My husband is starting to connect to increasingly misogynistic opinions

[MrsBilly]

I have struggled to start this as the last thing I want is it to be interpreted as if my husband is some monster. We have a very loving long term relationship of 19 years and I will not throw that away because he is at a low point and has clung to an idea that is appealing to a lot of men feeling lost and confused right now. I’m looking for ideas on how to respectfully meet him in the middle of this. 

my husband (39) and myself (36) have been together for 19 years. recently, with some new friends and the influences of social media, he is displaying some interest in antifeminism and anti gender identity movements. He has never been like this before. I feel it started after he experienced a long stint under a lesbian manager who was HIGHLY sexist towards men. I had a gay brother who my husband loved dearly. We lost him not long into our relationship. My husband has always supported gay rights and stood up for gay people and still does. But this manager was awful to him and denied him fair treatment in the workplace. As a contractor of the business, this directly affected his earnings. Around the same time we sought marriage counselling from a woman. It was all going very well, even when she delved into his past, but once she called him out on his laziness around the house and compared our relationship to that of a mother/child, he shut down and will not see another counsellor even just for himself. He also has a female friend who is VERY strongly opinionated to the point of being condescending. I have been the main income earner for a while now and I know that has affected him. He is now starting a better job but working very very hard and is very tired. I know this is impacting his happiness and how he feels about his place in the world. He gets very upset with me when we have conversations about the feminist topics he brings up. He says when I voice my opinion I am telling him he is wrong. It’s very hard to have an open conversation without hurting his feelings. But now I feel hurt that he is gravitating towards these discussions. I do not feel he thinks these things about me. But it troubles me that he is starting to think these things about women in general. 

how do I respectfully talk to him about these things while making sure he feels validated in his feelings? He has been sad and depressed for a while now and I hope he will pull himself out of this cloud soon. But I feel the social media algorithms are smashing him with this content that is making him angrier at the world and more lost about his place in it. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome. I'm a 67yo male.

We men can be fickle. The things you have mentioned raise my eyebrows because, I'm likely very much like your husband. I like gay people but I have difficulty with that direct/boss/try to educate and so on, even finding the right words isnt easy. So I'll try to give examples for clarity.

Social media etc has zero to do with it IMO. It all has to do with our vision of what manhood is and in the last few generations we men have lost our way and some are desperate to regain the role.

Now, I am also the traditional male but my love includes cooking the meals and things like hanging clothes on the line, washing them etc I will do if my wife shows any sign of tiredness or being unwell. 

Some people have "pet hates" based on their experiences. Your husband may feel humiliated and would now possibly feel his attendance at any counsellor would end up with the same result. This is a fear and I doubt he will change. So what can you do?

His reaction to the passionate views of other people on any topic is not how the rest of the world is. Point that out to him calmly and separate you from that and he might eventually understand his reactions are also over the top. This could also be a fad period on this topic and he could move on eventually to less controversial things.

I hope I have explained myself enough, it isnt easy but repost again if you like. It's been enjoyable answering your post.

TonyWK