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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Eagle2022 My partner has been using prostitutes
  • replies: 7

I’m 54 and have been with my current partner 15 years. I’ve just discovered that he has been seeing prostitutes. I discovered it because I had to go to the doctor with a problem and it turns out I have an STD. When I asked him who he’d been with he c... View more

I’m 54 and have been with my current partner 15 years. I’ve just discovered that he has been seeing prostitutes. I discovered it because I had to go to the doctor with a problem and it turns out I have an STD. When I asked him who he’d been with he confessed. Before that I was married for 12 years -I divorced after discovering that my husband had cheated many times for many years. So I’m an old hand at the immense pain of betrayal and breach of trust. With this situation, the part that is really blowing me away is that he didn’t protect himself or me. And that he went to his dr the other day with a problem of the same nature and didn’t advise me. Our sex life isn’t good as since my menopause I’ve lost all interest and find it painful. So I know that he’s not sexually satisfied and I have always felt bad about that. But how could he be so careless with my health? I feel humiliated and I can’t bear being around him. I’m terrified of breaking up though as I suffer from depression and he is a significant support for me. Other than this horrendous situation he has always been kind and thoughtful and will do anything for me. I truly don’t know how to resolve what to do. Stay or go. I feel like if I stay I’ll never be able to let him touch me again because I feel so dirty and disgusted.

PurpleOcean I miss people I used to be best friends with but no longer talk to
  • replies: 2

I've had quite a complex history of friendships/best friendships. I like to get really close to people and have deep friendships with them once I get to know them. So, usually, my friendships are either just acquaintances or very close friends who I ... View more

I've had quite a complex history of friendships/best friendships. I like to get really close to people and have deep friendships with them once I get to know them. So, usually, my friendships are either just acquaintances or very close friends who I can share my deepest secrets with. The problem is, I can often be blind to people's faults, or idolise them/expect too much of them when I get close to them. I put them on a pedestal, basically. This is not a very healthy basis for a friendship and inevitably causes disappointments and hurt down the line. I've lost a few very close friends because of this. Each time this happened, I was hurt deeply. Sometimes, I would question myself, thinking there must be something very wrong with me because I kept losing people I loved. Other times, I would be very angry and resentful at those former friends. I would feel cheated and betrayed because I had expected better of them. Over time, I have tried to reconcile these feelings and accept them, trying to move on with my life. But days would come when memories would flash in my head and I would miss my former best friends terribly while knowing fully well the hurt they have inflicted on me. This is always exhausting for me because of my conflicting feelings - both missing someone and being angry and hurt at the same time. I don't really do anything about these feelings, though. These people are not in my life anymore. We don't talk, I don't keep tabs on them on social media and don't intend to ever have them back in my life. I just want to put my feelings on this out there and hope someone else out there has experienced something similar.

fatima94 I don’t want to give up
  • replies: 2

since the age of 21 I kept getting away from my parents and feeling of guilt made me come back each time I did it 3 times living separately peacefully but I knew they are struggling , now that I’m back again I’ve been working two jobs one from 7 to 5... View more

since the age of 21 I kept getting away from my parents and feeling of guilt made me come back each time I did it 3 times living separately peacefully but I knew they are struggling , now that I’m back again I’ve been working two jobs one from 7 to 5 another from 6 to 10 , making a fair bit of money but everything every cent is going towards supporting my family, they also fight a lot not only with each other also with strangers and get in trouble a lot most days I don’t even want to come home for that one hour that I have between my works , all I hear is fight , arguments threatening , I don’t want have time to shower and I have had people at work confront me for that but my family enjoy everyday showers ranging from 45 minutes to an hour and I am the one who has to pay the bill , I’m tired of living pay check to pay check tired of being anxious and on alert the entire time I can’t leave either, my brother doesn’t want to work my dad doesn’t want to work and my mom can’t work either, I look and act so messed up that everyone thinks I’m physically sick but I’m reality I’m so tired of knowing that I’m being abused but I can’t leave because of guilt

missgolightly88 Struggling
  • replies: 1

Hi, I am a single mum with 3 kids. 14,11 and 2. I am so worn out. I'm trying to find work, deal with my anxiety,ptsd and depression. I was in a dv relationship for over a decade. My 14 yr old has mental health issues, my 11 year old has behavioural i... View more

Hi, I am a single mum with 3 kids. 14,11 and 2. I am so worn out. I'm trying to find work, deal with my anxiety,ptsd and depression. I was in a dv relationship for over a decade. My 14 yr old has mental health issues, my 11 year old has behavioural issues and my 2 year old has global delay. I have an autoimmune disease called graves disease. This is all on top of me. Im anxious every single day. I continually perform checks on myself multiple times a day for illness as I dont feel safe within my body. And right now I'm fighting a cold. Self care is rare. Im under so much stress every day and im petrified. I try to maintain my control of everything in my environment especially a clean home. All the emotions in my body I can feel them and they manifest themselves physically. I take an antidepressant for the last couple of years. And prior to that a different antidepressant for 11 years. I dont cope with my own health and fear of illness. I dont have family except my sister. But she is busy alot. And due to the violence and mental health my older children's father isn't allowed In our lives. My youngest child's father left me when I was 24 weeks pregnant. I feel like I've lost control of everything. The stress will do damage I know. I dont remember the last time I had a libido. The last time I felt attractive. I just look in the mirror and see exhaustion and aging. Im 35 tomorrow. I cant stop looking for signs my body is turning against me trying to hurt me. I have problems with restricting what I eat. I mainly focus on just vege and meat every evening. Very bland foods the more stressed I am. I'm scared to enjoy myself, because bad feelings are around the corner. I end up analysing every sensation that my body feels and I notice everything. I feel so much pressure having 3 kids at me every day. And trying to get the older ones to help. That's a bit of my story.

Sammy234 Emotional Cheating Husband
  • replies: 1

My husband and I have been together for 13 years and married for almost 6. He is suffering from depression, he was taking medication and then he decided it was ok to up his medication. He is now suffering with emotional bluntness, just before or just... View more

My husband and I have been together for 13 years and married for almost 6. He is suffering from depression, he was taking medication and then he decided it was ok to up his medication. He is now suffering with emotional bluntness, just before or just after taking the higher dose he started to change I confronted him about the change and he went straight to blame me for all the issues in our relationship and said I was a horrible wife, I told him if he wanted it to work then he needed to arrange to see a marriage therapist with me, he agreed and made the arrangement all while he was starting a emotional affair with a girl he use to know from years ago. He really started to change and then I confronted him about cheating and he then accused me of cheating, I have never looked at another guy that was since we started dating. We did the therapy session and he went on the attack in front of the therapist it was brutal and she had to pull him up, after that I decided to put some space between us and went away for a couple of days, while I was away he text me to say he had a letter for me and if I wanted him to call and read it to me and I said yes he then proceeded to break off our marriage I said I wuld fight and he told me not too, I then asked him to leave and I wanted him gone by the time I got home he then said I thought you were going to fight for us. I came home and everything was a little cold but ok. He agreed to work on our marriage and I thought everything was going ok but fast forward a month and I broke into his phone and found the messages from his lover, they were graphic the things he said about me where OMG bad, she then went on to label me as the villan and said he was perfect fueling his ego. I confronted him and he agreed to stop all contact and then promised he wanted not to lose his wife and family, I thought things were ok again and then I found he had hidden her number in his car and then I found a secret phone that I am sure he has been using to contact her, I had enough at this point and asked to talk about it and he said NO I wasn't going to be silenced anymore or controlled so I emailed him and broke off our marriage as he doesnt want to talk about anything to do with my feeling or his. I am still waiting for him to respond and move out but nothing. What should I do

paygho Seeking advice for a complicated love situation
  • replies: 1

I’m a guy in my late 20’s, and about a year ago I came out to my friends and family. I recently fell deeply in love with a straight guy (or so he claims) and I would like advice on how to proceed given we’ve had sex many times, been in what’s felt li... View more

I’m a guy in my late 20’s, and about a year ago I came out to my friends and family. I recently fell deeply in love with a straight guy (or so he claims) and I would like advice on how to proceed given we’ve had sex many times, been in what’s felt like a romantic relationship and just travelled together (one-on-one) for a few weeks which was possibly the best experience of my life. However, unfortunately this guy says he’s not gay and wants nothing more than a strong friendship and sex here and there on the side. Through deep thought of our time together, I believe he is both strongly sexually and emotionally into me. However my thoughts are that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with guys and may never need to come out, as he could be equally strongly sexually and emotionally into girls and therefore chooses to live a more ‘normal’ life with them. He’s big on family and kids. The problem: It has been hard for me sometimes when we are not together. I’ll obviously want to hang out more and do more than he does. We’ve been catching up on average once - twice per week, however I really want to spend more time, do more travelling and live together. I love this guy so much.The fact this is all happening, but we are not in a relationship hurts. Something I would never have understood until now. I believe there is a chance he’ll come out in the future, but this could bring other downsides. He may want to experience more guys and this would hurt me even more and likely destroy a possibility of a lifelong friendship. So maybe its best for me if he never does? At my request, I’ve asked we don’t speak with each other for a few months while he’s still away overseas so I can move on and maybe catch feelings for a new guy - this would hopefully pave the way for us to be just strong friends when he gets back later in the year. He’s a bit upset by this request, but accepts its for the better. My questions to the community is how do I proceed? What usually happens in this scenario? Advice? Am I being too unrealistic thinking we can go back to friendship removing the sex and feelings? Can my feelings go away? Do you think he will come out? In the straight world you generally wouldn’t stay friends with someone you’ve just been so strongly in love with. It this an unreasonable expectation? The thought of not even being friends is the most depressing thing ever to me. But I also am aware of that fact I could waste many years of my life being into this guy but nothing developed- as it has made me unable to meet or be interested in meeting new people.

blues23 When to end a friendship
  • replies: 2

I had a friend ( or what i thought was a friend) cross some lines asked “ suggested “ I send some pics like intimate pics of myself, I felt quite shocked as it was outta the blue although he has been asking 4 pics so I send him what I take pics of li... View more

I had a friend ( or what i thought was a friend) cross some lines asked “ suggested “ I send some pics like intimate pics of myself, I felt quite shocked as it was outta the blue although he has been asking 4 pics so I send him what I take pics of like for example birds trees wildlife ect things like nothing intimate like pic of me in my underwear. I didn’t/ haven’t responded as I’m like major icky and it has given me major ick about it and feel physically I’ll at the thought of him like thinking of me in this way then he’s all like oh I’m googling sexy underwear on the internet and they are nice and i would look good in them . Like I’ve been friends with this guy for 8 years , we tried to date years ago but I wasn’t interested just wanted to be friends and occasionally he mentions like oh it’s a shame we didn’t have sex back then which really makes me feel bad about myself for not wanting to . is this toxic as all anything friendship? I’m very sad bout it as I thought I could trust him or I had a friend like who wouldn’t hurt me but it has . I’s it a waste of time to salvage this friendship? .im very much backing off from this guy having some space as I feel so dirty about it all I just wonder why this happens like why does this happen ?

Lotus_85 Am I just self sabotaging?
  • replies: 6

So, I told my husband the other day I'm done. I don't know if I'm ending it because I hate the relationship or myself. I'm distant from him, have little emotional connection. He wants sex and I don't. He says he wants me to make an effort and want to... View more

So, I told my husband the other day I'm done. I don't know if I'm ending it because I hate the relationship or myself. I'm distant from him, have little emotional connection. He wants sex and I don't. He says he wants me to make an effort and want to be around him, I mean I can physically sit with him but I don't really wanna be there, I would rather curl up in bed and watch tv. That's what I do, most of the time. I come out to clean, feed him and the kids, go shopping, and go to work. That's it really. We have always had a messed up relationship. He is jealous of nothing. If I go out with friends, which is rare, I feel bad for it. Whether he makes a snide remark that I like them more then him or I should want to stay him and hang with him or whateva. I would be happy to continue in the relationship if I was left alone, which I know isn't fair on him. We fight, he wants an effort and if I make one, he always thinks any kind of touch or anything should lead to sex... so I stop trying to be near him coz I feel it shouldn't always be an expectation if we r near each other. He never sleeps in our bed. We have together 18yrs, have 3 kids and a house. Should I just keep doing what we r doing? Is this what it's spose to be? Should it end and we move on, and be broke because God knows neither of us can afford to be alone. I don't know what I'm doing. Am I just self sabotaging. I am on meds for depression, have been for 16yrs. I feel like we r both shells of ppl.

Ash-H LGBTQI+ divorce and separation
  • replies: 3

My wife and I got married in October 2022. a few months later my wife revealed that she was unhappy in our relationship and had been for a while and that she had pushed it down. I’ve been hoping we’d work it out and get back together but that’s not w... View more

My wife and I got married in October 2022. a few months later my wife revealed that she was unhappy in our relationship and had been for a while and that she had pushed it down. I’ve been hoping we’d work it out and get back together but that’s not what she wants. I just wish I could go back in time and fix all the problems we had and work it out so that she wasn’t unhappy. I’m not ready to let her go and I still love her so much but she’s made it clear she’s done. And now I don’t know how to cope. I don’t want it be done. I want to fix it and even though I know I can’t I just want to. I’m trying to do all of the right things to process my grief and move on but it just is so exhausting and is taking so long. I know you can’t force these things but I just want the grief to end.

Kat_123 Partner Unemployed
  • replies: 4

Hi, Im going to write this with total honesty and hope someone might have some valuable insight. I’m drowning everyday in a mud pit that I can’t see anyway out of. My partner is been unemployed for over a year now, second time in five years within an... View more

Hi, Im going to write this with total honesty and hope someone might have some valuable insight. I’m drowning everyday in a mud pit that I can’t see anyway out of. My partner is been unemployed for over a year now, second time in five years within an industry that has a resource shortage around people with his expertise level. I’m so tired and resentful of him as up until a few weeks ago it was expected I also do all the running of the household. I feel like I’m literally trapped providing for everything as he’s not even applied for unemployment or any kind of benefit so I can’t leave him. My work is pressurised and if I’m honest soul destroying but everyday I get up & go while he sits comfortably in his office doing goodness knows what 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week. Im completely at the end of the rope. I can’t change my work because I provide everything and I can’t get out of this I won’t call it a relationship because it hasn’t been that way in years.And if I’m honest I read this I feel so guilty because everyone feels sorry for the person “trying to find work”, never for the person who’s holding the household together who at this point just wants to crawl into a dark room & never come out.