Alcoholic dependant spouse

[Luke9]

where to begin.

My wife and I have been dealing with her alcohol dependency for about 4 years now. We have 3 beautiful kids 8 years old, 6 years old and 4 years old. Long story short for roughly 3 years the drinking was so bad it got to a point where my wife was buying vodka and transferring into plastic water bottles where she would hide it in order to drink “without me knowing”. I knew every time as it’s quite obvious from the smell to the stumbling, to the same conversations as she wouldn’t remember and so on. I seeked help from my parents to speak to my wife as it was taking quite on toll on our family. My wife ended up realising that she had an alcohol problem and agreed to seek help. Made an appointment with her GP, booked in for a day treatment program that went for 2 weeks. She was on a medication that if she drank it would make her very ill. I stopped drinking also and was happy to never drink again if that is what it would take to beat this illness. Roughly 4 months sober supposably there was a shortage of mediation so she was unable to get anymore. I was hopeful that it had been long enough to not fall back into old habits, however roughly around the 6.5 months I started noticing small signs again that she might be drinking and just before 7 months sober I caught her stumbling down the hallway trying to hide a vodka can. I confronted her, she tried to hide it and then just didn’t care, went and sat outside and proceeded to drink. It has been 2 months now and she will drink everyday. She tries to claim she doesn’t have a problem even though she still hides drinking, will happily start drinking from 10am on the weekends, will find any excuse to go to the shops to then also buy alcohol. She doesn’t work Friday’s so will drink mid morning, sleep and then go buy more alcohol to drink in the afternoon. She has made it quite clear she doesn’t want to stop and thinks she doesn’t have a problem. Every time I bring it up it just causes a fight. She works 4 days a week and since drinking again has only done the full 4 days twice. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this as I am so embarrassed and I also don’t want to embarrass my wife. I haven’t even told my parents that my wife has started drinking again. I don’t know what to do, I am so lost. I told my wife to choose between drinking and our family and it went exactly how I thought it would telling me to go if I want. I can’t make her leave and there is no way I will be leaving our kids with her so I can’t just leave. What do I do? What can I do? My kids are my everything, they don’t deserve this. 

[Paw Prints]

Hello  Guest_67311710

Having a family member with an alcohol dependency is very difficult, but you don't need to try to deal with this alone.  There are specific services out there to support people in your situation.   

The Family Drug Support Service 1300 368 186 is available 24/7. 

The government website Health Direct has some helpful tips   

as well the BB telephone service 1300 224 636 may be able to point you to support services in your area.

I know from my own experience how hard it is when a family member can't see that they do have a drinking problem, especially when they stop drinking for a while & then restart.  Hard as it is, please don't feel embarrassed by your situation, your wife is ill.  If you feel you can, do talk to the people around you (family/friend) who can support you as you navigate this situation.  Having young children makes this so much more difficult for you.  Please reach out to the various services as they are experienced with helping people in your situation.

I'm here to listen if you need to talk more

Paws

[Luke9]

Thank you so much for taking the time to send me a message and for listing those services I really appreciate it. 

I have reached out to some close friends so that has been a well overdue release for myself. 

I am still trying to get my wife to acknowledge she needs help but I know it’s not going to be an easy road ahead. I am going to utilise those services and give it my all as I know how important it is for my kids to be raised in a happy, loving environment. 

Thank you very much 

[Paw Prints]

Hello Luke9

I'm glad you have reached out to people around you for support.  

If I may make a suggestion (you may have already tried this), rather than trying to get your wife to acknowledge her drinking is a problem as a first step, instead ask her to help you understand why she needs an alcoholic drink rather than say just a cuppa.  This is a non confrontational way to try to help her face the reasons behind her drinking.  

I'm here if you need to talk more

Paws