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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_42537424 Normal teenager
  • replies: 1

Hey, this is my first post.I am almost in my 20s and everyone keeps telling me that these years are the best but amongst of the happiness I have felt so much heartbreak and pain. I love this guy more than anything else, so much so that I am okay with... View more

Hey, this is my first post.I am almost in my 20s and everyone keeps telling me that these years are the best but amongst of the happiness I have felt so much heartbreak and pain. I love this guy more than anything else, so much so that I am okay with not being in a relationship with him as he is about to start his childhood dream of his career which requires him to leave my area and says that there’s no point of being in a relationship as he is leaving. Everyone in my life is telling me to let him go but I couldn’t let him go if I tried. I feel like I am loosing everyone in my life, I changed lifestyles completely and no one I was surrounded by in that lifestyle cares or reaches out to me, I know i will make friends in my new career however I feel as if I’m mourning a family I lost. This is me turning over a new leaf, completely starting a new life. I just wish I had someone who would love me as much as I love them, am I so hard to care for? why do I give so much and don’t care if I receive nothing back. How do I handle me losing the love of my life when I know I will think about him for the rest of my life looking for him in every crowd, basing my next relationships of him, telling my children of the one I will always love, maybe even just wait for him for the rest of my life because I will do it.

Guest_53358123 How do I manage this
  • replies: 1

I have been with my partner for 7 years. Has 2 adult children 20 and 23. I have 3 children 13-18years. I am fully independent and have my own home (mortgage) and a good careers. He is a farmer - retired builder . His wife and son still live on the fa... View more

I have been with my partner for 7 years. Has 2 adult children 20 and 23. I have 3 children 13-18years. I am fully independent and have my own home (mortgage) and a good careers. He is a farmer - retired builder . His wife and son still live on the farm. The farm is 50% partnership. Ex wife manages all the finances and my partner does not see and of the bills or the profits or even know where the business is up to and just lets the ex manage it all. He only gets $500 per week from the farm. EX wife keeps asking for money for the farm from him ie: pay interest on loan . His wife has only just got her first full-time job in the last 2 years. Wife has never worked on the farm apart from getting books ready for accountant which is a friend of hers. My partner is having to get a full time job and work the farm. He says that he needs to sell the farm; however, he does not do anything about this. Says he is trying to pull it into gear and tidy it up. The house that the Ex gives in is a beautiful home and garden and has all the mod cons including pool. My ex maintains all of this still as he said its his asset too. Her car is paid for and all her fuel and ancillaries , insurances and phone and healthcare . She travels over 100KM/ per day for her job which isn't associated to farm. I was wanting my partner to protect himself. I wanted his to go to a solicitor o get some advice and a plan to move forward, however he doesn't get this. He wants to come and live with me when he works his full time job. (The farm also supports adult daughter having bought her a 70k vehicle, paying rego and insurance and fuel and her phone , the son is on a disability pension and NDIS as he has mild autism. He does work full time in town also and doesn't drive which is part of Ex wifes restrictive practices. ) I have said that if he does move in with me he will have to pay rent and 50% for expenses. he was not happy about this saying he maintains my place - he totally cracked it. Yes if he is here he does mow the lawns however I am capable of doing this myself. It is something he chooses to do, I don't need him to do it. We resenctly decided to go 50% in a caravan. I have a caravan previously and we wanted to upgrade. I sold mine which would cover the cost of my half for a new van - so my half was sorted. He was yes yes yes yes and said he had the money. Now it has come tot he crunch and the van has finished being built he hasn't the money. This has happened a few times. When I was buying my house we were going to go into together and was bragging to the agent that money wasn't an issue. at auction we put down 25K each as a deposit and when it came down to crunch time to finalise he couldn't come up with the money so I had to go it alone and seek finance for myself. Embarrasing . He also did it with my previous van also and I had to go it alone. I need help as its really getting me down. He is a nice man however I don't understand any of this. Can you help me fathom this.

Guest_15970062 Help
  • replies: 1

Been married for 11 years no sex for last 7-8 year even when we had sex once or twice I could not feel anything I believe he is unable of erecting has massive anger issues how do I get out of this marriage I am very dependent cannot drive and don’t h... View more

Been married for 11 years no sex for last 7-8 year even when we had sex once or twice I could not feel anything I believe he is unable of erecting has massive anger issues how do I get out of this marriage I am very dependent cannot drive and don’t have much felt in me I do feel like killing myself

Sherry M Family Deaths
  • replies: 1

I lost my Father, my partner & my Mother in 1 year. I have struggled ever since no matter how much therapy I get.

I lost my Father, my partner & my Mother in 1 year. I have struggled ever since no matter how much therapy I get.

JBP Caring less about my marriage
  • replies: 1

Good Morning,I'm married to a man who has in the past battled drug addiction and has also been a binge drinker on weekends. Recent health issues have forced him to re-evaluate his lifestyle and I had hoped that this time he would do the right thing a... View more

Good Morning,I'm married to a man who has in the past battled drug addiction and has also been a binge drinker on weekends. Recent health issues have forced him to re-evaluate his lifestyle and I had hoped that this time he would do the right thing and change but he has fallen right back into old habits and my gut is telling me we are heading into a another cycle of drug taking and drinking. Our children are now all grown and I don't think I have it in me to go through this again. I look at him and I only feel tired, he excuses his bad behaviour, minimises the hurt it causes and when his health suffers because of his behaviour he promises to change but then expects constant praise for minor changes but he doesn't really make the big changes. I feel like I'm drowning, he's sucking all the vitality from me. People say "he loves you so much" but micro aggressions, over consumption of food, and alcohol, I don't feel like he really does. Is it normal when you reach your 50's to re-evaluate your life? What you tolerated or participated in when you are younger you no longer want to be a part of? Anyhow, thankyou for having a safe place to get this off my chest.

Guest_66452333 Broken inside
  • replies: 2

I got married to my husband (soon to be ex) 8 years ago. When I was 10 months pregnant, he broke up with me as this wasn't what he wanted. He has ADHD and Bipolar Type 2 and is not stable. Right after he broke up with me, he came back when I had the ... View more

I got married to my husband (soon to be ex) 8 years ago. When I was 10 months pregnant, he broke up with me as this wasn't what he wanted. He has ADHD and Bipolar Type 2 and is not stable. Right after he broke up with me, he came back when I had the baby for our daughter's sake. However, our relationship has been very complicated and we really didn't "get back together." We were more than friends but not in a committed relationship. I have asked him to move out several times, which he did, but somehow he always came back to the "family" house. I always accepted him as I had hope we could build a family again, I guess. We have a sexual relationship until now, and I am like his support worker. I make sure his appointments, money, etc., are okay. I have been his emotional and everyday support. We tell each other "I love you" every day. A couple of weeks ago, he came back crying and told me that he has a girl who he likes and is into now. He felt guilty, so he told me. I have asked him not to tell me anything related to girls he hangs out with, as I know I can't take it very well. I told him that if he wants to do whatever he wants, he has to move out first. He said, "I know this is going to hurt my wife; however, I need to do this and give myself permission to move forward, even if it hurts her so much." He and the girl talked about the situation and decided not to contact each other until he moved out (but they see each other at college sometimes).He keeps telling me that me and our daughter are at the top of his pyramid and no one can replace us. Me and our daughter come first, and we are his first priority above everything else. If he had to choose between me and the girl, he said he would choose me without hesitation and protect me.for his birthday, he want me to be there so he is not going to invite the girl who he likes...According to him, He doesn't want to see me in pain or hurt, and it's killing him.He said he wants to keep this family like it used to be, where he chills and spends time with us at my house. He wants to celebrate Christmas together and go on holidays together. I am lost and don't know what I should do.am I being manipulated by his words? or am i just too stupid to not be able to let him go?

Earth Girl Does this mean all was well (back then)?
  • replies: 5

Back when I was in college, which is a long time ago, I was using a forum and one day I met a girl on there who seemed really nice. I read her bio on her profile and thought she seemed really cool as well so I added her as a contact and one day, she ... View more

Back when I was in college, which is a long time ago, I was using a forum and one day I met a girl on there who seemed really nice. I read her bio on her profile and thought she seemed really cool as well so I added her as a contact and one day, she said that I'm "like the best friend that she has never had" and she also asked me to please email her and soon we became really good friends on there and we would email each other often and they were long emails too. She was really fun and interesting to talk to and also very talented (she wrote really good songs) and in a way I think I may have had a bit of a girl crush on her which is awkward (especially since I once saw in one of her old posts she made before we knew each other that she thinks that sort of thing is wrong and that even thinking it's okay is wrong). I was having a really rough year and had unmedicated psychosis for a while without knowing it (I sometimes heard voices and was stressed but that's all I knew and I didn't think too much into it). On her birthday I thought I would send her an email about how cool I thought she was and the email I made was really weird so luckily it didn't go through. I asked about the email on the thread and people were telling me not to post it (which I didn't end up doing) and luckily too since in the email I was saying things like "I want to be like you so much" and it was kind of scary. I later typed "h" into the email thing to her to see if it would go through and it actually did this time and she emailed me back "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" with a day dreaming emoji next to it and I looked it up several years ago and it says that if your friend says that to you, that it means they are really excited to talk to you so I'm assuming that everything was okay still even though she probably saw my email message thing (I didn't send it directly to her but she probably would have seen it in the thread before I deleted the thread)? Hopefully she didn't think I was a psycho? Also, the day dreaming emoji sounds positive as well? Like something you would send to someone you saw as a really good friend?

Miss Odette Sibling family estrangement.
  • replies: 9

I became a victim of a most serious crime. It was a life changing event. No fault of my own. Not my husband. It happened in my private life. I was the 3rd victim. As a result I became ill with major reactive depression cptsd. Anxiety. My husband told... View more

I became a victim of a most serious crime. It was a life changing event. No fault of my own. Not my husband. It happened in my private life. I was the 3rd victim. As a result I became ill with major reactive depression cptsd. Anxiety. My husband told police "he was not returning to see what was left of his wife". He also told police "shoot her she won't be able to live with what happened". He was defence service. I have 3 older brothers, all professional people.1 said "fluff off I'm busy." Another said " I'm sorry what happened to you but you are no longer family dont come to my home near my family I'll call the police." My eldest said "im not comming back you choose to live like this and look what you are doing to mum and dad". Well that was 35yrs ago. Mum and dad were aged and wonderful as my uncles. And aunt. Sadly now all deceased. I returned to my career. After loosing everything and was transferred to public housing. It is family shame but mum and dad said anything can be a home. They helped with cleaning gardening and maintenance. I am so grateful to have a home. 2 of my brothers wives are deceased and they didn't tell me. I sent flowers to funerals. Christmas cards over the years. No response. I have retired due to physical health, rare untreatable cancer. I am alone and hide from society where I can. I am getting my personal affairs in order and my brothers adult children are looked after from my estate.I will have no funeral. I have 2 good cousins and a best friend.My home is small lovely and peaceful. I still hurt when the dark days are looming. I feel I am nothing. Then dark thoughts. It is my responsibility not to act on them. There is no help out there. Beyond blue has a good ice app and articles.My own family . I am so below them because I live in housing.I have a mental illness. I do on occasion interect with 1 brother, he can be rude and his 3rd wife is nasty. He allows this and is very cruel, thinking he is funny. He never asks how I am.We only make contact family business. We all grew up together Weddings 21st births family Christmas. Family holidays.Has anyone else been treated like this? Over 35 years. Honesy if it wasn't for my 2 sheepdogs I won't be here. But it is a beautiful world.I am now 62. No support but a oncologist and good GP. When I was in danger the police were inappropriate and medical staff were non sympathetic. I remember their comments and treatment.Thankyou for listening. Please know " I tried to make it right". I feel an outcast and unworthy. It is my secret. Especially from work.I am a retired general nurse of 43yrs. Nurses are never to break.But we do. I can only talk of this because I am retired.Blessings to each and every one of you. Again thankyou for listening. J.

Von is lost Moving in with boyfriend
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend has been overseas for the last four months and we’ve been able to continue developing our relationship. We will have been dating for a year in September, and circumstances mean that logistically it would be a good time to move in togethe... View more

My boyfriend has been overseas for the last four months and we’ve been able to continue developing our relationship. We will have been dating for a year in September, and circumstances mean that logistically it would be a good time to move in together when he gets back in a few weeks. I’ve never lived with a partner before but we feel solid, however I’m worried about messing anything up. Any advice on how to know when it’s good to move in together?

Shockedwife Cheating is a dealbreaker??
  • replies: 3

Hi, I have been married for 25 years and i thought our life together was pretty perfect. We spend lots of time together going for walks, going out for dinners and shows and going on mini-holidays often. 8 months ago i discovered he had starting engag... View more

Hi, I have been married for 25 years and i thought our life together was pretty perfect. We spend lots of time together going for walks, going out for dinners and shows and going on mini-holidays often. 8 months ago i discovered he had starting engaging in online sex chats. He assured me it was just chats, photos and one potential meetup that he thought better of and cancelled.I was absolutely devastated and in shock. However he has now admitted that he had sex with 2 of those women, (i suspect there were probably more that he hasn't admitted to). This was even more unbelievable to me. I begged for honesty back then and he continued to lie to me, although i understand he didnt want to own up to more as it would surely break us up. As bad as i feel I could almost move past this as it was months ago and could think of it as a once off mistake. However i also just found out he resubscribed to the sex site again a few weeks ago and was heading in the same direction again, spending money for photos, gifts and looking at bars for meet ups. I also found out that he has met up with a couple of women from the gym for coffees, platonic at this point, but of course they are single women and im sure they would think he wants more and he obviously knows its wrong as this was also kept a secret from me.Now that this has been exposed he knows i really might leave him now and he is desperate to do anything to stop that happening. We have just started couples counselling to try to get an understanding as to why it happened and to help me decide whether to stay or break up.He would be distraught if our young adult children ever found out.I always thought that cheating would be a deal breaker for me and it would be an easy decision, however in reality its not that easy.The problem is that i really love him and i loved our life together and just want things to go back to the way they were, but dont think we can ever be the same again and struggle to see at the moment how we could even be somewhat happy again.I hate the thought of ending everything after 25 years, selling the house, upsetting the family, being on my own etc...Its all so sad and daunting. The easiest option is to carry on, but obviously with new conditions.Is there anyone out there with a similar experience who has stayed and made it work?Thanks for reading my story.