Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Carus I Feel Absolutely Terrible*
  • replies: 23

Thankyou for creating this place for us to write stuff out*I've been with my wife for 4 years. No kids together but she has a young daughter. My wife lives and works an hour away so we only see each other on the weekends, but we video chat every nigh... View more

Thankyou for creating this place for us to write stuff out*I've been with my wife for 4 years. No kids together but she has a young daughter. My wife lives and works an hour away so we only see each other on the weekends, but we video chat every night. This suits me as I really value time alone. About 8 months ago I hired a girl to work for me. In that time, unfortunately we have grown very close. To the point where I deeply feel we are more compatible and should be together. The problem obviously is, I'm already married. We have not been intimate and I don't want to go down that avenue* The greater problems are, I'm not unhappily married and my wife is fantastic and prides herself on being the best wife she can be. I don't take that for granted. I admire her and am very proud of her. However, I'm not sexually attracted to her and never really have been. I believed I could overlook and perhaps nurture that but unfortunately, it's not gotten better and I don't think it ever will. Greater problem still is, she has made me her whole world. I always knew that was wrong and tried to dissuade it, but she really doesn't have much of a life outside 'us'.....It would completely devastate her if we were to separate.....Having been through that kind of pain myself, I find it incredibly difficult to inflict it on someone else... If the other girl didn't work for me I would just cut ties with her and move away from the situation as that would be the easiest thing to do. But I don't feel it's fair either to fire her just because of the way I feel about her. So I'm stuck! At this stage I've been trying to change the way I feel about her but it's just not working and it's driving me into a very unhappy place. I feel just terrible....! At the end of the day I know these decisions will be mine and I'm going to need to sort this out. I used to be a marriage and relationship counselor myself. How ironic! So I know it helps to write things out.Thanks for reading*Regards*

Ijord8 advice please - toxic wife
  • replies: 4

I'ma keep it short sorry if I left anything out. me and my wife have been together for nearly 2 years after the worse time of our lives ( in emergency housing ) so ofc we moved in as quick as possible, she fell pregnant to find out she was trying aft... View more

I'ma keep it short sorry if I left anything out. me and my wife have been together for nearly 2 years after the worse time of our lives ( in emergency housing ) so ofc we moved in as quick as possible, she fell pregnant to find out she was trying after I told her I wasn't ready really hurt.. I've seen change in her appearance suddenly wearing revealing clothes whenever she's doing something without me, at night rolling over on her phone, the other day she labelled our son as hers, I tried to bring up my feelings but that got shut down, I suggested counselling but that was shut down and told it was all me, i haven't even a kiss in 4 days nor a hug or cuddle, times where she's hung out with guys in her new dress I haven't got to see not even wearing undies underneath, ofc I brung up us and OUR boundaries but I was wrong for that too.. she'll sit in the room all day eating and making a house a mess which Im left to clean up, I tried to make a chores schedule something simple n easy for her I do the dishes and she does the washing.. then she'd leave plates around the house mouldy pizza that's sat in the fridge for weeks, after of 2 hours of dishes I want to go out to do groceries but then .. no clothes, I'm broke cus I'm help paying her fines n bills, the cars always empty and now I just feel so empty too.. it hurts cus this isn't what I wanted in life AT ALL but I sacrifice every day even my nights for her.. night time I lay on the other side of the bed where I get up cus I can't sleep cus I feel so alone.. my force attempts of sleep turn to night terrors. As a male I'm losing it .. I don't get sex or emotions in this, I force myself out of bed each day for my boy.. I used to fight for my family but now I have to fight for my own voice, I'm slowly seeing patterns where I'm not interested in anything anymore sometimes I won't even have time to shower. Am I wrong for asking for some common ground or structure cus atm it seems like there's only broken promises.. I'm sick of begging, waiting and now refusing help cus idek how I feel anymore..

MaryDDD Should I get divorce
  • replies: 22

Me and my husband has been together for ten years and we had two kids. My husband was used to be a loving caring person toward me. Everything changed since we were in a situation when we have to strive so hard everyday to work and earn income to surv... View more

Me and my husband has been together for ten years and we had two kids. My husband was used to be a loving caring person toward me. Everything changed since we were in a situation when we have to strive so hard everyday to work and earn income to survive. Since i had my second child ( she is 9 months), he has never helped me with the house chore or even tried to look after my kids. He claimed that he was too busy at work and tired. But im working too you know. I have to go to work at 5am till 2pm 5 days a week then drove my kids from school, feed them cook meals and cleaned. I wouldnt have time for myself. Im very depressed at the cost of living plus the uncareness from my husband. We fought a lot and he often hit me when it happened. I wanted to divorce so bad but thinking abt my kids and also my income isnt high as his, how am i going to pay the mortgage and everything. I really scared my kids will have a worse life. But i am really stressed. I felt everyday is torment. House is a jail. I felt i couldnt cope with everything. I wish i just have a better income source that I can provide my children, buy off the house and leave him. What should i do

radish58 Hi everyone, help
  • replies: 1

Hi, I am male and about to turn 66. I sold my business 6 months ago and transitioning into retirement. I am married , 42 years, we have raised 3 children who are all now successful young adults. I have posted once before " no touch, no sex" about a m... View more

Hi, I am male and about to turn 66. I sold my business 6 months ago and transitioning into retirement. I am married , 42 years, we have raised 3 children who are all now successful young adults. I have posted once before " no touch, no sex" about a month ago and thank you to those who responded.I have had a number of discussions with my wife, things have changed since I sold my business, I am around home more often, doing things I haven't been able to and enjoying the tasks, I am getting back into surfing, which is truly my happy place along of course with family ( goes without saying).I never thought myself as being anxious, my wife yes. I received a message from one of my daughters yesterday saying of a funny experience my grandson had that day. I arrived home from an exercise class and asked my wife did she also get the message? She replied NO, i began telling her and she kept saying spit it out, why is he at the hospital, i said his not, and told her the message, the enjoyment was taken away. My wife said " I have lived with her for more than 40 years, I should no". I replied you think the worst with everything. This is her anxiety, we barely spoke after that, I sometimes fear repercussions regardless. This got me thinking I am also now anxious, I never used to be.I have raised her anxiety before and suggested she talk with someone, I am here to support. My wife has shot getting help or anxiety down.She says she needs space, our marriage isn't in a good place, I am trying my hardest, if our children were home now, with the at times toxicity of our marriage, I would not stay under the same roof, the negativity would worry me too much. I will seek help for my anxiety, I am generally a cool, calm, collected person, after last nights episode, I became too realise, i think I am now an anxious person, the test I took here confirmed that.Some work ahead it seems, I am going to take it on, I hope my wife does as well.

loner_311095 I dont Know what should i do
  • replies: 2

I have a 13-month-old baby. I feel like my husband lost interest in me. Before i got pregnant i found he had cheated on me (Just had phone and video conversations with other girls). Then when i caught him he told me, he not gonna do it again and woul... View more

I have a 13-month-old baby. I feel like my husband lost interest in me. Before i got pregnant i found he had cheated on me (Just had phone and video conversations with other girls). Then when i caught him he told me, he not gonna do it again and would make an effort in our relationship. Then i fell pregnant and since i got pregnant and still now we haven't had any sex last 2.5 years. i had vaginal delivery so i thought that's why he is giving me some time to heal my baby is almost 14 months now but he doesn't seem any interest in me and sex. I am very introverted so indirectly i asked him but he didn't talk with me this elaborately.I am a working mom. Sometimes i feel like i need someone who also loves me and pampers me but i don't want that as a charity, i want someone who feels for me.I dont have any close friends either whom can i share my feelings. Last few months i am feeling so depressed and tired of this.

Grace53 Increasing rents putting strain on me and my family
  • replies: 4

Hi I'm a British migrant with no family here I have a husband that suffers from depression and doesn't work and my daughter has anxiety I work full time but with the increasing rent rises I'm struggling financially im alone have a big burden on my sh... View more

Hi I'm a British migrant with no family here I have a husband that suffers from depression and doesn't work and my daughter has anxiety I work full time but with the increasing rent rises I'm struggling financially im alone have a big burden on my shoulders and fear we will run out of money I don't get any government assistance my husband won't claim for Centrelink im a support worker so I'm caring for people all the time some times i feel sick with worry mght end up living in a tent or my car my daughter is still at school 15 I'm 53 and life gets tiring and hard for me I will keep going till the money runs out hopefully my husband will help out and get a job its frustrating as he smokes and wastes the money i earm

Bubby36 Getting blocked by a close online friend- Feeling the sadness and anxiety the past month
  • replies: 6

This is my first time on here but I look forward to the interactions! My (22 yr old guy) close online friend from America (20 female), I've known since December 2022 blocked me last month and I've been grieving everyday. We were really close, we talk... View more

This is my first time on here but I look forward to the interactions! My (22 yr old guy) close online friend from America (20 female), I've known since December 2022 blocked me last month and I've been grieving everyday. We were really close, we talked everyday and I even sent her a gift in the mail as she shared her address with me, we were that close. I'm really hurt by how it happened and I tried so hard to prevent it but my anxiety was the driving force of why she did, she tolerated it at first but when life got in the way she couldn't talk or interact as much, but she tried her best. I feel so guilty because she asked for space so many times but I would not give it, in terms of I would always text and get anxious when she doesn't specify a time to get back to me. The block came out of nowhere but in context we had an argument the night before and when I woke up to greet her good morning, she blocked me upon seeing my text. I've tried to reach out to friends for advice and help, some helpful more then others. I had a panic attack on the train today as I tried to reach out to a friend from another state by calling her. Her new (3 months) boyfriend saw it and texted me to not do that again but my anxiety compelled me to call and her boyfriend insulted me and accused me of not being her friend as she was being supportive of my situation and therefore blocked me on her account which caused the panic attack as it triggered memories of my American friend blocking me as another person as blocked me (All be it potentially not my fault this time due to the controlling boyfriend). Lucky a man around my age consoled me and gave me some tissues and his attention to talk about how I feel throughout the whole train trip. Today feels like a new low due that incident on the train and it being 3 weeks since my American friend blocked me. I know I have to move on but I am struggling to accept it, one thing I did that was bad was making alternate accounts to get her attention in order for her to forgive me. I regret that and I realise that is part of my grief to get something back I lost, I really cared for her and that connection with someone is special and I don't have any of that with my existing friends. I hope this is all ok and I can get some responses about some things I can do (I have being seeing a therapist and trying to get a routine) but happiness is hard to come by, every happy thing I do seems to not work and I have felt sadness every single day for a month.

Kez77 Legal and financial help to get out of toxic relationship
  • replies: 4

So all my money is wrapped up and goes into our home account which is just in my fiancees name and he is verbally and physically abusive and dealing with bipolar which I have tried to help him through the last year for was a herion addict 30 years ag... View more

So all my money is wrapped up and goes into our home account which is just in my fiancees name and he is verbally and physically abusive and dealing with bipolar which I have tried to help him through the last year for was a herion addict 30 years ago and they changed his meds and now is not the person I meet and will not accept that needs help even thought family and I have told him even recorded his out rages and showed him but still just blames me for everything. I can't do this anymore I have tried to help for last year support us looked after him when could get out of bed for days on end and I just can't do anymore but all my money is in our home account that he has control over. I went and saw a couple local solicitors but they wand $400-$500 just for a appointment. I can't access that money or he will know is there any other way can get help. Have spoken to QPS and if he lays another hand on me can have him removed for 48 hours but that's not going to help just make things much worse. I don't know what to do but have video of his outbursts and all just need help to find a way to get out without setting him off. Was our anniversary the weekend just gone and he brought me flowers we went to our fav restaurant and had a good weekend as soon as goes back to work he just starts with the verbal abuse non stop about me and my family when all we have done is helped him for he has no family is like it sets him off something he has done at work or something. I am at my wits end and love him when he is his normal self but that is not very often and keep asking him to come with me and see a new doctor and therapy together but never will for doesn't want to admit he has a issue just wants to blame me my family and everyone around him. I don't know what to do anymore when he starts with the verbal abuse in texts I just ignore and then be nice and make sure everything is perfect at home house clean everything done ask what would like for dinner ... He just goes to work comes home and hides in spare room I am the maid the provider and the one he can lash out on to make himself feel better. I just need a way to get help to access our money which we have always paid double home loan and put into saving when make much less but seem to pay more for all food and household things I pay for. And now just keeps threatening me and telling me to leave when he is having a rage and then when normal loves me. I can't do it anymore.

Alyciae Stay or go?
  • replies: 1

I have been with my partner for 3 years. We have so much fun, but in the last year we have had some stressful things happen and we haven’t been the best supports to each other. As a result of this, every week we will butt heads and have a disagreemen... View more

I have been with my partner for 3 years. We have so much fun, but in the last year we have had some stressful things happen and we haven’t been the best supports to each other. As a result of this, every week we will butt heads and have a disagreement. These usually start with me being short (either annoyed by something he has/hasn’t done), cracking the shits over something minor or one of us not getting out needs met. I know I wasn’t being the best partner. I have just found out that he had formed an emotional relationship with someone from work and this had been going on for the past few months. I’m obviously beside myself, but since we weren’t in the best place I can see how emotional needs were being met elsewhere (I don’t agree with any of this). I’m now a few months on from finding out and he has done well with trying to build things back. However, when we now argue I feel so isolated because I have no one I can openly talk to about any of this as I don’t want my friends/families opinion of him or me for staying to change.

justgotosleep I'm making my husband sad
  • replies: 4

For those with who suffer through depression and anxiety (like me), have you ever thought that subconsciously one of the big reasons you push a spouse away is because you're flat out finding your own happiness let alone being responsible for there's?... View more

For those with who suffer through depression and anxiety (like me), have you ever thought that subconsciously one of the big reasons you push a spouse away is because you're flat out finding your own happiness let alone being responsible for there's?....and the more they push for you to 'open up' and get in your face and tell you to 'snap out of it' followed by 'you're ruining our marriage...', just makes you push them away more? I've lived through the sadness. I've been on medication for 2 1/2 years, I found motivation and happiness when I felt mentally stronger and found a job that I loved working 1 1/2 hrs away at a mine. A family member is also from that industry and I found my place. Things were better for me. My roster allowed me to be home every weekend and a weekday. But with a husband at home, working fulltime and taking care of the kids (our 10yr old son on the spectrum), he struggled and would constantly remind me of my time away. He phoned me EVERY night that I was away since late 2021. One night, he in tears, I decided I should come home. The transition hasn't been easy though. I left a job that I love and to me, every other option will be mediocre, including the job I now have which is 100% in an office and not the outdoorsy job I had at the mine. I feel lost. My mental health is slipping again. I feel like I've come back for the kids and the husband and now I have nothing for me. And I've been called selfish too...which is probably right, but when you have depression and anxiety and you find a year and a bit of joy and happiness you hold on to it with an iron fist. I sleep on the couch. I'm making my husband sad but I can't lie to him or me about how I feel. I don't want sex. I just want to raise our kids under the same roof and that's it.