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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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LF1986 Post covid world and relationships
  • replies: 4

It’s apparent to me now but I was never one to make friends easily. Nor it seems to hold on to them forever. I think covid has made peoples friendship circles smaller. I used to see people when I could but always felt I was initiating then covid hit ... View more

It’s apparent to me now but I was never one to make friends easily. Nor it seems to hold on to them forever. I think covid has made peoples friendship circles smaller. I used to see people when I could but always felt I was initiating then covid hit and it changed even more. I don’t hear from anyone ever. Tried a few times but it feels one sided as though I haven’t made the inner circle of my ‘friends’ has anyone else experienced this? As an example friend bought a house, one moved state, one is pregnant, one has had ivf on her own and no clue other than generic social media updates. I did get upset I didn’t know and was met with comments or just say congratulations. curious if anyone else is experiencing this in their lives?

Adrienne1712 No Confidence with People and Very Alone
  • replies: 2

Hello to members of this forum, Firstly, I am sorry to hear of your problems, but reading your problems has made me feel like I am not the only anti-social weirdo in the world. And no, that is a name for me, not for any of you. I just meant that othe... View more

Hello to members of this forum, Firstly, I am sorry to hear of your problems, but reading your problems has made me feel like I am not the only anti-social weirdo in the world. And no, that is a name for me, not for any of you. I just meant that other people are experiencing lots of problems too, and the really hard problems seem to always involve other people. There is a lot of very good advice on this site, but mostly it involves going out and meeting other people. I am not at all good with people and usually avoid them where possible. This has been quite possible for me for a long time as my husband and I have been very close, and share most interests. This has now changed over the last six months with him joining a club and participating and socialising with these people every week. It then turned into twice a week and I said that I felt I have been left behind and have no life. I then started going out alone for little outings and he became envious of my outings, and then dropped his second social event each week. But now things have returned with a vengeance. He has told me that he wants to meet more people and become more socially active with others. He has also suggested that I should go out and meet people, which would give me someone to talk to. Maybe I am being a little pessimistic here, but it looks like our life together is about to change, and he wants a new life elsewhere. This has led me to being frightened and feeling very alone. I understand that going out and meeting people would be helpful but it is not an area that I have any confidence in, or any recent experience with (and when I say recent I mean for the last ten years). I would very much appreciate any suggestions as to how I might get started on this problem .. baby steps please.

AdeleO Smacking and hating life
  • replies: 4

I don't know what to do anymore. My partner suffers from mental health issues (his father took his life plus 2 other relatives so it's big in his family). He's suffered from anxiety and depression for as long as I've known him.He's on medication but ... View more

I don't know what to do anymore. My partner suffers from mental health issues (his father took his life plus 2 other relatives so it's big in his family). He's suffered from anxiety and depression for as long as I've known him.He's on medication but doesn't think therapy is of any help.He goes into slumps every so often, days in bed and I just have to deal with it as much as it drives me crazy.But we have 2 young kids and he's really not coping with the demands of that and life in general.Our 5 yr old son sends us insane at times and the smaking from my partner is now becoming a daily occurrence, as much as he tries to be a good dad he just can't handle our son.I'm constantly on alert defending my son for his behaviour and coming to his defence to avoid a smack and it's exhausting.He has no family or friends in Australia and knows he has nothing without us but he still won't make any effort to do something. If he won't go to therapy and lets his meds run out, what do I do?And how do I stop the smaking?? The constant negativity from him and lack of joy is draining me. I can't parent him and shouldn't have to but want to help him for all our sakes...

Jenif Long term estrangement from parents
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone. First time posting on anything like this. I’m wondering if anyone out there may have similar feelings to me. I am the daughter of two parents living with personality disorders and from a very early age fell into the rescuer role to help ... View more

Hi everyone. First time posting on anything like this. I’m wondering if anyone out there may have similar feelings to me. I am the daughter of two parents living with personality disorders and from a very early age fell into the rescuer role to help them deal with their mental health. My parents have a toxic codependent relationship yet often confide secrets to me that they don’t share with each other, which has put me in many difficult situations over the years. I’m now an adult and have realised that I am unable to continue being in this role and allowing my parents to treat me as a counsellor and then discard me when Im not needed anymore. We’ve have countless family breakdowns and have gone over a year at a time without speaking but this time, following an argument where my trust was severely betrayed, I’ve come to the conclusion that our relationship is no longer able to survive. I’ve tried countless times to fix the relationship but it’s not possible, which took me a long time to accept. I feel that a lot of people out there who haven’t experienced this deep pain and rejection from their own parents find it difficult to relate to my experience and compare it to their feelings of grief during a breakup with a romantic partner, which is totally different and a little accidentally invalidating. It’s just a totally different kind of pain because your parents are supposed to show unconditional care forever. The hurt caused my parental rejection is so deep, particularly after a lifetime of trying to help them navigate their martial issues as well as mental health. I’m wondering if anyone out there who has been estranged from their parents for more than 1-2 years could share with me how they have sat with their emotions over the years and how they have changed? Does it get easier? Do you start to forget the pain? How do you deal with people when they ask about your family? I would love to hear from those who understand that relationships cannot always be fixed and have lived with parental estrangement long term. Thanks so much in advance

Ijustneedhelp Am I the Bad Guy?
  • replies: 9

I hate my wife's real mother...if you could even call her that. My wife doesn't like her either but for some reason I fail to understand she still sees her. Whatever. That's not the issue here. My issue is wife is now pregnant. When wife sees said "m... View more

I hate my wife's real mother...if you could even call her that. My wife doesn't like her either but for some reason I fail to understand she still sees her. Whatever. That's not the issue here. My issue is wife is now pregnant. When wife sees said "mother" the mother smokes around my pregnant wife. My wife immediately walks away when this happens. However I get extremely annoyed at this fact that the mother does this in the first place. Told my wife and she says I need to trust her to walk away and that I need to drop it basically. Am I the bad guy here?

TiFerret Clueless for love
  • replies: 8

I've been married for 25+ years & for the last 10 years have found, I'm not in love with my wife. We have evolved to be very different people. I love her as the mother of my children & as my partner, but not as a lover. We have lived apart & to the b... View more

I've been married for 25+ years & for the last 10 years have found, I'm not in love with my wife. We have evolved to be very different people. I love her as the mother of my children & as my partner, but not as a lover. We have lived apart & to the best of knowledge have been abstinent for 10 years. I've considered broaching the subject of separation - but every time something woeful happens, time & time gain - she is diagnosed with lung, breast, lymphoma cancer etc. A decade of support willing provided - but never was an "appropriate" time to discuss us & what is wanting in our relationship. When I tried , the incriminations flew & I backed off for the children's sake. Thankfully she is better now. I've been lonely for a long time - no matter the circumstance I deserve companionship. Which presents a dilemma - I've met a woman who get's me, we have so much in common - we are almost the same person. We like the same music, food, entertainment - we agree/disagree on politics & enjoy the same authors - we battle the same issues with out teenage children & enjoy each others company. Laughs abound (: We are friends ..but I feel both of us wish for more. I'm seriously torn - I know If I pursue this path I'll fall in love again but in doing so will betray a love lost. So - I'm clueless for love.

Need_Answers Constant cheating
  • replies: 11

Any advice would be great. 6 years ago, I discovered my husband had joined Ashley a dating site for married people. He promised to not do it again. A few days ago, I found an email confirmation on a booked session with a paid sex worker. I went numb.... View more

Any advice would be great. 6 years ago, I discovered my husband had joined Ashley a dating site for married people. He promised to not do it again. A few days ago, I found an email confirmation on a booked session with a paid sex worker. I went numb. Not only did he pay $500 for an hour session, it was booked the day after our wedding anniversary where he didn't even buy me a gift, flowers, card, nothing.....I then went through his phone (which I know is a no no) and found the workers number in his contacts. In addition, I found a profile set up in a trans site. I'm so confused......I confronted him about the worker and he says he doesn't want to be married, he feels trapped, feels like he doesn't belong anywhere. We have a disabled son, and he said that he feels he has to stay as he won't abandon his son. He said he loves me but doesn't like the routine and boring life of marriage. It's been 4 days and we haven't spoken about it since. I need to know what's going to happen. I need to know what his sexual preference is? I want to give it a few more days but need to open the dialogue. I can't remain married with someone who wants to be able to have "extras" on the side. I believe I deserve better and I personally want more in a partner and relationship. He displayed alot of remorse and is being extra attentive since my confronting him, but I need more questions answered. Obviously, he'll do it again, because he has - when he promised he wouldn't. I love him too much to hold him into something he feels trapped in, but don't know how to push him to be honest about what he wants. He says he can't imagine his life without me in it and the safety of our home, but surely, he can't expect me to just put my head in the sand? Any help, guidance or advice from anyone who has been in the same or similar position would be truly grateful.

Hopeless_ Feeling lost.
  • replies: 3

Hello,I'm not sure where to start, but here goes. About a week ago, my three year relationship ended. It wasn't unexpected, as at the time, we were having some troubles but not to the extent I thought we were. We didn't leave it on the best of terms ... View more

Hello,I'm not sure where to start, but here goes. About a week ago, my three year relationship ended. It wasn't unexpected, as at the time, we were having some troubles but not to the extent I thought we were. We didn't leave it on the best of terms and it was already hard enough dealing with the end of it. A couple of days later he admitted to me that the real reason why he wanted out was because he was still in love with his Ex Partner and it tore me apart. It was hard to hear and it is really still hard to deal with. I can't wrap my head around any of it. I can't understand how this happened and how I got to this point. He refuses to talk to me and answer any questions I may have and he is treating me like this was all my fault, I feel like I'm being punished for it all. But at the same time, he tells me he still loves me and still wants a future with me but its unfair for us to be in a relationship together why he feels this way, which I understand. I'm just at a point where I feel hopeless and lost. I feel worthless and afraid. I'm furious and frustrated and I'm going through the motions as the days go by. I'm not sleeping, not eating and it's really making me feel disconnected from everything in my life, including my kids. I have generalized anxiety, so having to deal with all of this, is not really helping. I thought that maybe venting and getting things off my chest might help but as I write this, I don't feel any different. I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for here but maybe someone can offer some advice as to how they've dealt with something similar.

laurn Family therapy intensives
  • replies: 1

Hi ,I have a child with ASD level 2 a child with possibly adhd and add and I have depression and anxiety and we are having a hard time agreeing on parenting I. Situation due to the behavioural challenges we have with the kids and I would really like ... View more

Hi ,I have a child with ASD level 2 a child with possibly adhd and add and I have depression and anxiety and we are having a hard time agreeing on parenting I. Situation due to the behavioural challenges we have with the kids and I would really like to do family therapy and I was wondering if anyone knows if there is still inpatient residential intensive family program where you go stay and do therapy .I did it when I was a kid with my family for 2 weeks and think it could be beneficial for myself ,my kids and my husband .

ZESTY Family issue -divorced and remarried.
  • replies: 1

I immigrated with my ex about 18 years ago to Australia. I've been married to my ex-husband for almost 20 years when we got divorced. He remarried and so did I. I have now been married to my husband for 10 years. My parents live overseas. Recently my... View more

I immigrated with my ex about 18 years ago to Australia. I've been married to my ex-husband for almost 20 years when we got divorced. He remarried and so did I. I have now been married to my husband for 10 years. My parents live overseas. Recently my mum fell really ill and me and my daughter went back to support her and be near her. We had to nurse my mother back after a severe sickbed. She almost didnt pull through. She wasn't capable to do anything for herself and I did it all. Washing, cooking for them and caring in all possible ways. (Under healthy and normal circumstances they run a busy medical and aestetical practice). She is still not 100% and struggle to regain her former energy and health. Problem: My ex husband now decided to take a trip overseas for holidays at the end of the year going to different destinations but in it, also take his wife with to go and visit my mum in our home country. My daughter (26) will also join them on this trip. My mum is a perfectionist and now apparently offered for them to stay with her and my stepdad. My first problem is that as visitors they will be treated as guests. They would not realise the impact and exhaustion this will have on her physically and mentally. They will increase the pressure and workload on my mother as she will do anything to make their stay pleasant. This poses an intense risk on her health, as she suffered from a total kidney failure only 3 months ago. She had a miracle turnaround after almost having septicaemia. I am worried sick about this but don't know how to approach this with any of them. The second issue is a personal one, as I feel it will be extremely disrespectful to me and my husband, as this is my ex and his wife. I don't mind him having contact with my parents, neither him going to the same city to bring them a visit. However, I feel it very inappropriate for them to stay with my parents. How do I handle this situation without creating any ripples on the water?