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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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forever2007 Struggling with a decision
  • replies: 9

Going through a hugely difficult and confusing time, have been for a while, and I feel that I'm getting pulled in different directions to make a decision. I mean, how do you make a decision on whether or not to separate from your spouse? We have a te... View more

Going through a hugely difficult and confusing time, have been for a while, and I feel that I'm getting pulled in different directions to make a decision. I mean, how do you make a decision on whether or not to separate from your spouse? We have a teenage daughter who doesn't want to be in the same space as her father, and I'm struggling with feeling like I have let her down, and she tells me I've let her down, quite repeatedly. I'm told repeatedly that the situation is my fault, that I have caused it all. This comes from my eldest daughter fairly regularly as well as name calling. She has left the house and is staying with family, but the situation is causing me major stress, and anxiety with my heart constantly racing so much so that I feel that I should probably go to the emergency department to have it checked out. Because of childhood issues (my father was abuse towards my mother which eventually resulted in him being forcefully removed from the house) I shut down when things get hard, I retreat into myself and I find it difficult to speak to people about the issues that should be discussed. To make it even harder everyone provides their opinions on the situation and what I should do. But I'm scared to...pull the plug, I'm scared of disappointing everyone around me which is exactly what I'm doing. I feel like I have abandoned my daughter. I feel like I've failed her. I feel like I can't come back from this. I miss my daughter. The pain I feel within me is unbearable to the point that I need to shut it out by just listening and watching mindless tv shows, things where I don't have to think. I'm scared to make the decision to leave my spouse because where does that leave me. I know that couples separate, it's a fact of life, but it doesn't make it any easier to actually do. Our trouble as a couple has always been how involved his mother is in his life, how much she inserts herself into situations, which took me a long time to come to terms with because I'm not that type of person I guess because of childhood issues where I never shared anything. But watching how my brother shares with our mother I came to realise it's what people do except for me because I don't want to disappoint anyone or make them upset or be judged so I don't share. I never wanted this life for my kids but if I leave the only place I have to go is to my mother's place and how long with that be for? She has preconceived ideas of how things should be, what I should in the situation, but she sees it from the hurt of her situation 30 years ago. I feel anxious all the time now and have taken solace in long baths and showers and being at work. The guilt I feel in my situation is enormous and the panic that sets in every day is unbelievable. Our current family situation is because my spouse called our daughter some names, told her that if she didn't want to live with us she should move out. I had warned him to be careful and not say something he'd regret and now it's all about how he apologised and regrets the words, that our daughter should be able to get over it and move on, that he'd been called worse things when he was a kid - to all these things I said that just because it happened to him doesn't mean he had to repeat it to his kids. All our daughter needed was that nudge, the words of 'you can leave if you want to' and she did. My mother tells me that I should be all about my kids, but I keep telling her that I have two kids. I want (wanted?) to try and see if the situation is resolvable but my spouse cannot seem to speak to me about his feelings or thoughts, tells me he's hurting too but deals with it in his own way. What I'd like to do is put everyone in the same and have them have it out but what does that solve? Nothing. How does one make the decision to leave their spouse? Do you write a pros and cons list? Sorry for the possibly incoherent post but my brain feels a little fried these days and I cannot seem to come out of the fog that seems to be super thick these days.

LSM Short temper after diagnosis
  • replies: 1

I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADHD and possibly autism and am struggling with my temper I have always had a short fuse but now it’s even shorter (almost non existent)and it’s ruining my relationship with my husband and my kids (one ... View more

I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADHD and possibly autism and am struggling with my temper I have always had a short fuse but now it’s even shorter (almost non existent)and it’s ruining my relationship with my husband and my kids (one is AuADHD) I am really struggling

Incipitous Dealing with the things you lost as you get better
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, My Name is Nicholas and I am now 30. I have been in treatment for major depression since I was 19 and was depressed before that. Three years ago I was fortunate enough to get diagnosed with ADHD and take medication to help with that. I a... View more

Hi everyone, My Name is Nicholas and I am now 30. I have been in treatment for major depression since I was 19 and was depressed before that. Three years ago I was fortunate enough to get diagnosed with ADHD and take medication to help with that. I also have started to accept although admittedly self-diagnosed (very confident) as having ASD. After my most recent tough period of burnout which led to a break up of a 7-year relationship, I have just turned a major corner and am improving significantly. I have added a new medication to my regime and feel like I have been able to sleep for the first time in my life. But now I'm feeling "Better" I'm left feeling a clearer sense of grief for the relationship I lost rather than the generic turmoil of sadness/guilt/anger and numbness that depression can be. I also sometimes feel a sort of grief for the "life that might have been" had I been diagnosed with ADHD earlier. Things always seem so obvious once you notice them and it's hard not to feel bad for not seeing it earlier. It's frustrating and sad to feel that if I had felt the way I do now I would have been able to better manage my life and I wouldn't have lost the things I did I'm not sure how to reconcile that and move on.

dxpe Infidelity, Self-Discovery, and Salvation
  • replies: 8

Hi, my significant other and I have been through it. We've been together for 9 years, and frankly I've been a piece of shit. We started dating at 19. We split up for a week when we were 20 and I slept with another girl. While we technically weren't t... View more

Hi, my significant other and I have been through it. We've been together for 9 years, and frankly I've been a piece of shit. We started dating at 19. We split up for a week when we were 20 and I slept with another girl. While we technically weren't together, we did get back shortly after, and to her naturally it felt like getting cheated on. She reciprocated the favor by hooking up with another guy not too long after. We both came clean, grew up, moved past it. She is amazing, in every way shape and form, and even if I wasn't a piece of sh*t idk if I'd even deserve her then. Anyways, we did a year of long distance when I was 22, and I during that time I struggled a lot. While there were some external factors involved, I'll save that nonsense and take full responsibility. I cheated on her 3 times during that year. 3 different women, slept with 2, made out with one, and I despised myself for it. By the time we were back together, I had convinced myself that putting effort into being a better man was good enough, and I was also too scared to tell her, even if I wouldn't admit it to myself. Flash forward a few years, we're engaged, but I still feel guilt, and ended up blowing up our engagement after getting hammered drunk and again, making out with someone. For those of you who it matters to, there was no sex, but still we both consider making out to be cheating. The fallout was brutal. Rumors ran wild, people said nasty things and it was unnecessarily toxic for us, however, I did spend some time telling myself I "deserved" it for my f-ups I kept secret. After a month apart, she decided she wanted to try again. Frankly, since then (3 years ago) we have been great. However, the time has come where we're likely set to take a step closer to engagement and trying this all again. In some ways I've changed for the better, in others I probably hadn't taken enough action. I've begun therapy again, and am attempting lots of self reflection because I owe it to her to have zero problems ever again. She is the most wonderful woman in the world and deserves the best...that being said, if we never want to have problems, I am thinking it is time to address my abhorrent behavior while we were long distance. It's going to be so hard to hurt her and ofc I'm scared it might be the end for good. I don't know if I have a form of sexual addiction, I definitely have issues with pornography and have since i was VERY young. But i don't want to use "addiction" as a bullshit excuse.

Sarah_99 Relationship break up
  • replies: 5

Hi, I’m not sure where to start as I have been going through so much issues with my husband. I recently found out he cheated and using substances. He has struggled with gambling addiction for some time now. He decided to move out after he admitted of... View more

Hi, I’m not sure where to start as I have been going through so much issues with my husband. I recently found out he cheated and using substances. He has struggled with gambling addiction for some time now. He decided to move out after he admitted of what he has done. I don’t think he is telling me the whole truth. I think he wanted something more from this woman. (They met at work by the way)I think he had behaved badly or something else has happened because she cut him off. I know he was still trying to reach out to her. I’m not really sure if there is anything going on now, I still have doubts though. Our children who live elsewhere at the moment. I’m trying to be positive and think we can work it out. He has said he’s not happy and hasn’t been for a long time. He never communicated this to me. We have been together for 24 years. I’m feeling lost without him, I feel unwanted, insecure about my appearance. He keeps saying he needs time to process his thoughts and feelings. We have been through so much in our life together. We lost our son he was only 6 when he passed, our life will never be the same without him. We have had so much loss in our family over the years. I’m worried about his metal heath, he knows he needs help but he is deconstruction mode. He wants to shut off from everything and his responsibilities. I never thought he would turn out this way. I’m just lost and confused about how we got to this point. I’m trying to focus on me but I find it hard as u feel alone.

fred4761 Support groups/services for MALE victim of Narcissistic abuse
  • replies: 3

Hi, one of my closest friends is the victim of what I believe to be Narcissistic abuse inflicted by his wife. They are now separated and she is making life very difficult for him. I have tried looking online for support groups or support services for... View more

Hi, one of my closest friends is the victim of what I believe to be Narcissistic abuse inflicted by his wife. They are now separated and she is making life very difficult for him. I have tried looking online for support groups or support services for male victims of emotional/psychological domestic abuse but haven't had much luck. He had become very isolated from his family, her family and his friends and colleagues as she gradually, over the years, limited the amount of people who he was allowed to be in contact with. She stopped him from attending any outside clubs and groups as well and his social circle consisted of his wife and kids - no contact with any friends or family members. For years he had been in denial claiming that men cannot be victims of domestic abuse, however after he tells his story to lawyers, counsellors and other professionals they all conclude that is the case. I would like to help him find other people who have been in his shoes and can relate to his experiences. She was investigated a few years ago by Child Protection Services for emotional and psychological abuse and neglect of their daughter. The investigation ended when they relinquished custody of their daughter. I am hoping that this will help to demonstrate her pattern of emotional abuse. They still have two other children and his wife is doing everything to limit access to them. He does not have enough money for the legal fees required to fight for custody, and is not eligible for legal aid so his lawyer advised him to use a mediator at Relationships Australia instead. He is concerned about seeing her for mediation as she has a way of making him feel very small and has him feeling that he is still mostly to blame for everything that has gone wrong in her life. She has a knack of twisting reality to make it seem as though she is the victim. Everytime she sees him she berates and belittles him and talks down to him and he just takes it all. It is really hard to watch and I don't know how else to support him.

DefiantPanda Sick of Myself
  • replies: 1

I am always reacting strongly to things, always burning through friends. I can't seem to change.Been in therapy many years... Sick of trying so hard and getting nowhere.Tired. Long term friend has ditched me. Blocked me. Doesn't want anything to do w... View more

I am always reacting strongly to things, always burning through friends. I can't seem to change.Been in therapy many years... Sick of trying so hard and getting nowhere.Tired. Long term friend has ditched me. Blocked me. Doesn't want anything to do with me.Keep getting upset at other friends over what most would consider nothing.I know in my heart I have a right to stand up for myself sometimes, it's just hard to do it in a way that's considered "normal." I feel things so intensely.I'm so tired of trying. Medication, therapy, meditation. What is left?I just want to live my life, have a job where I don't get upset at my coworkers and have to leave or get fired, have a romantic relationship, have friends. Be able to play sports and enjoy hobbies with others.Painful to want these things so badly but always to have them out of reach, or blow up in my face.Try to join social circles but have people avoid me because they're scared of me or feel they have to walk on eggshells around me.Just wanting to vent and wonder if anyone else is in my position.Just get so tired and frustrated.

Von is lost Ready for next step but bf doesn’t seem to be
  • replies: 1

Hi all, thanks for listening to my thoughts again.My boyfriend and I are living in different towns due to jobs, which is exciting for us bettering ourselves but I feel like this is affecting our relationships ability to grow. I feel ready for somethi... View more

Hi all, thanks for listening to my thoughts again.My boyfriend and I are living in different towns due to jobs, which is exciting for us bettering ourselves but I feel like this is affecting our relationships ability to grow. I feel ready for something more e.g., moving in together but I’m not too sure where his head is at. I try to drop hints and to bring up the conversation but he’s never fully clear on an answer. We’ve had talks of moving in together before, but since our job situations are a bit tricky he seems to have backtracked on the idea. Obviously we can’t move in together until we are working near each other but for future thinking he doesn’t seem to be giving me much. Or even for plans together like travelling etc he has a hard time committing or something? Or it has to be his idea for it to be followed through.

Janey_beyond Crushes
  • replies: 1

I notice when I ‘like’ someone I get quite obsessive about them and was wondering if there are people who feel the same way? I know it’s likely due to abandonment issues and insecurities, but the rumination sometimes feel out of control. I get super ... View more

I notice when I ‘like’ someone I get quite obsessive about them and was wondering if there are people who feel the same way? I know it’s likely due to abandonment issues and insecurities, but the rumination sometimes feel out of control. I get super excited thinking about this person and what life we would have together but extremely insecure if I got rejected. I know in reality, these ‘relationships’ could never work, but I’ve had crushes where I’ve seen them with other people and wanted to become that person so bad. I develop these feelings extremely quickly, turning into this fantasy where I am constantly thinking about them. Does anyone relate or have any advice?

Kim8375 Loneliness and lack of close connections
  • replies: 1

Hello. I'm at a stage in my life where I'm very lonely and don't have any close connections or relationships. I have a few more surface-level friends and acquaintances, some of whom I know value and care about me, but no one who I can really turn to ... View more

Hello. I'm at a stage in my life where I'm very lonely and don't have any close connections or relationships. I have a few more surface-level friends and acquaintances, some of whom I know value and care about me, but no one who I can really turn to for help or support when I'm feeling lonely or anxious - and they wouldn't know this about me. I often struggle to maintain close relationships and friendships and have lost a few throughout my life, including one good friendship just recently which I cared so much about. I pushed them away because I was too intense and communicated too much, and overstepped a friendship boundary. I didn't see this at the time and now also feel horrible guilt about it and am blaming myself for losing the one good friend I had. (I'm also not sure if they're lost for good or not, or if I'm overthinking or catastrophising the situation.) I think I am autistic and can struggle to read signs and signals in relationships, and can either communicate to much or not enough - I can never seem to get the balance right. I feel that once friends really discover the real me and what I'm like - although they seem to really like me at first - they don't stay around.Just makes me sad that I'm like this and seem to sabotage all my own relationships. I know I shouldn't blame myself and should accept myself for who I am (I do know I am a kind and thoughtful person and friend) and not feel I have to apologise for or change my authentic self, but it's hard.