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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Robby60 non-binary
  • replies: 7

I have a child in their early twenties who over the last couple of years has embraced non-binary culture and evolved a friendship group of people who are non-binary or trans. I am now under the impression that my child intends to start hormone therap... View more

I have a child in their early twenties who over the last couple of years has embraced non-binary culture and evolved a friendship group of people who are non-binary or trans. I am now under the impression that my child intends to start hormone therapy. While I appreciate that there are people who undertake sex changes and become more at peace with themselves as a result, I worry that there is a significant contemporaneous political push of non-binary concepts, for example people writing children's books for pre-schoolers introducing such concepts, and that there seems to be conflicted research on this topic with some ardently advocating non-binary concepts and others expressing concern about health outcomes. My child is super touchy at any conversation about this with me.I have seen a research paper that shows a higher incidence of childhood trauma correlation in people who self-identify as non-binary. My child has had some childhood trauma. I know two other parents who have non-binary children and both these children have failed to launch as economically independent adults.I'm very worried that my child may go down a path, possibly non-reversible, that might fail to provide the peace of mind they are seeking and end up with them being worse off. I am trying to figure out how to distinguish between someone who has true gender dysphoria and someone who is looking for anything to try to escape themselves. Any thoughts appreciated.

Rogger GENUINE QUESTION: Do people genuinely care about their friends?
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm not sure if this is a silly question, but I thought I'd ask anyway. So I don't really have any close friends at the moment (not asking for sympathy haha), nor do I have a close extended family or anything. I do however have two parents. Now, ... View more

Hi, I'm not sure if this is a silly question, but I thought I'd ask anyway. So I don't really have any close friends at the moment (not asking for sympathy haha), nor do I have a close extended family or anything. I do however have two parents. Now, I used to have friends who I felt fairly close to. We have known each other for around four years, and I felt close during this time. However, after the fourth year, the organisation we were a part of disbanded, and despite some efforts (especially on my end) to maintain the relationship, ultimately, they moved on with their lives, met new people, and drifted apart. Now, of course I understand that most relationships will be transitive, and accept that our relationship would likely grow weaker after our organisation disbanded. However, this doesn't prevent me feeling unhappy about it. Now, my parents told me that the chances of having friends who ever loved me was extremely slim, and that the only people who would ever really love me is them, my future wife, and any children I have. Now, I understand that the love between spouses is important for many people, but at this point in my life I'm not even sure if I want to get married, and if I did, I doubt I would want to have more than one child, contrasting their suggestion of having many. Now, given my relationship with my parents is... complicated, to say the least, this is somewhat disappointing to me, as it suggests, unless I choose to date, no-one will care about me. I'm a bit hesitant to start dating, partly because there was someone who I liked who was part of the organisation I was previously apart of. However, partly due to my own hesitations, and disapproval from my parents, I never asked her out. Since then, I haven't really liked anyone in the same way. So, I thought I'd ask here, I'm genuinely asking if people care about their friends. I'm fine if what my parents say is true, and that relationships displayed on TV are fantasies, there because they are what people wish for but can rarely have, but only so long as it's the truth. If anyone has any data on statistics of care among friends, that would also be fantastic!

keyboardcookie Struggling to get over my break-up
  • replies: 1

About 6 months ago, I went through a break up with a guy I dated for about three months. I felt it was the first time I ever actually 'loved' someone - although it feels silly to say such a thing about someone I spent so little time with. But, he mad... View more

About 6 months ago, I went through a break up with a guy I dated for about three months. I felt it was the first time I ever actually 'loved' someone - although it feels silly to say such a thing about someone I spent so little time with. But, he made me feel something I hadn't felt before. Since then, I've had crushes, been on dates, online dates, started a new course at university, went overseas, and even started a small business and yet - nothing makes me feel like I have moved on from. I still feel so hung up on him.The relationship ended very abruptly, with no explanation on his end, and absolutely no contact until I recently messaged him - only to get no response. I also recently found out he has been seeing people, although none of it has panned out for him. All of this makes me feel so pathetic and small. It seems I've done everything - travel, therapy, working out, changing my lifestyle, dying my hair, dating, working hard, no contact, never checking his social media - and although I can function in my day to day life well enough, I don't feel over him at all. He consumes nearly all of my waking thoughts, shows up in my dreams, and when I'm not thinking about him I'm actively trying NOT to think about him!I feel like he's moved on, and although I know he's not a good guy and the way he treated me at the end of our relationship was wrong, I just can't help wanting him back and feeling like I'm literally never going to move on. I feel like I'm going crazy and making no progress. My friends are so supportive but I can't help but feel like soon enough they're going to get sick of this, if they aren't already - and sometimes I wonder if I'm in a sort of hell of my own making - as if something in me is refusing to let me let him go and move on. Would really appreciate some advice on this, because I've truly got no idea how to move forward and forget about this loser guy who obviously couldn't care less about me

Guest_33052155 Teenage child
  • replies: 1

I've always struggled as a single mum, but I've strived to always do my best, both my girls never went without, I always put my girls first event staying single at two points for 4 years and then several years so I could focus on them, but apparently... View more

I've always struggled as a single mum, but I've strived to always do my best, both my girls never went without, I always put my girls first event staying single at two points for 4 years and then several years so I could focus on them, but apparently that wasn't good enough for my youngest daughter who is now 17 and has now ran away from home claiming childhood trauma from me,she claims I took her to random men's houses where she slept on the floor and where I had sex in the next room. For years she has bashed me just like her father did, standing over me taking all my money, I want to know where was my family when my daughter was growing up, when I needed help, no where that's right, I asked for help, but now that all the hard work is done they now have her and I'm left heart broken and lost. And now she is making these false allegations, she has absolutely destroyed me, I'm so heartbroken that she has done this, I've tried speaking to her, She is living with my sister and my sister has said if I keep trying to contact her they will go to the police, Yesterday I wound up in hospital as I was sick, I got asked who my next of kin was, or who my family was, I burst into tears I literally have no one now, I feel so alone,

Jessie65 Partners pot addiction is negatively impacting my life
  • replies: 6

Hi I need advice my partner of 3 years smokes pot from morning till night he works hard but is emotionally absent at home basically comes home like a zombie and eats and sleeps it impacts every area of our life from physical intimacy to emotional int... View more

Hi I need advice my partner of 3 years smokes pot from morning till night he works hard but is emotionally absent at home basically comes home like a zombie and eats and sleeps it impacts every area of our life from physical intimacy to emotional intimacy he quit for 10 months prior to moving into my house as I said I wasn’t having it but no sooner he moved in it began I have talked to him so many times encouraged him all the usual stuff he has visited he’s go twice but never really followed through he says he wants to quit as it’s ruined his relationships so far but he says he doesn’t know how to be without it I’ve had enough of feeling alone and unimportant but love him how do I set boundaries?

Starlight_80 Partner won't talk
  • replies: 8

I'm writing here because I want to message my friends and ask their advice and I also don't want to, ya know? I have an appointment with a psychologist but it's 2 weeks away. Would be nice to have some neutral feedback. I'm a bit scared to outright s... View more

I'm writing here because I want to message my friends and ask their advice and I also don't want to, ya know? I have an appointment with a psychologist but it's 2 weeks away. Would be nice to have some neutral feedback. I'm a bit scared to outright say I want to break up. He doesn't hit me but he did have a cane he threatened to smack the kids with. I hid it. He didn't say anything. He's not a talker. Last week I got mad at the youngest being stubborn and I yelled at them. But HE yelled out from the bedroom "just SMACK them!!" I SNAPPED. I yelled back at him along the lines of I don't want any more talk of violence in this house (I may have also pointed out that just because he was disciplined like that as a kid doesn't make it right) and for him to F off. We've been together for 15 years, 3 kids above 9. Today I said I don't want to live like this anymore. I tried to talk about feelings the week before last and now we talk even less. We used to kiss goodnight and goodbye every day. Not for almost 2 weeks now. Now nothing beyond what's for dinner and got any washing? We've always been great at sweeping our problems under the rug but this is ridiculous. I can't even talk about how to move forward with our lives. I'm so frustrated with him. Just talk to me dammit!!!

Jayde_04 I just feel alone
  • replies: 3

I’ve always been someone who wants a relationship, my friends who never wanted a boyfriend have all got one and I’m the only one single. They all talk about cute things their boyfriends do for them and I just feel so alone. It’s starting to feel like... View more

I’ve always been someone who wants a relationship, my friends who never wanted a boyfriend have all got one and I’m the only one single. They all talk about cute things their boyfriends do for them and I just feel so alone. It’s starting to feel like I’m getting needy, I’m now just mindlessly swiping through dating apps hoping that the next one will stick around longer than a day. I just want to feel appreciated and comfortable with someone who loves me but instead I’m just watching my friends relationships from afar feeling so alone

Mark h My partner resents my relationship with my son. Help!
  • replies: 3

Dear Beyond Blue I really need help. I am so flipping lost and I don't know who to turn to. I am hoping that you can read what I have to say and offer any advice. My partner and I have been together for 3 years. In that time, we have separated three ... View more

Dear Beyond Blue I really need help. I am so flipping lost and I don't know who to turn to. I am hoping that you can read what I have to say and offer any advice. My partner and I have been together for 3 years. In that time, we have separated three times but something keeps bringing us back together. I am 53 and my partner is 51. We have booth come from previous relationships. My partner loves me I am sure but recently she has told me that my parenting style with my 18 year old son is questionable. FYI, My 18 year old has massive anxiety issues stemming from bullying at school. He works for his mum on Tues, Weds & Thurs and then on Fri, Sat, Sun & Mon comes back to me. He's a great kid, funny, smart and loves my partner however for her, having him here over weekends all the time is an issue. She has said that she wants a weekend a month where he isn't around but that is difficult because rightfully this is his home. Whilst he is here, we hardly see him. He comes up in the day and then at night time, he likes to come in and sit to talk through his day but only for a couple of hours before disappearing to his room again. He doesn't have his driving licence yet but will have in the next few months. I have a great bond with my kid, we are extremely close. My partner now is saying to me that she finds it exhausting to be around him constantly. Even things like me and him talking about what sauce we will have with dinner annoys her? My partner suffers with anxiety too but for me, the smallest tiny things get turned into large problems. If he leaves a cup on the bench for example, it's a huge thing. I can ask him to spend a weekend at his mums so that we have time on our own but he's my kid and as such, it's very difficult for me. He doesn't do anything wrong at all, he's considerate, kind, funny and as I say, he loves my partner. Last week I said that he could have the last drink of mine in the fridge...that really upset her. She said if it was her kids, she would tell them no but it didn't matter to me at all...she gets quite angry about it. If I change one weekend a month it means he will need to stay with mum for 10 days given his working situation which is fine but he loves being here and so I am lost knowing what to do. I accept my partners girls with open arms but they don't live with us. I feel she wants to control me and resents what I have with my son. Maybe jealousy? Please help

wendlle Husband won't take ownership of his affair
  • replies: 3

There is a lot of context but I'll be quick as possible.We were separated for a few years, both single the entire time and still communicating.In January he started seeing someone that he knew as a teenager (they dated and were intimate as teens) he ... View more

There is a lot of context but I'll be quick as possible.We were separated for a few years, both single the entire time and still communicating.In January he started seeing someone that he knew as a teenager (they dated and were intimate as teens) he was seeing her for 2 months then something sparked in us and he came home and we got back together.We have two kids aged 5 and 8 for reference also. It has been 3 months and I just found out he has been sexting her the entire 3 months he has been home, he has also gone to her house numerous time. I don't believe he has had sex with her on these visits, this is more emotional.The texts were really disgusting and involved photos on her side where she is naked and worse - very sexual like porn. My husband was fully responding to them all. He is refusing to take full ownership of this, I want us to work it out and move forward but he just keeps saying "I don't think this will work" he won't share his password with me so I can build trust with him which just makes me think there are more secrets to come. I'm so lost and lonely and sad, I've never felt so betrayed before but I don't want to lose him again.He says he has cut all ties, but without his passwords I'll never know. Says he loves me and not her and basically says it like "if i wanted to be with her i would be, but i'm here" like i'm supposed to be grateful he is here even though his mind has been on his ex.We have been married for 12 years and together for 17 - he has been with this woman for 2 months.What gives????

Jessksch I felt stressed and just so upset my partner doesn't ask about my day?!
  • replies: 1

So I know my fiance is kind, is very loyal and honest towards me and respects and treats me as an equal. However, today I was going through a very stressed out situation and when I came home he just talked about his work and not once asked how I was.... View more

So I know my fiance is kind, is very loyal and honest towards me and respects and treats me as an equal. However, today I was going through a very stressed out situation and when I came home he just talked about his work and not once asked how I was. When I do talk about my day, he stays quiet and changes the topic and doesn't engage with me. I have talked to him how this bothers me, he always talks about his day, never about how I'm feeling, how are things going for me? Etc... When I talk about my day, he either changes the topic or, he talks about how much worse he has it than me. We get along amazingly otherwise, but he's also not physically affectionate in any way but I can go without it really. We are planning a future together and have been together for over 10 years, it just has gotten worse and worse as he's going through a stressful period (I try to cheer him up all the time, ask about his day, he vents to me every day on his way home about his work, I buy him snacks, settle things he can't while he's at work etc...)... When he got home today I didn't talk much and he seemed a bit annoyed, but I just couldn't deal with talking to someone who deosn't care to listen to me. The problem is, nobody ever does, and I engage with people, ask questions about their day, how something made them feel etc...so I am always the one people come to to vent, but when I want to talk about something, nobody wants to listen. I just want him to realize on his own that this doesn't make me want to talk to him. I told him thousands of times already and I kind of checked out, but still think it's rude of me to just be mean and not ask about his day. I can really use advice, because we have been through so much together and this is just something little that has been gnawing at me so much