My wife started having an affair with a co-worker in mid 2022, I
discovered details of it in November 2023, but she denied it, said I was
paranoid, and that there was just some guy at work who didnt understand
boundaries (I discovered snap chat messa...
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My wife started having an affair with a co-worker in mid 2022, I
discovered details of it in November 2023, but she denied it, said I was
paranoid, and that there was just some guy at work who didnt understand
boundaries (I discovered snap chat messages from him while borrowing her
phone).In February 2024 it became apparent that there was more to it and
she continued to see him/contact him (daily phone calls to him as
visible on our joint mobile bill), and my then 5 year old daughter
telling me that my wife had taken her on playdates with he and his kids,
including at his house.She continued to deny there was an affair, but
blamed me for the fact that she'd made a connection with someone at
work, as I hadnt helped out enough with our second child, and that she
felt she had outgrown me. However, she threatened to leave me then and
there and said I could have the kids and the house as she didnt care
anymore. She has a temper and can often say inflammatory things and then
pretend she never said it, so I let it slide, and things became
relatively stable. Eventually I stopped looking at our phone logs after
she promised she wouldnt see him or call him anymore. Fast forward to
February 2025 and I discovered a love letter from him to her in dated
from October 2023 speaking about their then 18 month relationship; it
was very detailed speaking about them being lovers, soul mates and
looking forward to their future together. Heartbroken and full of doubt,
I checked the phone logs for the first time in a long time and saw that
they were again talking.I confronted her and said that we were finished,
and she said that while there had been an affair, it had ended when i
discovered the phone logs the previous year, and that she was in contact
with him as they were still close friends. All this time, I had chosen
to believe her against my gut, as i dont want my kids living in a broken
family. I realise how short-minded and gutless this approach was, but I
remained hopeful that somewhere in there was the woman I married, and
that she would see value in me again.Over the last20 or so months she
has formed the view that I am controlling and paranoid (maybe I am, I
dont know anymore), because when she goes out or is working late I'll
ask her what time she expects to be home, and now she wants to leave me.
I still dont want to lose her, and break up this family, but I realise
its out of my hands, probably unavoidable and likely for the best. I am
still extremely sad about what this will mean for our two kids (7 and
5), and the effect this will have on my ability to be a supportive,
emotionally helpful and useful dad to them. My mother in law knows what
happened and pleads with me not to leave her daughter over this, but I'm
not the one leaving, she is. Even now, if i could see genuine remorse in
her and the ability to be accountable for her actions, and to improve
herself I would take her back. But it seems its just not in her.I am so
sad about what the future holds for the kids (and myself), and genuinely
worried about the sort of woman I'm going to be co-parenting them with.
She has constantly disappointed me in so many important ways that I have
lost faith in her ability to put others above her own needs, including
our kids.How do I prepare myself for this? The kids are super sensitive
(especially my daughter) and they can tell something is up.
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