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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Wildorchid17 Lost
  • replies: 3

Not even sure why or what I’m posting. Just reaching out so I don’t feel so alone basically. I’m a mum of 7.same father for all my kids. Ages newborn to 16 Seperated within last year or so. Previous DV. Not physical but due to alcoholic husband emoti... View more

Not even sure why or what I’m posting. Just reaching out so I don’t feel so alone basically. I’m a mum of 7.same father for all my kids. Ages newborn to 16 Seperated within last year or so. Previous DV. Not physical but due to alcoholic husband emotional and mental and more etc. married for a really long time. Was seperated under one roof partially as housing crisis and he initially refused to leave as everything is half his. I’m just so lost I’m forever trying my hardest to make ends meet and make sure everyone is happy…. Some of my older kids struggling with highschool so exploring distance ed. I don’t have anyone to talk to, it’s just hard. Any advice on how to stay this strong. ? Probably a really stupid post

Guest_62238021 Depressed and Divorce
  • replies: 2

Separating due to dynamics (emotional abuse) in the relationship resulting in me experiecing depression after many years together. I initiated the separation and he seems completely accepting and devoid of emotion and refuses to take any accountabili... View more

Separating due to dynamics (emotional abuse) in the relationship resulting in me experiecing depression after many years together. I initiated the separation and he seems completely accepting and devoid of emotion and refuses to take any accountability. He wanted to control the narrative of how others found out and since not a single person from his family has exchanged a word with me, however never really had a close relationship with them to begin with which is also really dissapointing. We're still separated under the same roof and he goes on with life as if nothing happened, even seeming happy.We don't communicate because he will wait for me to initiate and then twist my words and make out that I'm starting conflict or attacking him which is how our relationship has always been because he is always ready to defend rather than listen to understand/connect. I wish I could get things off my chest and let him know how much I'm hurting, seek some sort of comfort but I have to stop myself because I will end up hurting more. When I did ask, he says there's nothing he wants to discuss. It's really hard to talk about with others as I feel they don't understand and I don't want to overwhelm them.

123lil Is it too late?
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend and I worked together at the same place and both ended up quitting at the same time. He ended up taking a job with his brother 2 hours away, which means he's only home on weekends. This has been a big adjustment for me as we've lived tog... View more

My boyfriend and I worked together at the same place and both ended up quitting at the same time. He ended up taking a job with his brother 2 hours away, which means he's only home on weekends. This has been a big adjustment for me as we've lived together pretty much since the begining of our relationship (been together almost 2 yrs). I havent found another job yet which has really gotten me down but he's encouraged me to focus on my art and assured me that he can support the both of us. A couple of weeks after he started working away, I went through his phone and found that he'd been talking to another woman. After I confronted him, he apologised, told me that they havent actually met up and blocked her on everything. I guess he thought that would be the end of it but this has really made my anxiety flare up. Since, every weekend hes been home, I've managed to bring it up again and cause a fight, even though thats not what I want to do. Hes never been good at texting me back or calling to check in and since hes been away my anxiety has made me think the worst. Ive asked him to reasure me more often but he doesnt seem to understand. This past friday we ended up in a massvie fight and some of my family and friends got involved. The next day he said he thinks we should break up, I asked him if there was a chance we could try to work it out and he agreed on the condition that we take some time to reflect on our situation. I really dont want this to be the end of our relationship, I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to get past this. I hadn't talked to anyone about it until after our big fight, which I think has contributed to me not being able to move on. I'm worried that its too late to fix this and that my anxiety will get the better of me and I wont give him the pace he asked for. Is there any way that we can build trust again? He'll be home to talk on the weekend and I want to be able to comunicate without arguing or alienating eachother.

doctorwho moving on
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I have experienced some hard things in my childhood that I find hard to let go of and resolve. However, when I talk to my boyfriend about it, he says that I should try and move on from it. Is that the best response?

Hi all, I have experienced some hard things in my childhood that I find hard to let go of and resolve. However, when I talk to my boyfriend about it, he says that I should try and move on from it. Is that the best response?

Bigcorkers Dealing with a drunk as a brother in law
  • replies: 3

Hi,I need some advice on how to deal with this.My brother drinks to much and when out in public or dinner occasions he always drinks more and starts an argument with people even a fight.1st time was out on a family golf day and he drank to much beer ... View more

Hi,I need some advice on how to deal with this.My brother drinks to much and when out in public or dinner occasions he always drinks more and starts an argument with people even a fight.1st time was out on a family golf day and he drank to much beer and started a fight on the golf course and all of us was asked to leave.2nd time at his wifes birthday he drank to much and was making the waitress feel very uncomfortable and got into a argument with people and made his kids cry and all of us feel uncomfortableLast time was at my birthday he started drinking heavy and got into an argument with someone and punches being thrown by both in front of both there kids and family. I have told my wife that for a while i don`t wont to go to any event when drinking is going on with my brother in law as it is not acceptable. I need some help dealing with this as my wife and his family decide its ok and always say i need to do with it better.

Eagle Ray Changing unhealthy friendship patterns
  • replies: 5

In recent times I’ve become much better with boundaries and removed myself from a number of unhealthy situations with others. But almost like some kind of test, I’ve recently been presented with some challenging situations again. A long time unhealth... View more

In recent times I’ve become much better with boundaries and removed myself from a number of unhealthy situations with others. But almost like some kind of test, I’ve recently been presented with some challenging situations again. A long time unhealthy pattern in my life has been that particular other people view me as their analgesic (I’m there to make them feel better), their shock absorber (I’m there to vent stress on) or their punching bag (I’m there to take anger out on when they’re frustrated or upset in their life). All of these dynamics are repeating the pattern of how my mother viewed/treated me and I unconsciously fell into these roles that others projected onto me. I thought I’d gotten past this but in the last week I’ve had toxic anger directed at me from one friend who is frustrated with others in her life but chose to take it out on me, as I’m gentle and therefore she thought she could get away with that. And now a very challenging friend from the past has contacted me wanting to catch up. It was so draining and stressful dealing with her previously and damaging to my health. I bumped into her recently and because I’m still polite and kind, she now wants to re-establish a friendship. But I just know it would go badly and exhaust me. I have coped with behaviours from her such as tantrums, abusive messages and her phoning me incessantly in an extremely dysregulated state. I know I need to not re-establish contact. She swung between love and hate and has bpd and I have real empathy for her situation, but I simply don’t have it in me to endure the challenges I went through with her before. But what concerns me is that the patterns seem to still present themselves and I wonder what I may be doing that may still invite that dynamic, as much as I don’t want it. Does anyone else relate to people being clingy with them, using them as a punching bag etc? I feel like it’s the story of my life. I think I need to shift something more energetically within myself for it to stop. Basically I find people who have alienated everyone else from their life and feel desperate cling to me because my soft spot is empathy and kindness. But I’ve learned over and over they never really see me or my needs, just someone they can feed off and use to get their needs met. Just feeling vulnerable with this right now and wondering if others have similar experiences and how they’ve dealt with it?

cantdothis I am delusion
  • replies: 3

I recently started university and talking to a variety of different types of people that I wouldn't have met in highschool (aka people of the opposite sex). I've realised that I've become delusional when talking to guys, and for every couple of guys ... View more

I recently started university and talking to a variety of different types of people that I wouldn't have met in highschool (aka people of the opposite sex). I've realised that I've become delusional when talking to guys, and for every couple of guys I meet, I'll assume they like me even if they're playing friendly. This is a bit difficult to explain considering "friendly" is a very broad term, but the main issue is that I'll convince myself that they like me (when they most likely don't), and then overanalyse every single behaviour. This is even worse considering I usually don't like them and I know we wouldn't be compatible in a relationship. Even worse, if I found out they actually liked me I would probably entertain it just to feel better about myself, EVEN if we weren't compatible. Knowing myself, I just want male-validation which is fine to a point. This behaviour damages my friendships and is bad for me (and my mental health). I don't want to be one of those people who lives and breathes male-validation but I'm scared that is becoming me. If anybody has ANY advice on how to get rid of this delusional mindset, PLEASE tell me. I am in dire need of help!!

Sp25 Betrayal of trust
  • replies: 13

I've been in a relationship with my partner for 14 years, and while I love him deeply and we share two children, I feel emotionally exhausted, unsupported, and heartbroken. I've consistently put myself and my needs last while managing our home, raisi... View more

I've been in a relationship with my partner for 14 years, and while I love him deeply and we share two children, I feel emotionally exhausted, unsupported, and heartbroken. I've consistently put myself and my needs last while managing our home, raising our kids mostly on my own, and enduring ongoing emotional letdowns.8 months ago i caught him in the shower watching porn (for context this has been a hard boundary from the very beginning of this relationship to which he entered knowingly and have discussed on multiple occasions with me being given his assurance that this wasnt an issue and that it wasn't something he didnt need to watch) we spoke about it and agreed to continue with the relationship on the provision that he not watch porn anymore. Recently, I discovered he was still constantly watching porn behind my back which shattered what little trust I had left. This most recently happened while I was recovering from yet another surgery for endometriosis, making the betrayal feel even deeper. I haven’t felt emotionally or physically fulfilled in our relationship for years, yet I’ve continued to sacrifice my needs in the relationship because I loved him and thought that it was mutual. I'm starting to feel more like a housemaid than a partner.He also fails to stand up for me, particularly with his mother, and often puts work and his own interests above our family. I'm exhausted from raising concerns, only for the same issues to come up repeatedly with no real change. I feel like a broken record, and I don’t know how much more I can give.At this point, I know I need to put myself first—but I don’t know how because I’ve spent so long prioritizing everyone else. I feel numb, angry, and unsure if I have the energy to keep fighting for this relationship. I want my partner to take accountability, to show through his actions, not just words, that he wants to work on things. That includes him organising therapy not me because I need to see that he’s serious. Actions speak louder than words, and I can’t be the one carrying the emotional load anymore.While I’m waiting for my own therapy, I’m trying to find ways to cope with the emotional burnout and protect my energy. I feel alone in this process and unsure of what comes next, but I know I can’t continue in a relationship were there is neither trust or respect for my boundaries

berry-waffle The one that got away
  • replies: 1

He was my absolute best friend when we were in high school. He was my person. We were inseparable. We were 16-18 year olds. He is the best person I have ever met. He fell in love with me back then, but I did not like him that way, and I did not handl... View more

He was my absolute best friend when we were in high school. He was my person. We were inseparable. We were 16-18 year olds. He is the best person I have ever met. He fell in love with me back then, but I did not like him that way, and I did not handle it well. This caused a rift, and we didn't talk the same way again for a long time. He was my everything. Nobody ever came as close as he did. Letters had always been our thing. We would write each other handwritten letters even though we met and talked every day. Fast forward 8 years. We are both 25 now. We reconnected, and turned out we still think about each other a lot. We both still have our letters from all those years ago. When we started talking again, we talked a lot. This time, I fell in love with him. I sent him a handwritten letter halfway across the world, pouring my heart out and telling him how I feel. He is not into it. I completely understand his side of it. I think a part of me saw it coming, but it still hurts. A lot. Do we ever get over the one that got away?

twolegsjoe Not sure what to do
  • replies: 4

Hi, I'm not totally sure how to articulate this so apologies in advance if this is rambly... I'm 26, have had depression/anxiety for just about as long as I can remember. Of course, it all ebs and flows, but the highs hardly justify the lows. From an... View more

Hi, I'm not totally sure how to articulate this so apologies in advance if this is rambly... I'm 26, have had depression/anxiety for just about as long as I can remember. Of course, it all ebs and flows, but the highs hardly justify the lows. From an outsider's perspective (and my family's for that matter), I appear to have it pretty good: I have a decent ICT job that pays above average, I have a loving long-term partner of 8 years, have a good head on my shoulders, and people tell me that I'm physically attractive. And yet, the older I get, the more empty I feel. I've always struggled with emotional control, which I (and my psychologist) would argue i am in better control of now. But internally, I just feel completely lost. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I don't like to leave the house, even though I make myself. I don't really enjoy anything I try to do for "fun", even though I push myself to stay engaged. I have friends who I know care about me (albeit in another state), but I struggle immensely with sincere connection. Nearly every day I wake up in dread, but try to maintain some semblance of good humour - after all, who would want some mopey person bringing everyone down all the time. I just don't really know what to do with myself. I haven't followed any of my dreams out of fear and lack of quantifiable results (when I was young I wanted to be an artist), and as far as I'm concerned, I'm nothing but a shell of a person. Going to therapy has simply never really gotten me very far (Ive seen at least 4 therapists over the last 10 years, off and on), no matter how hard I try my mind simply cannot overcome the matter. I feel unfulfilled, I feel like nothing. I'm going for an ADHD diagnosis in a couple of months at the advice of my current psych so fingers crossed this does... Something. Again, apologies for the rambling, but can anybody relate or have any advice?