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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Toonice Being pushed to my limits
  • replies: 27

Hi, I am hoping for some advice on my current living situation, which is pushing me to my limits and really affecting my mental health. So, almost a year ago I had an old work friend turn up at my doorstep early one morning because her house was abou... View more

Hi, I am hoping for some advice on my current living situation, which is pushing me to my limits and really affecting my mental health. So, almost a year ago I had an old work friend turn up at my doorstep early one morning because her house was about to flood. She had her stuff with her and I obviously let her in and then stay with us (my daughter and I). I let her stay in my daughter's room and my daughter slept in my room. She started getting payments from her insurance company for accommodation of $350 a week, and offered to give me half. I regrettably agreed to that and to this day she is still living with us in my daughter's room. I feel in the last 11 months I have gone to hell and back. Her living here has taken it's toll on my mental health. I was finally enjoying living alone with daughter after leaving an abusive relationship with her father. I am an introvert and like to have my own space. My friend is very needy and clingy. She had to come absolutely everywhere with us and do things at home with us too. This became too much for my introvert nature. I also cook dinner and breakfast for her and give her a lift to the shopping centre nearly every week day so she can get on a bus to go where she needs to go. I have been doing this for the whole 11 months and I am sick of it. Also, 5 months ago I stupidly let her reduce her payment to me down to $100 a week. I only agreed to it because she said it was for "a few weeks." She now refuses to pay me the normal amount due to her having to save for a new roof. This $100 she gives me covers the rent, bills and food. When I asked for $50 more she refused. Because of my personality and how opposite we are, we have clashed a few times. She is a very strange person and has a lot of quirks that drive me crazy. During the week I have to drop my daughter off at school and then go to work, which is stressful enough. Then she makes me run late because she is not ready, which causes me a lot of stress! I feel terribly guilty having these thoughts because I feel very sorry for her losing her house and most of her stuff in the floods. I feel like such a bad person, but I am feeling so stressed and depressed with her living here. I was happy to help out, but didn't realise it would go on so long. I'm hoping someone has advice for me

MegMc_D FebFast and return to drinking
  • replies: 2

My husband is doing FebFast (abstaining from alcohol), I am joining him on this, to be supportive. He is a heavy drinker, and is very high functioning. We have two adult children, under the age of 20, who live at home, attending university. He drinks... View more

My husband is doing FebFast (abstaining from alcohol), I am joining him on this, to be supportive. He is a heavy drinker, and is very high functioning. We have two adult children, under the age of 20, who live at home, attending university. He drinks alcohol most (4-7) days a week, and goes to bed drunk. He commonly stays out very late for work related "networking", staggers in drunk, snores horrendously with periods of sleep apnoea, and wakes up reeking of alcohol. He is able to function the next day, but it damages his relationship with me and our children. Between binges he is often defensive and grumpy, misinterpreting our conversations as criticisms. I have asked him to sleep in the rumpus room if he comes home drunk, but he has only respected this boundary once or twice. He commonly fell asleep on the train, and would ask me to pick him up from the end of the line. He is offended that I am angry at this imposition. I have told him I will no longer pick him up if he sleeps past our station. This means he needs to find other transport, as the train service ends soon after midnight. The nights he is at home he games for hours either on his phone or tv. I must say, it is not all bad, and we do have some lovely times.The difference from 10 days of abstinence is striking. He looks well, his eyes are clear and his skin looks brighter. He is far less moody. We spend more time together, and all relationships have improved. The days are lighter. His sleep is better, (as is mine) his snoring has stopped. He is losing weight. We have more money. I want to encourage him to get professional help for his drinking, as he has done Febfast before, and goes back to his usual habits soon after. He had psychology some years ago, which did address his drinking. I find myself deeply deeply sad, that I have a glimpse of what life could be without the alcohol, but with the looming sense that it may end in a few weeks. *Should I address the issue, and encourage him to access support, in Feb, or just see how it goes, and raise the conversation, once he goes back to drinking?* I have some organisations to refer him to, and will be arranging counselling for myself, and have located our local Al-anon group. Our kids already see psychologists.

Clara1 Moving Out
  • replies: 1

I want my brother to move out of my house. He is very difficult to live with. He complains all the time about my appearance, my diet, even what work I do. I have told him many times that if he is not happy with me that he should move out. I am not su... View more

I want my brother to move out of my house. He is very difficult to live with. He complains all the time about my appearance, my diet, even what work I do. I have told him many times that if he is not happy with me that he should move out. I am not sure what else I can do. He is not violent towards me but he starts lots of arguments.

anonymous329 ex who i cant forget
  • replies: 1

we dated twice, the first time was only a puppy love relationship that got broken up due to rumours, but the second time was completely different, i ran away from home to be with him and after almost 6 months living with him he broke up with me becau... View more

we dated twice, the first time was only a puppy love relationship that got broken up due to rumours, but the second time was completely different, i ran away from home to be with him and after almost 6 months living with him he broke up with me because he had to let go of me so he could heal, i still don’t understand why but i accepted it, he got a girlfriend the next day that was supposedly the girl he was seeing behind my back, and then for a month and a half he was cheating on that girl with me, telling me he wanted to get back with me and that i was “the one”, somehow i ruined it but he got back in touch with me and asked if i wouldve said yes if he asked me to get back with him, i froze and said that i didn’t know, 6 months later if i had just said yes i would still be with him, fixing our relationship. He’s with a different girl now, the girl i hated since i was little and who also had a crush on my ex the entire relationship. I miss him with all my heart and i know that he misses me too i don’t know how i know but i just do, he always comes back, i know he can’t right now because of his current girlfriend but i can bet on anything that as soon as their relationship ends he’s gonna come crawling back to me. Although i’m stuck on how i feel about him, some days i just want to scream at him how much i hated how he made me feel, others i catch myself looking at the photos i was supposed to use for his birthday scrapbook, or watching videos of him just to hear his voice again, i would even be hugging his clothes without thinking, everything i have reminds me of him because i did everything with him, he’s my twin flame and if only he knew that i wasn’t trying to ruin our relationship on purpose, i just wanted him to talk to me, he always made sure i was okay that i didn’t think of what he was probally feeling, he missed the old us, when we didn’t argue all the time, if i got the chance to get back together with him i think i would, i would try a million times with him until we got it right, i’ve learned from my mistakes and i’ve made myself into a better person now all for him, if only he knew how much of an impact he has on me, even if he doesn’t think about me anymore i will always love him and he will always have a place in my heart no matter what. j i miss you and i’m sorry for making you feel like you weren’t worth anything because you were and always will be worth more than anything to me, i hope we find our way back to eachother in the future my

Clara1 Worried About My Mother
  • replies: 2

I am in a very bad mood today after talking to my mother. I don’t know if this is her fault or my fault. I feel confused and I am not sure who I can turn to for help. She says I don’t appreciate her and she makes me feel like I did something wronge t... View more

I am in a very bad mood today after talking to my mother. I don’t know if this is her fault or my fault. I feel confused and I am not sure who I can turn to for help. She says I don’t appreciate her and she makes me feel like I did something wronge to her. Sometimes I am just not sure what to say to her.

Melrose222 Can’t get past the betrayal
  • replies: 6

I am and have been struggling to get over past betrayals. My ex husband cheated and left our marriage and family with a person in our friendship group. I also experienced many years of childhood physical and emotional abuse. A recent event triggered ... View more

I am and have been struggling to get over past betrayals. My ex husband cheated and left our marriage and family with a person in our friendship group. I also experienced many years of childhood physical and emotional abuse. A recent event triggered old hurts and pain to surface again … I still after so many years struggle with feelings of betrayal, self worth- not good enough My adult children rightly so are over me still struggling and watching me fall apart again. My long suffering friends over it too . They all tell me to move on… I want to!! I feel so alone. Am I playing the victim? The pain is real … For years I have tried different therapies and even medication .. but still here I am. How do I ‘move on’?

Mc- How to make the right decision
  • replies: 3

I need help on how to manage my thoughts on how my now girlfriend has just told me she has slept with one of my best mates during a period we weren't dating but were still keeping in contact. My beliefs have always been never to date someone a friend... View more

I need help on how to manage my thoughts on how my now girlfriend has just told me she has slept with one of my best mates during a period we weren't dating but were still keeping in contact. My beliefs have always been never to date someone a friend has slept with or to sleep with someone a friend has dated. But to only find out the information after i fell in love, I'm torn between ending things now or making it work and going against my morals and beliefs. I feel anxious, betrayed, humiliated, and can't sleep or eat. I have already lost a close friend because i can't stand the sight of them anymore. I dont want to lose what i have with my girlfriend, but i dont know if these feelings and intrusive thoughts will go away. I want to know if there are any tools to help guide me back to a happy and clear mental state. I feel this is probably not worthy of support, but i dont know who else to ask.

Clarabella Depressed adult child refusing help
  • replies: 1

I am so worried about my young adult son who is living at home with us. He has no friends and no social life beyond the immediate family. He has a job but he seems to be very unhappy there. He works from home a lot and spends almost all time at home ... View more

I am so worried about my young adult son who is living at home with us. He has no friends and no social life beyond the immediate family. He has a job but he seems to be very unhappy there. He works from home a lot and spends almost all time at home in his room with the door closed. He is very resistant to talking about how he is going, tending to answer in monosyllables or to say he doesn’t want to talk about it. This is a pattern of behaviour that developed over his time at uni and he has resisted all attempts at suggesting he seek help, join a social group etc. He sees life as completely bleak and that nothing will change. I feel I have exhausted all ideas about how to help him - I’ve tried suggesting he talk to the GP, counsellor, support lines, work Employee Assistance Programs, use online programs etc. I have made countless suggestions about social ideas he could try. I have been trying to back off because clearly I am not helping and leave him to make his own decisions but I am just watching him get paler and unhappier. I am finding this very hard to live with. Grateful for any thoughts about how I can cope with this situation.

Sparks16 What constitutes abuse?
  • replies: 6

Hi Hope everyone is doing ok Have a few questions I need some clarity with. I have been with my partner around 5 years. We have a 7 year old and a 2 year old. Things were ok with us from my POV until the day my partner told me she was pregnant 3 year... View more

Hi Hope everyone is doing ok Have a few questions I need some clarity with. I have been with my partner around 5 years. We have a 7 year old and a 2 year old. Things were ok with us from my POV until the day my partner told me she was pregnant 3 years ago. Since then I have felt I have been spoken down to, bossed around and controlled. I get called a c$#& and a piece of crap at least a few times a week, comments about my appearance and accused of being a narcissist and gaslighter etc weekly aswell. I feel constantly confused and wonder whether I really deserve all of this as apparently I'm the problem. Yes I havnt been a perfect parter at times and as a male don't express myself as well as I could or communicate well at times and have upset her on occasions but who hasnt? I keep trying every day for the sake of my kids but wonder is this really normal or have other experienced this? Bit of background on our childhoods, I came from a very stable happy home until my parents split when i was 22, partner on the other hand received a lot of abuse from what I've been told and was out of home by her early teenage years Just wonder also whether this would have had a big impact on how she treats me as an adult. Any advice would be much appreciated because I am at my wits end.

mchops Tired of being lectured by my mother
  • replies: 7

Once again, the same thing has happened like it does every time I drive with my mother in the car. I’m on my green Ps. She often gives me good advice on my driving, but while I’m driving that stresses me out and distracts me, and I panic thinking I d... View more

Once again, the same thing has happened like it does every time I drive with my mother in the car. I’m on my green Ps. She often gives me good advice on my driving, but while I’m driving that stresses me out and distracts me, and I panic thinking I did something really wrong. And every Sunday driving her home from the shops we’d always have a fight and I’d yell at her to stop lecturing me about my driving. I don’t know another way to communicate to her, she just won’t listen until she realises how mad she’s made me. I’m hot tempered, but when I cool down I do realise when/why I deserved to be lectured. But I’m an adult in my 20s, and I do not appreciate unwarranted advice all the time, especially knowing the way I’ll react to it. Today was particularly unfair because I didn’t make a single mistake, yet she still found something to lecture about, and it was about a different driver who was swerving and not indicating. I was aware of that and drove safely. But frankly, this week’s lecture wasn’t even to do with my driving and yet she still found a way to make a big deal out of it. I was infuriated and yelled at her to stop. I am so frustrated. And she’ll always say she won’t lecture again, only to pick at something and lecture me again next week, and make me mad again. It’s a shame because we were having a good day until then. We only have one car, I cannot save up enough yet to get another. To summarise, I feel angry, frustrated, accused, criticised. If I speak nicely to calmly and assertively, she might listen, but that doesn’t stop her from lecturing me again tomorrow. Screaming hasn’t stopped her either. I know there are heaps of more serious parent issues on this forum but it’s these small things that drive me crazy, ultimately affecting the relationship. Anyone with advice on how to deal with a parent lecturing? It’s probably out of love blah blah blah but it’s driving me insane I don’t even want to be in the same space as her anymore. Help!