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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Rowen13 Unrequited love with your friend
  • replies: 3

I met this great guy online on another depression forum. We texted daily for 7 months and he said straight off the bat on his profile that he's married. It didn't matter to me because I was deeply depressed at the time and only saw him as a friend. U... View more

I met this great guy online on another depression forum. We texted daily for 7 months and he said straight off the bat on his profile that he's married. It didn't matter to me because I was deeply depressed at the time and only saw him as a friend. Unfortunately I developed feelings for him, strong feelings which is ruining the friendship. His rational and I'm emotional. I told him I have feelings for him and he suggested I take a break because he didn't feel the same way. He wanted me to come back when I could accept his friendship. I'm not physically attracted to him but have fallen in love with his intelligence, personality, integrity and kindness.I hate that I developed these feelings and it's come up twice with him having to gently state twice that he doesn't return the feelings.He has apologised for leading me on, which is true but he doesn't understand why we "can't just be friends". He says he's not like me and is slow to develop feelings. I miss him when we don't text and it's like a no win situation where I am always the loser. I loved our friendship before and wish I never developed any other feelings. Because even if we were together I wouldn't want to be intimate with him so I'm so confused. Why can't I just be happy with our friendship like I use to be? And should I just cut him out of my life. I have anxious attachment style and have already tried to end out 7 month friendship over 12 times now. But he always fights for it. He knows I have feelings for him but doesn’t know I love him. I want to keep my pride and not tell him because he already said he doesn't reciprocate my "feelings" so why declare my love. I lied and said I loved him as a friend but was not in love with him. I'm going to lose a good friendship and I have to end it. I'm so angry at myself that I can't be more mature about this.

kn94 Family issues
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I have been treated with constant infantilization by my family, especially with my cousins, who I have grew up with since I was a child. For context, I am a 30 year old female with a good career, friendship circle and active lifestyle. I... View more

Hi everyone, I have been treated with constant infantilization by my family, especially with my cousins, who I have grew up with since I was a child. For context, I am a 30 year old female with a good career, friendship circle and active lifestyle. I am the youngest in this cousin group, and as a child, we always used to hang out with each other on a monthly basis, and also, to this day. I felt good hanging out with them as a child, but as I am getting older, I do not feel the same. I always feel misunderstood, let down and incredibly sad - these feelings have stemmed from years of them not acknowledging my feelings, downplaying my achievements and patronizing me. I find the most extroverted, well-travelled, cultured person in the group gets the most attention/affection and they can get away with any bad decision or mistake that they make. However, this is different for me. I am met with judgement and criticism when this happens, always feeling like the family's scapegoat. As the people-pleaser that I am, I still go to events they invite me to make my parents happy, but would feel extremely irritable afterwards and would need considerable alone time to repair myself mentally and emotionally. I have discussed these issues with the closest ones in the group. They say they understand, however, old patterns don't change, and I can see these toxic dynamics resurfacing. What should I do?

BrokenMum Adult Daughter lashes out once again
  • replies: 2

My 31yr old daughter has lashed out once again. This time I gave the "wrong response" to something. I had just returned from a week with them, helping clean and babysitting prior to them moving. I thought it had gone well. Daughter actually said she ... View more

My 31yr old daughter has lashed out once again. This time I gave the "wrong response" to something. I had just returned from a week with them, helping clean and babysitting prior to them moving. I thought it had gone well. Daughter actually said she thought we were the best we'd been! My apology for saying wrong thing was met with partner accusing me of gaslighting and daughter claiming I was 'passively disapproving' to hurt her all week. Wouldn't have been there if i was! SO confused!!4 yrs ago, (after being together for 6) she rang me out of the blue telling me she was thinking of leaving partner. Therapist had suggested things weren't going to change. I tried to be careful with words but asked her how she'd feel if he wanted to end it. She said relieved! 3days later she said they'd talked and all was going to be good. 4 days later He proposed!! In response to that I said to him "I guess you realised what you had to lose" (that's all!) Apparently that one line was the nail in my coffin! They just brought it up again to show my heartlessness. Because of this, no contact for 8 months. They got married with just his parents present which hurt a lot. But I kept it down and we reconciled when she got pregnant. I have been there to help whenever needed. Kept my mouth shut with partners controlling behaviour. He said I was a sociopath, that all 3 of my kids are great and that's because he can't see any of me in them and that he feels so sorry for them. My husband msgd them to say STOP THIS! Then they said how sad for him to have to be with me. Husband said I think more joy in this house than yours (that's all) This had daughter screaming 'What has she been saying? I'm the happiest I've ever been!' Then "Don't ever contact us or try to see grandson again.My daughter has attacked me out of the blue on a few occasions since she was 16, I think there are some mental issues with both of them. She has accused me of controlling, judging, not trusting. Her well-adjusted older brothers have trouble with that. As the youngest and only girl, they think she got things a lot easier and could not have had a better Mother. I have become used to treading on eggshells with them but let my guard down for a minute! I honestly don't know how I'm here. Cant stop thinking about it, trying to understand it. Drowning in despair with it all and the thought of not seeing that little boy again. But my sons have given me 4 little girls that love me and I have to somehow keep living for.

cherrytea My boyfriends porn addiction has broken me
  • replies: 2

Hi, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly two years now, we are very supportive of each other and have a very strong relationship. However, a few months into our relationship I found out about his porn addiction on accident when ... View more

Hi, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly two years now, we are very supportive of each other and have a very strong relationship. However, a few months into our relationship I found out about his porn addiction on accident when I saw a photo of a random woman in his gallery, he got incredibly defensive when I asked who the woman was, but later opened up about his porn addiction. To help his problem, he went into therapy and went on medications. I was very proud of him and his dedication, he remained clear for nearly a year before relapsing (and again - I found out on pure accident at his work get-together when she showed a co-worker something on Instagram, and his whole For You page was full of women in bikinis.) I thought this was the last time a relapse would happen but I was wrong. For the past couple of weeks, I had a nagging feeling something wasn't right, so when he was in the shower I went through his phone and saw his search history, and saw not only was he looking at porn, but he was looking at a girls Only Fans. I didn't bother confronting him and just left for my parent's place. He came over and we had a very emotional and personal talk, I gave him the chance to tell me everything, and when I mentioned the Only Fans, he said he was only looking, he never bought a subscription. I didn't contact him for the whole weekend, and since that incident, I have been switching between staying at my parent's house and spending the night at our place, I stopped asking about his mental health and stopped making suggestions about it. Our relationship feels like its getting back to normal, he has definitely shown both physical and mental improvements, but the thoughts of what would've happened if I didn't find out keep me up at night. I've also dealt with a lot of self esteem issues and anorexia, so having my boyfriend look at other women is not only hurtful but incredibly triggering. I love him so much but I've worked too hard to recover from my eating disorder to have my efforts be destroyed. I've contemplated on ending the relationship because he's destroyed my trust and I just don't want to feel like I have to compete against other women for my partner's attention.

Roofluff Past affectiing future
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone,For many years i have burried my past away to hide it all as i was a child of domestic abuse. I was beaten as kid and then all through my childhood and teenage years it continued through the different partners my mother had. But through a... View more

Hi Everyone,For many years i have burried my past away to hide it all as i was a child of domestic abuse. I was beaten as kid and then all through my childhood and teenage years it continued through the different partners my mother had. But through all of this i had to be the strong figure for my 3 younger siblings but unfortunately it all has resurfaced now in my 30s as my current partner asked me about having kids and marriage. During the past month i have been sleeping our spare room as ive lost all feelings for her and dont know if its worth being together and have thoughts of running away.

ElaraJ Cross dressing/gender dysphoric husband - can we be happy?
  • replies: 7

HiI've been with my husband for 22 years and we've been married for 16 years. Shortly after we married, I discovered he liked wearing women's underwear when I wasn't around. I was young, shocked, confused and hurt. He told me he wasn't gay and it had... View more

HiI've been with my husband for 22 years and we've been married for 16 years. Shortly after we married, I discovered he liked wearing women's underwear when I wasn't around. I was young, shocked, confused and hurt. He told me he wasn't gay and it had just been something he'd done since a child. I think I just assumed it might stop now that I knew and I didn't know how to talk to him about it. We swept it under the carpet and moved on. Over the years there have been other things. I saw that he'd been looking at women's clothes online etc. there would be gaps of years though. We have always had a very loving and intimate relationship and we've always felt so solid. In recent years our sex life has been less active but I'm going through perimenopause and we've been together a long time! Sex is still good when we have it and we're always affectionate. Last year it all came to a head when I found women's gym shorts hidden in a draw and found it that he'd been on Grindr. I assumed the worst - that he was cheating on me and trying things with other genders. I was heartbroken and confronted him. I said we couldn't brush this under the carpet anymore and if he didn't want to be with me I needed to know. He said he only went on to Grindr to try and speak to people who felt like him. He said he was straight, fancied women and didn't want to change his gender from male, but that wanting to look at and wear women's clothes was like a compulsion. We agreed to speak to counsellors separately. After my sessions I saw that I could be supportive by giving space or alone time for him to wear the clothes, but I didn't feel I could feel attracted to him in women's clothes if he wanted to bring them in to the bedroom etc. I feel bad about this, but I can't change the way I feel. He said he actually hated the thought of me and my daughter leaving the house so he could do this. He said it's not what he wanted. He also said it wasn't even a sexual thing for him to wear the clothes anymore either. We don't see the counsellors anymore and it's been a year. He felt he wasn't getting anything out of it and we promised we would talk more about it, but we don't. This week I used his iPad and saw he'd been on Grindr again. All of my fears came to the surface again. Is he just reaching out for help from those who understand? Is he lying to me about wanting to be with me because he's scared of confused about the alternative and breaking up our family. I don't want him to live a lie, nor me.

Here2Talk Supporting children with autism
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I have a 6yo son with level 2 asd. An interesting episode tonight. He tripped last night and got a small graze on the top of his foot, and after a day it finally bloodied up (you now how grazes can sometimes not bleed or scab straight away). ... View more

Hi all, I have a 6yo son with level 2 asd. An interesting episode tonight. He tripped last night and got a small graze on the top of his foot, and after a day it finally bloodied up (you now how grazes can sometimes not bleed or scab straight away). Anyway he was distressed, as usual, when getting into the shower, because he said “it’s going to hurt”. I tried to placate him and persuade him that it would be manageable; alas he was so distressed that eventually we just put a bandaid on and let him shower like that. The exact scenario is not that important; I am just Wondering if anyone has thoughts or ideas or experiences with autistic children, and in terms of what you should do in terms of nudging them to try and do difficult or uncomfortable things? He is very intelligent young man (ahead of the class eg in maths and spelling and reading), but has trouble with rigid ideas and subtlety characteristic of autism. I’ve heard of others with autism being guided very well, some even becoming very successful in careers etc and I just wondered - philosophically - how much one should try to encourage children With asd throughout development. Obviously one can’t (morally) push any human to do things that are distressing - but in trying to make everything conform to a child’s agenda and protect them from every difficulty they might encounter would seem like depriving them of skills necessary for life - this world is going to throw difficulties at children .... So I guess does anyone have advice for the ultimate amount of pushing vs placating/comforting a child with ASD- more geared to level 2 high intelligence children but any advice/experiences in general are welcome. Best wishes.

PsychedelicFur My Boyfriend called me a spoilt brat & a f**king b*tch
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone. I have an issue that happened earlier today and I'm unsure if I'm the one who behaved badly or not. My boyfriend was making me breakfast and I like my microwave Oats done and certain way and when I went over to try and make my Oats an... View more

Hello everyone. I have an issue that happened earlier today and I'm unsure if I'm the one who behaved badly or not. My boyfriend was making me breakfast and I like my microwave Oats done and certain way and when I went over to try and make my Oats and told me he was going to do it. When it was done it wasn't the way I liked it. And I told him it wasn't the way I liked it. And then he called me a spoilt brat for not liking it and seeing he did something nice for me. He said that other adults would just eat it and not be a weirdo about it. I have Autism and like things done and certain way. And him calling me a weirdo, a spoilt brat and a f**king bitch has really hurt my feelings. I don't know if I did the wrong thing. I didn't eat up eating the Oats as there was too much milk in them. I struggle with food so much and he knows this. Was it wrong for me to tell him that i didn't like the way it was done? I'm unsure.

Guest_48945486 Constant Validation
  • replies: 2

My partner tells me I don't tell her i'm proud of her enough, that I should tell her i'm proud of her because she cleaned the house, or did the washing.She tells me I don't believe in her because she only every knows when I'm angry or upset about som... View more

My partner tells me I don't tell her i'm proud of her enough, that I should tell her i'm proud of her because she cleaned the house, or did the washing.She tells me I don't believe in her because she only every knows when I'm angry or upset about something. I don't praise her enough, I don't cry to her and don't seek validation from her myself. I don't know if she's being unhealthy in her expectations, or if I'm unhealthy because I'm content and don't feel the need to unpack every emotion throughout my day. Emotions are just a party of life and I don't feel the need to state every emotion with a hundred words. I share my moments of joy, we laugh, we have fun together, I share about my work days and ask about hers. But that doesn't seem to be enough.She wants for nothing, I pay for everything, she goes out with friends etc and has her social life outsider of me. She works 20 hours a week to my 40, so she gay plenty of time to do housework etc, and I still help out, I cook, I clean, I keep things tidy to make life easier on both of us.I'm lost, I don't think I should have to constantly validate her nor unpack every feeling I have. I know it's easier for me to grump and be frustrated when something isn't done that I feel isn't okay, like not changing a toilet roll, but I don't yell or scream, I simply sigh and fix it myself.I dunno, I dunno what healthy expectations of my emotions are. What is reasonable for her to ask if me?

Krystle R Loneliness bites
  • replies: 3

Feeling alone is the worst. Son (20) has mental issue's, dad no longer in the picture (doesn’t want to be), I can’t talk to sister about it and I have no other family. My best friend is good to talk to but she has her own family issues. So hard to ma... View more

Feeling alone is the worst. Son (20) has mental issue's, dad no longer in the picture (doesn’t want to be), I can’t talk to sister about it and I have no other family. My best friend is good to talk to but she has her own family issues. So hard to make friends in small town. I’m not doing so well being by myself, as my son lives in his room. I’m so sad and feel really alone.