My husband and I have been married for 13 years and together for 17
years. We have always been very supportive of each other and worked
together as team , as we both have children from previous relationships
( children are now young adults , with the...
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My husband and I have been married for 13 years and together for 17
years. We have always been very supportive of each other and worked
together as team , as we both have children from previous relationships
( children are now young adults , with the older 2 living out of home ).
I have always struggled with a shopping addiction on and off and this
something my husband and I have discussed over the years , especially
when my spending would become excessive . I would acknowledge his
concerns and we would talk through it and I would make a conscious
effort to be more cautious of my spending habits . Iam also someone who
is generous with money and doesn’t mind helping people out here and
there . However , my husband is very frugal with money and doesn’t like
to spend anything . So about 6 months ago he was upset with my spending
and gave me an ultimatum stop spending or divorce. Just to clarify the
money I spent that he was upset over was for my son’s high school
graduation and my uni graduation, not a normal “ spending spree “. Any
over the next 3-4 months I knuckled down , I didn’t spend a dollar
unless it was for was bill not even a take away coffee . So some time
had pasted and I ended up spending $50 buy some clothes . I felt
terrible coming home and had so much anxiety. What will my husband say ,
he will be angry ? . He wasn’t . (In between this I should add that on
weekend away visiting friends he was discussing with them selling our
house and buy a farm . This is something that he had never spoken to me
about before and I was very upset and angry overhearing him talk to
friends about it . And also because he knows that iam not fond of farms
so I would not be keen on this.)So my husband suggested that we separate
our finances because he doesn’t want me to feel anxiety over buying
myself something . We separated finances . Now this has left me in the
position where I have more weekly expenses then my husband as when his
bills were all due we paid for them on yearly basis before we separated
finances and opted to pay mine fortnightly as they were all due at the
same time and we couldn’t afford to pay both . Furthermore to this I
work as a support worker so I have no holiday or sick pay . This now
puts me in a position where I’m working over 60-80hours a week to secure
my finances as I need to ensure that I have enough income to pay my
bills and save in the event of if I get ill or have no work. Iam
absolutely exhausted at home and work , iv became so miserable that I
don’t even see the point in going on . I no longer have a husband that I
can depend on , rely on. I feel like he has broken my trust in away. We
cook separately, do house work separately and I really don’t see a point
. I ask him if his happy with how things are and he says yes . It seems
like he doesn’t seem to care of the extra burden this put on. I asked
him to come to marriage counseling with me and he told me I was the one
that needed to go not him. His asked if I want to re-join finances but I
feel that at this point I have worked so much , so many hours to save
what I have . I also know that I have saved more money than what he has
and don’t think this is fair. I also feel like I simply don’t want to
because of how much stress and anxiety it has caused me.At the moment
when I assess my finances, financial I would be better off we sold our
house and separated .however , after being together for 17 years since I
was 21 years old it’s hard . He was supposed to be my bestfriend and we
have been through so much together. feeling , lost , miserable, broken
and exhausted . Any thoughts or advice?
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