My friends don’t seem to care

[Lonelygirl95]

Hey there, I (29F) have been really struggling with feeling lonely/isolated for the past month and a bit. It feels like talking to my friends is getting increasingly difficult because they’re responding slowly, if at all. I keep telling my friends about how I’m feeling and it’s just starting to feel like they don’t care. I haven’t seen any of my friends in a little over a month and it feels like none are really interested in doing things. I’ve tried to suggest things to do, even if it’s just as simple as playing games online together but they either express disinterest in what I’m offering or they cancel on me. I really don’t know what to do anymore, and don’t know how much more I can express how terrible I feel. I just keep getting the response of “I’m sorry if I’ve done something to make you feel like that.” It honestly makes me just want to start all over again somewhere new. 

[Oshinxx1]

Hi Lonlygirl95,

Sorry to hear that you are feeling this way at the moment. It can be hard navigating friendships when ones mental health is not great, often it can be peoples inability to understand and know what to do to be supportive despite how well intentioned they may be and is not necessary a reflection on you, they may not know what to say and therefore avoid you which as you say is making you feel sad and lonely. You are important and deserve to be loved and supported, not to disparage your friends but there are some friends that are just not able to handle people who can openly express how they feel. It is unfortunate because most of the advice is to talk to someone about how you feel, have you considered going to a group? I experienced something similar when my sibling lost their battle with their mental health, I lost friends after it and it really hurt, even I had to leave my job so now i associate my grief and loss with lost in the living world. I attended a group for people bereaved by S*****e and they were very helpful, everyone was on the same page and there was an understanding before any words where spoken. Some friends serve different purposes for a lack of a better word, for example I have a friend that I do not go into to much detail how I feel but when we are together we have a laugh and it is a distraction. Don't give up that you will find some people you can open up to and be able to form a good relationship with and be mindful that they may appear in unlikely times and places. recently I ran into a man at the beach and we struck up a conversation about everyday this, the weather, our dogs etc and after some time it turned out that their parent had passed away several days before and they opened up about the pain they were experiencing and as I have had experience in this they were in a safe situation and stated that they felt better after talking to me, I too felt better, yes I did not know this person from a bar of soap but it did not change the experience we had. 

Be mindful to act impulsively on starting over somewhere new as what you and myself have experienced can be a universal experience that is not linked to geography. 

I am sure you are a wonderful person and that your struggles do not define you and although your experiences with your friends have hurt you, it is not your fault, we are social creatures and we need to feel loved and supported and you should not feel guilty about it. I hope this kinda made sense. You are a star.