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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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TryingMyBestAA Post break up confusion/worthiness
  • replies: 3

Hi there, It’s been two months since my last forum post. My ex-partner (M/22) reached out to me (F/23) this past week to grab coffee - three months post-breakup. In his message, he clarified that he did not intend on getting back together because it ... View more

Hi there, It’s been two months since my last forum post. My ex-partner (M/22) reached out to me (F/23) this past week to grab coffee - three months post-breakup. In his message, he clarified that he did not intend on getting back together because it would “hurt both of us a lot more.” I appreciated the honesty and didn’t want to have any false hope. When we broke up, he said he couldn’t be in a committed relationship, which I believe is still true. At the coffee catch-up, we laughed a lot and cried a lot - especially when I asked the hard questions for clarity. He told me he cared for me deeply and liked me, but after a year together, he didn’t feel what he thought he “should” feel. He said my feelings were stronger than his and that he didn’t want to lead me on. For context, we were together for a year, celebrated an anniversary, and I met his family (for a formal dinner which he initiated) two weeks before the breakup. We never officially labeled the relationship. It was always difficult for him to define the relationship or make it official, and I struggled to have conversations about where we stood. All he would say was that he enjoyed spending time with me, that I was a sweet girl, liked me, and that he did see a future but was not ready to go steady or official. A few months before the breakup, I believed he saw a future with me. I was happy to wait because I admired him so much and felt he was worth it. He said that during our last date - about a week before the breakup - when I asked if we had a future, he realized he couldn’t see one with me. I’m posting because I feel confused. I’ve accepted the situation for what it is, but I can’t help feeling unworthy or like I wasn’t “good enough.” He says he cared deeply and that the relationship was great, but I guess our feelings weren’t equal or mutual. How do I stop feeling unworthy? Did he think he could do better or just want to explore other options? Because I truly felt loved during our relationship. On one date, he even told me he admired me more than I knew.Important note: meeting the parents went okay. He said I was very shy, but that his parents and sister thought I was sweet. He also suggested we work on my confidence, so that seemed promising. Asked him about it during our post break up coffee and he stated that meeting the parents did not contribute to his decision to end things. He also said I can reach out anytime if I need anything because he still cares for me and wants to make sure I’m okay and looked after. That sounded very similar to what he said during the breakup - that he couldn’t be the partner I needed or look after me the way I deserve.Any thoughts or advice to get past the confusion? Thanks and apologies for the information/details.

Guest_35320495 My girlfriend wants to use weed frequently around me and its creating emotional distance between us
  • replies: 2

We're both 20 and dating for just under a year now but she still smokes weed very frequently, usually not going 3 days without it (and used to smoke every night).Shes told me that shes gone through some really traumatic stuff including when she was r... View more

We're both 20 and dating for just under a year now but she still smokes weed very frequently, usually not going 3 days without it (and used to smoke every night).Shes told me that shes gone through some really traumatic stuff including when she was really young, so i understand there are some issues with her mental health that need to be treated, whether that be through an unhealthy dependence on weed or through therapy. Yet every time i have mentioned the latter she becomes defensive and claims that she only rarely uses weed for her mental health and that its more so just something she really enjoys where it increases the enjoyment she gets from doing activities like watching movies or crocheting. She also has a fear of being hurt so she could be lying but at this point in our relationship with her trusting me pretty well and knowing me i sort of believe her. Her family is also very enabling drug-wise, with her dad encouraging her to use weed at 13 and her mum and step father regularly smoking with her as a teenager.However, i feel like if youre enjoying your life and your hobbies there shouldnt really be a desire to smoke that often? furthermore i wouldnt care as much if she didnt smoke around me but she does and even when were in the middle of doing something like eating at a restaurant or drinking at a bar shes said multiple times that she really wishes she could smoke a joint, and has done so on occasions.Ive voiced my concerns to her and how it creates emotional distance between us and makes me feel as though her mind is elsewhere during what are supposed to be specific times where we are sort of only supposed to be thinking of one another such as the previously mentioned situations, but she keeps saying she doesnt really understand and has continued to smoke around me, albeit at a lesser amount. The last couple times shes smoked in front of me when weve been out have also been around one of her friends, which make me feel like she knows it hurts me but if her friend is there i either cant say anything or she feels more 'supported' and can source the courage to ignore my concerns.Just this valentines day she said that she loves me and i do believe her, ive had moments where ive loved her too and we really are amazing together at times but then i just dont understand why this is such a big issue for her if its relatively harmless to stop or restrict

Guest_44812130 Imbalanced emotions and numbness
  • replies: 4

For the last year I’ve been struggling mentally but lately i feel like it’s getting worse, i have recently gone off birth control as well. My anxiety is through the roof and i feel sad or ‘numb’ to feelings a lot of the time which is not usual for me... View more

For the last year I’ve been struggling mentally but lately i feel like it’s getting worse, i have recently gone off birth control as well. My anxiety is through the roof and i feel sad or ‘numb’ to feelings a lot of the time which is not usual for me. This has severely impacted my relationship with my partner and my social life. I feel detached from my partner and sometimes don’t feel any connection or emotions towards him but I know i love him. My symptoms include;Mood swings - anger and sadnessExtremely insecureOverwhelmed easilyAvoid social gatheringsNumbness of feelings Waves of emotion towards my partner (loss of interest)im considering going on anti depressants or anti anxiety medication as I don’t feel like myself at all and I can’t deal with it anymore and I don’t want to lose my relationship- please tell me I’m not alone experiencing this

Anon2026 What next does well but won’t get help
  • replies: 1

Where to start I F40 and M50 have been together since I was 16. We have three kids all doing great. Back in the day we used to use IV speed, heroin and Ice, Pot. Anyway after like 7 years we both beat our addiction. 17 years pass and Last year I noti... View more

Where to start I F40 and M50 have been together since I was 16. We have three kids all doing great. Back in the day we used to use IV speed, heroin and Ice, Pot. Anyway after like 7 years we both beat our addiction. 17 years pass and Last year I noticed my husband acting weird but the thought that there is no way he would go back to drugs it was unfathomable to me! I missed it for at least 12months. I finally realised and confronted him he had admitted to smoking METH and Picked up a habit. Over the last 6months he is smoking heaps of pot but had seemed to quit started running his business again, and started to look well. Anyway I got to a point that I trusted him I wasn’t going with him when he gets his pot the person and sells ice. I just started not to go with him to a friends house that is also a tradie but I knew used. Anyway he replased last weekend and I’m so angry he was lying so confident don’t worry I don’t do that anymore you don’t need to come with me then Bam high and behaving badly and I’m so angry. I look back now and I do think he has used a couple of times and I missed it. But this weekend was blatant. I have put so much time into helping him giving up my weekends each week to do his hobby. I work full time he only works when he has jobs. I don’t want to use and I’m feeling so angry how do people deal with this I’m tired I don’t want to have to follow him everywhere for him to not use or to be in charge of making sure he is happy I’m tired. I also don’t want to lose my house while I have two kids in Uni and One in year 12. I understand relapse is normal it’s the lying I can’t deal with. what should my next terms be because he has refused all forms of treatment to date.

Leth My younger brother has gone to jail, and I'm struggling to hold it together
  • replies: 184

I was referred to the beyondblue website to read a thread about a mum and her pain that she was going through after her son had gone to jail. It's crazy, because when I was reading it, I could very much see the same pain my mother is currently feelin... View more

I was referred to the beyondblue website to read a thread about a mum and her pain that she was going through after her son had gone to jail. It's crazy, because when I was reading it, I could very much see the same pain my mother is currently feeling. I needed to come here and put out how I'm feeling about the whole situation as well, from an older brothers point of view, but to be honest, I don't even know where to start. My brother, with the biggest warmest heart, with physical and mental heath issues, developed an ice addiction, he neglected his health and in the last year, my mum and I have done nothing but tried our damn hardest to help him, both professionally, personally, financially, the whole lot. He got himself into a fair bit of trouble about a year ago, and in lead up to his sentence, his smoking of ice increased, as did his lies, and everything was spiralling out of control for him and everyone around him. I left my well payed job to be more closer to my mum and brother in need. The whole process has been so stressful, and it's been so hard to now see my brother get taken away. He's such a vulnerable person, a "gentle giant", who without pointing the figure, influenced to trying ice, became hooked and majorly lost his way. His bedroom became his haven, he never left it, and my poor mother who became so submissive to his behaviour, did her best to care for him while he was in the darkest time in his life. I'm feeling fragile. I'm finding myself withdrawing. Having a hard time sleeping, and when I do, I instantly wake up with a cracking head ache. I start crying at unpredictable times, I've somewhat distanced myself from my boyfriend, I have my mum staying with me until she's going to be ok living alone. My brother has left behind some financial stress, and I'm left to now collect the pieces, to cancel his accounts, and to work out a ways to pay back all these "Afterpay" type transactions he's made over the last several months on top if fine reminders in the mail. The whole thing is just hard, but there's that glimmer that this is perhaps that divine intervention that he's needed, as nothing I or my mum did worked. I've been seeing an amazing psychologist for since this all began about a year ago, my GP has suggested I get on anti depressants which I'm almost contemplating. Are there any other siblings out there who's maybe been in my shoes who might be able to give me some advice? I'd appreciate it immensely.

Peoplepleaser Tired and overwhelmed
  • replies: 2

I'm struggling lately, and feel guilty for admitting I feel this way, because I know I have alot to be grateful for. I feel like my life is slowly crushing me but if I slow down or stop, the people around me will see I'm not worth being around anymor... View more

I'm struggling lately, and feel guilty for admitting I feel this way, because I know I have alot to be grateful for. I feel like my life is slowly crushing me but if I slow down or stop, the people around me will see I'm not worth being around anymore and will leave. I have had anxiety and panic attacks since 16, have tried therapy previously but it didnt help and I can't realistically afford it at the moment. Tried my GP recently but they made me feel worse and were reluctant to help. The last few years have been rough, work feels draining and unfulfilling, yet it provides stability and flexibility that are hard to give up. My partner struggles with severe depression, I supported him and managed the household for several years while he got better, he is alot better now most of the time but still struggles and I'm constantly worrying about when his next low period will be and stressing about how to cover everything when he is off work due to it, and feeling guilty for resenting him at times because I know its not his fault. I've also recently went no contact with my alcoholic parents as I realised when I stopped reaching out, I no longer heard from them unless they wanted something. They were constantly speaking negatively of my partner despite being asked to stop and were wanting to always overstep boundaries I put in place. I am involved in running a charity in my free time which I use to love but feel lately it exhausts me and am beginning to resent it too. I dont have nergy to do anything on weekends just want to sleep and lay on couch. I want to stop feeling this way but am not sure how to make a change as my motivation is at an all time low and have been crying alot. I'm also scared to ask for help because I feel like my problems pail in comparison to others but I know i need to do something. I'd be grateful for any advice, suggestions and perspectives on what has helped others and where to start

Sunshine11 Broken up by my depressed boyfriend
  • replies: 7

I feel so broken and lost. My partner of 5 years has told me he needs to be by himself to heal as he is so depressed and struggling to be happy with life and his self worth. It came out of nowhere, we have so much love for eachother and never had any... View more

I feel so broken and lost. My partner of 5 years has told me he needs to be by himself to heal as he is so depressed and struggling to be happy with life and his self worth. It came out of nowhere, we have so much love for eachother and never had any relationship issues besides his side of opening up with communication, due to childhood trauma from his parents not allowing him to in a safe space. We talked about our future with how many kids we’d want, holiday trips, future plans and found out he did want to engage to me. Then a few days later he told me he can’t do this anymore. I want to support him as much as I can. He asked and hopes for us to stay friends as he says he doesn’t want to lose me, but i explained I don’t know if I can be just friends as I can’t suppress my feelings for him. I want to offer him to go back on a break (which we first tried, but I struggled as I thought I had done something wrong and he didn’t want me. So he’s now explained that’s not the case; but because he is struggling mentally). But I’m unsure if he will take up that offer and it will hurt me more if he’s not open to it. I just want him to know that I’m happy to wait for him to be his better self he keeps talking about. He is in a tragic state himself, both crying our hearts out and saying we miss each other and love each other. I’ve mentioned he should see a therapist as what he’s been trying to fix himself by for the last three months has done nothing. But he’s hesitant about it. He told his friend two weeks ago he wants to be with me but doesn’t know how to, if he can’t love himself he can’t give me love. Then two days ago he says he’s still not ready as he asked to catch up and for us to hopefully stay friends. I don’t know what to do, I’m so broken, I don’t want to lose him, my body is going through withdrawal from the person that I love so much and I’m spiralling with my mental health over this loss. I’m scared once he’s better that I won’t be the lucky girl to see him as his healed self that he’s happy with. Everyone is saying to give up on hope but how do I just give up and not try my best to be there for him when he is struggling with himself. You can’t just leave someone you love struggling when they open up about being depressed and feeling lonely. He says it’s not fair for me to wait but I want him to know I’m happy to without putting pressure on him.

Pippa_thebold Parents - controlling my relationship
  • replies: 9

Hello Everyone, I am 19f. I have recently begun a relationship with someone who is slightly older (>4 years old) than me. I currently study full-time and work part-time, due to this I live at home with my parents. My parents, have 'told' me that they... View more

Hello Everyone, I am 19f. I have recently begun a relationship with someone who is slightly older (>4 years old) than me. I currently study full-time and work part-time, due to this I live at home with my parents. My parents, have 'told' me that they don't like this person that I am seeing because of their lifestyle choices. However, these lifestyle choice don't effect my in any way, and my partner has since made a change towards those choice. Despite this, my parents have told me that I am not allowed to see my partner and I am not allowed to talk to my partner. I have reached out to my parents many times to sit and talk with my partner but my partners have threaten violence towards my partner if they ever see them I want to be with my partner, as they make me unbelievably happy and being with them makes me forget about the stresses of life. However, I am unsure of what to do in this situation. I am worried if I move out my parents will no longer speak to me and I'll be stranded on a low income job, trying to work my way through a university degree. Please help!

Pippa_thebold Scared to tell parents about relationship
  • replies: 4

22f dating 25m Back story, 3 years ago dated this person my parents FORBADE me from dating them threaten (22m at the time) with violence etc. The reason they FORBADE us from dating was because he used to take drugs at festivals. Since then I have dat... View more

22f dating 25m Back story, 3 years ago dated this person my parents FORBADE me from dating them threaten (22m at the time) with violence etc. The reason they FORBADE us from dating was because he used to take drugs at festivals. Since then I have dated someone else lived with them since splitting I have moved back home with mum and dad. Context I'm a uni student who also works full time and does pay them rent. I ran into 25m again back in Feb and we have fallen back in love all over again. I want to be with this person for many reasons but I will run out of space. However, I have such intense and crippling anxiety about telling my parents. I am so scared that they are gonna react violently or kick me out. I love my parents but they do not take it lightly when their kids do something they don't like. I do see my partner as much as I can but my parents are always on my grill about where I am and how long I'm there etc. I love my partner and want to be with him all the time. I just don't know how to go about telling them, I am so scared of the fall out from that but I know I need to tell them. I guess I'm just looking for some advice?

blues23 Difficulty knowing where I stand
  • replies: 2

I went on a holiday trip with my family 3/4 days in it fell apart my child and that of my family members child mucking around my daughter doing something mean ( i didn’t see half the things as I missed half or wasn’t present apparently my child start... View more

I went on a holiday trip with my family 3/4 days in it fell apart my child and that of my family members child mucking around my daughter doing something mean ( i didn’t see half the things as I missed half or wasn’t present apparently my child started stuff and then the other child got in trouble for it I didn’t know that my child started it ) I told my child to stop being mean and keep her distance and stuff my family member said that they would go do separate activities to reduce the tension all fine they also mentioned that if my child mucks up again my child would be blocked by my family members kids , ( later denied saying this ) also told me my child was untouchable / on last their legs & they just have to put up and accept my child behaviour because she is she and is untouchable/ all things upset me & my child as I said we would go home from trip as I felt uncomfortable cause my child was acting up I was told I was blowing things out of proportion, overreacting ( I do this all the time when my daughter does something or is mentioned to be in trouble ( from what I remember my family member has never mentioned anything about my daughters behaviour to me and if they do or have I address it with my daughter) I told family member that if she does something and I’m not around or in the toilet to tell her to stop. My family member after our day of separated activities after I’d already told my daughter off and kept her separate for a few days & she’s apologised/ me too had apologised/ my daughters got told by my family member she was acting like a cow during her behaviour towards my family members kid I stopped this from escalating/ I don’t think my daughter heard what was said to her / on return home my family members pets were at my home being looked after by someone else in my home the pets had vomited over my child’s Xmas present/ pooped and made a general mess of my house/ I said as a passing comment maybe even a conversation starter : or even a comment to myself that it would take me 6 weeks to clean it / family member snapped at me told me to stop dramatising so I replied I was just saying and left them to their devices went out to my car and started taking stuff out and keeping out of family members way, family member continued to clean even though I asked to stop & leave. After returning home been few days family member has been distant I send txt they send thumbs up only reply when they want something or need something . I don’t know where I stand it looks to me they don’t want us around I miss my family member but I’m also like thumbs up what does that mean am I getting silenced / Should I just let it go and not bother them anymore . I’m pretty hurt by things I’m sure family member is too but don’t know what to do or if I should bother anymore.

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