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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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wolfy_4812 Dealing with being cheated on
  • replies: 3

Hi, Since my recent partner had just passed away I have come to realize he has most likely been cheating on me for the 4 years that we were together and it has destroyed me thinking about it. I had come to this conclusion when a few of his side chick... View more

Hi, Since my recent partner had just passed away I have come to realize he has most likely been cheating on me for the 4 years that we were together and it has destroyed me thinking about it. I had come to this conclusion when a few of his side chicks had messaged me and just thinking about some of the times where he was funny about things. I could never believe that someone could lie straight to my face like that and I'm struggling to trust the next person that is coming into my life, he understands the situation but I'm worried that it's just gonna kill the relationship.It is also making it hard to go see his mum as since his passing she has still been wanting to keep in touch with me and knows nothing about the situation I'm going though and don't think she needs to know about it.Just don't understand how someone could say that they love you and that they would never lie to you when they have done the complete opposite.

kd1111 I don’t think my partners family like me
  • replies: 1

I have been with my fiancé for 8 year, engaged for 1 year and we have a 2 year old together. My partners family started off a bit stand off ish and I just put it down to them getting to know me taking a little extra time. Whenever there was family ev... View more

I have been with my fiancé for 8 year, engaged for 1 year and we have a 2 year old together. My partners family started off a bit stand off ish and I just put it down to them getting to know me taking a little extra time. Whenever there was family events I would always make a lot of effort to try and make conversation with people in his family but it never felt organic or meaningful. It felt like as much as I tried to make conversation it was never returned. I started to notice after we had been together for around 4 years that when organising family events around everyone’s availability it was never taken into concideration when I was working (shift worker) and they would often still get together when I wasn’t available and my partner would go to these events alone. It started to bother me but I kept it to myself because I thought maybe I was being insecure. After being with my partner for 6 years, being engaged and pregnant I mensioned to my partner how much this hurt me and it felt like no one cared that I couldn’t make it or like I wasn’t part of the family. My partner agreed that he noticed it too and we spoke about him not going to family events anymore unless we all went as a family. In the last couple of years I have stopping making an effort at family events to have conversations with people. I have noticed that people will not make an effort to speak to me either. my partner insists that his family like me and that it’s just the way they are but I find the whole thing very uncomfortable and can’t help but feel insecure and think it’s me.

Fridays Bipolar partner
  • replies: 2

My partner has bipolar issue. At first, I tried to understand his situation. We always communicate on how to work things out between us. But still I end up suffering more. My needs are always not met because of his moods. When I do good things for hi... View more

My partner has bipolar issue. At first, I tried to understand his situation. We always communicate on how to work things out between us. But still I end up suffering more. My needs are always not met because of his moods. When I do good things for him, he always take me for granted. He loves me and 5 minutes later he is angry. I don’t know what to do.

Stardust11 I feel guilty for feeling like I do
  • replies: 3

So……where to begin.I know I have a comfortable life, a good guy husband, self sufficient sons, satisfying and enjoyable job, my own home and yet…from the words of Bono ……I feel like I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. Is this it? This is how ... View more

So……where to begin.I know I have a comfortable life, a good guy husband, self sufficient sons, satisfying and enjoyable job, my own home and yet…from the words of Bono ……I feel like I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. Is this it? This is how I feel , some days I don’t but most I do. This is the overall issue, I think?Smaller things are becoming monumental. At the moment I need some feedback and I have another thing I would like to unload. I reached out to my bestie for a catch up. I feel like I need to see her to tell her some things from my past because she needs to know. Not because they involve her but because she is my bestie and I recently blurted out one biggy to a few others around a campfire with wine and truth and dare cards……I knew I would regret it but said it anyway because I was in the moment. Doesn’t feel right that they know and she doesn’t (more her friends than mine, she has known them longer and introduced me to them). Anyway why is this so important? Am I wanting to give her something more of me? She has met the love of her life a year ago at precisely the same time that her and I were really finding each other and enjoying each other. We have known each other for nearly 30 years but I feel closer to her over the last 2 years. Her man is a nice guy and I really like him and I can see their happiness and love. She is deserving of the best life. Am I afraid that we are distancing from each other? Am I trying to hold on to us? For the record I would never have considered telling her my baggage any earlier than the last 2 years. Interestingly I have thought of telling her from time to time but the moment was never right. Help! Stardust11

Basil2016 Trapped
  • replies: 1

My husband has feelings for a girl 17 years younger then him. She is 20. It started as a friendship and the moved to more. He tells me he knows it's not fair, but will not stop supporting her and being her friend, and that is all it will be. He asked... View more

My husband has feelings for a girl 17 years younger then him. She is 20. It started as a friendship and the moved to more. He tells me he knows it's not fair, but will not stop supporting her and being her friend, and that is all it will be. He asked for a seperation and says he wants to work on us for the kids. I asked for him to leave, he will not. And tells me I'm a narcissist and hateful because I'm angry at him and not nice to her.

Leonie82 I'm a financial burden
  • replies: 1

I have an autoimmune condition that has gotten worse and I had to quit work. And since my health has worsened, the medical bills have gotten higher. We can't afford the medical care I need and I can't personally do anything to help the situation. I f... View more

I have an autoimmune condition that has gotten worse and I had to quit work. And since my health has worsened, the medical bills have gotten higher. We can't afford the medical care I need and I can't personally do anything to help the situation. I feel like a waste of space and resources. I don't want to be here knowing I am the cause of our situation. I hate that my family have to do things for me. I'm in constant pain and there is nothing I can do to fix it and because of it, I am now presenting with other issues. It's all too much. I just want to be better, to be able to help, or not be here at all so I'm not a burden.

Sarah-Jane112 Struggling with partner overseas
  • replies: 2

My partner of a year is currently overseas for a six week trip. We’re a couple weeks into it and I’m struggling with him being away, for a couple of reasons: - communication is okay (mainly via messages), but not as much as I’d like. He sometimes tak... View more

My partner of a year is currently overseas for a six week trip. We’re a couple weeks into it and I’m struggling with him being away, for a couple of reasons: - communication is okay (mainly via messages), but not as much as I’d like. He sometimes takes hours to respond even though I can see he’s active on social media and what’s app, but leaving my messages unread. This makes me feel upset and frustrated, and I don’t really understand why he does it. I’m worried to bring this up and make a big deal about it and fear I’ll push him away.- I have insecurities as my last long term partner cheated and left me for another woman. My bf is aware of this, and I would hope that he understands I may need some extra reassurance at times. I have noticed he’s adding people on IG including other women he’s met over there. I’m not totally comfortable with this. And on one phone call we have had so far, he told me about a ‘really cool girl they’d met and hung out with a couple of times…’ which made me worry. Am I being irrational?- I feel like there’s a distance between us (which I was feeling before he left) and I’m worried he’s reconsidering the relationship. the reason for the post, is I’d like to get some advice and other’s perspectives - am I worrying too much and letting my past experience and insecurities get the better of me? (My anxiety, concentration and sleep have been really bad). Should I just give him the space he needs to think things through and not bother him? And let him come to me when he’s ready?

Eagle2022 My partner has been using prostitutes
  • replies: 7

I’m 54 and have been with my current partner 15 years. I’ve just discovered that he has been seeing prostitutes. I discovered it because I had to go to the doctor with a problem and it turns out I have an STD. When I asked him who he’d been with he c... View more

I’m 54 and have been with my current partner 15 years. I’ve just discovered that he has been seeing prostitutes. I discovered it because I had to go to the doctor with a problem and it turns out I have an STD. When I asked him who he’d been with he confessed. Before that I was married for 12 years -I divorced after discovering that my husband had cheated many times for many years. So I’m an old hand at the immense pain of betrayal and breach of trust. With this situation, the part that is really blowing me away is that he didn’t protect himself or me. And that he went to his dr the other day with a problem of the same nature and didn’t advise me. Our sex life isn’t good as since my menopause I’ve lost all interest and find it painful. So I know that he’s not sexually satisfied and I have always felt bad about that. But how could he be so careless with my health? I feel humiliated and I can’t bear being around him. I’m terrified of breaking up though as I suffer from depression and he is a significant support for me. Other than this horrendous situation he has always been kind and thoughtful and will do anything for me. I truly don’t know how to resolve what to do. Stay or go. I feel like if I stay I’ll never be able to let him touch me again because I feel so dirty and disgusted.

PurpleOcean I miss people I used to be best friends with but no longer talk to
  • replies: 2

I've had quite a complex history of friendships/best friendships. I like to get really close to people and have deep friendships with them once I get to know them. So, usually, my friendships are either just acquaintances or very close friends who I ... View more

I've had quite a complex history of friendships/best friendships. I like to get really close to people and have deep friendships with them once I get to know them. So, usually, my friendships are either just acquaintances or very close friends who I can share my deepest secrets with. The problem is, I can often be blind to people's faults, or idolise them/expect too much of them when I get close to them. I put them on a pedestal, basically. This is not a very healthy basis for a friendship and inevitably causes disappointments and hurt down the line. I've lost a few very close friends because of this. Each time this happened, I was hurt deeply. Sometimes, I would question myself, thinking there must be something very wrong with me because I kept losing people I loved. Other times, I would be very angry and resentful at those former friends. I would feel cheated and betrayed because I had expected better of them. Over time, I have tried to reconcile these feelings and accept them, trying to move on with my life. But days would come when memories would flash in my head and I would miss my former best friends terribly while knowing fully well the hurt they have inflicted on me. This is always exhausting for me because of my conflicting feelings - both missing someone and being angry and hurt at the same time. I don't really do anything about these feelings, though. These people are not in my life anymore. We don't talk, I don't keep tabs on them on social media and don't intend to ever have them back in my life. I just want to put my feelings on this out there and hope someone else out there has experienced something similar.

fatima94 I don’t want to give up
  • replies: 2

since the age of 21 I kept getting away from my parents and feeling of guilt made me come back each time I did it 3 times living separately peacefully but I knew they are struggling , now that I’m back again I’ve been working two jobs one from 7 to 5... View more

since the age of 21 I kept getting away from my parents and feeling of guilt made me come back each time I did it 3 times living separately peacefully but I knew they are struggling , now that I’m back again I’ve been working two jobs one from 7 to 5 another from 6 to 10 , making a fair bit of money but everything every cent is going towards supporting my family, they also fight a lot not only with each other also with strangers and get in trouble a lot most days I don’t even want to come home for that one hour that I have between my works , all I hear is fight , arguments threatening , I don’t want have time to shower and I have had people at work confront me for that but my family enjoy everyday showers ranging from 45 minutes to an hour and I am the one who has to pay the bill , I’m tired of living pay check to pay check tired of being anxious and on alert the entire time I can’t leave either, my brother doesn’t want to work my dad doesn’t want to work and my mom can’t work either, I look and act so messed up that everyone thinks I’m physically sick but I’m reality I’m so tired of knowing that I’m being abused but I can’t leave because of guilt