Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Khushi23 Husband and son don't get along well
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My husband and son don't get along well for some reason. They don't talk much. They speak only when required that too very limited only when needed. My son is not doing well in uni. He is suspended from his course. I think they both should sit and ha... View more

My husband and son don't get along well for some reason. They don't talk much. They speak only when required that too very limited only when needed. My son is not doing well in uni. He is suspended from his course. I think they both should sit and have a friendly talk in terms of guidance. But my husband has given up on our son and my son feels as he has given up on me why should I bother discussing with him.

tyrow Loved and lost my best friend
  • replies: 3

I fell in love with my best friend but the problem is I am already married. I am male and my best friend is female, I have been married for over 10 years now and things between my wife and me have always been good. The thing is when I hang out with m... View more

I fell in love with my best friend but the problem is I am already married. I am male and my best friend is female, I have been married for over 10 years now and things between my wife and me have always been good. The thing is when I hang out with my friend I enjoyed life more and was happy. About a month ago my friend and I admitted that we had feelings for each other, these got me wanting more and I was starting to want to leave my wife for her instead. My friend told me bot to leave my wife but there was still flirting and sexual tension between us, which started to mess with my head because I didn't know what she wanted. Recently while catching up with my friend we were talking with a little sexual banter and I grabbed her ass, at the time she didn't seem to mind but now she is very angry with me and wants nothing to do with me anymore and throwing away the friendship completely. Now I am not sure what to think, I'm extremely depressed and angry at life. I can deal with not being in a sexual relationship with her but I don't want to go on in life without her friendship.

happydays9 Going through an abortion
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This Thursday I am going for an abortion and this decision has not come lightly. I have been in a relationship only for a few months and we fell pregnant. We were actually broken up when I found out and then told him. We went through all the motions ... View more

This Thursday I am going for an abortion and this decision has not come lightly. I have been in a relationship only for a few months and we fell pregnant. We were actually broken up when I found out and then told him. We went through all the motions with everything, we decided to see if we could mend our relationship. After constant fighting, I made the tough decision of not going ahead with the baby. A few reasons, I am not ready for a baby and Our relationship is not great and I do not want to bring a baby into a situation like this and mentally I am not ready and have some more growth to do in myself first. My partner has been upset by my decision but I have been empathetic to his views and stated my reasoning why I am choosing this. Some occasions he has been insensitive and will say things like “how can you get rid of something that has a heartbeat” or when I talk about the subject gets angry and does not validate what I am saying. My best friend said she can take me but he says now he wants to take me to for the procedure but when discussing it with him today, he says he’s going to have to juggle work and making me feel bad about it. He won’t take a day off for it. I know he is dealing with his emotions with this situation but I feel really unsupported at the moment and making me question my relationship completely with him now. I am really struggling with everything that has been going on and just do not know how to move forward.

Guest_342 Is this normal?
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I am in a fairly new relationship (about 6 months). I am starting to feel like my partner (we're both in our mid thirties) and I have different intimacy needs. I feel I need more intimacy than they do. I'm a person who feels closeness and acceptance ... View more

I am in a fairly new relationship (about 6 months). I am starting to feel like my partner (we're both in our mid thirties) and I have different intimacy needs. I feel I need more intimacy than they do. I'm a person who feels closeness and acceptance and love for my partner through intimacy, and it's important to me. Of course, that's not the only thing important to me but it's an important part to know that we have a good connection in that way. For the last month or so they have not been the initiator at all - I don't mind sometimes initiating but I can't help but feel like I'm asking for too much when I'm the only one to ever do that now - that I'll come across as being too forward and needy. Sometimes we will start doing things (in situations in which I think one would reasonably think things might lead to something) but they often stop quite abruptly before it goes anywhere and say to me, eg 'good night [my name], I love you' and then promptly fall asleep leaving me wide awake in the middle of the night, stuck in my thoughts, wondering if I did something wrong. Other times, we'll actually get to that place and in the middle they'll say they are tired and 'let's just leave it at that' and very quickly fall asleep again. In fact, more times than not we just stop before reaching the end. Not only is this sometimes physically uncomfortable but I also can't help but feel unattractive and undesired, and perhaps a little disrespected. I would never dream of pressuring anyone to do something they don't want to do, so I am at a loss as to what I am supposed to say to explain how this makes me feel (without them feeling pressured or without me sounding needy). Today we were cuddling before they were about to leave my place to go home - things were getting a little intimate and then they quite abruptly stopped and said, 'Okay I'm stopping, otherwise I'll have to make love to you'. I think they thought they were saying it in a way that would make me feel desired (ie what we were doing made them feel good and they had to stop themselves), but it actually made me feel the opposite. I said, is that a bad thing? And they said 'Well it would mean I'd be here another two hours'. (It was 5pm on a Sunday, ahead of the work week.) Does something about this situation and the dynamic between us sound like a normal couple problem that might come and go, or is this something I need to chat to them about? I'm not sure how to bring it up in discussion?

gia222 Struggle with living with family who doesn't support my mental health
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Hey everyone,I'm still living at home because I was unable to work for some years due to my mental health condition and I'm still financially dependent on my family due to this. This really troubles me because I have a lot of difficulty living at hom... View more

Hey everyone,I'm still living at home because I was unable to work for some years due to my mental health condition and I'm still financially dependent on my family due to this. This really troubles me because I have a lot of difficulty living at home with my family as they don't support me emotionally and I am not close with them. They don't approve of my boyfriend and have absolutely no interest in hearing about my relationship. They don't believe that mental health is real and can't understand it. They are constantly feeding me negativity in every aspect of my life and it has been damaging to my mental health. We don't share the same values at all and I just don't get along with them and have to hide most things in my life from them because they start fights over the tiniest of things. I know the best thing for me would be to move out but I only just started working again part-time and I don't have a full time job yet even though I'm working on it, I am just getting so impatient because I can't live with them anymore, it is ruining me. I am trying so hard to get a full time job and get some savings so I can move out but because my mental health has been so unstable it's hard to do that. Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate this situation?

Sam71 Missing Daughter
  • replies: 9

Hi, I got divorced from my wife in 2023. The marriage lasted fifteen years and I have a child with my ex-wife who is sixteen years old. In May of this year I took a vacation for five months back to England which is where I'm originally from. I wanted... View more

Hi, I got divorced from my wife in 2023. The marriage lasted fifteen years and I have a child with my ex-wife who is sixteen years old. In May of this year I took a vacation for five months back to England which is where I'm originally from. I wanted my daughter to come with me but she said she had exams so I went alone. I sent several messages to my daughter while I was in England and the last I heard from her was in June via text message. Since returning to Australia in September I've tried to make contact with my daughter via text and phone many times, all to no avail. Today I decided to go and see her, she lives with her mother who I no longer have any communications with as she is now onto her third marriage and has told me she wishes to have nothing to do with me. Despite this I called round to her house. I was shocked to discoverthe house had been sold very recently and the new occupants do not have any forwarding address. Please can someone tell me what I can do?, I'm worried sick because I don't know where my daughter is. There's no history of abuse or violence in the family, however my wife was diagnosed with traits of BPD. Also as a side note my wife ceased encouraging my daughter to see me when she met her new partner on the internet back in 2019, he's also from England. I also suspect that since thistime my wife has quietly alienated me from my daughter as I have seen less and less of her. Please Help.

Meshjira It's getting worse
  • replies: 3

Hi, I have been having mental health issues since I was young. I'm now 36 and feel like their is no point living. I feel I wasted all my life being an addict and being an angry person. I have recently stayed in a psych ward and left about a month ago... View more

Hi, I have been having mental health issues since I was young. I'm now 36 and feel like their is no point living. I feel I wasted all my life being an addict and being an angry person. I have recently stayed in a psych ward and left about a month ago. I am currently taking Antipsychotic medication. Here's the thing. I feel like my memory is completely gone. I am forgetting simple words and can't seem to string a sentence together. I feel like my life is hopeless. I am single, no kids, never travelled,don't drive and live with my parents. Sure life can get worse. But when it does, how will I be able to handle it? I can't seem to get anywhere in life. I don't know what I want anymore. How can I go on living this way?

Gossamerose So lonely
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I'm feeling very confused and second guessing myself about everything.I'm trying to get out of this toxic read everything something stops me or gets in my way.Gee you would think in this day and age there would be more help for women trying to leave ... View more

I'm feeling very confused and second guessing myself about everything.I'm trying to get out of this toxic read everything something stops me or gets in my way.Gee you would think in this day and age there would be more help for women trying to leave bad relationships but I can tell you from someone who has been going though this for over 22 years. There is no real help! And yes I'm sure someone can point me to this society and that! But they don't actually help you. It's all smoke and mirrors. No actual hard help.

Sensible Sea Navigating gift giving with my in-laws that don't care about me: Advice?
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Context: I've been with my wife now for over 7 years. She's not currently speaking with her mother due to her mother behaving in inappropriate ways. Her mother has tried to come between us multiple times and said some things about me that can never b... View more

Context: I've been with my wife now for over 7 years. She's not currently speaking with her mother due to her mother behaving in inappropriate ways. Her mother has tried to come between us multiple times and said some things about me that can never be unsaid. She's not sorry or remorseful in any way, and has turned the other family members against me, accusing me of taking her daughter away from her. My in-laws don't care about me, to put it simply - for example, none of them wished me happy birthday this year. They've unfriended and blocked me on social media, even though I haven't said/done anything to warrant that kind of response. They blame me for my wife not speaking to her mother, when that was her decision entirely. Her family refuses to see my wife as an individual who can make decisions for herself. I just support her in any decisions she makes. Now, my wife would like to send a Christmas gift to her family - but they all still live under one roof. She thought a "hamper" of sorts, something the family can share without making it too personalised or individual, might be a good way to go. I'm supporting her in whatever she wants to do - in fact I'm going to be helping her put the hamper together for them. She wants me to sign the card as well. I said I would do that for her. She said it sends the message that we are a "united front" and that her family can't just "get rid of me" - it shows that I'm "not going anywhere", so to speak. But personally I've been feeling conflicted about it. I don't like to show kindness towards people who have been so unkind to me. I keep telling myself I'm just doing it for my wife, because it makes her happy, and she's right about being a united front. Truthfully, I still care about my in-laws, but they've really hurt me and I wish I cared less. Now I'm just wondering how far do I go with this? If my wife wants to send them gifts for their individual birthdays in the future, do I sign the card then too? I will do this for her this Christmas but just struggling to navigate with it going forward. My in-laws have made it very clear they do not accept me or care about me, but only my mother in law has outwardly admitted this. The others silently resent me. I know they're trying to push me away, so I guess I need to keep "showing up", but if that's not welcomed by them I just don't know where I stand or what the right thing to do really is.

s-a-w1 Separation Anxiety in Marriage
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I have observed twice now when I have been away from my husband that he experiences nausea when I return from being away. Earlier in the year I was away for 3 weeks where he was lonely and missing me during that time. The day I returned and I was at ... View more

I have observed twice now when I have been away from my husband that he experiences nausea when I return from being away. Earlier in the year I was away for 3 weeks where he was lonely and missing me during that time. The day I returned and I was at home he was so excited to see me and have me home but he came home feeling nauseous and wanting to vomit but of course hugged me and said sorry for feeling sick. I have recently come back from 5 days away and he was lonely and missing me whilst I was away and thrilled for me to come home. Again he came home and was nauseous during the car ride home to me. He says sorry for feeling sick because it’s not the welcome he wants to give me but I look after him and he tends to sleep it off and feels better usually the next day. Both times I have been away we speak multiple times daily, text and call when we can and always tell each other how excited we are to see each other again and that we are missing each other. He experienced separation anxiety as a child from a caregiver that resolved with making friends at school and has had no mental health concerns really since then. For reference we have been together almost 10 years, have a very loving, affectionate marriage, we both work a lot but come together at the end of the day lovingly and phone each other at least once during the day to see how each others day is going. I’m wanting to know if it’s normal to experience the physical symptom of nausea in separation anxiety with the return of the person you have been away from? Is this something that manifests whilst the person is away and hits them at once when the person returns or is this a total coincidence for the 2 occasions this has happened? Thanks in advance!