother of two little ones 8 and 6. My eldest 8 is Autistic and ADHD. I have been quite sick the past two years - diagnosed with an aggressive giant cell tumor in my femur which resulted... View more

I'm struggling so much. I don't even know where to begin..I am a mother of two little ones 8 and 6. My eldest 8 is Autistic and ADHD. I have been quite sick the past two years - diagnosed with an aggressive giant cell tumor in my femur which resulted in a femur and tibia titanium replacement. I am now going through skin cancer which is so invasive. My health just touches the surfaces of how much I'm struggling with my life. I have a wonderful supportive partner but he is struggling to see me like this. I wake up with anxiety and so overwhelmed with my son. He has been so horrible towards me lately, it's hurting me. He has a lot of therapies and will be seeing his Pead very soon for an updated med but in the meantime I'm just lost. I have a 24 hour BP monitor on me at the moment as that has been ridiculously high. I have 0 family support and very little friends. I have had a terrible past with DV and I have moved from that. It may all contribute to my anxieties? I just am a wreck. I am seeing my Dr today to remove the BP monitor, I think it's now time to open up to her to tell her how much I am struggling with my children and health I am not entirely sure what I need at the moment, I really just want to get that off my chest and have some ideas and perspectives of others. Thank you for reading.

emdan Wife, partner and mother of my kids is an alcoholic
  • replies: 34

I thought I'd write this, to reach out, and also maybe someone else has similar issues that this might help. My wife and I are early 40's, and we have two beautiful little kids, in many ways our life is pretty damn good. Except my wife has a major al... View more

I thought I'd write this, to reach out, and also maybe someone else has similar issues that this might help. My wife and I are early 40's, and we have two beautiful little kids, in many ways our life is pretty damn good. Except my wife has a major alcohol addiction and has been struggling for years to get it under control, and we're not there yet.Alcoholism is one of the trickiest beasts I've ever come across, it's something thats accepted by Aussie society, almost jokingly in the media, yet its soul destroying for the victims... both her, me, our family, and everyone around. It's almost a true definition of 'evil'.My kids are still too young to realise what's going on with mum.. which breaks your heart that one day they will realise that things are not right.She puts the kids at risk, drinking during the day, and driving them to activities. Some days I wish she would be stopped by the booze bus.. but it hasn't happened. You wonder if she doesn't wish she be stopped as well, surely she knows its only a matter of time. If she is stopped, her "perfect" life will fall apart, she'll lose her job as well.I know she struggles with her head, the thoughts, the anxiety.. like we all do.. but she reaches for the bottle as a solution.. which is really a terrible solution.I wonder if alcoholism isn't just a kind of slow suicide... the alcoholic knows its killing them, but they keep going.I feel like a husband, a father, a provider, and also a carer for a very sick person, who doesn't realise how sick they are, doesn't appreciate the care they receive, and will keep on getting worse.The person I married was not like this, so it's a loss as well. A loss of the person I married, the family we started, the future we had planned... all too a crap bottle of cheap vodka.In the meanwhile, I'll keep turning up, keep caring, keep hoping, for the kids...

GiangT How to deal with insolent and aggressive 10 years old son
  • replies: 1

Dear Team, I am feeling depressed about my son as his attitude, words and behaviours are insolent, aggressive and rude towards me. He is 10 years old now and he wants to walk to school that's far from home about 1.2 km by his own and I'm worried abou... View more

Dear Team, I am feeling depressed about my son as his attitude, words and behaviours are insolent, aggressive and rude towards me. He is 10 years old now and he wants to walk to school that's far from home about 1.2 km by his own and I'm worried about it. He sometimes behaves well but most of the times he has been disobedient and never wants to listen to parents. He usually considers he's correct and others are wrong so he denies to listen. I don't know how to cope with this issue. Please show me the way. Thank you so much.

sentinel23 Where do I go from here?
  • replies: 17

We've been married for 20 years. Over the last year, things have deteriorated to the point where both of us have said we were leaving the relationship on several occasions. In my opinion, this was because of poor communication on my wife's part. Rath... View more

We've been married for 20 years. Over the last year, things have deteriorated to the point where both of us have said we were leaving the relationship on several occasions. In my opinion, this was because of poor communication on my wife's part. Rather than talk an issue through, she would rather avoid any conflict and just let it fester.Anyway, a couple of weeks ago things escalated again and I said I was going to leave. Once again, pulled myself back from the brink and suggested we go to counselling (again). We've both had 1 individual session each, and then a joint session. I have to say I walked out of the last session feeling that there was no hope.What really concerns me is the way that the counsellor handled the session. Basically all blame was laid at my feet. Whilst some issues that were raised were right, some weren't, and I was a bit surprised at how quick the counsellor came to their conclusions. Afterall, we're trying to distill 20 years of marriage and all the nuances that involves into 2 one hour sessions. I know I definitely didn't touch on all the issues I needed to raise. Also, I really felt on the back foot for the most of the session, to the point where for the last 30 mins I basically just shut down and let everyone else do the talking. Quite often I would start to say something and would immediately be cut off. Other times I would make a statement which would be micro analysed and I would be left with the feeling that the counsellor thought I wasn't being truthful. Overall, I was left devastated and feeling worthless. My expectation of counselling was that we both might end a session a little bit closer to resolution but I have never felt further away. I really need some advice on where to go from here.1. Find a new counsellor who makes us both feel comfortable.2. Stay with the current counsellor. Even though I don't like their style, I was told that I would need to commit to 6 sessions so I should give it a chance. Also, if this is to be successful I think both of us will need to face some hard truths about ourselves, and I don't really want to run away from that.3. Leave. That evening after the counsellor I wanted to discuss some of the issues that were raised. My wife didn't want to do this. I don't know if I can be married to someone where communicating our concerns is so hard. If the only time we can talk about our problems is through a counsellor then I'm out.

MummaOf4 Gaslighting my marriage
  • replies: 8

I'm gaslighting my marriage. I'm making the same stupid mistakes and I think it's over this time. I betrayed my husband. Over the past year I've felt like my husband had lost love for me, he never used to do all the nice things for me any more, the l... View more

I'm gaslighting my marriage. I'm making the same stupid mistakes and I think it's over this time. I betrayed my husband. Over the past year I've felt like my husband had lost love for me, he never used to do all the nice things for me any more, the little things that matter. I had felt like I needed it elsewhere(dating site) I'd just love the attention that I had wished my husband would give me. We argue a lot. Mostly about money, having no car to go on family trips, and of course he would go through my phone and see my disgusting flirting. I want to change, I want to be a better wife that he deserves, I genuinely love him. We have been through a lot together. I don't want this to end. I suggested marriage counselling but he refuses. We have a son together that is a daddy's boy. It will break my heart if he leaves. I won't know what to do, we have an argument and he just packs up and goes to leave and it upsets our son thinking daddy is leaving. I don't want to put my son in a broken home. He doesn't deserve that. I just don't know what to do. I'm killing my marriage.