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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Yearnineteen Dick brother
  • replies: 4

Hey, Im not super close with my brother so while my parents were on holiday i thought id invite them over. I said come over what ever day at whatever time (despite my very busy uni schedule) he could chose lunch. My boyfriend stayed up all night maki... View more

Hey, Im not super close with my brother so while my parents were on holiday i thought id invite them over. I said come over what ever day at whatever time (despite my very busy uni schedule) he could chose lunch. My boyfriend stayed up all night making a brisket to impress him and spent over $200, only for him and his family on the day to say there coming late because his son needs a nap… i asked if he could nap here and he says there not coming because hes got his own family now, its too painful to see me and he doesn’t need me. A I was obviously really upset. Hes now coming over tonight and i dont want too see him unless he apologizes but my parents screamed at me and said i have to and he wont apologize. My mum started crying (playing the victim as usal) and said she will never do anything for me again, then my dad claims im threatening her? And says hes going to slap the shit out of me so i slap him first and he says hes going to call the police 💀 Anyways what the hell do i do, i dont have anywhere to stay and cant afford to move out.

Guest_44363348 Ex husband keeps texting me
  • replies: 1

Help! I was married to my ex husband for 15 years and being separated for 9 years in November.. due to a toxic relationship.. we are not divorced but separated The last 9 months he has being suffering from pstd and keeps saying he wants to harm himse... View more

Help! I was married to my ex husband for 15 years and being separated for 9 years in November.. due to a toxic relationship.. we are not divorced but separated The last 9 months he has being suffering from pstd and keeps saying he wants to harm himself.. he just doesn't text me he texts our adult daughters too, and sends my eldest daughter into meltdowns (she has Asperger's) I am feeling stressed out about the whole situation, and have raised my concerns to my GP about my ex, he advised me to call the police or ambulance for a welfare check.. This has happened when I was living with him as well, he goes into mind games and stirs up alot of things .. I feel like he is trying to blame me for the way he is feeling.. Help please ..

Tinam Our son was charged with murder
  • replies: 13

Does anyone know of any support groups for parents with criminal children? We can't get ourselves out of this depressed state of bewilderment and need to talk to other parents coping with same issues. Our son was 18 yrs old when he was charged.

Does anyone know of any support groups for parents with criminal children? We can't get ourselves out of this depressed state of bewilderment and need to talk to other parents coping with same issues. Our son was 18 yrs old when he was charged.

Jannaku Hurt by Close Friend
  • replies: 3

I have a close friend who has been part of my family for over 40 years and is like a sister to me. We’ve travelled alongside each other through the highs and lows of life and are now nearing retirement age. Life circumstances (deaths & separation) fi... View more

I have a close friend who has been part of my family for over 40 years and is like a sister to me. We’ve travelled alongside each other through the highs and lows of life and are now nearing retirement age. Life circumstances (deaths & separation) finds us both single with no close family as such, although I have two adult children who have mental health disabilities that are highly dependent on me. We recently spoke about the idea of living together in our future retirement for financial and social reasons following the death of her hubby and my separation and all was good. We began excitedly discussing and planning things but hit an impasse when she stated that she would not want one of my children to live with us because of their “toxic” behaviour (she never had children and is the godmother of mine). I stated that this was unacceptable because I could never ban any child from living with me so we started exploring the idea of a dual living arrangement were we could still have independence. Due to many factors, including recent deaths in my family and finances, the idea was temporarily put on the back burner. As far as I was concerned there was no urgency as this was something for the future when she retires from the workforce in 3-5 years. Unbeknown to me she changed her mind about our plans and subsequently made a huge life decision to sell her home and buy into a retirement lifestyle village in another state. She did all of this without mentioning it to me until it was a done deal. Although I can understand her motives (financial & lifestyle), I can’t help but feel really disappointed that she didn’t consider me at all, knowing that my future plans included her. I have no other person of significance left in my life other than her, so losing her is a huge blow that really hurts. Her decision has completely changed the plans and outlook I had for my future. I’ve gone from having a financially feasible plan, with companionship and something to look forward to, to having uncertainty and loneliness. It changes everything and I’ve gone from having optimism to now feeling extremely depressed. This has also come hot on the heels of losing the only two other significant people I had in my life (aunt in Oct 23 and mother in Nov 23). I’m struggling and questioning whether I still want to even remain friends with her because at the end of the day she clearly doesn’t have the connection with me that I thought she did and her complete lack of consideration is making me view her through a different lens. I highly valued our friendship and was so grateful that I had someone akin to a sister in my life, but that’s all gone now and I feel betrayed. Am I right to feel the way I do? Do I continue with the friendship or just accept that its over?

David35 How to deal with brothers narcissist wife
  • replies: 2

Several years ago my mum got cancer and has now since got through it. In that time my brothers wife no longer talks to us. Last boxing day she couldn't be bothered turning up to our house. She has literally cut off all communication with mum and I. S... View more

Several years ago my mum got cancer and has now since got through it. In that time my brothers wife no longer talks to us. Last boxing day she couldn't be bothered turning up to our house. She has literally cut off all communication with mum and I. She was once a loving, caring person but for the life of me, are at a loss. We think 2 things occurred. 1) she realised mum was not willing to pay off my brothers mortgage 2) mum got sick. Either way, mum is a grandmother in name only. In her own words "My brothers wife stole everything that meant something to me, and he let it happen ". She has repeatedly asked my brother what is going on. He's too gutless to be honest with her. The last time we saw her was over a year ago where she pretended to care about mum in front of the kids, but won't speak to her anymore. We both feel used, manipulated. Once mum stopped being so financially generous to them, around the same time mum got cancer because she was so hurt by their lack of concern for her, the LOve tap literally turned off. It's almost as if they have blackmailed us with the love of the kids. We either pay up, or we don't see the kids, knowing full we'll it would crush mum. We'll it has.today was spent arguing with mum about stupid things. It all got back to " Why has she done this? I couldnt help getting cancer". It's almost as if we provide no benefit to them anymore, so they don't want to know us. Any insight would be much appreciated. She's contemplated changing her will.

Lach I broke my girlfriends heart, how do I make it up to her and deal with my actions
  • replies: 1

I broke my Girlfriends heart and trust. Through lying to her about watching porn, multiply times. I really do love this girl, I made so many wrong choices thinking it was okay everyone does it. I cause her so much damage to her mental health. I feel ... View more

I broke my Girlfriends heart and trust. Through lying to her about watching porn, multiply times. I really do love this girl, I made so many wrong choices thinking it was okay everyone does it. I cause her so much damage to her mental health. I feel so horrible about what I’ve done to her. Seeing the hurt ache I was causing her really change my whole view on porn, I haven’t look at it since. I realise how terrible it is on a person and a relationship. All I want to do is make it up to her but I don’t how to or think I can. It’s changed the way she looks and thinks about me. She’s so broken because of me. I hate myself for doing that to her. I feel so worthless. I want to show her I’ve change, I’m not like that. What do I do for her? The guilt and the shame of my action are destroying me. I don’t know what to do. I miss what we had before I wrecked everything. I miss her. I want to be better for her but I think it’s too late. I lost this amazing person. She would have done anything for me, all I did in return was destroy her heart. I made her hate me.

Beyondbeingblue No idea
  • replies: 1

Hi I am a 52 yr F I haven't spoken to my son in over 5 years. We were very close. It hurts everyday. He got married and I had to sneak in to see it as I wasn't invited. It was lovely. I have asked my dad if he knows any reason and he has said no... I... View more

Hi I am a 52 yr F I haven't spoken to my son in over 5 years. We were very close. It hurts everyday. He got married and I had to sneak in to see it as I wasn't invited. It was lovely. I have asked my dad if he knows any reason and he has said no... I have subtly asked him in a round about way to please probe my son for a reason.... but he dosent. My dad I'd in his 80's and I understand that the memory is not as good as it used to be... but my dad can't even call me to say hello. I live 4 hours away. My mum past away 4 years ago... I am really lost without her, she would be fumeing that they are both treating me this way... I miss he so bad every day. It really hurts that I have no friends to lean on or family... I had to grieve for my mum on my own. I'm still suffering but get by as I have too. What can I do, how can I stop this silly behaviour before I'm too old.

Minelle I’m being blamed for his weed addiction
  • replies: 1

Let me start with a bit of background info. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we were dating for about a year before that. When we met he was a heavy weed smoker, and I also smoked a lot during that time as it was the middle of covid so I g... View more

Let me start with a bit of background info. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we were dating for about a year before that. When we met he was a heavy weed smoker, and I also smoked a lot during that time as it was the middle of covid so I guess that’s how we began to bond. when we became official, he moved in with me fairly quickly and things seemed fine. But after the lockdowns it seemed like he was still smoking ungodly amounts even though we now had to get back to daily life and our jobs. I noticed our relationship was drifting as he mainly went to work and then came home to smoke and play video games. As hard as it was for me, I began to initiate serious conversations about sharing housework, and in the moment he would always be on board and agree. He’d do his share for a week or so then began to drop off after that, which brings about another conversation, and repeat. I now realise that the relationship began to break down from then on. We almost completely stopped being intimate with each other and I became very depressed from feeling like I was the only one who cared about our relationship and the home that we shared. We've had a few massive fights all ending with some sort of agreed compromise, but again he put in effort for a while and then went back to old ways. we have 3 pets together and I work as well as study, whereas he only works. For a long time, I’ve told him that the majority of our fights come back to his smoking. It has caused so many financial difficulties with him coming to me most weeks to split the cost of his weed so he can afford it. It also made him lazy and uncaring for problems that we were having. My studies were overwhelming me with the amount of housework and hours at my job, so when he got offered full time he asked me to quit my job and focus on uni. I have always provided for myself since 17 years old, and I pushed back quite hard on this. I ended up not quitting but reducing my hours dramatically so I study mon-fri and work weekends. I could tell that the increase in his share of the expenses were difficult for him, but he continued to buy weed and ask me for money. We had so many talks about reducing his consumption, or taking longer breaks in between buying, but he would quite literally beg me to let him buy or help him with costs less than 12 hours after running out. i tried to support and motivate him so much, and even suggested seeing a professional. He kept putting off going to the doctor to get a referral, then put off getting a psychologist appointment when he got the referral. Then he saw the psychologist for about 4-5 sessions, and did none of the work she sent him home with, then stopped going. 3 weeks ago we got into an argument after he begged me to get weed and I said no. That night he said he was breaking up with me and left a note in the morning saying that he still loves me but needs “a complete change of scenery to stop smoking”. He has left me with all the pets, and is currently still paying for a large portion of rent, but will reduce that as I am now in between semesters and will be working as much as possible. Over the 3 weeks I have been trying to message him about what’s been going on and he keeps shutting down my attempts by saying he needs more time. I understand that, but I do need clarification as I’ll need to figure out how to rearrange my life if I am to move on. But he keeps saying that he loves me and MIGHT want to get back so I’m in this limbo. I found out that the day after he left and a week after that he downloaded dating apps. I asked him about it and he said that he deleted them straight away because he felt guilty. But again, today I see he’s downloaded a FOURTH dating app? I tried to initiate another conversation about what he’s feeling and in his reply he said that has not smoked weed since he left me and that the reason he smoked was because of “having to deal with me”. he also mentions the pressure of having to support me, but I never wanted that. I guess I’m just absolutely dumbfounded as to why he is blaming me when all I did throughout the relationship and even now was try to communicate with him and motivate him to be better. And what hurts even more is that I do still love him and want to be with him, but he is constantly changing his mind about if he wants to get back together. Do you have any advice? I know that logically he has treated me like shit and continues to do so, but we started creating a life together and I absolutely adore him otherwise. How do I manage this life, my pets, and my house without him?

Rowen13 Unrequited love with your friend
  • replies: 3

I met this great guy online on another depression forum. We texted daily for 7 months and he said straight off the bat on his profile that he's married. It didn't matter to me because I was deeply depressed at the time and only saw him as a friend. U... View more

I met this great guy online on another depression forum. We texted daily for 7 months and he said straight off the bat on his profile that he's married. It didn't matter to me because I was deeply depressed at the time and only saw him as a friend. Unfortunately I developed feelings for him, strong feelings which is ruining the friendship. His rational and I'm emotional. I told him I have feelings for him and he suggested I take a break because he didn't feel the same way. He wanted me to come back when I could accept his friendship. I'm not physically attracted to him but have fallen in love with his intelligence, personality, integrity and kindness.I hate that I developed these feelings and it's come up twice with him having to gently state twice that he doesn't return the feelings.He has apologised for leading me on, which is true but he doesn't understand why we "can't just be friends". He says he's not like me and is slow to develop feelings. I miss him when we don't text and it's like a no win situation where I am always the loser. I loved our friendship before and wish I never developed any other feelings. Because even if we were together I wouldn't want to be intimate with him so I'm so confused. Why can't I just be happy with our friendship like I use to be? And should I just cut him out of my life. I have anxious attachment style and have already tried to end out 7 month friendship over 12 times now. But he always fights for it. He knows I have feelings for him but doesn’t know I love him. I want to keep my pride and not tell him because he already said he doesn't reciprocate my "feelings" so why declare my love. I lied and said I loved him as a friend but was not in love with him. I'm going to lose a good friendship and I have to end it. I'm so angry at myself that I can't be more mature about this.

kn94 Family issues
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I have been treated with constant infantilization by my family, especially with my cousins, who I have grew up with since I was a child. For context, I am a 30 year old female with a good career, friendship circle and active lifestyle. I... View more

Hi everyone, I have been treated with constant infantilization by my family, especially with my cousins, who I have grew up with since I was a child. For context, I am a 30 year old female with a good career, friendship circle and active lifestyle. I am the youngest in this cousin group, and as a child, we always used to hang out with each other on a monthly basis, and also, to this day. I felt good hanging out with them as a child, but as I am getting older, I do not feel the same. I always feel misunderstood, let down and incredibly sad - these feelings have stemmed from years of them not acknowledging my feelings, downplaying my achievements and patronizing me. I find the most extroverted, well-travelled, cultured person in the group gets the most attention/affection and they can get away with any bad decision or mistake that they make. However, this is different for me. I am met with judgement and criticism when this happens, always feeling like the family's scapegoat. As the people-pleaser that I am, I still go to events they invite me to make my parents happy, but would feel extremely irritable afterwards and would need considerable alone time to repair myself mentally and emotionally. I have discussed these issues with the closest ones in the group. They say they understand, however, old patterns don't change, and I can see these toxic dynamics resurfacing. What should I do?