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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Tams20 Friendship and Self-Sabotage...
  • replies: 13

I’m in my early-mid 40s and have recently been ‘officially’ diagnosed with anxiety and depression (something I have lived with on and off since my teenage years). I’ve been taking medication for a couple of months now but I am engaging in some damagi... View more

I’m in my early-mid 40s and have recently been ‘officially’ diagnosed with anxiety and depression (something I have lived with on and off since my teenage years). I’ve been taking medication for a couple of months now but I am engaging in some damaging behaviour that I feel is having an impact on its effectiveness and my recovery. I’ve recently formed a new friendship with another woman and we have become quite close. We get on really well and are in almost daily communication (sometimes feels like we’re dating !) which probably drives her nuts but helps me a lot in getting through my day, especially when I’m struggling. As well as having some awesome ‘midlife crisis’-style fun together, we’ve been supporting each other through some recent difficulties. I’ve actually opened up to her a bit, which is not something that I normally do - I am normally very guarded and (possibly because of this) I don’t have many close friends. I don’t even disclose much about myself to my husband or parents. She has been a revelation of sorts! All sounds great so far, and it should be. But the trouble is, I’m messing it up. I can’t seem to strike a realistic balance in my mind - I seem to alternate between extremes of wanting to her to be my high school BFF and then wanting to push her away. My friendship with her seems to send me into highs and lows - she can make me feel wonderful one minute, then depressed the next. I have no idea what triggers the mood swings but it makes me tend towards feelings of self-sabotage. Mostly I can resist but on two separate occasions I have deliberately tried to end the friendship and push her away, and in doing so I have said some terrible things. Thankfully she has seen through it and hasn’t let me end it, despite having plenty of reasons to tell me where to go. We have somehow remained friends but I must be doing some damage. I feel terrible about it because she doesn’t deserve that behaviour from me, someone who is supposed to be her friend. I just want to enjoy the friendship but I’m having trouble keeping myself together. I was wondering whether anyone else has experienced anything similar and what they did to get themselves out of it? Am going back to the doctor next week to discuss my medication, as I don’t think it’s working for me, but I also need to sort out my behaviour too. I’d be devastated to lose her friendship - and I think I must be on my last chance. Thanks!

Sleepless19 Bullying and Sleep Deprivation
  • replies: 3

Hi all. My husband has been a FIFO worker for the past 12 years. I have been a stay-at-home mum to our four children. As they grew, I worked part-time. Every break, my husband drinks heavily and plays loud music all night. He sings loudly and insults... View more

Hi all. My husband has been a FIFO worker for the past 12 years. I have been a stay-at-home mum to our four children. As they grew, I worked part-time. Every break, my husband drinks heavily and plays loud music all night. He sings loudly and insults me and my children. My three older children have moved out and the youngest remains. I started a full-time job recently and his behaviour has escalated to become physically aggressive and threatening. I can barely function at work and have begged him to cease his behaviour, but he claims to not remember his behaviour whilst 'drunk.' I have complained to his workplace but they have not taken me seriously. My husband is abusive, uses foul language and calls me and my children terrible names. Myself and even my neighbours previously reported him and he has been arrested only to be released the following day, and he continues his behaviour. I don't know what to do, and my mental health is adversely affected.

There Anxiety and the youngest child
  • replies: 2

Hello all, it’s been some time and I’m back. Like everyone I’ve had a bit of a time at life. Over the last 7 years ive had a husband cheated on me with a woman 11 years his junior (these forums helped me greatly during this time). Mum went through br... View more

Hello all, it’s been some time and I’m back. Like everyone I’ve had a bit of a time at life. Over the last 7 years ive had a husband cheated on me with a woman 11 years his junior (these forums helped me greatly during this time). Mum went through breast cancer. My sister in law has MS. I mention all of the above as my parents have decided to sell up and move to somewhere closer to the rest of the fam and that is fantastic. Along with this they want to secession plan which tbh I’m glad they want to do it now rather than wait for my brother and I to have to sort it out whenever that dreadful time comes. It gets a bit messy as I only have one brother who has 2 kids and a wife. I have a partner but after my marriage ended (no kids) like to keep my family finances separate as does he and we are both ok with this. I can’t shake this feeling of anxiety around what mum and dad want to do. My brother often dubbed the golden child and who has the gift of the gab leaves me feeling like he will get everything his way and because I have a partner of only 5 years and no kids I’m not worth anything.I absolutely hate feeling this way, anxious, helpless and worthless. I also hate that I’m feeling like this about succession planning… any words of advice would be welcomed. T(here)

SC333 Married and Done...
  • replies: 4

I'm a married 35yo mother of two boys.Married for 13 years - during this time, I have been loyal, loving hard & forgiving my husband for his actions (that were not acceptable, not keeping boundaries, flirting, visit to the prostitute etc). I would sa... View more

I'm a married 35yo mother of two boys.Married for 13 years - during this time, I have been loyal, loving hard & forgiving my husband for his actions (that were not acceptable, not keeping boundaries, flirting, visit to the prostitute etc). I would say in total, I could count 5+ events that had affected me which I approached him about but was brushed off. He is an extrovert & loves company of others while I'm an introvert & focus on the inner peace.I think it came to a point where one day I woke up & felt 'I am done' - but FT work, kids etc - I don't think I had the time to think.We had a flatmate 'N' who moved in soon after - a young man in his late 20's who had come out of a broken place & wanted space away from everything he went through - which he chose our place.Him & I got along well - we would open up to me about his past, which was quite dark & had just broken up with his partner so both being quite broken, we connected.Hubby didn't like this & told me to keep my distance, that he feels 'N' isn't keeping his boundaries.That is when I flipped - talking to him for hours is nothing compared to what you did & how you brushed me off, yet, you expect me to listen to how you feel? I think at that point I knew I was done & it hit me hard. I broke down in front of hubby & exploded with all my emotions going back 13 years until now - & how I feel about him now = no emotions, no love, just numb. Not even angry anymore. That if he was to go flirt now, I'll feel fine. Since then, all hell broke lose.

Guest_36806187 Support for partner of someone with chronic pain
  • replies: 1

I'm hoping someone can offer assistance. My partner (currently ex, but still living under the same roof) has had injuries and been on work cover for 4.5 years. I have done my best to support them the best I knew how to and we are at a point where I a... View more

I'm hoping someone can offer assistance. My partner (currently ex, but still living under the same roof) has had injuries and been on work cover for 4.5 years. I have done my best to support them the best I knew how to and we are at a point where I am being blamed for their problems and the state of their mental health. I want them to move out, but it is not happening so I am living in this state of toxicity and aggression 24/7 as they are always home, and I work from home. Looking for some coping strategies / ideas?!

Wan Dealing with own emotion
  • replies: 1

Hello,I need some help dealing with my own emotions. I was born overseas. When I was young, I saw my father hit my mum a lot until they separated. Since then, I've been scared of men. Many years have passed, and I got married to a very good man, and ... View more

Hello,I need some help dealing with my own emotions. I was born overseas. When I was young, I saw my father hit my mum a lot until they separated. Since then, I've been scared of men. Many years have passed, and I got married to a very good man, and we have two sons together. We moved to Australia. The problem is, my husband is a mama's boy, and my mother-in-law is very attached to her son. This makes me feel upset, angry every time I see them together, insecure, and left out. I'm also not sure if my feelings of jealousy and being left out are directly related to my childhood trauma. I don't like feeling this way. What should I do?"

beachaholic3 Smell of Breakup
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, revisiting my most recent and final breakup before I decided to forget relationships altogether. For me the smell of cigarette smoke and hospital wards just scream 'breakup'. I remember losing my job, being addicted to cigarettes and alc... View more

Hi everyone, revisiting my most recent and final breakup before I decided to forget relationships altogether. For me the smell of cigarette smoke and hospital wards just scream 'breakup'. I remember losing my job, being addicted to cigarettes and alcohol and wandering the halls of the emergency/psychiatric ward with no purpose and waiting for it all to be over and done with. Apparently I was too codependent to the point of my partner feeling 'responsible for my happiness'. My life has been shit for the last 10 years. I retraced it all to the day I stepped foot into Year 7 and the teacher said 'ladies and gentlemen, your lives from now on will change. You're adults now'. I've found peace and fulfillment by regressing in maturity and personality back to when I was a wee lad. Not everyone is impressed but if I've learnt anything, it's that I don't exist to please others. I've spent 10 years doing that shit

Riri Cross roads
  • replies: 5

I have been married for two years and known my husband for five. Im quiet independent with a secure attachment style his is more insecure and a little co dependent. My parents never approved and still don't. I have always had my own things in life an... View more

I have been married for two years and known my husband for five. Im quiet independent with a secure attachment style his is more insecure and a little co dependent. My parents never approved and still don't. I have always had my own things in life and been happy with work and family around me. I have lived in the big smoke my entire life and had strong connections and proximity to family. My partner does not have strong family connections and does not like city living especially as we are living in my mother's rental and due to that situation, my partner pushed for us to buy own own house, in a reginal town as a compromise, so an hours drive from my family. We have renovated our house for the last three years. Our stuff is in there, well half of it. I'm no longer feeling comfortable with the move due to how we have been lately. There is no intimacy or emotional connection between us and I don't feel I can be vulnerable around him most of the time. He does not validate my emotions or opinions and becomes upset at me. I have been seeing a counselor for 2 years. And we have tried couples counseling. I get upset quite a bit as I persist on my boundaries and at times this has ment leaving the house Renos and driving back in storms, pitch black and in tears. I'm worried that if I move there the behaviours may continue or become worse. He has depression and is not dealing with it but promises he will. He also suffers PTSD after a near death experience and a previous divorce. His not a controlling person in actions but words seem it although not so obvious and often leave me confused and doubting my own feelings and perception. He says I need to change my perception and think of him in a generous way...when I try to explain that this leads to lack of intimacy he will deny any responsibility. He simply says I need to man up and move forward with my life. He tells me it's not healthy to be under my parents thumb and living in their place(rental). I'm feeling hurt and lonely. We don't have kids. I'm not sure if there is any point continuing with the marriage. He is a nice person but I feel we clash alot. I could leave now and move on with my old life quiet easily but if I move from where I am I feel it will be to hard to move back. He says he will try his hardest, but I'm not sure how when he can't hear what I'm saying. I can't simply flick a switch. I don't know if there is any hope.

Clara1 Worried About My Mother
  • replies: 3

I am in a very bad mood today after talking to my mother. I don’t know if this is her fault or my fault. I feel confused and I am not sure who I can turn to for help. She says I don’t appreciate her and she makes me feel like I did something wronge t... View more

I am in a very bad mood today after talking to my mother. I don’t know if this is her fault or my fault. I feel confused and I am not sure who I can turn to for help. She says I don’t appreciate her and she makes me feel like I did something wronge to her. Sometimes I am just not sure what to say to her.

Guest_41412403 Been feeling lonely
  • replies: 1

Hi so I've had family issues from 15yr old my family dad wasn't the best teaching me skills I had to learn myself dad got marry 3 times my real mum suide when I was 3 my sis was 9 second step mum abused me but they divorced I left home at 15 I'm not ... View more

Hi so I've had family issues from 15yr old my family dad wasn't the best teaching me skills I had to learn myself dad got marry 3 times my real mum suide when I was 3 my sis was 9 second step mum abused me but they divorced I left home at 15 I'm not sure if it's a faze but things are getting to me I'm have 2 one she's 28 nearly married and 16yr boy I'm regretting now that I didn't have another baby close age as my son has mental health cognitive imparment ODD /ADHA since 12 it started till now I've moved mountain to get help from phys to dulea but was always up to him as ODD there's no residential treatment in Australia only oversea but always up to him so put all my focus on him so now is in jail one month now he sees phsy and others because by force then I had to put my dog down of 16yrs 2 Month's ago so now I'm 47 been struggling if I had one close would it be different been on drugs most of my life that's why I put off having another due to him sick in hospital but now it's haunting me am I going through menopause I'm getting depression again I see family's with kids makes me sad it's hitting me hard now how can I cope I don't go anywhere how can I stop regrets