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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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adamc Mum Doesn't Like Dad Helping Others
  • replies: 4

Some months ago, Dad and I helped out a neighbour by looking after his dog while they went on holiday for 2 weeks and recently has asked us to do it again.Mum was totally against it the first time, saying "You don't even know the dog. Why do you have... View more

Some months ago, Dad and I helped out a neighbour by looking after his dog while they went on holiday for 2 weeks and recently has asked us to do it again.Mum was totally against it the first time, saying "You don't even know the dog. Why do you have to it? Nah, tell them you can't do it."When we returned from his place, after agreeing to feed their dog, Mum said "I thought you said you weren't going to do it."I have no issue with it a second time but Dad is stressed out about it, saying "Do you know how your mother will react if we helped out again? I will get abused and get 'Oh, you'll help with someone else's dog but you don't want to have a dog of your own. No, tell them you can't do it and to get someone else.'" Dad has always got the opinion from Mum that he's only allowed to help out with her brother and not anyone else.

LostPigeon407 Father troubles
  • replies: 11

I hate my Baby Boomer father, His vain and sits behind the T.V., He never cared about his kids needs, happiness, success. He never praised or encouraged anyone, He never was affectionate or socially involved in our lives. He would on rarer times use ... View more

I hate my Baby Boomer father, His vain and sits behind the T.V., He never cared about his kids needs, happiness, success. He never praised or encouraged anyone, He never was affectionate or socially involved in our lives. He would on rarer times use his physique and extroverted social difference to intimidate us into silence to retain authority. He has maybe mild hostile possibilities if we would persist. He used to tell my mother that it was good that we fell over at primary school, He has misogyn & sexism and in ways he views his wife to be a house maid. He is arrogant & ignorant and can't be informed about anything by his immediate family, He has controlling tendencies. He admitted to me in the 1980's he would go looking around to bash homosexuals and he used to claim to be a sharpie. He uses my mental health diagnosis against me, to say that I am disabled or mental and when we argue he tells me to either leave home or that he would ring the police to get me admitted into a hospital, even though he provokes my anger when he sais I'm weak, useless or inept. He has a hegemonic concept to perceive sensitivity and emotional intelligence as being soft. I can't even manage my diabetes because he is in the background looking over me and he tells to not burn the house down when I'm going to cook instant noodles on the stove. His always tried to treat in ways that your a child and never more than 12 or 14 mentally. He makes us to be dumb for not knowing things, He never taught us anything in life, because it's effort, He wouldn't as he just believes were incompetent to learn anything. No one can learn from a crap parent who can't explain more than once and he has a way of speaking that doesn't make sense when explaining things. I can't even talk to my mother if his in the same area, because he doesn't want me talking at all, His definition of a parent is merely a 1940's dysfunctionality to work labor construction, than that the wife does everything else and if you have been kept under his wing until your 18, that his done his part, despite being horrendous with everything else. He even once asked me wither I want to work, making it seem optional that we need money.

Kylie1978 Help
  • replies: 2

I need help in trying to stop my partner from being so negative n b hating on ppl all time for no reason n to stop the anger..I love him so much but never feel comfortable going out

I need help in trying to stop my partner from being so negative n b hating on ppl all time for no reason n to stop the anger..I love him so much but never feel comfortable going out

maisydaisy108 Relationship after abusive relationship
  • replies: 1

Hey guys. I’m 22, I was in an abusive relationship for three years with a much older man that affected every part of my life and me. Before that I was living with my mum who was emotionally abusive. Two years later I’m in a really beautiful relations... View more

Hey guys. I’m 22, I was in an abusive relationship for three years with a much older man that affected every part of my life and me. Before that I was living with my mum who was emotionally abusive. Two years later I’m in a really beautiful relationship and he treats me well. I still always have a feeling of something is happening or going to happen. I know this is just because I haven’t been in a situation where nothing has happened or gone wrong but it’s so hard and even little things I over think and think that it’s going to lead to something big so I start to shut down and feel all the same emotions. I really need some support or anyone who has felt the same to please give me some advice or relate to me.

Yeah_ Drugs
  • replies: 2

My partner is 36 and I’m 29 we have had a lot of arguments and it’s mostly about money he smokes cannabis and cigarettes and he is constantly asking me for money for both of them, he always says he will pay me back but he never does And I’ve now put ... View more

My partner is 36 and I’m 29 we have had a lot of arguments and it’s mostly about money he smokes cannabis and cigarettes and he is constantly asking me for money for both of them, he always says he will pay me back but he never does And I’ve now put my foot down and said no absolutely not I will no longer be doing it anymore no matter the amount, but he constantly gets angry at me when I say no, he always says that he does so much for me and the kids and I never give him anything in return. mind you he is jobless and I pay for mostly everything I'm at a point where I just want to leave. I keep telling him that it is not my responsibility to pay for his habits but he just doesn’t listen I'm just not sure what to do anymore because I'm so tired of the arguments he’s also been pawning things around the house to make the money for drugs

Fluke76 Grieving a relationship
  • replies: 2

I'm a mother of 3 and currently 8m pregnant. I'm here because the father and I have decided to separate and I'm struggling with grieving the relationship. We were together for almost 14 years but there is no trust here and no ability to build it, so ... View more

I'm a mother of 3 and currently 8m pregnant. I'm here because the father and I have decided to separate and I'm struggling with grieving the relationship. We were together for almost 14 years but there is no trust here and no ability to build it, so we both agreed that this is what's best going forward. Anyway, my question is what do I do when I'm struggling. How long is too long to be upset? My thoughts make me sad and angry and I don't know if what's normal. It just recently hit me that I was so loyal in this relationship and looking back on it, it was all for nothing and I'm mad because I feel like it was pointless. I feel like I was lied to, taken advantage of and purposely disrespected the whole time and I still tried to work on it with him. I also feel responsible for my feelings because I was constantly trying to make something work that was clearly not working. I don't know how to manage the emotions I'm going through. I don't have any friends or family to talk to about this and I just need some advice. How do I do this? Do I fall apart or do suck it up?

Dadof77 Family Issues
  • replies: 1

Hey, I'm a dad of 6 (18, 16, 14, 13, 4, 3). My 4 older kids are from my first marriage and the 2 younger are from my current marriage. My biggest issues are that when we got together the older kids were 10,8,6 and 4. The marriage I got out of was a l... View more

Hey, I'm a dad of 6 (18, 16, 14, 13, 4, 3). My 4 older kids are from my first marriage and the 2 younger are from my current marriage. My biggest issues are that when we got together the older kids were 10,8,6 and 4. The marriage I got out of was a lengthy family court battle and I was mentally exhausted. There's a 13 year age gap (me being 46 and her 33) so the differences we had in parenting styles was quite big. It was so apparent until the 2 little ones were born. Her style has always been evidence based (so hard to argue against) where as mine was from how I was brought up (old school) . The hardest hurdle has been while we have been getting couple counselling, because our psychologist has recommended things because when we had our 2 kids she took on the stay at home role. It has been something she has struggled with and so we have implemented tools to help with lessening her mental load, but she's had trouble letting go (control freak) and when she keeps saying that the older kids need consequences if their jobs aren't done (or done to a high standard). I think that we need to adapt the chores to help with the kids load (school, sport, work). But because it's not what the psychologist has said she argues about it(autism undiagnosed), but I have trouble keeping my emotions in check (ADHD). We are working through it, but it's very hard. Am I the only one out there like this. Any help would be great.

Rainb03Donut Am I the problem?
  • replies: 2

I am in a vey on and off again relationship of 5 years. We have recently been to our first couples counselling appointment and things had been going well. My mental health has hit rick bottom the past few weeks and I communicated to my partner that I... View more

I am in a vey on and off again relationship of 5 years. We have recently been to our first couples counselling appointment and things had been going well. My mental health has hit rick bottom the past few weeks and I communicated to my partner that I was struggling to gain the courage to spend time at his place. It didn't feel safe as so much had happened leading up to going to the counsellor. Note, he is not physically abusive and while it does feel verbally or emotionally abusive at times my anxiety about going there is about issues I have with safe spaces and the fact there is some irrational thought there atm due to how I am feeling. I was meant to go there tonight to try get over this hurdle. He had also hurt his back, so I had planned on looking after him. When I got there he was talking to me about something, I responded with general concern about it and he felt as though I was offering advice instead of listening and also lead with judgement instead of curiosity and care. All valid comments. Before he communicated this he said 'do you know a better way of communicating that' this triggered me and I stared him down. I am sick to death of being belittled and spoken down to, he felt this vibe and immediately went to what we learned at counselling and explained how he felt when I reacted the way I did. I felt it was a good and productive discussion. When he finished I said I would take some time to consider what he said and I wanted to think about how I could better turn up for a conversation like this next time. Rather then me spending time explaining to him why I said what I said. Then I wanted to talk about his comment earlier and how i feel belittled and scolded. It all turned to shit here. I was accused of making it about me. I think he was annoyed I kept talking about it when I said I would take time to think about it...... But I don't see me wanting to discuss how a comment affected me as the same discussion. The whole conversation from here felt like me desperately trying to be heard and understood while also trying to stick up for myself.... it's OK for me to talk about my feelings if I have made space for how he feels and considered what he has communicated he can do the same for me, it's not selfish to do this at any time. I dont think it is. Or is it? It just went on and on from there. I was accused or so many horrible things. Including contonuing the argument to make myself feel better so I could bitch to my friends????? I am so isolated from getting emotional support from my friends because he has drilled into me they dont like him because of what i have told them. I am riddled with guilt about this already the last thing I am going to do is talk to them about this. He kept saying I was going on and on about it and then going back to how I wronged him in the conversation. He gave some more context and explination as to how he felt which I still listened to quietly with an open mind and ears. He said he already told me what he said was condescending but I swear that was after it already turned into an argument from him causing issue with me bringing it up in the first place. I feel like I am losing my mind. He cried I never see him cry. He said 'why are you doing this, why do.you keep doing this to me'. I feel like the worst fucking person. Then my gut tells me this is not ok and I am being controlled and manipulated. But that's what he accuses me of. How do i know if it's me or if I need to get away from this? The context of whatever I bring up is always different but the discussion turning toxic and into an argument is always the same. It's a pattern on repeat. He swears black and blue I'm the problem. I don't feel like the problem though. Everytime this happens I apologise and try to reconcile. I left his house he wasn't talking to me I'm worried about his mental health and how he is doing. But I am not doing well myself and I don't know of I just don't contact him. If I contact him and make sure he is OK but I'm honestly worried it will just end in more hurtful comments and discussions that will then cause me to get my back up and then we are arguing all over again. If I just say I don't think we can communicate without hostility atm let's take time and we can talk at our next appointment Monday..... Or if I walk walk away. How do u know if you are in a toxic and unhealthy relationship that isn't being caused by your own behavioir? If this is my fault I want to fix what I am doing wrong. But I'm terrified...... I am allowing my lack of self worth and desperation to accommodate people excuse behaviour that is not ok and instead taking on all the blame myself.

Aria87 Learning not to be so sensitive...
  • replies: 7

Hi guysI am having struggles in dealing with outside opinions and comments and not getting my walls and guard up all the time.I seem to get so defensive and angry if someone simply doesnt hear me out when im upset about something or they ask whats go... View more

Hi guysI am having struggles in dealing with outside opinions and comments and not getting my walls and guard up all the time.I seem to get so defensive and angry if someone simply doesnt hear me out when im upset about something or they ask whats going on, when in return i get the advice i dont want to hear or them telling me what i am doing wrong in their eyes.I had a case this morning of a break down from stress, from my son, it happens.My siblings then took it apon themselves to tell me how i baby my son, i need to do this this and this and this, and then follow up with telling me i dont make enough effort for them and their kids.I feel its like the window is open, so they attack.I have my reasons, past issues, husband has been hurt by them, the list goes on.But i just prefer to be left alone, in alot of ways, they everyone finds the reason of me not doing enough for them as bad as they simply dont get their way.Is it me?I work long early hours with those siblings, and dont have the time for all these family outings etc, or care as sometimes i need my space too, and have commitments. I feel so annoyed and then take it out on the wrong people.

Frustrated2024 Soul destroying
  • replies: 1

I've been in the family court for 5 years with no end in sight. I waited 14 months for a trial date only to be told 2 weeks before the Judge was not available. We then got appointed another judge only to be told, he then wasn't available. We tried me... View more

I've been in the family court for 5 years with no end in sight. I waited 14 months for a trial date only to be told 2 weeks before the Judge was not available. We then got appointed another judge only to be told, he then wasn't available. We tried mediation however the Narc did not show up. The arrogance of it all. So 5 years, and 3 lawyers later (he obviously doesn't like what he is being advised) we have another date set for Monday. However now I'm told that his current lawyer is about to drop the case, so he will be undefended. He'll ask for an extension and he'll get it. How can the court allow this type of behaviour? There are lives on hold behind all the arrogance.