Relationship and family issues

Missing my family when they live down the road

replies: 1

Hello! So I moved out of home a year and a half ago, I live 20 minutes down the road from my family, but I work away a fair bit and work most weekends, whereas they all (mum, dad, brother) work full-time, so I see them as much as I can but we've all ... View more

Hello! So I moved out of home a year and a half ago, I live 20 minutes down the road from my family, but I work away a fair bit and work most weekends, whereas they all (mum, dad, brother) work full-time, so I see them as much as I can but we've all got busy lives. I'm struggling dealing with the fact that I'm not as involved in their lives as I used to be. I had that period after moving out where you're questioning your decision, but that was ages ago and I thought I got over it. I don't want to move back in with them, but I don't know what to do to find that middle ground. It hurts when I speak to my mum and she's telling me about what her, and dad and my brother have done, or which pub they went to dinner to the night before, especially when I was free and could have gone with them but just didn't know. So often I'm working when they're doing things so I want to join them whenever I can but I think they assume I have other things on. It doesn't help that my brother started seeing his girlfriend (disclaimer his gf is amazing and I love her to bits) after I moved out so she tags along with them for things and I guess in a way it "replaces" me. I know they're not doing it on purpose but I feel like I'm being left out of my own family. How do I tell my mum this? I love my family and I miss them so much sometimes and they literally live down the road. I don't know what to do to fix it. I don't know how to bring it up with them.

Meeting someone 2 weeks ago then they say they do not want to pursue a relationship with me anymore

replies: 1

Hello, everyone. I met someone a couple of weeks ago and we really hit it off. Conversations were easy and flowed very nicely. We were talking non stop for an hour about travels to Asia, our degrees, future travel plans and how views regarding travel... View more

Hello, everyone. I met someone a couple of weeks ago and we really hit it off. Conversations were easy and flowed very nicely. We were talking non stop for an hour about travels to Asia, our degrees, future travel plans and how views regarding travelling. We were even talking about how we were both not mainstream and had a common interest in crochet. I felt like I really vibed with him and that we could be compatible. We were even talking about the aspects of travelling that aren't safe and how different countries were different. Then, the night we met was when we got affectionate as in holding hands in the stairway standing really close to each other. Then we shared our first kiss, held hands as we walked down the stairs to the first level to cuddle and be more affectionate. Then, we spent time with our friends upstairs back on the rooftop. Then we spoke about going on a first date and to go bouldering for it. He was telling me that he was a bit awkward with affection because it was all new to him. Fast forward, we went on our first date, and I felt like we really hit it off again. Conversations were easy, we were both initiating conversations about our interests, got really affectionate and bouldering together. We were talking about the foods we liked and had that in common. We were getting to know each other that day and he was initating light touches on my nose and I was initiating kisses, cuddles and other forms of affection. Whenever we sat down or walked together he was initiating hand holding and cuddling with me. I was always asking him if I was ever making him feel uncomfortable because it's his first ever date and stuff and he mentioned being a bit awkward with affection. He said he'd let me know if he felt uncomfortable. And then I mentioned how he felt uncomfortable about texting frequently after meeting and he said don't worry we will find the right balance. Then we got dinner and it was enjoyable again. I felt comfortable and safe with him and then we cuddled and kissed at a reserve. We both agreed to go on a 2nd date and he initiated the idea to go ice skating. Then, a couple of days later he said that he didn't want to pursue a relationship with me anymore and it had nothing to do with me but it was just how he felt. It was so sudden. I asked if we could chat, even tried calling him, for clarity and he ghosted me. What do you guys think? Was he into me but realised he didn't want to have a serious relationship with me in general? Is this very sudden?

Knowing right from wrong

replies: 1

Hi all, first time kinship parent here. (25yrs) We received our 5 year old in December last year and let's just say it's been very rocky, being a first time carer and parent. We know everything about his past and his diagnosis with ADHD and Global De... View more

Hi all, first time kinship parent here. (25yrs) We received our 5 year old in December last year and let's just say it's been very rocky, being a first time carer and parent. We know everything about his past and his diagnosis with ADHD and Global Developmental Delay but we are still trying to navigate how to teach him right from wrong (mainly at school). We have a good behaviour chant we do before school everyday (a simple yes or no game) where I ask him questions to see if he understands good behaviour and he does, as soon as he gets to school and doesn't get his way with his teacher the good behaviour goes out the window (throws chairs, hurts others and uses negative language). He was suspended for one day last week and I can't help but feel like I need to do more with him, he is very well behaved at home with me and my husband but when he is around others he acts up. I don't know how I can support his teachers and his education when I'm not there to see what he does for myself.

MIL Troubles

replies: 1

Hey guys, I really need some advice from an external source about my mother in law. For context my husband and I have been together for 12 years, are married and have kids. My relationship with my MIL has been a roller coaster to say the least the th... View more

Hey guys, I really need some advice from an external source about my mother in law. For context my husband and I have been together for 12 years, are married and have kids. My relationship with my MIL has been a roller coaster to say the least the theme is always crossing boundaries, manipulating the situation and will often cry and manipulate my husband into letting her cross those boundaries. I feel at a loss because quite often it comes as a cost to my mental health, meaning - she has openly complained about me to other family members previously including my SIL, and grandparents who were also incredibly rude to me for the first few years. My SIL and I are quite close so that is how I am privy to this information. Often makes rude and passive comments to me when my husband isn’t there, manipulated her way into my birthing suite when I specifically asked for privacy, complained about my family to her family for no reason, has made rude comments about my parenting, tells everyone she is always helping out with the kids (my hubby works away alot) however it’s never consistent and always comes with strings attached. My husband bless him, I can tell just doesn’t know how to handle the situation. I can tell he is caught between being my husband (and for context he is the best husband) and also being a good son - for further context she has had issues in the past such as a messy divorce with my FIL, history of alcoholism, very much has her own baggage. My conundrum lies because I have had to make a decision to cut off a close family member due to them causing me anxiety and really draining me. I feel torn between cutting ties completely with my MIL as I do recognise this is the grandmother to my children, and also my husband mother - and I do have respect for that. I know if I asked my husband he would also cut her off for me, which makes me feel guilty and like I should just suck it up. however we go through periods of her being fine and we interact well and something happens and she crosses another boundary. It’s a cycle of this over the last 12 years. Recently about 8 months ago we had a series of incidents where she was manipulating the situation and crossing boundaries. I should note I have never brought this up with her as she is not a reasonable person at the best of times. She is a classic narcissist and will cry victim always. Since the incident we have moved interstate and I have not answered any of her calls. I think she knows I am upset with her but I don’t believe whilst she is aware, she has the capacity to have an adult conversation with. I am stuck between answering her calls to let her know about what her grand kids are up too (I have sent pictures through texts sporadically) and feeling that I should not be the one to be the bigger person anymore. I feel I am at the end of my tether and I just have nothing left in the tank to give. My husband is not much help as he just says he will cut her off but I don’t feel this should be the first/only action. He himself has his own history of issues with her previously but I think he feels because my SIL has cut her off and his brother doesn’t have much to do with her if he cuts her off she will have almost no contact with 3/3 kids. I have always felt anxiety when I see her calling but lately it has gotten worse because I know she will eventually snap and send me or my husband a nasty text like she has previously (I would think perhaps this time it might be granted given I haven’t answered any calls since March) however I just don’t know what to do. I would really appreciate an outsider perceptive on this, some advice or anything to know how to move forward this.

My psychologist told me to leave my partner

replies: 9

I am seeing a new psychologist for my anxiety. After two sessions she came to the conclusion that I have a controlling mother in law and my partner does not put me as a priority in his life (she hasn't met him or had him participate in any sessions).... View more

I am seeing a new psychologist for my anxiety. After two sessions she came to the conclusion that I have a controlling mother in law and my partner does not put me as a priority in his life (she hasn't met him or had him participate in any sessions). Her conclusions were partly spot on especially about the mother in law, and she was correct in saying this is where some of anxiety stems from. I was happy we figured out where some of anxiety stems from...now to work on strategies. We didn't work on any strategies. She told me I have two options...stay in the relationship, suck it up and watch my mental health decline further....or end the relationship to save my mental health. as you can imagine I was in shock. I never thought to end my relationship. I'm happy and I love him. I argued with her and justified that I love my partner and want to fix things. But hearing my mental health will improve if I let go was too good to hear. I was confused and didn't know what to do. I love my partner but I need help with my mental wellbeing. I also have the mentality that when someone is "broken", you don't throw it away, you fix it. I just didn't understand that someone advised me to end my relationship. Seemed a bit over the top, especially when we hadn't try any other strategy first. when I left the session I was hysterical. I stayed at my parents that night. They said my psychologist was putting things in my mind and days before seeing her I was perfectly fine mentally. I had a huge meltdown where I hit myself, ripped my hair out and threatened to hurt myself. I haven't had a meltdown like this in 5 years. i guess my question is....can psychologists tell someone to end their relationship? Only after two sessions, without hearing more about my life and relationship and without hearing my partners side of the story. She did have some truth behind it but she didn't seem to respect my wish to work on it rather than giving up after 6 years together. my partner and I spoke about everything. Things are good but what my psychologist said is still playing on repeat in my mind. any advice would be greatly appreciated.

BPD vs CPTSD can our relationship work?

replies: 1

Hi!I have CPTSD and my girlfriend has BPD. Can we work or am I too broken to do this? How do you know?thanks.

Brother living with parents

replies: 1

Ok. My younger brother (51) lives with my parents (84 & 87). Pays no rent and does not contribute consistently to the basics of living in a house. He’s abusive towards all of us, refuses to go on Centrelink, rather expecting the family to support him... View more

Ok. My younger brother (51) lives with my parents (84 & 87). Pays no rent and does not contribute consistently to the basics of living in a house. He’s abusive towards all of us, refuses to go on Centrelink, rather expecting the family to support him (Mum & Dad on pension and me full time job). The police have been involved, as well as social workers. We have some limited support for Mum & Dad now, but we are at a loss with my brother. He has some sort of mental health issue/s which are not properly managed. He is not interested in accepting help. He demands money daily, ranging from small amounts to hundreds of dollars. He will not accept it when we say, there is either not enough money or no money to give him. He has daily temper tantrums (big ones). I am doing my best to provide support to Mum & Dad, while balancing full time work. I am at a loss how I can change this situation. I’m exhausted and stressed.

My Mother is Toxic

replies: 10

I’m one of 4 Sisters. I am 37. I was 22 when I left home and I decided to venture out and go on my own. My other two older and one younger sister still had nothing todo with my mum. I can’t explain my mother’s abuse. I’ve always moved around and boun... View more

I’m one of 4 Sisters. I am 37. I was 22 when I left home and I decided to venture out and go on my own. My other two older and one younger sister still had nothing todo with my mum. I can’t explain my mother’s abuse. I’ve always moved around and bounced around rental homes and Schools as a kid. But when I lived with my Great Dad when I was 14 I became a Great Girl, happier. And I started to make friends. I wasn’t over weight and eating to escape anymore. But I still lacked in the skills to communicate with my dad and dress and act a certain way. Which turned my dad to verbally abuse me. My instant go to is to go. Run away. And I was 15 and my mum only lived 1 Suburb away And yes I did go back home. My dad cried and he found me at mums where he said she’ll kick me out when I turn 16. We Faught. Well low, and behold. SHE Kicked me out. I went to go live as I had no choice with my first boyfriend we broke up at 17. Due to my broken families abuse resulting in us fighting. I then met another guy who my Mother tried to befriend and toxicly ruin our relationship. I’ve never commited to any one man because I’ve been searching for comfort. When I was 21 I was kicked out by her again and 20 and 22 kicked out again. When I was 22. I met a man who was 15 years older than me. He beat me up every two weeks for the 3 and a half years. the police said it was a toxic and dysfunctional relationship. And also one with My Mother as well. it’s Abuse, we’ve all identified it as abuse. Not physical. Well not all the time. … My Mother - is 61. she drinks alcohol during the day and doesn’t change when we ask her too. I’m 38 soon. She fails and doesn’t respect Boundaries, She, cries and carries on she constantly sits there and blames people and others for her shit and her Life, her mistakes. We’ve all grown up now we’re all our own person and we have our own responsibilities. However, she hates that about us. If she gets a chance of any information she’ll toxically and psychologically Mess us Up and other people around her. When confronting her, She’ll scream at you. I decided 15 Years ago when I was with Andrew . That I wouldn’t let her affect my Life AND Hurt ME. However, Andrew went to The remand centre for breaching his IVO assaulting me the Police had done that. I met another guy online I told him I wanted to move forward with my Life but he constantly told me to go home and called me insults / names. the constant go back to and need for her home is still there. But I didn’t want to go.I don’t want to re establish a relationship my mum. with her. And she needs to learn to leave me alone and except that. my other two sisters don’t see her. But my 43 Year old sister has had her living with her 8 Years ago. To put her up. But she and My Mum don’t talk now. My sisters trying to convince me that I need Mum which I don’t. . I just want to be left alone to life My Life. Whether I’m struggling or not I still have the entitlement to live my life. im posting this , - because im torn. I’ve met another guy in the last 3 Years or just under that’s abused me. He’s used my resilience strong willed nature about me so to speak and he doesn’t understand or see that I’ve been through a lot of abuse. I was a strong resilient girl when I first met him. And now he’s brought me down. It’s frustrating and sickening. My mother is encouraging it and doesn’t understand my type2 Diabetes from lack of nutrition and My Feelings. She’s toxic beyond non supportive. But she doesn’t want to see me get better. I can’t put it into words how I feel or acknowledge it but I all I know is that im crying.

A mum struggling to cope with an adult homeless daughter

replies: 1

Hi thereWondering if anyone is going through or has had homelessness affect one of their children?My dear daughter has had health problems all her life. Unfortunately she told me she had been sexually abused as an adolescent only 4 years ago. I belie... View more

Hi thereWondering if anyone is going through or has had homelessness affect one of their children?My dear daughter has had health problems all her life. Unfortunately she told me she had been sexually abused as an adolescent only 4 years ago. I believe this was the beginning of a lifetime of personal problems and she'snow 47. As im her only parent ive done everything possible to help her break through to no avail. Finally she has contacted a help line for domestic abuse and is moving from place to place with nothing but a carry back.Im worn out emotionally and mentally after trying for over 15 years. Im trying to look after myself and keep distracted but I know I too need some help.Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated..

Just done the hardest but most honest thing I've done in my life

replies: 1

Don't exactly know why I'm sharing this here, I suppose because I don't really have anyone I can vent to, and I've just broken the heart of the one person I could. For context, my wife and I are mid-thirties, one toddler and another on the way. A few... View more

Don't exactly know why I'm sharing this here, I suppose because I don't really have anyone I can vent to, and I've just broken the heart of the one person I could. For context, my wife and I are mid-thirties, one toddler and another on the way. A few things piled up over the last 2 months which resulted in a breakdown of sorts for me. I've only recently started to come out of it and start thinking clearly. I realised that I've been shutting myself down for a long time, which is something that caused my wife and I to break up when we first started dating ~15 yrs ago. Last year we went through 2 miscarriages and which I think resulted in me closing myself off in order to try to be the rock that I thought my wife needed me to be. At that point I started vaping again (ex-smoker), and hid it from my wife because I didn't want her to worry. She found out and felt rightfully betrayed. To get to the point, I had a talk with her last night explaining that and that I currently feel like I've checked out of everything, including our marriage. Which obviously came out of nowhere for her, but that realisation also came out of nowhere for me, given that I've closed myself off from my emotions for so long. Trust has been broken as she thought I had been sharing everything (so did I tbh, but I've realised that I've been kind of filtering my emotions). I'm now flipping back and forth between what I want vs what I think is needed. I obviously want to try to work things through with my wife and get back to where we were but I don't know how long it's going to take to get me there (working with a psych ATM to work through this), what I'll be like on the other side or even if I won't do this again (i.e. emotionally closing off). It's so fucking painful, I can't believe I've hurt the one I love so much. I keep thinking maybe I should have just shut up, sucked it up and worked through this myself, but that's exactly what lead me here in the first place. Did I do the right thing? I don't know. All I know is that I'm going to work on myself and that I'll be there for her, our child and child on the way. I feel so guilty having this happen while she's pregnant but again, I feel like if I left it I would have just been going back to the same habits of shutting things away... She's such a great person, and said she doesn't blame me, that I'm a great husband and father and that probably makes it hurt more. Sorry for the long post, understand if people call me an arsehole etc. it's well deserved

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Missing my family when they live down the road

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