Not sure where to go from here… :(

[Bee1998]

I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed with sadness tonight. 

So, a bit of back story… I found out my partner pursued another female while on a work trip in the U.S earlier this year. I only found this out months later, and only because I investigated. 

I went to couple’s therapy with my partner tonight, and at the end he brought up how he will be travelling overseas again for work next year, maybe on 3 seperate occasions. Hearing this obviously pulled a lot of strings for me, and I’m now feeling hopeless for our future and extremely stressed and anxious about what’s to come next year. I really am not going to cope with him going overseas again without me after what happened last time. 

I don’t know what to do, what to think, or what to feel right now. 😞

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I'm from a quasi law enforcement/legal background so when I read your post immediately I thought-

• "what is "pursued?
• Does it include any type of affair?
• Is your source reliable?
• What is the evidence?
• Could the source be interpreting the situation?
• Can you accompany him next time?

My first wife was told I dated a female in a nearby town. She laughed, it was my sister. 

There is a saying- "better 100 guilty people get a non guilty verdict than one innocent be jailed."

So, assuming he was seeking this person affection and more, I'd be as concerned as you. Being an ex investigator I'm well aware of the industry and its area that some check on partners. This is thriving and its because it is the only real evidence building source one can rely on apart from suspicion and admission.

So you are indeed in a difficult situation and it brings much heartache. So- perhaps wait till the next time he goes overseas and see if you can obtain information of another event or confirm in your mind the recent event certainly took place. If so you have options. Remember it is only you that needs convincing. Then, you can leave or confront him.

It is all about you now and your satisfaction and future.... the terrible trauma you face with lack of trust, possible separation etc is a path of grief but, eventually you have a better life.

So reply if you want to further the discussion, I'm here daily.

TonyWK