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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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R.Penn Emotionally Abusive Parents
  • replies: 3

Hi everybody, It has been a while since I posted on the forums as I have been in therapy the whole of this year. I have come out with a diagnosis of ASD ADHD PTSD and Social Phobia. I am feeling a bit left without coping tools from my psychologist th... View more

Hi everybody, It has been a while since I posted on the forums as I have been in therapy the whole of this year. I have come out with a diagnosis of ASD ADHD PTSD and Social Phobia. I am feeling a bit left without coping tools from my psychologist this past month, I have found the last 3 sessions not so helpful and feeling pretty crappy afterward. I think Talk therapy isn’t working for me as my parent wound is pretty big. Some background: My mum and dad divorced when I was 14 years old because my Dad cheated. He also made me meet his girlfriend after he was kicked out of the family home. It was a very stressful time for me and I know there is much worse cases out there. What I am struggling with: My mum told me 4 years ago that my father sexually assaulted her and my younger brother was the result of this. I am a middle child and have felt like a bit of a doormat for both my parents problems. I was very frustrated as I had forgiven dad for his mistakes after being so angry and moving away for 9 years, only to be reopen the wound again when my mum told me that, she was drunk at the time too. Fast forward it’s Christmas and I haven’t spoken to him in months, he lives in Bali and is with a lady that is younger than me and my brother over there which makes me feel pretty gross to be honest. I don’t know how to relate to him and he is always calling me and making me feel guilty for not talking to him enough. I need some help, like what would you do in this situation. My sister still loves my dad and talks to him even though he was a crappy dad. I just need to heal but can’t when he keeps phone stalking me. I don’t want to ask him about it as it will just cause more drama and anger and conflict on top of my own history with my uncles behaviour. I am really conflicted and feel a knot in my belly over it all the time. My sister said he thinks he has dementia symptoms and he might come back home, but I don’t believe it. I get really hateful thoughts towards him and want to believe my mums experience over his word because he has betrayed us before. I really wish I had a good dad that wanted to love me and get to know me and accept me for who I am. I also came out gay when I was young and he didn’t like that much either but never said anything. I think Christmas makes these feelings worse for me. Thanks for reading if you do and I hope someone out there can chat with me as my psychologist hasn’t really told me what is wise to do and not do. Thankyou and happy holidays

Bee1998 Not sure where to go from here… :(
  • replies: 1

I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed with sadness tonight. So, a bit of back story… I found out my partner pursued another female while on a work trip in the U.S earlier this year. I only found this out months later, and only because I investigated. I w... View more

I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed with sadness tonight. So, a bit of back story… I found out my partner pursued another female while on a work trip in the U.S earlier this year. I only found this out months later, and only because I investigated. I went to couple’s therapy with my partner tonight, and at the end he brought up how he will be travelling overseas again for work next year, maybe on 3 seperate occasions. Hearing this obviously pulled a lot of strings for me, and I’m now feeling hopeless for our future and extremely stressed and anxious about what’s to come next year. I really am not going to cope with him going overseas again without me after what happened last time. I don’t know what to do, what to think, or what to feel right now.

Cindy-_ Confused
  • replies: 1

I am not sure what to do. My husband is a good father but he has a bit of a temper. He has a tendency to yell at the kids and sometimes me. We went on a camping trip and he yelled at my son because he was slow getting out the van and got in his face.... View more

I am not sure what to do. My husband is a good father but he has a bit of a temper. He has a tendency to yell at the kids and sometimes me. We went on a camping trip and he yelled at my son because he was slow getting out the van and got in his face. My husband will say he is just disciplining the kids but when I told him his son wishes he had a scarey dad he then confronted my son. He of course denied it asking in front of me to make a point. We were out for dinner and he swore at me at the table and then left abruptly before yelling at his brother in law because the brother in law said my husband would not pass me the menu. When I tried to talk to him he said he was too stressed to talk. I messaged him as he is away about being worried about our marriage and family. He said I should have known that I married someone with emotional baggage and the problem is I have had it too good in the past with my own upbringing, I have never told anyone or my counsellor that he has punched the fridge and put a hole in the wall once when no one was around. He says this level of disagreements we have is normal and not to worry. I love my husband and don’t want to divorce but he sees me bringing things up as blaming him when all I want to do is work through issues. We have been to counselling twice but he does not necessarily see it as helpful when I start bringing things up. I feel stuck, very anxious and have presently lost my appetite. I don’t know what to do.

shopgirl_au Adult daughter needs help with Dad.
  • replies: 3

My Dad is infuriating and exhausting me. He’s in his 60s and showing signs of early stage dementia. (A condition both his parents, now deceased, had.)He is refusing to get assessed and gets very angry with me when I suggest it. We are living together... View more

My Dad is infuriating and exhausting me. He’s in his 60s and showing signs of early stage dementia. (A condition both his parents, now deceased, had.)He is refusing to get assessed and gets very angry with me when I suggest it. We are living together because of finances and his behaviour is having a toxic effect on my own struggling mental health. I am overwhelmed and feel like I have no where to turn for additional support. It’s too much to try and take care of myself and him at the moment. I’ve got some chronic conditions am in need of surgery as well. I don’t have any friends, so can’t exactly ask people for help. I feel so trapped and alone yet mask so well clinicians don’t realise how much I’m struggling at an initial meeting.

Toymanpete The Lonesome Loser
  • replies: 1

G'day. I'm 42 and have a long history of breakdowns, anxiety & depression. I've never had a friend, romantic or sexual experience before & I'm so lonely & at wit's end. Growing up, I was bullied relentlessly- to the point of being indecently assaulte... View more

G'day. I'm 42 and have a long history of breakdowns, anxiety & depression. I've never had a friend, romantic or sexual experience before & I'm so lonely & at wit's end. Growing up, I was bullied relentlessly- to the point of being indecently assaulted by some other kids. At home, my sick, psychotic father needed to have absolute power over those living in his house, driving away my extended family and any friends I've ever had. When I was 18, we moved to a small town, where I still live, looking after my Elderly, abuse-survivor mother, who's a good sort of person, just with mobility & fatigue issues. From day 1, some of the locals here made it clear that they didn't like me, telling me to "Go back where ya came from!" (I was born in Melbourne & am part Scottish). I in turn have frozen out all the locals except a few who bothered to get to know me. I do have family here- My sister & her hubby (my mate!), but my sister is a mentally-ill former heroin addict who, when she does bother to visit us, never has anything positive to say at all & you never know what version of her you're gonna get. She acts like a 54-year-old 14-year-old! My sister had 10 kids, but none of them want to know us, leaving home as soon as they could. The girls both married into money and are terrible snobs & the boys live in other states. Since my sister became a nanna, she seems intent on replacing us in the family, with a 6-month-old baby! These days, the only time I ever leave the house is to do errands, hardly speaking to anyone & still getting stares off the mostly elderly locals. The rest of my time is spent in my mancave, talking to the vintage toys in my collection, because they listen & destroying my hearing with loud 80's music. There are social groups, activities, etc here but they're mostly aimed at elderly people. I'd love to find my happy ever after with a lady, but living here, I can't see it happening soon! I even considered a trip to the city to lose my virginity, but being on a DSP, I couldn't even afford that! Can anyone here identify with my situation or perhaps help? Thank you for listening.

MrsBilly My husband is starting to connect to increasingly misogynistic opinions
  • replies: 1

I have struggled to start this as the last thing I want is it to be interpreted as if my husband is some monster. We have a very loving long term relationship of 19 years and I will not throw that away because he is at a low point and has clung to an... View more

I have struggled to start this as the last thing I want is it to be interpreted as if my husband is some monster. We have a very loving long term relationship of 19 years and I will not throw that away because he is at a low point and has clung to an idea that is appealing to a lot of men feeling lost and confused right now. I’m looking for ideas on how to respectfully meet him in the middle of this. my husband (39) and myself (36) have been together for 19 years. recently, with some new friends and the influences of social media, he is displaying some interest in antifeminism and anti gender identity movements. He has never been like this before. I feel it started after he experienced a long stint under a lesbian manager who was HIGHLY sexist towards men. I had a gay brother who my husband loved dearly. We lost him not long into our relationship. My husband has always supported gay rights and stood up for gay people and still does. But this manager was awful to him and denied him fair treatment in the workplace. As a contractor of the business, this directly affected his earnings. Around the same time we sought marriage counselling from a woman. It was all going very well, even when she delved into his past, but once she called him out on his laziness around the house and compared our relationship to that of a mother/child, he shut down and will not see another counsellor even just for himself. He also has a female friend who is VERY strongly opinionated to the point of being condescending. I have been the main income earner for a while now and I know that has affected him. He is now starting a better job but working very very hard and is very tired. I know this is impacting his happiness and how he feels about his place in the world. He gets very upset with me when we have conversations about the feminist topics he brings up. He says when I voice my opinion I am telling him he is wrong. It’s very hard to have an open conversation without hurting his feelings. But now I feel hurt that he is gravitating towards these discussions. I do not feel he thinks these things about me. But it troubles me that he is starting to think these things about women in general. how do I respectfully talk to him about these things while making sure he feels validated in his feelings? He has been sad and depressed for a while now and I hope he will pull himself out of this cloud soon. But I feel the social media algorithms are smashing him with this content that is making him angrier at the world and more lost about his place in it.

Allybelle Too Much Too Late ?
  • replies: 1

I've been with my partner for 4 years. He has children who are in care and he spends Thursday arvo with them. His ex has them a different afternoon. I am a mum however my girl has past so I'm not actively a mum. Hence my uncertainty in this situation... View more

I've been with my partner for 4 years. He has children who are in care and he spends Thursday arvo with them. His ex has them a different afternoon. I am a mum however my girl has past so I'm not actively a mum. Hence my uncertainty in this situation. It's his sons birthday again and each year both him and his x get his family together and celebrate each of the kids birthdays together. I haven't been included yet and I don't know when the right time is however I would rather he celebrated each child's birthday separately, not with the mother. I said they get 2 birthdays really and he got upset and I wonder am I asking too much?

Cait999 Anxiety of falling out of love?
  • replies: 1

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and everything has been reasonably good. All of a sudden in the past few months I have an insane gut feeling that things need to change and that I would be better off alone but in my head I can’t pin point anyt... View more

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and everything has been reasonably good. All of a sudden in the past few months I have an insane gut feeling that things need to change and that I would be better off alone but in my head I can’t pin point anything that is wrong, in fact everything is really good. Is this anxiety or should I be listening to my gut?

ApolIo Am I beyond redemption?
  • replies: 8

It was hard for me to write this. I felt like an utter fraud, directionless, and in disbelief of myself and my actions.I met him in 2020. After 2 failed relationships, he was the one to finally re-introduce happiness and emotion into my life. his fri... View more

It was hard for me to write this. I felt like an utter fraud, directionless, and in disbelief of myself and my actions.I met him in 2020. After 2 failed relationships, he was the one to finally re-introduce happiness and emotion into my life. his friends and him were the ones that helped me genuinely smile and laugh after the misery that was my highschool days and beyond. I thought that I had a genuine connection with him, but despite all the chances I was given, I'd always manage to ruin it. - I was clingy- I was needy for attention- I tried to micromanage- I was self-destructive- I used avoidant attachment- I kept making promises that I'd fail to keep- I always said that I'd change, got comfortable and never kept myself accountable and in check- I wasn't fun to be around- I never wanted to do anything- I'd lost my passions and motivations- I never stopped to think about my actions- My emotions during the heat of the moment always got the better of me- I had developed an unhealthy coping mechanism of shutting my emotions away due to 'childhood traumas' according to my therapist And now, I've cheated on and betrayed them, even if I say I NEVER meant to do it. It all started when his ex messaged all his friends, including me. Despite being told not to, and her history with mental health, I talked to her and sympathised with her, thinking that I could help her when I couldn't even help myself.Then I started talking to people behind their backs for sexual gratification.I can't stop asking myself why I did it, I didn't hold any love in my heart for any of them. I didn't need what I did, I didn't think I'd ever do something like this to hurt him, but it was me, doing all of that.I want to feel so much more pain and misery for what I did, but my coping mechanism completely shuts my emotions off. I feel so empty writing this, can't even cry properly because it just comes and goes in bursts.I love him, I really, really, really do. I wish I was a bawling mess, on my knees, but I'm just empty and numb, with that throbbing pain in my heart. It always takes a shock to break me from my unfeeling shell, and this one is my worst offence yet. I wish my emotions would just....COME OUT. Instead of there always being a sledgehammer that busts down the wall of emptiness for me to grasp the gravity of the situations that I've caused due to my inability to empathise and comprehend.I wish I'd just stopped to think about the things I was doing. I'm always too late, always. I'm sorry...

Halah9 Mother/best friend to Stranger
  • replies: 1

My whole life my mother has been my main support in most things and now I feel like I’m loosing her if not already lost her.A fight broke out in between mum and I at a family holiday a few months ago and we have never been the same. I attempted to ex... View more

My whole life my mother has been my main support in most things and now I feel like I’m loosing her if not already lost her.A fight broke out in between mum and I at a family holiday a few months ago and we have never been the same. I attempted to express myself as authentically as I could via email because I didn’t believe we could have had the conversation without it turning into yelling and crying. A long message essentially about how I think our relationship would be better and we wouldn’t fight like that if we communicated better. Never got a response nor an acknowledgement. Though I know she got it. The few conversations we have had since then have been superficial (never have been this way before). As of 3 weeks ago when I was indirectly uninvited from a weekend away with her and a couple of other family members, she has not once’s tried to contact me. Nor I her, but mostly because I feel like she’s pushing me away. I see through social media that she’s out doing all the things we used to do together with other family and friends. I have reasons to think that through her latest life changes she has grown to see me as a burden but I just never thought she would actively try to push me away. Prior to this, mum has been my person I go to for everything. We have always had such a strong bond. Now I’m just so lost. I have been given an opportunity to move across the country. Another family member who is close with mum encouraged me to do this. I’m seriously considering it. But will this cement in mums estrangement?After reading so many other people’s familial issues on here, mine seems like a dream boat in comparison. Although I’m still not coping since this has all developed. We are talking around 2-3 months now. My sleep has never been worse, I feel withdrawn, flat and at my worst part of the day my passive suicidal ideations take a spike (I’m in no immediate danger, I have strategies for this). I’ve been talking to a couple of close friends about this. They have been a godsend through validating my feelings and just listening. Although I feel like a burden on them. I don’t feel like I can’t talk to anyone in the family about any of this. I don’t want to distress them or they would dismiss the whole thing anyway. I’ve been meaning to make a GP appointment but I’ve been putting it off due to being flat and worried the GP or whoever they refer me onto will only suggest medication. I guess I’m just trying other avenues of help first. Thanks for reading x