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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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loyal Please Help! I told my best friend her husband was cheating
  • replies: 3

I told my best friend that her husband had cheated on her (erotic massage parlours/escorts). Her husband denied it and blames me now for making things worse for them. He wants nothing to do with me and has told me to never speak to his wife again. Th... View more

I told my best friend that her husband had cheated on her (erotic massage parlours/escorts). Her husband denied it and blames me now for making things worse for them. He wants nothing to do with me and has told me to never speak to his wife again. They were having problems to begin with and he was blaming her. It was hurting me so much having to keep this from her...I spoke to him first and gave him the chance to confess and he denied it...he spoke about their problems and said they were all her fault. I was so angry that I told her the truth. Yes i have now compromised a friendship between my husband and his best friend and now I am to blame! My husband supports me, however, he also knows the truth and told me I should not have interfered. I am not regretful for what I did, my friends husband has made it quite clear in text that I am at fault now. How do I move on from this....

Guest_01884801 Husband addicted to porn - need advice
  • replies: 2

I recently found out that my husband is addicted to porn. I am so upset. I have been crying and feeling depressed and now insecure about my body. I have spoken to him about the porn. He said he will stop but I don't believe him at all. I also don't w... View more

I recently found out that my husband is addicted to porn. I am so upset. I have been crying and feeling depressed and now insecure about my body. I have spoken to him about the porn. He said he will stop but I don't believe him at all. I also don't want to control him and now just want to divorce him. He is trying hard to keep us together but I don't believe he will ever stop and I don't want that kind of relationship. I don't know what to do. I really don't think counselling will work either for us because I don't believe he sees it as a problem and will really stop.

Von is lost Single and lonely
  • replies: 6

Recently I’ve been feeling very upset about how long I’ve been single, and the fact that I turn 27 next month and have only ever had one boyfriend that didn’t last very long and a long string of failed attempts at dating (almost all of them involved ... View more

Recently I’ve been feeling very upset about how long I’ve been single, and the fact that I turn 27 next month and have only ever had one boyfriend that didn’t last very long and a long string of failed attempts at dating (almost all of them involved me being rejected). I have a good friend who is 20 and she’s been with her boyfriend for a while now and I’m very envious of their relationship. She posted some photos of them from a camping trip they went on recently and found myself crying about how I wish I had someone to do things with. I’m just so frustrated that I can’t find a relationship like theirs and I don’t know what else to try. It’s hard to stay positive about it all.

Balvason2 I want to matter
  • replies: 1

This is prob a stupid thing to write, but I wish that I mattered. My wife works part time at a retail store and I spend hours listening to her work and the struggles she has. I work from home mostly so, I collect our son from the bus, get him ready f... View more

This is prob a stupid thing to write, but I wish that I mattered. My wife works part time at a retail store and I spend hours listening to her work and the struggles she has. I work from home mostly so, I collect our son from the bus, get him ready for school do the homework and work a full day from home. But no matter what I've achieved during the day, there is always a comment about an improvement or something i could do better. She doesn't kiss me now, She doesn't even let me finish my sentences. The only time she does what i suggest is because she's grumpy and wants to be able to yell at me later and blame being hungry. I'm tired of feeling defensive every time we talk. I don't want to be angry, I don't want her to be angry with me. I read the sticky post and have taken a breath. I just feel undervalued. But if i say that apparently I'm calling her horrible. Obviously, you are only getting my side of the story, and I'm sure there might be things that I'm doing that legitimately annoys her, but we can never get to it because we are always defensive of the other... sorry I know its a blurt.

ElleCee Broken and hurt - my husband has cheated on me for the second time in a sordid and hurtful way
  • replies: 3

My husband and I have been married 30 years and it has been a good marriage for the most part. I married my best friend and still today he is my person. We’ve had some bad times but I thought we had the same relationship goals. in 2009 during a parti... View more

My husband and I have been married 30 years and it has been a good marriage for the most part. I married my best friend and still today he is my person. We’ve had some bad times but I thought we had the same relationship goals. in 2009 during a particularly sexy and fun time for us he disclosed he had been having an affair with a coworker for over 4 years. He wanted to end but didn’t know how to stay away from her. When he did end it she got viscous and made false allegations to the police - causing me to be investigated- twice. But she didn’t get the outcome she wanted. He stayed with me but not without a lot of work with counselling talking and being honest with our needs. It was a totally confronting when I found out they had been having unprotected sex and he transmitted genital herpes to me - condition I now have to monitor forever. But we got through and entered a lovely stage of our joined lives raising our three kids, travelling and enjoying financial security. When the last of our kids left home I thought it would be like a honeymoon but it is not the case. He is partially retired while I still work full time due to the differences in our ages. He is silent withdrawn and not “present” at hen I get home. He has a lot of personal freedom to spend time on his hobbies and sports but on the weekends he doesn’t make any plans which include me. for the last 2 years I have tried so many times to get his attention. I have had Botox in case he thought I was getting too old, I have taken medication in case he thought I was putting on menopausal weight, I have purchased new bras and knickers but he still did want to have sex with me. In 2 years we have had sex 3 times. I thought he might be struggling with ED. I found out 3 weeks ago he has been going to a massage parlour since the end of Covid. He has been going on average 2 times a month, sometimes more, sometimes twice a week. He has been with over 60 women paying them to do sexual acts with some of these women younger than our daughter. The length of time he has been going, the money he has spent, the criminality of these acts and the disgusting betrayal of my trust is eating away at me. I can’t work, sleep, eat. All the time I was trying my hardest to get him to want me. I don’t know what to do. We have just sold our house and it is supposed to be a brand new chapter in a brand new place with a brand new us!!! I am broken hurt betrayed and I can’t stop the images of him and those many many other women

Scared The game of love
  • replies: 24

I dont want to offer anybody advice on dating rather than my own thoughts and beliefs to a question put to me on why should this particular person make some changes to appearance and attitude for the relationships they want.When I offered some advice... View more

I dont want to offer anybody advice on dating rather than my own thoughts and beliefs to a question put to me on why should this particular person make some changes to appearance and attitude for the relationships they want.When I offered some advice I was answered back by " why should I make any changes and why cant someone take me as I am "This is a valid point and I agree fully.If this was about wrong or right then I agree wholeheartedly.But unfortuneatly the laws of attraction are not based on wrong or right but based upon whats working or not working for you. You can go on all day about your good enough so why is this person still not been able to find someone to share their life with.I mean he has already told me he is good enough has the confidence to not need to change anything so then if he is so right then why cant he find some one. Why I have a analogy to share about wrong or right and it maybe too cryptic but I do my best as I never had problems attracting the opp sex.It goes like thisI loved fishing when I was growing up. At a certain time of year after rain these big fish would come out briefly at daybreak for 20 mins only.The problem with these fish they would only eat a certain fillet of fish and it had to be fresh.So i had to go to the pier the night before to catch these small fish and keep the fillets fresh in fridge.I tried all the other convenient frozen baits but no it had to be freshly caught fish if you had a chance to catch these monsters. The law of attraction for these fish was effort.I could argue all day with these fish how my frozen prawn is good enough and how much easier it would be for me to be reasonable but no they wernt buying that cop out.I could argue they are wrong not taking bait and how right i am giving them good enough fish bait.So I learnt its not about wrong or right its about " what works"So to my friend I said you can hold on to being right not to make changes or you can start doing what works.Just had to write that for some reason. I learnt to change if I wanted success and took responsibility for the things I wanted to attract and that meant in this case the long walk to the pier the night before. The fished showed me their law and followed it

Lu8Lu8 No One Cares
  • replies: 2

Hi,I just got an amazing job offer that I’m super excited about after studying so hard for so long. However, when I told everyone around me who knew I had worked so hard to get here, their reaction was super underwhelming. It was almost like they did... View more

Hi,I just got an amazing job offer that I’m super excited about after studying so hard for so long. However, when I told everyone around me who knew I had worked so hard to get here, their reaction was super underwhelming. It was almost like they didn’t care. They said congrats and then let the conversation completely die. Even my boyfriend didn’t seem all that interested and he knows how much I worked for this. I feel a little deflated now because this seems to happen anytime I want to talk about anything in my life. Regardless of whether it is good news or bad news. Why do the people around me not seem to care about me? I’m starting to think there is something wrong with me like a huge ‘avoid me’ sign over my head. I just feel so alone right now and I hate it because this should be a happy time.

loyal Please Help! I told my best friend her husband had cheated on her
  • replies: 4

I told my best friend that her husband had cheated on her (erotic massage parlours/escorts). Her husband denied it and blames me now for making things worse for them. He wants nothing to do with me and has told me to never speak to his wife again. Th... View more

I told my best friend that her husband had cheated on her (erotic massage parlours/escorts). Her husband denied it and blames me now for making things worse for them. He wants nothing to do with me and has told me to never speak to his wife again. They were having problems to begin with and he was blaming her. It was hurting me so much having to keep this from her...I spoke to him first and gave him the chance to confess and he denied it...he spoke about their problems and said they were all her fault. I was so angry that I told her the truth. Yes i have now compromised a friendship between my husband and his best friend and now I am to blame! My husband supports me, however, he also knows the truth and told me I should not have interfered. I am not regretful for what I did, my friends husband has made it quite clear in text that I am at fault now. How do I move on from this....

BlueFish Advice on Husband and his drinking
  • replies: 4

Good afternoon, I need to vent and get peoples thoughts: My husband had some stresses in his life recently, lost both his parents 9 months apart (they were in their 60s). Before this he did drink, started years ago as only a couple of days but slowly... View more

Good afternoon, I need to vent and get peoples thoughts: My husband had some stresses in his life recently, lost both his parents 9 months apart (they were in their 60s). Before this he did drink, started years ago as only a couple of days but slowly became everyday. After losing his parents he started to drink even more, he started to hide his drinking. Stopping on his way home hiding bottles and topping up his soft drink etc. Eventually he became angry when ever he drank. Not physically violent just verbal. He would start fights with our children (18+ in ages) and me. I had to return home from a work function one night after having them call me because he was yelling so much and they were scared. When I returned they had left as i had told them and he was acting as if nothing happened. Calm and did not know why they left. The next day he could only remember parts of the night. He eventually admitted he had a problem and stopped drinking. He did relapse and hid drinks but we made it through that as well. He attended 1 AA, to much god for him Now, he drinks non alcoholic beer and enjoys it. But on the occasion he drinks I feel anxious, even with just one. After 2 he starts to show signs of anger. I had a small panic attack recently while on holidays when i seen him sneaking a drink, his response was that I was over reacting and being ridiculous. Yes I have tried to explain how I feel in a clam way, it generally ends with him walking off shitty and I feel like it is me with the problem. He has his go to sayings "I am almost 50 and should be able to enjoy a drink if i want" is his favourite. I went from almost no trust in him not drinking to having trust that he is not, but there are times i question myself. No point asking his answer is always no. And if i do ask I have to be very specific, for example I asked him one day if he had a drink on the way home ( i could smell it) he said no, with further questioning he had had 2 drinks but not on the way home, therefor he did not lie. At a recent event he did have a few drinks, when I asked him to slow down, this made him angry. He sulked and was shitty. Then he was ready to go because I had ruined the night. One the drive home he talked about getting a divorce because he should be able to drink and he was over me getting upset and not wanting him to drink. The next day he apologised and said he was just frustrated. That is the extent of his apology. Says he does not like to upset me so does not talk about it.