Relationship and family issues

Help with my current situation with my wife who suffers from depression

replies: 4

I dont want to make this post too long, but I am a bit lost and want some other people here that might guide or help if possible. I met my wife during covid, long distance relationship, she finally had her visa approved in Jan 24 and came here. She h... View more

I dont want to make this post too long, but I am a bit lost and want some other people here that might guide or help if possible. I met my wife during covid, long distance relationship, she finally had her visa approved in Jan 24 and came here. She has depression, which I already knew, however, when I visited her a couple of times before and we met we had a sort of regular couple's life, with intimacy and whatnot. However, ever since she is been here we have no intimacy, and living together of course is different, there is also no affection from her. She says is because she wasnt feeling as sad as how she feels here, which makes me feel horrible cause I think is my fault. She also said intimacy with me is not pleasurable, which according to her is nothing personal, is just that she doesnt feel desire at all. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt but what she said was very hurtful. Besides, she says I do not understand her nor she feels she can talk to me cause I have a very cold approach to what she says. I understand that, and I told her is just the way I am, is not that I dont care but also in this case sometimes I dont want to say or do the wrong thing, cause it has happened, so I have decided to listen and just not say anything if I dont think is going to be for good. I have never experienced living with or having a relationship with someone with depression, and of course the lack of intimacy has been an issue for me, but I have tried to accomodate. She says if we reset everything and sort of begin as friends while she takes care of herself maybe things will develop naturally. I am not sure what to do, I dont know if she is being honest, depressed or not, or she is just buying time until she gets PR. I have read and know that depression does cause a lot of things, but I am just not sure how to handle the situation. I feel I am also being affected by my overthinking a lot of stuff that probably isnt there and I need help. She has gone to therapy but stopped due to financial issues, I have persuaded her to go back, since I could see it was helping, but I dont want to push her too much, so I desperately need guidance in what can I do to improve as a husband, and also remain in good mental health in the process because its a bit too much sometimes. I just want to know if someone has been in the same boat, and know of a good online or offline support group for people like me.

I'm starting to despise my family and blame them for how my life is

replies: 2

This sounds incredibly selfish but I feel like I need to let this one out. I can't help but look at my life and feel really sad and sorry for myself. I have suffered for a really long time since I was 12 with different mental health issues but I feel... View more

This sounds incredibly selfish but I feel like I need to let this one out. I can't help but look at my life and feel really sad and sorry for myself. I have suffered for a really long time since I was 12 with different mental health issues but I feel like my family has ignored this. The only time I felt like they did something was when I had an eating disorder and all they cared about was getting me a back to a healthy weight. While I recovered the body weight and body image side of things I never got help with my depression and anxiety. Meanwhile I can't help but compare my life to my little brothers. I feel like so much attention was given to him to set him up to have a good life. He has a lot of friends, has a social life and goes out on weekends, travels, etc. My parents have paid for him to travel multiple times to travel internationally/study abroad, paid for him to stay at an elite boarding house for Uni, organised a job for him, help pay for his car, got him braces etc. Me on the other hand because I am a twin (who I am really close with and has similar struggles) the answer is always no. They refused to send us overseas when we asked even if we used our own savings because its too expensive for the both of us to go, couldn't get braces because it's too expensive, had to rent because sending us both to a boarding school was out of question. I always had to walk and catch buses because having a car was too much. Therapy was too expensive for the both of us so they stopped with that. Whenever we see our extended family my parents and them all can't help but gloat about his accomplishments, his appearance, how he is going to be really successful one day, etc how charming he is. I don't think I ever recall a conversation about any of my or my sisters accomplishments except for them saying that they think we both chose the wrong degree or them complaining that we didn't do the dishes when our brother hasn't ever done them in his life. My sister and I are always told to do all the chores and that my brother doesn't have to because he is busy studying even though we study full time. I have told them that at 25 years old, I feel so behind at life and that my mental state has robbed everything from me. Have no social life, no career, no accomplishments. I tell them I struggle but they always shut the conversation down and tell me how ungrateful I am being. I don't think they really see how much I struggle because so much attention is given to my brother.

Normal teenager

replies: 1

Hey, this is my first post.I am almost in my 20s and everyone keeps telling me that these years are the best but amongst of the happiness I have felt so much heartbreak and pain. I love this guy more than anything else, so much so that I am okay with... View more

Hey, this is my first post.I am almost in my 20s and everyone keeps telling me that these years are the best but amongst of the happiness I have felt so much heartbreak and pain. I love this guy more than anything else, so much so that I am okay with not being in a relationship with him as he is about to start his childhood dream of his career which requires him to leave my area and says that there’s no point of being in a relationship as he is leaving. Everyone in my life is telling me to let him go but I couldn’t let him go if I tried. I feel like I am loosing everyone in my life, I changed lifestyles completely and no one I was surrounded by in that lifestyle cares or reaches out to me, I know i will make friends in my new career however I feel as if I’m mourning a family I lost. This is me turning over a new leaf, completely starting a new life. I just wish I had someone who would love me as much as I love them, am I so hard to care for? why do I give so much and don’t care if I receive nothing back. How do I handle me losing the love of my life when I know I will think about him for the rest of my life looking for him in every crowd, basing my next relationships of him, telling my children of the one I will always love, maybe even just wait for him for the rest of my life because I will do it.

How do I manage this

replies: 1

I have been with my partner for 7 years. Has 2 adult children 20 and 23. I have 3 children 13-18years. I am fully independent and have my own home (mortgage) and a good careers. He is a farmer - retired builder . His wife and son still live on the fa... View more

I have been with my partner for 7 years. Has 2 adult children 20 and 23. I have 3 children 13-18years. I am fully independent and have my own home (mortgage) and a good careers. He is a farmer - retired builder . His wife and son still live on the farm. The farm is 50% partnership. Ex wife manages all the finances and my partner does not see and of the bills or the profits or even know where the business is up to and just lets the ex manage it all. He only gets $500 per week from the farm. EX wife keeps asking for money for the farm from him ie: pay interest on loan . His wife has only just got her first full-time job in the last 2 years. Wife has never worked on the farm apart from getting books ready for accountant which is a friend of hers. My partner is having to get a full time job and work the farm. He says that he needs to sell the farm; however, he does not do anything about this. Says he is trying to pull it into gear and tidy it up. The house that the Ex gives in is a beautiful home and garden and has all the mod cons including pool. My ex maintains all of this still as he said its his asset too. Her car is paid for and all her fuel and ancillaries , insurances and phone and healthcare . She travels over 100KM/ per day for her job which isn't associated to farm. I was wanting my partner to protect himself. I wanted his to go to a solicitor o get some advice and a plan to move forward, however he doesn't get this. He wants to come and live with me when he works his full time job. (The farm also supports adult daughter having bought her a 70k vehicle, paying rego and insurance and fuel and her phone , the son is on a disability pension and NDIS as he has mild autism. He does work full time in town also and doesn't drive which is part of Ex wifes restrictive practices. ) I have said that if he does move in with me he will have to pay rent and 50% for expenses. he was not happy about this saying he maintains my place - he totally cracked it. Yes if he is here he does mow the lawns however I am capable of doing this myself. It is something he chooses to do, I don't need him to do it. We resenctly decided to go 50% in a caravan. I have a caravan previously and we wanted to upgrade. I sold mine which would cover the cost of my half for a new van - so my half was sorted. He was yes yes yes yes and said he had the money. Now it has come tot he crunch and the van has finished being built he hasn't the money. This has happened a few times. When I was buying my house we were going to go into together and was bragging to the agent that money wasn't an issue. at auction we put down 25K each as a deposit and when it came down to crunch time to finalise he couldn't come up with the money so I had to go it alone and seek finance for myself. Embarrasing . He also did it with my previous van also and I had to go it alone. I need help as its really getting me down. He is a nice man however I don't understand any of this. Can you help me fathom this.

Help

replies: 1

Been married for 11 years no sex for last 7-8 year even when we had sex once or twice I could not feel anything I believe he is unable of erecting has massive anger issues how do I get out of this marriage I am very dependent cannot drive and don’t h... View more

Been married for 11 years no sex for last 7-8 year even when we had sex once or twice I could not feel anything I believe he is unable of erecting has massive anger issues how do I get out of this marriage I am very dependent cannot drive and don’t have much felt in me I do feel like killing myself

Family Deaths

replies: 1

I lost my Father, my partner & my Mother in 1 year. I have struggled ever since no matter how much therapy I get.

Caring less about my marriage

replies: 1

Good Morning,I'm married to a man who has in the past battled drug addiction and has also been a binge drinker on weekends. Recent health issues have forced him to re-evaluate his lifestyle and I had hoped that this time he would do the right thing a... View more

Good Morning,I'm married to a man who has in the past battled drug addiction and has also been a binge drinker on weekends. Recent health issues have forced him to re-evaluate his lifestyle and I had hoped that this time he would do the right thing and change but he has fallen right back into old habits and my gut is telling me we are heading into a another cycle of drug taking and drinking. Our children are now all grown and I don't think I have it in me to go through this again. I look at him and I only feel tired, he excuses his bad behaviour, minimises the hurt it causes and when his health suffers because of his behaviour he promises to change but then expects constant praise for minor changes but he doesn't really make the big changes. I feel like I'm drowning, he's sucking all the vitality from me. People say "he loves you so much" but micro aggressions, over consumption of food, and alcohol, I don't feel like he really does. Is it normal when you reach your 50's to re-evaluate your life? What you tolerated or participated in when you are younger you no longer want to be a part of? Anyhow, thankyou for having a safe place to get this off my chest.

Broken inside

replies: 2

I got married to my husband (soon to be ex) 8 years ago. When I was 10 months pregnant, he broke up with me as this wasn't what he wanted. He has ADHD and Bipolar Type 2 and is not stable. Right after he broke up with me, he came back when I had the ... View more

I got married to my husband (soon to be ex) 8 years ago. When I was 10 months pregnant, he broke up with me as this wasn't what he wanted. He has ADHD and Bipolar Type 2 and is not stable. Right after he broke up with me, he came back when I had the baby for our daughter's sake. However, our relationship has been very complicated and we really didn't "get back together." We were more than friends but not in a committed relationship. I have asked him to move out several times, which he did, but somehow he always came back to the "family" house. I always accepted him as I had hope we could build a family again, I guess. We have a sexual relationship until now, and I am like his support worker. I make sure his appointments, money, etc., are okay. I have been his emotional and everyday support. We tell each other "I love you" every day. A couple of weeks ago, he came back crying and told me that he has a girl who he likes and is into now. He felt guilty, so he told me. I have asked him not to tell me anything related to girls he hangs out with, as I know I can't take it very well. I told him that if he wants to do whatever he wants, he has to move out first. He said, "I know this is going to hurt my wife; however, I need to do this and give myself permission to move forward, even if it hurts her so much." He and the girl talked about the situation and decided not to contact each other until he moved out (but they see each other at college sometimes).He keeps telling me that me and our daughter are at the top of his pyramid and no one can replace us. Me and our daughter come first, and we are his first priority above everything else. If he had to choose between me and the girl, he said he would choose me without hesitation and protect me.for his birthday, he want me to be there so he is not going to invite the girl who he likes...According to him, He doesn't want to see me in pain or hurt, and it's killing him.He said he wants to keep this family like it used to be, where he chills and spends time with us at my house. He wants to celebrate Christmas together and go on holidays together. I am lost and don't know what I should do.am I being manipulated by his words? or am i just too stupid to not be able to let him go?

Does this mean all was well (back then)?

replies: 5

Back when I was in college, which is a long time ago, I was using a forum and one day I met a girl on there who seemed really nice. I read her bio on her profile and thought she seemed really cool as well so I added her as a contact and one day, she ... View more

Back when I was in college, which is a long time ago, I was using a forum and one day I met a girl on there who seemed really nice. I read her bio on her profile and thought she seemed really cool as well so I added her as a contact and one day, she said that I'm "like the best friend that she has never had" and she also asked me to please email her and soon we became really good friends on there and we would email each other often and they were long emails too. She was really fun and interesting to talk to and also very talented (she wrote really good songs) and in a way I think I may have had a bit of a girl crush on her which is awkward (especially since I once saw in one of her old posts she made before we knew each other that she thinks that sort of thing is wrong and that even thinking it's okay is wrong). I was having a really rough year and had unmedicated psychosis for a while without knowing it (I sometimes heard voices and was stressed but that's all I knew and I didn't think too much into it). On her birthday I thought I would send her an email about how cool I thought she was and the email I made was really weird so luckily it didn't go through. I asked about the email on the thread and people were telling me not to post it (which I didn't end up doing) and luckily too since in the email I was saying things like "I want to be like you so much" and it was kind of scary. I later typed "h" into the email thing to her to see if it would go through and it actually did this time and she emailed me back "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" with a day dreaming emoji next to it and I looked it up several years ago and it says that if your friend says that to you, that it means they are really excited to talk to you so I'm assuming that everything was okay still even though she probably saw my email message thing (I didn't send it directly to her but she probably would have seen it in the thread before I deleted the thread)? Hopefully she didn't think I was a psycho? Also, the day dreaming emoji sounds positive as well? Like something you would send to someone you saw as a really good friend?

Sibling family estrangement.

replies: 9

I became a victim of a most serious crime. It was a life changing event. No fault of my own. Not my husband. It happened in my private life. I was the 3rd victim. As a result I became ill with major reactive depression cptsd. Anxiety. My husband told... View more

I became a victim of a most serious crime. It was a life changing event. No fault of my own. Not my husband. It happened in my private life. I was the 3rd victim. As a result I became ill with major reactive depression cptsd. Anxiety. My husband told police "he was not returning to see what was left of his wife". He also told police "shoot her she won't be able to live with what happened". He was defence service. I have 3 older brothers, all professional people.1 said "fluff off I'm busy." Another said " I'm sorry what happened to you but you are no longer family dont come to my home near my family I'll call the police." My eldest said "im not comming back you choose to live like this and look what you are doing to mum and dad". Well that was 35yrs ago. Mum and dad were aged and wonderful as my uncles. And aunt. Sadly now all deceased. I returned to my career. After loosing everything and was transferred to public housing. It is family shame but mum and dad said anything can be a home. They helped with cleaning gardening and maintenance. I am so grateful to have a home. 2 of my brothers wives are deceased and they didn't tell me. I sent flowers to funerals. Christmas cards over the years. No response. I have retired due to physical health, rare untreatable cancer. I am alone and hide from society where I can. I am getting my personal affairs in order and my brothers adult children are looked after from my estate.I will have no funeral. I have 2 good cousins and a best friend.My home is small lovely and peaceful. I still hurt when the dark days are looming. I feel I am nothing. Then dark thoughts. It is my responsibility not to act on them. There is no help out there. Beyond blue has a good ice app and articles.My own family . I am so below them because I live in housing.I have a mental illness. I do on occasion interect with 1 brother, he can be rude and his 3rd wife is nasty. He allows this and is very cruel, thinking he is funny. He never asks how I am.We only make contact family business. We all grew up together Weddings 21st births family Christmas. Family holidays.Has anyone else been treated like this? Over 35 years. Honesy if it wasn't for my 2 sheepdogs I won't be here. But it is a beautiful world.I am now 62. No support but a oncologist and good GP. When I was in danger the police were inappropriate and medical staff were non sympathetic. I remember their comments and treatment.Thankyou for listening. Please know " I tried to make it right". I feel an outcast and unworthy. It is my secret. Especially from work.I am a retired general nurse of 43yrs. Nurses are never to break.But we do. I can only talk of this because I am retired.Blessings to each and every one of you. Again thankyou for listening. J.

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Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

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Help with my current situation with my wife who suffers from depression

replies: 4