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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Skary Bill So very very lonely
  • replies: 43

Like most people here, I've got a bunch of things going on.. Self improvement. Managing anxiety, financial and physical limitations. But I have a problem that has been steadily forcing it's way to the top of the list. It's having a profound effect on... View more

Like most people here, I've got a bunch of things going on.. Self improvement. Managing anxiety, financial and physical limitations. But I have a problem that has been steadily forcing it's way to the top of the list. It's having a profound effect on everything else and I'm at risk of getting quite stuck on it. Quite simply, I have no friends. Family is scattered far and wide and.. well.. Family, as in there is love there. But not mateship. I've been quite active online since I began suffering agoraphobia. But online friendships are often fleeting and lack depth. And recent changes in my accommodation options force me to move back to the bush where I don't even have a phone signal let alone internet. While I'm a reasonably sociable person who is community spirited. I've never been particularly needy, and so I guess for a while I was happy doing my own thing. But some months ago now, I stood in my shed.. Looked at something I just made, realised I had nobody to share it with and suddenly understood just how very lonely I actually am. Since then, I've been looking. I've been challenging my agoraphobia to get out there and meet people. I've been going along to men's sheds and doing some volunteering. I've been looking around online for people near me with similar interests. And folks, I've struck out completely. Everyone I've encountered has either had a good couple of decades on me and deep into retirement. Or they are younger and wilder, and the ones around my age (early 40's) are for the most part busy with families. So it seems I've become quite the outsider. And when I go back to the bush. I can go weeks without seeing another human. It's devastating and I can't see the way out from here. I'm thinking about saving up to buy a motorcycle that is suited to touring, locking the remnants of my life in a shipping container and hitting the road. But even then, I'm writing cheques my anxiety probably can't cash lol. Anyway, thanks for reading. I'm staying with a relative for the weekend. Enjoying the internet. I guess I'm sharing because I just need to talk to someone. Cheers, Bill.

Von is lost Boyfriend catching up with ex
  • replies: 4

My boyfriend and I have just become official and we were randomly discussing what we had on for the week. He said he is catching up with a friend this week and only once I asked “do you know her from school or something?” was when he told me it was h... View more

My boyfriend and I have just become official and we were randomly discussing what we had on for the week. He said he is catching up with a friend this week and only once I asked “do you know her from school or something?” was when he told me it was his ex. He then said if it’s weird to tell him and he wouldn’t meet up with her. I was fine with it at the time but can’t help ruminating on the fact. She is just passing through the town we live in and she lives elsewhere but I think they have hung out most of today and she might be staying over at his house tonight. Obviously I trust him but my mind is playing tricks on me. It’s really brought out my anxious attachment style. I don’t want this to bother me so if anyone has any tips that would be great to hear.

David35 how to deal with a brother and his family who don't want to know mum and i
  • replies: 15

Since mum got cancer a few years ago, my bro, his wife and family have virtually cut us off. We have the occasional Easter and Xmas but nothing like it used to be. There is a lot of hurt caused by their lack of support, something we both find hard to... View more

Since mum got cancer a few years ago, my bro, his wife and family have virtually cut us off. We have the occasional Easter and Xmas but nothing like it used to be. There is a lot of hurt caused by their lack of support, something we both find hard to ignore. So he does ring now and then but the care factor has almost reached zero. Mum regularly balls her eyes out with a sense of loss and disgust by his lack of compassion and I'm the son/carer who has to deal with it. Mum is free of cancer now, but given that Mum has 3 grandkids who she rarely sees, how are we to do deal with this? The Christian way is to forgive, but the hurt with some of the things that were said and the icy coldness on their behalf is something I've never experienced. It's also coincided with mum cutting back on her generosity, because what's the point? We feel discarded all because mum got cancer. It's got so bad mum is considering changing her will, the complete lack of concern for her and myself is so bad. His wife hasn't asked once how she was coping in the 2 years she had cancer treatment. I know it happens in families but I just didn't think this level of coldness would occur in ours.

Blu_starxx Child care
  • replies: 1

I’m at a loss right now I’m spiralling my daughter is 3 and I work away but can’t find a job in town for the same amount of money she is loosing her childhood due to her dad I can not get him to understand listen to anything nor can my family his fri... View more

I’m at a loss right now I’m spiralling my daughter is 3 and I work away but can’t find a job in town for the same amount of money she is loosing her childhood due to her dad I can not get him to understand listen to anything nor can my family his friends or day care he is so set in his own controlling ways nothing works I need to finally escape the abuse from him and the constant depression and misery but my daughter needs a life a good life she’s suffering so much he gets angry with her screams so deeply and loudly gives up after 2 nos and then looses says leave me alone to her fuck off leave me alone don’t touch me to the point she’s now doing all of this at daycare and about to be kicked out of daycare he doesn’t understand at all but I need help I need to know is there any trusting support out there that can allow me to keep my 7/7 job to afford life and have her watch looked after and safe she’s all I got I don’t have family to help it’s just me and her and she’s suffering so much with him she’s begging for his attention but only gets it when he’s angry I can’t keep staying in a place with someone like him I left due to the abuse to the point I didn’t think I could escape unless I killed myself and he holds that against me he says I walked out on my baby when I was hospitalised time and time again due to suicide I get told I’m a shit mother cause the house was always a mess when she was a baby due to her being colic and allergic to all baby formulas having to thicken and constant hospital trips and not only that I was suffering server post partum depression to the point of self harm I had my c section rip open he was working away then so I had to do it all alone then when I thought I’d have the help when he’d get back I got screamed at called ugly fat walls smashed cause I would be at his feet scream crying for help please just help me I can’t do this alone I had to walk from the hospital 1 hour to our home with no shoes she had no warm clothes when she was 1 cause I had heart attack symptoms and I rang him for help and all I got was wtf do you want and what do you think I can do about it leave me alone I need sleep I work in the morning then turned his phone off I had no nappies formula nothing for my daughter luckily the paramedics noticed all this and went home and grabbed what they could find for her but beyond that I want to leave for good with Bub but I have no one to help me I can’t go back on Centrelink payments as that couldn’t even cover rent food and fuel I always had to borrow money of people to get fuel or get some more food for myself or I just didn’t eat and then on top of that power everything I can’t do that all over again please is there any support options that can help me

adamc Not "Allowed" to Look At Pics Of Women
  • replies: 1

I'm 40 years old and like looking at beautiful fashion models wearing beautiful outfits, like elegant evening gowns, swimsuits and lovely silk nightgowns. Tonight, it was the latter I was looking at; a beautiful woman looking lovely wearing a white s... View more

I'm 40 years old and like looking at beautiful fashion models wearing beautiful outfits, like elegant evening gowns, swimsuits and lovely silk nightgowns. Tonight, it was the latter I was looking at; a beautiful woman looking lovely wearing a white silk nightgown with her hand on her hip. However, my Mum saw the pic and said "STOP looking at women in their underwear. You shouldn't even be looking at that sort of thing!!"Sarcastically, I responded with "What should I be looking at then? Guys in their underwear?"She said "Well, that would be more appropriate than women in their underwear." It was a silk nightgown!!! But later, I couldn't believe what I overheard her saying to Dad: "He doesn't even have a girlfriend.""Maybe he's thinking of starting to wear women's clothes." And even worse:"Is he going to be a pedophile next??" All because of a pic of a beautiful woman in her 30s modelling a silk nightgown!!

Dana123 Avoidant attachment style - what's helped me and what I've been doing
  • replies: 3

Hi guys, So I am 25 years old and have an avoidant attachment style. A few weeks ago I was crying to my psychologist and saying 'I can't even tell if I'm attracted to the person all I want to do is run' and she said 'of course you can't tell, you're ... View more

Hi guys, So I am 25 years old and have an avoidant attachment style. A few weeks ago I was crying to my psychologist and saying 'I can't even tell if I'm attracted to the person all I want to do is run' and she said 'of course you can't tell, you're anxious' - I found this reassuring because everytime I get in a relationship, I start off attracted to the person then it's like a switch - I'm put off! This always happens when the other person shows more interest or wants to become more emotionally intimate. A couple of things I have realised: As someone with an avoidant attachment style - YOU NEED SOMEONE WITH A SECURE ATTACHMENT STYLE Be aware of the strategies you use to try and keep someone distant - I've realised that I use a lot of distancing strategies - both emotional and physical. For me, it always starts off with not responding to messages and although it eases my anxiety at the time - I'm not addressing the issue. So what I do is ask myself this 'am I not replying because I really am busy/unwell etc OR is it because I'm anxious and avoiding'. I also tend to OVER analyse things my potential partner does and ultimately will come up with the conclusion that they're bad - with NO concrete evidence. Find a psychologist who you feel comfortable with. I had previously seen a psychologist for many years and realised I needed someone else - I have a new psychologist now and she has been incredible. In just the few short weeks I've seen her - I understand my thought process more so than I ever have and most importantly, she's made me feel like I am not strange, that many people are like me and that there is hope Be aware and track your unhelpful thinking styles (google this)- I've realised that for me, my avoidance in relationships stem from my low self worth and the unhelpful thinking styles I've led myself to believe over the years. I've been keeping a diary and I've been working through challenging these thinking styles (google how to do this) - I have found this so liberating. Read books on attachment styles - I've been reading the book "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love" - it's ok but I feel that they make it seem those with an Anxious attachment style don't need to change or work on themselves whereas those with an Avoidant style are bad. I have learnt a few things though So for those of you with an avoidant attachment style, what has helped you? Any books? Strategies? Do share

itsjaycee Bf’s SIL makes me feel insecure
  • replies: 1

I’ve been feeling uncomfortable and angry to be around my bfs sister in law which is rarely, but still when we’re both at the same event. A few years back, my bf & I just had our kid when he got a photo taken with her when he was out for a family din... View more

I’ve been feeling uncomfortable and angry to be around my bfs sister in law which is rarely, but still when we’re both at the same event. A few years back, my bf & I just had our kid when he got a photo taken with her when he was out for a family dinner which she then put it up as her profile picture. I found out through suggested friends on fb for some weird reason. Trust me he copped it but we argued about it. He says they all took photos and she also took a pic with his brother, reason being was they found that branded clothing was cool (she was in Kmart cheap clothes, couldn’t afford anything branded eg Nike, Gucci). My bf didn’t think it was a problem as he’s never had a gf but me (I’m his first). He apparently told me he didn’t know right from wrong and so on. Up until this day I don’t like her..at all over this. He has reassured me there were no other intentions. She knows he has kids and a wife (YAS ME) But what are her intentions? Am I overthinking this?

Animal_Lover Why am I so unloveable
  • replies: 1

10yrs ago my life changed and I was left with multiple medical issues/ disabilities and 6 years ago my mum became my full time carer and moved into my house with me. We've always had issues due to her abuse but she became my best friend and in ways m... View more

10yrs ago my life changed and I was left with multiple medical issues/ disabilities and 6 years ago my mum became my full time carer and moved into my house with me. We've always had issues due to her abuse but she became my best friend and in ways my life partner due to going through menopause and no one wanting me. Just over a week ago I found out she was leaving when a taxi turned up. I am heartbroken she had already blocked my number so I emailed her saying what she did hurt me, begging for her support so I can get help with my mental health and how I'm scared to loose my dogs, spending the rest of my life dirty, hungry and no one caring what happens to me. My dogs are the only thing I have left and can't even think of giving them up, they are the reason I have any reason to fight. My mum replied yesterday saying she never wanted a daughter with a disability, no wonder no one wants you, I'm already dead to her and in capital letters please do not contact me again. I've lived all over Australia, I moved out at 16, I've always been so independent but now I feel I have nothing and no one left. I can't do this life alone, I haven't even been able to feed myself or have a shower since she left, and I've been basically stuck on the couch. I feel like I'm crying out but no one can hear me. I also found out yesterday it looks like my disabilities might not be covered under NDIS because they're the wrong types but the combination is what limits my ability. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do my life is becoming more hopeless by the minute. It doesn't help I tried to reach out to a crisis line but ended up feeling even more alone. I feel so tired and weak, I just want the pain to stop, someone to love and to love me back, I want my life back, I want a supportive mum or at least someone I can turn to and rely on. I finally learnt to say I'm not ok but there's no one to listen.

ShyGirl88 Issue with my mum
  • replies: 1

I live (rent) with my mum who has very little savings and I want to move to another location which is about 5 hours away to be closer to a best friend and for a change of scenery but I know if I leave it will cause issues with my mum because she's no... View more

I live (rent) with my mum who has very little savings and I want to move to another location which is about 5 hours away to be closer to a best friend and for a change of scenery but I know if I leave it will cause issues with my mum because she's not sure if she really wants to come with me (she brought up moving closer to my friend in the first place but has since changed her mind many times) and she will struggle with finding somewhere else to live or paying the rent on current property.I'm in my 30s and just feel held back from doing something I want even before this housing crisis there was issues with my mum and I about me wanting to move out. Eventually I did for 6 years but now have had to share with my mum again because the landlord changed the lease to a periodic lease (we had the same landlord but had different houses next door to each other) and my mum got worried so we ended up moving into another property together.I'm just not sure what to do but I just feel miserable and stuck. People have said I should do what I need to do but my mum gets so upset at me when I say what I want to do. She says I don't care but if I didn't care I would have left by now. She has the option of coming with me or possibly getting someone to move in with her but she doesn't want to do that which I can understand but I just don't know what to do for the best it's making me feel so confused.Thanks for reading

Mystina HELP !! What to do
  • replies: 1

HeyMy new partner and his 9 yr old daughter disrespect me, When I first meet them I thought she was a beautiful little girl 7 then and treated her as my own. I have 6 adult kids and 6 grandkids so have experience.But then the cries when he kissed me ... View more

HeyMy new partner and his 9 yr old daughter disrespect me, When I first meet them I thought she was a beautiful little girl 7 then and treated her as my own. I have 6 adult kids and 6 grandkids so have experience.But then the cries when he kissed me and not her, tantrums actually. We would hug she throw tantrum- I was like WT !! 🫤 I would be speaking to hubby on phone when he was in shower, next minute here’s her voice saying hello !! Wow anyhow moved in with them, gave up my home for this relationship, resigned her room to be a little girls room, bought her girls clothes, took them out to Disney on ICE etc .i put a routine into place oh well it starts, she does wrong she goes to her room and the crying no tears for hours.then we have her saying rude things about daddy, drawing him naked. teacher calls me she is trying to get boys down back of oval she is 8 now, makes statements about her dad, and a lot more.then steals from me, lies are constant and stealing , from our room. Make up jewellery, trinkets, tanning lotion, money , stationary , money food omg .Dad accuses me of lying about daughter doing this.covers for her, blah blah blah.i teach her responsibility, respect etc well I thought I did .nope nearly 2 years and she still doing it.she manipulated me I think she is great then I catch her running out of our room .when caught she cries please daddy please when asked why no response just cries and acts like the victim.I have lost $100’s of dollars of items, she won’t apologise nor stop.i can not live here in peace I can’t trust her.this is killing me because WHY ? She talks adult talk she not a kid why ? We fight me and hubby over this hubby won’t acknowledge what I go through he just throws it back to me.what do I do? I have PTSD already work full time for Government 3 days at home 2 in office. every time I am not home I get back from city and she has taken my stuff broke something or stolen foods for my lunches. even when I am home working she steals in front of me then cries when caught and says I don’t know when asked why did you do this ? HELP PLEASE