Sons invasion of privacy by his father

[JayCee28]

Hi all,

Long story but I’ll try get it relevant to date 

Ex H alcoholic and abusive to me.

coercive/ emotional abuse to son

Currently no access to teen child ( his father) aside from supervised visits in contact centre, no visits to date.

son does not want to see his father at all.

Son is slowly expressing things he didn’t like while being “taken care of” by his father while I worked late shifts.

child is saying he gets predatory feelings from his dad.

This has all come about this morning I really am beginning to worry child’s father has been more than inappropriate with son while I wasn’t at home.

Child has expressed he is uncomfortable telling the contact centre why he doesn’t want to see his dad.

I have offered child that we can write down his feelings tonight and he can hand it to the support person at the contact centre and maybe they can discuss it and child’s feelings.

My gut says there’s more to the child/ father relationship that was has come out, but I don’t want to push child for answers.

I guess I’m after advice

Thankyou

[indigo22]

Hi JayCee28,

That must have come as a bit of a shock to you and I can understand why you are feeling unsure about what actually occurred.

The fact that he has started to open up to you means that he trusts you, so let it happen at his pace, don't rush it. Writing it down is a good idea as he may feel more able to talk about things that way but be sure he is in agreement about showing it to anyone until he feels he is comfortable doing so.

I think the best advice I can give you is to put yourself in his shoes for a while, it will help you imagine how difficult this is for him to talk about, whatever it is that is making him uncomfortable. Just be there and be patient, he will tell you more when he is ready.

I hope that helps a bit, feel free to continue the conversation if you wish.

Take care,

indigo

[JayCee28]

It is a bit of a shock, he’s been slowly leading to it with other comments, I am being careful to point out no matter who it is, my son has the right to protect his privacy.

I’m 100% there for him, I’m very lucky even as a teenager he still will open up to me, in his time and when he wants to…

All just a mother’s love and support from me.

Hes a fabulous kid 

[indigo22]

It sounds like you've got this, I can imagine you want to know it all now but it may not happen like that. I hope he has not been too traumatised by whatever has happened.

He does sound like a fabulous kid, it's fairly rare for teens to open up to parents so kudos to you for making him feel comfortable enough to confide in you.

We will be here if you need support along the way.

Take care of yourself and your son,

indigo