18+, girlfriend watching porn has caused me a sudden break down

[Lil123]

I haven't really used this forum much, but I wasn't sure how else to get help anonymously with this. I realise after reading about other peoples experiences that this is a me problem. But I recently found out that when we aren't together, my girlfriend (aged 20) watches porn. Something about this makes me super uncomfortable and anxious and I'm just not really sure why. I hate that I'm feeling this way because I want her to be able to do whatever she wants with out my input. I'm just having a lot of anxiety as I never want to imagine her getting off to someone else. It's probably a deep insecurity, I know, but if anyone has any tips on how I can get passed this feeling? When I found out I just burst into tears. It may be helpful to note that I do have trauma in this area, and this is likely blowing it way out of proportion, but the feeling of anxiety and discomfort won't go away every time I think about it, and even though it happened last night, I'm still feeling down from it even after I woke up the next morning. Please help if you can. It has been genuinely effecting me to the point where it's all I'm thinking about, and I dont understand how to stop it.

[Croix]

Dear Lil123~

Welcome back ot the Forum,  place where you can get understanding and the support of others who each has their own story and want to help others.

I'm going ot refer to your past, if that will upset you then please read no further.

Life handed you a very hard time with abuse from your brother, and not only do you feel bad about it, but also guilty you did not stop him. After that what happened to him and the actions of your father simply made things worse.

I would expect this has injured you deep in your mind and leaves a legacy today. I have a different sort of legacy.

I'd love simply to say you were not at fault, however although that is true simply saying so is logic and will probably not reach down to emotion deep inside you, where the matter remains. Coming out in such things as crying over a movie or here being most upset abut your girlfriend watching porn and being complete overwhelmed by it.

I would think that most peple, like you , would feel either htey were not providing enough intimacy, or that maybe the girlfriend did not care enough about you and might want ot move on. Then agian you may both have slightly different sexual needs and can live happily together.

May I suggest two things, neither of which is easy, but can lead to a better life. The first is to gain professional help with a clinician experienced in childhood abuse. I know you  have had some dealings before, however if you can afford it then please try again -with someone  you can become comfortable with .

In addition The Blue Knot Foundation is there just for people like you , open Monday to Sunday 9-5 to talk with an experienced person, or for other means of assistance

The other thing I suggest is you have a frank talk with your girlfriend and see what happens, explain the effect it is having on you, and if you trust her tell her a little about your past to help her understand how you feel. If she cares then you may be able to work something out together.

It may seem impossible to do anything, however please do, your life can be so much better. I had different trauma, was a complete mess, but now lead a good life.

Croix

[Lil123]

Thank you, I appreciate you replying 🙂