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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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PepTalk9 Losing friendship
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I have been friends with Michael for about 13 years, been friends through university and onto our lives after. He has always been a good friend but has always talked about others behind their back even people he would consider friends and has... View more

Hi all, I have been friends with Michael for about 13 years, been friends through university and onto our lives after. He has always been a good friend but has always talked about others behind their back even people he would consider friends and has at times did not respect my opinion or me. I have known his family for roughly the same time, his parents and his sister have not been the closest. The issue arises as i have been invited to his sister wedding but after she asked Michael if i should come and not because she wanted me there, i felt pressured to say yes, she asked me in person. I have always had severe anxiety and depression and it has taken me alot of time and effort to get my life together, like getting a job, getting into a relationship etc and every step of the way Michael and to some extent his sister (i dont see her often) have made remarks like "i cant believe you have a girlfriend" or "a job" but have said it repeatedly to the point of making it sound like mocking and not genuine excitement, i have asked them to stop but its obvious the lack of respect is there.My family have gotten involved and have advised that if i go to the wedding they will lose respect for me and if i dont i will lose a social circle. I do have to note the wedding is in a week.I do want to note that after an incident that happened early this year i have been distancing myself from Michael but not to the point of cutting them out of my life all together due to my anxiety and depression i have not made any friends and the friends i did make were through Michael. I guess the crux is my anxiety is going crazy on the idea of starting new in my 30's after ending a friendship of more than 10 yearsI normally see my psychologist for these issues but given the time frames now, ill see her in a month I hope this has made sense

Liya_85 Relationship
  • replies: 3

I was seeing a guy last year in October. He is going through a divorce and has a child.And he is going through a lot mentally and he is getting help. I accepted him whole heartedly and continued seeing him.Because of my poor actions one night I lost ... View more

I was seeing a guy last year in October. He is going through a divorce and has a child.And he is going through a lot mentally and he is getting help. I accepted him whole heartedly and continued seeing him.Because of my poor actions one night I lost his faith in me. I admitted that it was my fault and I will learn to handle situations differently and more with calm mind. Learning his ways and how to be with him I gave him his space, respected his boundaries and decisions and chose to wait for him. with his mental condition and trauma now he says he is having issues to accept relationships and commitment and now he doesn’t want me around at all. to add more why he is pushing me away, he says we are two different people, we have different goals in life and I have trust issues. I cleared things and corrected him saying I do not have trust issues. I believe when two people are together they do have the right to ask certain questions. I’m lost and heartbroken. I know we have so much love, care and respect for each other and my heart won’t let him go. I’ve tried to make him understand that we don’t need to be in a relationship right now and asked him not to push me away. I don’t know what else to do. All I can do is pray for him and us.

Guest_4482 Out of the blue
  • replies: 2

My husband and I just had a massive argument. It caught me by surprise as I thought we were rock solid. The crux of the argument was he feels like he can't make me happy. I'm always angry and sad and he says he must be the cause of my misery because ... View more

My husband and I just had a massive argument. It caught me by surprise as I thought we were rock solid. The crux of the argument was he feels like he can't make me happy. I'm always angry and sad and he says he must be the cause of my misery because he doesn't make me happy? I actually adore him. He's so unique and special and I'm so grateful for him. I tell him this. A lot. I'm not a material person, this is my second marriage and what matters most to me is love not money or possessions. He says I'm always stressed and miserable so I must think he is the cause. I don't think that. I've told him that. We both lead very busy lives and live modestly. I'm just tired, stressed about life and exhausted. He's always been the one thing I was sure of. Now I'm wondering if he doesn't want to be with me. Earlier in the argument he basically said sell the house and was ready to leave. By the end of the conversation he said he loved me. We have been together 10 years, 3 children. I'm hurt by some words he used. I felt he really meant them then backpedalled. I know I can be miserable and grouchy. I own that. This argument has really hurtful though. He has a lot going on with his family, and his job. Which would have amped his emotions but he said basically he wanted to end it all , us and his life because I make him miserable. I actually thought I was a supportive and caring wife. I genuinely didn't see this coming. I don't know what to do. I love this man. I appreciate him and I see his trauma and current issues out of his control. I want to be there for him. Why does he feel like I don't just because I'm struggling with my own issues day to day? Unrelated to him- which I've communicated to him. Help- any advice. I welcome all ideas and constructive criticism. Thankyou

Vhnice06 Recovering from narcissist abuse
  • replies: 12

Hi beautiful people I’m finally here after 4,5 years realising on how bad is becoming my mental health situation and every aspect of my life on dealing with the verbal and physical abuse from my ex partner . It’s been an on and off relationship that ... View more

Hi beautiful people I’m finally here after 4,5 years realising on how bad is becoming my mental health situation and every aspect of my life on dealing with the verbal and physical abuse from my ex partner . It’s been an on and off relationship that traps me on every situation . I’m here by myself without nobody I can talk or express my feelings , just trying to reach out for people that understand what I have been going through without judging me because of how “ weak “ I have been . I just really want to have a group support that allows me encourage myself every time I’m feeling “ like I need him back “ . Thank you so much

cheesy24 growing up with abusive father.
  • replies: 1

I was born in Africa and i didn't know my father until i was 6 years old. My upbringing back home was great, it was full of love and fun. After coming to here I quickly understood that the person my mother use to tell me about was not him. When I was... View more

I was born in Africa and i didn't know my father until i was 6 years old. My upbringing back home was great, it was full of love and fun. After coming to here I quickly understood that the person my mother use to tell me about was not him. When I was around 8 years old is when the abuse really started to take off, not on just me but it trickled down to my mother as well. He would get drunk often and see us like burdens on him and verbally and physically abuse us (me mainly). I became the outlet for his anger and frustrations in life and would get blamed for things I had no part in. Imagine your father gets into an accident at work then comes home and whips you and slaps you because he was thinking about you. every time he'd come home, i would be fearful thinking about what's going to happen today ect. The abuse started to get worse when i was obviously struggling in school because i knew no english at all when i came here and the english i knew were just swear words i found funny from movies ( i didn't know what they meant). I would get parent/teacher interviews in primary school and would get home and start getting belted with the metal end of the belt while being called all these names, being told i was stupid and that I was lazy. It went like this for a long time and when i got to high school I got absolutely no support from them, I would get sent to school with no food not lunch money while my little siblings did. In my mind it made me feel like nobody cared about me and everything that i had been told about myself was true. this really hurt me to my core and i started to believe all of these things. The abuse really had very bad effects on me because whenever there is a conflict I am involved in, I will turn into that little boy that was terrified of his father and not stand up for myself. When i was about 18 i got fed up with everything and I left the house and this is when i started experimenting with drugs and alcohol. I won't blame that on him but he had a big part to play in it. I had a conversation with him recently about all the things that he use to do to me and said I have already forgiven you so i don't really care but his response was "I am not sorry for anything I did in the past to you, look now you are big and strong". when those words left his lips it took every ounce of strength in my body to not take his head off, all those years of abuse and neglect were about to be unleashed on him but somehow I stayed cool and told him the reason I am big and strong now is so nobody can do what you did to me when i was a little boy. He followed up by saying he could still hurt me and I told him if he ever put his hands on any of my little siblings or mother like he did me, I would go to jail for 20 years and your children would be raised without a father. I probable shouldn't have said that but i was very emotional at the time and it came out. He was drinking while i had this conversation with him but i think the best thing for me to do is completely cut him off from all aspects of my life. I don't even want to look at him because it makes me sick inside.

Rosie-65 Feeling guilty
  • replies: 1

I feel bad because I love my daughter but I want her out of my house! She came to stay for approx six months but 2 years later is still here and doesn't do much to help me and I'm starting to feel dragged down emotionally and financially - any sugges... View more

I feel bad because I love my daughter but I want her out of my house! She came to stay for approx six months but 2 years later is still here and doesn't do much to help me and I'm starting to feel dragged down emotionally and financially - any suggestions?

snowflake_1903 Is this normal?
  • replies: 2

Is it just my family, that when i do something wrong, my mum is always name shaming, always going off about how incompetent i am. She gets agressive, throwing things around, slamming doors, and disregarding my personal items. And sometimes my dad, wh... View more

Is it just my family, that when i do something wrong, my mum is always name shaming, always going off about how incompetent i am. She gets agressive, throwing things around, slamming doors, and disregarding my personal items. And sometimes my dad, when he gets angry with something i've done, he doesn't hold back and yells.I work with him, and i once handed a customer too much change, and he yelled about how dumb i was and how he was going to go buy me a calculator, infront of our collegues and customers. I felt so little, unimportant and unnecessary.I can't dress a certain way. Yet my mum always says if i had your body, the things i would wear. So why aren't you letting me express myself and my 'beautiful body' the way i want to?Why do i have to hide. I feel as though i am incapable of finding myself because i don't have the freedom. Yes i am allowed to buy whatever i want, i work and earn my own money. But i still get questioned. I'm allowed to go out with friends, go to concerts, i have freedom in my social life, if that makes sense. But i don't have freedom to be myself, because then i'm being weird.I wear my airpods in the car and listen to my own music, because if i play it in the car, my mum says something about how weird it is, or how she doesn't know any and she wants me to change it. And when i put my airpods in, im being disrespectful. Sometimes it comes to the point where if i just left, and wasn't around anymore, how much calmer things would be. How much happier and relaxed the people around me would be. But then the only thing really keeping my weighed down is my cat. The one little thing that i have left. The one living thing that doesn't hurt me. I always think, if i left, what would they do to her, or what would happen to her. So i stay. For her sake.Whenever i say someting, or something happens in their day to day lives, i prepare myself mentally. Because i know whatever they're feeling, they're going to take out on me. And if they've had a bad day, and I do or say soemthing that pushed them off the edge without realising, will make me a shitting, selfish, disrespectful person. I feel like this is more of a rant, so sorry about that. I don't feel safe in a way, to talk to my friends about this. Because i'm the counsellor for them. No one is the counsellor for me. And i feel alone and can't wait till i move far away, and don't have to worry about who's going to hurt me next.

Marie2447 Single tired lonely mum
  • replies: 2

Hi I’m a 29 yr old single mum of 3 young children. I became a single mum almost 2 years ago when I left an 11 year relationship with my children’s father. His completely absent and so is his family. I have very little and almost no support with my ow... View more

Hi I’m a 29 yr old single mum of 3 young children. I became a single mum almost 2 years ago when I left an 11 year relationship with my children’s father. His completely absent and so is his family. I have very little and almost no support with my own family who can be very toxic. My friends are very supportive and have been apart of my healing journey. I’m currently going through a phase of feeling very alone and like I don’t know what I’m doing. My friends are all getting engaged and some are even rekindling things with their exes which will never be an option for me and I’m still very much traumatised from the emotional abuse he put me through. My friends never make me feel like I’m not included because they have their partners there but I can’t help but feel like I don’t belong anymore which is sad because these friends of mine have always been there. I’ve struggled and been diagnosed in the past with depression and anxiety and I feel very lost at the moment, I just wish I had some single mum friends who I can talk to about what I’m going through and who at least gets it.

LostAquarius My response to others anger
  • replies: 7

Way too much of a back story to include here but…I’m wondering if my reaction to other people’s anger is “normal”/“healthy”…. I have 2 different reactions to the 2 most important people in my life right now so it’s confusing. In my previous relations... View more

Way too much of a back story to include here but…I’m wondering if my reaction to other people’s anger is “normal”/“healthy”…. I have 2 different reactions to the 2 most important people in my life right now so it’s confusing. In my previous relationship (which ended over 3 years ago [were married 8 years]) my husband was a very “grumpy” person generally. He had many prominent narcissistic traits and he would tell at me and be angry at me when even when I was crying. He hated me crying. I would get very scared when he got angry and I would shake and be very nervous.Anyway, fast forward a few years and I have been in a new relationship for a year. I promised myself I would never let anyone’s unjust anger get to me again. So my new partner also has a tendency to get angry about little things. Very easily frustrated and will swear and carry on about things that go wrong. Anyway, with this relationship I stand my ground, if he says something unkind or unnecessary to me I say “I will not be spoken to like that”, I do not cry and I display an upbeat cheery disposition to show that no one can get me down. If I do feel the need to cry I do it in private. Refuse to let others see me cry. so that’s one reaction. My other reaction occurs when my daughter is verbally attacking me. She’s 13. I get “told off” for a lot of this I do wrong. If I don’t pack her lunch. If I do pack her lunch. If I forget to put her laptop on charge etc etc. I’ve been called stupid and a crap mum and all the horrible things and she yells at me when I try to help her do anything. Pushed me over the other day, I can’t even remember what I did wrong apparently, I think she was just in a rage…. Anyway. With her I try to keep my upbeat attitude. I don’t let her see me cry but when she goes off I hide and I just burst into tears. Her words hurt me so much more than anyone else’s. I also feel quite scared of her because she can get very violent towards me. Spits at me. Shoves me. I’m scared of making her angry so I am often “on edge” around her. I try SO hard everyday to be happy and bright and helpful and loving and do everything for everyone. I make sure they both have what they need and at any moment when I am summoned I am there ready for my orders, with a smile on my face. I genuinely love attending to my family but I do feel like I get taken advantage of sometimes. My kindness is my weakness. Would be interested to hear some other peoples opinions. Hope everyone is ok.

Beanie123 Breakup of 5 months with severe depressive
  • replies: 7

Hi all I have been struggling to deal with a breakup of 5 months with a guy who I was dating. We definitely have both been through trauma and have already started a bit of a toxic back and forth. About a month ago I offered friendship as a solution t... View more

Hi all I have been struggling to deal with a breakup of 5 months with a guy who I was dating. We definitely have both been through trauma and have already started a bit of a toxic back and forth. About a month ago I offered friendship as a solution to our trust problems. For context we live long distance but have discussed moving in with each other at some point if everything went well. He was always very clear in saying he struggled badly with relationships ending so he had to be certain this was something he wanted. I found this off the bat really hard as it kind of put the onus on me to "prove" to him that I was worth it. We seemed to get along very well as friends maybe because we both had relaxed off the idea of a relationship. The distance also helped as we weren't scared of bumping into each other but we spoke everyday morning to evening. This is when he confided he had become very depressed and felt very lonely to the point he was pushing away and loosing friends. I felt safe enough to offer to go see him one weekend and spend some platonic time and keep him company as he lives alone and I was becoming concerned he would get worse. Obviously we care about each other deeply (or so I though). Everything was fine until the morning of me going to see him- he called me on the way there and basically told me not to come because he was having an anxiety attack. I felt VERY triggered by this as it was something we were both looking forward too and felt like he may have been making an excuse to not see me. After some back and forth he began saying that he wanted a relationship where people don't fight and maybe he needed to keep looking for someone like that. I said if thats what he wanted he could go have it I wasn't going to stop him. He also said things like, he wasn't convinced a relationship was right for him, that he was happier alone, that he needed to be 100% sure etc. He also said he didn't think he was running out of time to find love and kept asking why I would even want him when I have so many other options and If i was with him out of desperation and there was no one else. For context we are both in our 40's never married and no children. I did end up going to his place once he calmed down but he had a manic episode and basically ended the relationship and I left silently and blocked him. I have no idea how to help/ deal with this and how to support someone struggling like that. I also have bad anxiety and feel guilty that i left him like that