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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Guest_70157676 Friends
  • replies: 1

I have just had some really bad couple of days at school and people r mad at me and I just got ignored yesterday and I know I was in the wrong but like I don’t know how to fix it and I’ve tried to say sorry but everyones just upset with me and i feel... View more

I have just had some really bad couple of days at school and people r mad at me and I just got ignored yesterday and I know I was in the wrong but like I don’t know how to fix it and I’ve tried to say sorry but everyones just upset with me and i feel like I’m making it worse by avoiding them but I hate being in trouble and I don’t know what else to do and I should feel worse but I feel like they have overreacted for what happened but I also feel like I’m under reacting to what I did and I just can’t stop crying cause I showed people a video of us dancing and I loved the video and thought it was funny but the others didn’t like it and said let’s not show it to other people cause a friend was really uncomfortable cause she can’t dance and I showed the video but not the full thing I just wanted to show my dancing and cause we were all sharing stuff but I didn’t think it was such a big deal but now they are all upset at me and ignoring me and I don’t know what to do I have said sorry and apologised multiple times but they are all still ignoring me and have been been really depressed recently and this made it worse

KA2007 am I dramatic for being upset over this?
  • replies: 1

(for context, please read the other forums I’ve posted about my dad so maybe you can understand my feelings). I’ve just recently graduated high school and I’m incredibly burnt out. I put my all into year 12, as I owe it to my mum to get a good ATAR. ... View more

(for context, please read the other forums I’ve posted about my dad so maybe you can understand my feelings). I’ve just recently graduated high school and I’m incredibly burnt out. I put my all into year 12, as I owe it to my mum to get a good ATAR. I’m tired. So incredibly tired that I just want to rest. Unfortunately, I pushed back my entire life for year 12, like exercising and getting my P’s. Ever since school ended, I’ve been staying up late and waking up late. I don’t do much throughout day. I have applied and gotten a waitressing job, which I believe might set me back up into starting my life again. I just want to provide context before I get into why I’m so angry. Around 9:20 this morning, my sister bursts into my room and tells me to wake up without explaining why. I’m too groggy, so I fall back asleep. I walk up at 12pm, go downstairs to have breakfast, and my mum tells me my dad was locked out of the house for 20 minutes because me and my sister were dead asleep whilst he was outside. She told me that he yelled at her and my sister for a long time because of it. She told me that from now on, I have to wake up at 7 everyday and pray. I’ve never been interested in my families religion but if I tell them that, I’ll likely be kicked out. So I said okay. Later today, my family went walking but I didn’t feel like it so I stayed behind. Throughout the whole walk, my sister told me that dad was calling her fat the entire time and told her she needed to walk more, and told her that he wants her to tell me that I have to wake up early, pray, and go walking everyday or he’s gonna beat me up. my gripe is this, I’ve been busting my ass this whole year, put my life on pause to get the ATAR he wants me to have, and I’m burnt out. I understand that he thinks I’m throwing my life away but IM TIRED. It’s been less than a month since I’ve graduated so I think I deserve to sleep in a little and be a bit lazy before I start working and getting my p’s. All of this, because he was locked out of his own house. Does he not have a key? I don’t understand why he feels the need to threaten me to get my life together when he’s a hypocrite. He doesn’t even go to work anymore. He wants to be a “singer”. He gets people to work for him, and he splits his pay with them so we get the bare minimum. My mum doesn’t work. We rely solely on him for an income. And he fights with my mum saying she spends too much money, when all she does spend money on is groceries and the gifts she got for my birthday and graduation gifts. Yet he spends THOUSANDS of dollars on dumborah’s (a kind of guitar in my culture) to fuel his non-existent singing career instead of working for his family. I understand having dreams and passions, but he has a family he needs to work for. He can begin this singing career of his after his kids have full time jobs and has a down payment for retirement. He has the AUDACITY to fear monger me to get my life together not even a month after I graduate highschool (to which he never congratulated me, never attended the graduation dinner or events) when he’s throwing not only his life away, but making our family scrape by for a dream that’s likely not going to happen? Not to mention my sister didn’t deserve to be called fat and worthless that entire walk just because we didn’t open the door for him for 20 minutes. He sure is one idiot to talk. I realise I sound dramatic but I’ve had enough of him. I will get my life together at my own pace, after I sacrificed my mental, and physical health to get him the atar results that he wants.

KA2007 Academic validation
  • replies: 2

I'm pretty good at school. I get good grades and it makes my parents happy. But that's it. I'm not good at anything else. I'm stupid and I can't do anything. In my culture, a women is expected to act proper and be good at cooking and cleaning. I'm no... View more

I'm pretty good at school. I get good grades and it makes my parents happy. But that's it. I'm not good at anything else. I'm stupid and I can't do anything. In my culture, a women is expected to act proper and be good at cooking and cleaning. I'm not bad at those things, but I'm not good either. My mum likes to constantly say that I'm clumsy and stupid and I can't do anything. She says that I don't try hard enough. I'm getting to a point in school where the work is getting harder and too many things are happening at once. If I even tell my mum that I think I might get a B or a C on a test, exam, or assignment, she'll get mad at me and say that I'm not trying enough and that I'm being lazy. I'm stretching myself thin every day so that I can get the grades that she wants me to get but it's getting too much. I have to get good grades, because if I don't, I'm worthless. What am I even good for? I can't cook, I can't clean, I can't do basic things like unlocking my own car for gods sake because it's old and the key is weird. I'm so stupid and I'm so dumb that I can't do anything. My mum is an immigrant and her school and life was a lot harder than mine, so I even tell her that I'm even a little bit stressed she belittles me and tells me that my life is easy and I have nothing to worry about. I forget to do one thing she asks me too and she says that I'm stupid. I love her a lot it just makes me upset that she doesn't understand that I'm trying my best even if I'm the most dumbest daughter she could ever have. I hate feeling like I can't do anything and I hate that I can't make her understand that I'm trying so hard. I hate feeling so worthless. It's like I can't even get her to be happy with me unless I get all A's. I feel like I'm being a bit dramatic and I probably am I just really wanted to get it out.

MandyLou I set boundaries with my Adult sun with his recovery of addiction He doesn't want me to contact him
  • replies: 2

Hi all, after a very long journey with my 25 year old son long story short his Father died when he was 7 and has struggled since. He has suffered with MH issues through teens and addiction to alcohol. He has taken other things in the past. I have alw... View more

Hi all, after a very long journey with my 25 year old son long story short his Father died when he was 7 and has struggled since. He has suffered with MH issues through teens and addiction to alcohol. He has taken other things in the past. I have always as a loving mother, have always cone to his rescue . This year has been the worst watching him 24/7 for 10 months until he agreed to go through detox and is waiting to get into rehab. I broke the lease on our rental so he would stick with detox plus as i had to quit my job i couldnt afford to rent on my own hes a lovely young man he hasnt been involved with the police or anything. 3 weeks ago he was staying with me at my mothers who is a hoarder because he didnt go straight to rehab. He threatened to drink i had to leave , i drove 2 hours away to a friends farm, i just cant cope with it . I have lost so much weight from stress and anxiety fearing the worst would happen. Im now 5 hours away. After a call today he let me know he wants to drink at Christmas if hes not in rehab. I had to leave the conversation. I messaged him how i need to save myself and i can offer him love and encouragement but i cant keep rescuing because of his decisions. Etc He has replied he understands and doesnt want me to contact him. He will contact me. I feel awe ful as i know hes struggling . Its fear for me as i lost his Dad to MH. is it unreasonable to tell him i cant be around for Christmas due to not wanting to be around alcohol and i cant cope with him saying he wants to drink? I feel guilty . Why doesnt he want ne to contact him? I have been leaving it to him alot lately anyway. thank you for reading.

Halecia My mother was a unloved child and now takes it out on her kids which she’s told us all she resentsus
  • replies: 4

My mum never took the time to understand me, … writting this now I’m envisioning her leaning over me now breathing heavily whilst hurting me, acting sinister and attacking me. I left when I was younger. 16 my mum still had not STOPPED Sabotaging my h... View more

My mum never took the time to understand me, … writting this now I’m envisioning her leaning over me now breathing heavily whilst hurting me, acting sinister and attacking me. I left when I was younger. 16 my mum still had not STOPPED Sabotaging my happiness. I can tell you that even people on community based places especially close colleagues friends can see that I’ve changed from speaking to her. She tries to change the way I see and feel in myself. She hates me. She’s told me this. I am second to youngest of 4 sisters. I have two half sisters. My mum never remarried after my dad. She sinks down and lives in the past. But she never acts that certain way around new people. Anyway - Enough about Her. the way it’s impacted me and the way I feel is putting me last. And making me feel different. Like I am a different person to who I really am. My dad ( who is irresponsible) has told me to disconnect urgently stay away from contact and block her if I have to call the police so do it. she knows she’s hurt me. Attempted to get attention and flirt with my Domestic violence older guy I was seeing. My relationship. She has tried to manipulate and managed to sleep with every boyfriend I’ve had that’s managed to see her and unluckily grab her contact details. A lot of people tell me it’s my upbringing. BUT I can’t let my past dictate my happiness in the future. I’ve moved out lived in a lot of rentals worked studied all pushed myself todo this on my own. But when she threw me out into the street at 16, I went to live with new boyfriend. I’ve had to Explain and contact the police because she won’t let me live a happy free existence. She thought she could come at me with weapons (I won’t tell you what in particular) and try and kill me. She took us away from my loving father on A interstate train when I was a Kid. 2025. I’m trying to heal. Like I’ve said to many people. I havnt been in a relationship since I was 26. And with the amount of trauma I’ve been through from my mum, I just want some space. I havnt seen my friends as I crossed them out when I got my own first rental out of home. despite being in a domestic violence relationship too, I havnt had time to heal. And with everything going on my mum tried to play the manipulation game on top of everything else I was going through and rang the police to attend because she attacked me harshly. And lied to the police with claims about me doing it to her. She knew she has hurt me. And she manipulated the system so much she tried to fight for an intervention order on me. She did the same thing with my older sister when she was 16.

Hatedbydaughter Unemployed husband
  • replies: 4

Hi, my husband has been unemployed on and off since 2014. His last job only lasted a month or so after 18 months unemployed. I work two jobs to keep us afloat and when I ask him to do anything around the house, he becomes irate and calls me a narciss... View more

Hi, my husband has been unemployed on and off since 2014. His last job only lasted a month or so after 18 months unemployed. I work two jobs to keep us afloat and when I ask him to do anything around the house, he becomes irate and calls me a narcissist and that I want to fight. Neither is correct. I'm exhausted and asking for some help around the house. On weekends, he does nothing as I'm home so I'm expected to pick up the slack. I do work 6 hours though on a Saturday so I think there is some injustice in this. He cooks most nights of the working week and keeps the kitchen clean and washes our sheets. He believes that this is more than enough and that I'm expecting too much. Our garden is a mess and I've asked him if he can decorate the inside of the house for Christmas. That set him off again. He wants to see a counsellor that will agree that I'm a horrible narcissistic wife - something he repeatedly calls me - and that I need to back off. I rarely say much about this but frankly, asking someone to place some decorations around the house should not set off such an extreme reaction. I'm really tired and run down. I'm worried for my own physical and mental health. I fear that I will spend the next twenty-five years working just to pay the bills and with no savings. He does suffer from depression but refuses to get help. He blames me, our dog and everyone else for his state. I've run out of ideas and I don't want a divorce.

Guest_10375 What do I do?
  • replies: 2

Hello,I’ve finally gotten the nerve to reach out & hopefully get some advice / help, sorry if this is too long.Had to seperate from my husband earlier this year after being together 24years. I’ve been in a lot of physical pain for about 2 years now w... View more

Hello,I’ve finally gotten the nerve to reach out & hopefully get some advice / help, sorry if this is too long.Had to seperate from my husband earlier this year after being together 24years. I’ve been in a lot of physical pain for about 2 years now with multiple chronic issues going on and as time passed and intimacy went down to zero, his treatment of me also declined. Like my value as a person/partner was directly tied to the level of intimacy in the relationship. The final straw was when he lost it at me one night while drunk and it shook me to my core, I asked him to give up drinking and he wouldn’t. I relented and asked for him to lower his drinking, he agreed then next chance he could he got drunk. Showing me just how little I meant to him.Unfortunately what is finally getting me to break is the fact that I feel my brother doesn’t believe me about how my ex treated me & made me feel, especially over the last 2 years. I never told anyone while it what was happening as I don’t like to share too much & felt things should be kept between husband & wife while trying to sort out.It’s caused this massive divide that I don’t know how to fix & I just can’t lose him What do I do?? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

waffle_puppy I'm fed up.
  • replies: 2

Hey... remember the "friend" who I'd mentioned before? Well they've become much worse and it's been two whole months since I left them. Honestly a big relief. No more hitting, cussing, or MacBook damage, and I'm finally free to like whatever I want (... View more

Hey... remember the "friend" who I'd mentioned before? Well they've become much worse and it's been two whole months since I left them. Honestly a big relief. No more hitting, cussing, or MacBook damage, and I'm finally free to like whatever I want (Because they'd constantly whine about how they don't like a certain game/show/comic/etc and say it's bad), or do whatever. However today hit me in the heart like a sledge hammer. So I was told by a teacher at school to apologise to them because I left them, so I sighed and reluctantly accepted it; stayed up until 2AM to decorate the envelope for the letter I'm writing, and writing the actual letter itself. I swear on my heart, I had poured out all my grief and apology for them (Even though I felt like I didn't really do anything to them, however I'm not sure anymore because they've made me feel guilty enough.) and was in tears writing this. Torn between not wanting to do this, and doing this for the sake of not looking like a massive jerk, I finish my letter and give it to the teacher on Tuesday so they can give it to them. Today, I asked the teacher if they read it; to which the teacher responded with an approval of them reading it. Fast forward to science class, I'm sitting with my other friend who's been for me through thick and thin, and we were browsing together on the internet for terrarium ideas (Since we were done) and giggled as we remembered an old joke that was between us. However, just as we were finished talking, one of my classmates (Who is close with that friend I left) gave me a note and I unfolded it with shaky hands. Indeed I knew it, it was a highly negative, whiny, and aggressive note about how I somehow was rude to them and that I apparently didn't put any effort into my letter, which I was then informed that they didn't want to talk to me that I made them intimidated. Apparently they thought that I found me "betraying" them funny and they said "If it is a joke, it really isn't. I'm fed up with your bs." That really hit me. I felt extremely hurt and betrayed myself, as they were supposed to apologise as well, however they just wrote this aggressive note in one session, which made me feel empty, and extremely anxious. I immediately walked out of the classroom and went to see wellbeing, who didn't do much as all teachers side with them since they're a teacher's kid. I can't do it anymore at this school and I feel unheard and lost. They've told everyone I left them and everyone hates me now.

randomxx Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.
  • replies: 646

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don'... View more

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that. As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together. Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff. Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.l knew it was a gamble though, damn it. rx

Hue I have no where else to go.
  • replies: 5

My mother was abusive. She hit me when I had a stuttering problem because she convinced herself that I did it on purpose. She would lock me in a dark room until I stopped crying, and now I can't help but flinch at a sudden raised hand, and I'm scared... View more

My mother was abusive. She hit me when I had a stuttering problem because she convinced herself that I did it on purpose. She would lock me in a dark room until I stopped crying, and now I can't help but flinch at a sudden raised hand, and I'm scared of the dark. She was a heavy alcoholic, and now she has moved on with another family, getting to live out the rest of her life in a stable home whilst I'm left picking up the pieces of myself that she left behind. She told me that I'd be raped if I wore Z, Y, and Z, and she destroyed my confidence to the point where it's still difficult to make friends. My father is emotionally absent. He went as far to tell me that "It's normal" when I mentioned wanting therapy for my suicidal thoughts, denying me any outside help. He has told me to "stop sulking and acting sad around the house" because it brings everyone else down. Now, I suppress any negative emotions so no one else can see vulnerability.So, I thought that my step mum was my second chance, a mother who may love me the way I want to be loved. But she has punched walls just because someone ate her food in the fridge, left dents in the fridge from her knuckles, smashed plates to the floor when they weren't cleaned properly. Her temper is something that I've never seen from anyone else, but it can be "justified" because--as she says it--she's never laid a hand on any of us, so she can't be that bad, right? She can be very nasty, and her double standards are insane... If we do something small like turning the dishwasher on when it is only half full, she will shout across the house for easily up to an hour about the waste of water, but God forbid if anyone points out any mistake she makes. I'm in a constant state of fawn or freeze, and it's absolutely exhausting.When I realized that they can only agree with "hurt people hurt people" when they are the victim, I also realized that they'll never understand my feelings, no matter how much I plead for them to. I resent them, but I love them so, so much. The only reason why I'm still here is because of the excitement on my father's face when I agree to watch a movie with him, the fear in his eyes and his shaky hands when he did almost lose me, the thought of him growing old without a daughter. A parent should never have to bury a child... but being a parent doesn't give you the right to make me feel like that's an option. I want to feel like I'm not alone.

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