My life experiences simultaneously nurtured a strong desire for romantic connection, and a lack of skills necessary to attain it alongside my peers. I'm practically 28 years old, on the spectrum, and I've never had a girlfriend despite wanting one since my early teens.
I've been increasingly depressed for more than a decade over this issue, and frankly, I don't find this life of loneliness worthwhile, but I also don't see it changing the way things are going. At this point, the inconvenient reality is I'm going to continue to be extremely dissatisfied with life as long as I've never had my first girlfriend.
Therapy doesn't help. I spend all day ruminating about my situation anyway, and the insights I've gleaned on my own have been far more illuminating than anything a therapist has ever said to me.
I'm dealing with fast food and weed addictions to distract myself from the life of loneliness I don't want.
I feel like most people have a really hard time understanding what my experience of the world with this is truly like. I'm not motivated to exist in a world where my connection needs don't matter but I've got to bear witness to the rest of the world being able to date.
There seems to be nowhere for me to turn. I'm just so depressed and lonely. All people can tell me is to deny my own needs, because they don't know how to help, and that's what suits them.
