Past affectiing future

[Roofluff]

Hi Everyone,

For many years i have burried my past away to hide it all as i was a child of domestic abuse. I was beaten as kid and then all through my childhood and teenage years it continued through the different partners my mother had. But through all of this i had to be the strong figure for my 3 younger siblings but unfortunately it all has resurfaced now in my 30s as my current partner asked me about having kids and marriage. During the past month i have been sleeping our spare room as ive lost all feelings for her and dont know if its worth being together and have thoughts of running away. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Roofluff,

A very warm and caring welcome to the forums,

I am a survivor of childhood abuse and then at 18 I kind of ran away then I survived DV for 38 years….I kept everything in…..my narcissist husband passed away 11 years ago, one knew about what I was going through until I had a breakdown, isolated myself for months then ended up in hospital after an attempt….

It was in hospital I realised that it was important and I should have reach out for help before my breakdown, I’m very gently urging you to reach out to your Dr. talk to them about what your going through, your thoughts, your feeling and your trauma your trying to manage….Your Dr can help you, by setting up a mental health care plan, we’re you can talk to professionals about how your finding it hard to manage your present and your future…

The more we keep things inside our head, the more it just festers and keeps hounding us until it starts to effect every aspect of our life….that’s when talking to a professional might help you…

Can you sit down and talk to your partner about your past trauma?…and how talking about having children has brought it all back again?….

My kindest thoughts and care Dear Roofluff….

Grandy..

[Guest_50801818]

Dear Roofluff,

a dear friend of mine experienced a very similar childhood of physical abuse and decided to get professional help from a psychologist when she met her now husband. Her psychologist said the past experiences had resurfaced because she felt like she was in a safe place in her life to deal with them. She now has a very happy marriage and is a wonderful parent even though her own mother physically abused her. 
my own father was physically abused his entire childhood by his father and yet is the gentlest father who has never raised a hand to us. 
I suppose I’m trying to say it’s not something that will repeat in your life. You deserve happiness and will know how precious a loving family is. Give your partner a chance to be there for you and also don’t carry this alone. Like another post said, go to your doctor and get yourself help. You deserve healing and happiness. None of this is your fault.