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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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PsychedelicFur Should I end my relationship?
  • replies: 2

I've been with my partner for almost twelve months. Communication can be hard and I feel like he doesn't listen sometimes. He admits to lying to his parents. On our recent date, he told them he was paying for both of us to go to the movies. Although ... View more

I've been with my partner for almost twelve months. Communication can be hard and I feel like he doesn't listen sometimes. He admits to lying to his parents. On our recent date, he told them he was paying for both of us to go to the movies. Although in reality, he paid for the food and I paid for the tickets. And then after the movies he spent some money on a CD for himself. I confronted him about it and how it made me feel uncomfortable, this was yesterday. Today, he hearted a photograph of another girl on Facebook. I am not controlling and I have told him that it's ok to like photos of other girls but hearting makes me feel quite uncomfortable. I've told him three times yet he still seems to do it. He tells me 'I can't live without you.' and 'I need you so much' or 'you are my last hope.' Those comments make me feel suffocated and uncomfortable. He also calls me his lifeline. I don't really know what to do.

Koa I feel like I can’t do anything right
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I am new here and I really wanted to get some help with my relationship as I feel like I can’t do anything right, me and my partner of over a year have been having some problems as of late, fighting is nothing new but these have been more s... View more

Hi there, I am new here and I really wanted to get some help with my relationship as I feel like I can’t do anything right, me and my partner of over a year have been having some problems as of late, fighting is nothing new but these have been more serious, just these last few weeks we’ve been having fights where we don’t talk much afterwards and she starts to use one word responses and not really talk much, she suffers from mental health issues so I try my best to be as considerate as possible but I feel like I can’t always do it. She’d always be the one to fight for communication and after months of things not really working on my end like sometimes I can’t keep the promises I made, change certain parts of myself that cause problems like my snappy attitude at times and sometimes being inconsiderate and inconsistent with change and sometimes we fight over things I should be changing for, and over time she stopped fighting and she’d think she’s the problem and changes, she always does whatever she can to make me happy and always does things in my interest to see me smile, she’s the most amazing person in my life and I need her, but then I’d think she’s changing herself too much and that she shouldn’t change and that I should instead causes she’s done enough of that for others and I wanted to be different. But I realised that in her eyes I’m unappreciative and ungrateful, and trampling on her kindness and big heartedness, I feel horrible and she tried to break up with me a few days ago but I managed to keep her, we were good for awhile but now not talking and now she’s talking “when necessary” and “when told” to make less problems and I feel like I screwed everything up by not being to do what I need to do for her and I feel like a complete failure as boyfriend, is there anything I can do?

Izzabella2022 Repeat cheating husband, 20 year relationship
  • replies: 4

Hi, looking for advice from someone who has been in a similar situation. My husband and I have been together for 20 years (high school sweethearts) married for 10. we have 3 children, our youngest is only 7 weeks old. Last week my husband admitted th... View more

Hi, looking for advice from someone who has been in a similar situation. My husband and I have been together for 20 years (high school sweethearts) married for 10. we have 3 children, our youngest is only 7 weeks old. Last week my husband admitted that during the past 5 years he has cheated on me more times than he can count with one night stands whilst away on work trips. He didn’t feel guilty at the time because I was not providing him enough attention. So this is how he justified it. It was more like a hobby than cheating. Then He then said what started as a casual sexual relationship with a colleague 12 months ago has now turned into a loving relationship with a girl 17 years younger than him in which he is not sure if he was going to leave me for her. he was distant, detached. Had no interest in this pregnancy even though we openly talked about pregnancy termination to which he convinced me otherwise. After the initial conversation, we talked about if there was an option of staying together and making it work, for ourselves and the kids. He has since broken up with his mistress but is not convincing that he won’t do anything again in the future. I am lost as to what to do. We have been together for my entire adult life and my world has just come crashing down. had anyone made it work after this extent of cheating or is it just prolonging an eventual separation? Thanks

Mia2 Loneliness
  • replies: 1

Well I moved to a new town to look after my grandkids so my daughter could continue her role as a doctor. I am so lonely

Well I moved to a new town to look after my grandkids so my daughter could continue her role as a doctor. I am so lonely

PKSYD Break up with an alcoholic partner
  • replies: 5

I have been with my partner for 8 years. Hes an alcoholic and becomes very abusive verbally when he is drunk towards me and my mother. In front of others he disrespects and most recently at his gathering in front of others he told all my friends that... View more

I have been with my partner for 8 years. Hes an alcoholic and becomes very abusive verbally when he is drunk towards me and my mother. In front of others he disrespects and most recently at his gathering in front of others he told all my friends that i dont sleep with him anymore and that i dont love him anymore. Its the love that i have had for him that has kept him in my house and not on the street. Its the sorrow i have and feel every time for him but not me. Everytime i am going to break up he tells me hes going to change and makes me feel sorry for him. In the beginning of the relationship i found out he cheated on me multiple times yet i took him back. Why? I dont know. Its like i have given given given and lost all for myself. Now this time i found him a place to make sure hes okay and am going to pay for him to live there yet now he says he will change and doesnt want to be away from me and that he loves me more than anything in this world. Last 3 years i have disconnected from him emotionally, mentally and spiritually and physically, yet he accuses me of having someone else but he doesnt see that i dont want to be near him when hes so drunk nearly every night. i wanted to put more details but im limited due to the characters.

white knight Conflict by comparisons
  • replies: 2

A friend of mine has a family trait but luckily for him he didnt inherit it as he left home young whereas his siblings remained within the toxicity. Whenever my friend has a disagreement with a family member its often relationship threatening, rarely... View more

A friend of mine has a family trait but luckily for him he didnt inherit it as he left home young whereas his siblings remained within the toxicity. Whenever my friend has a disagreement with a family member its often relationship threatening, rarely is there a casual divide of opinions. But worse than that is, whenever he puts forward his views on a topic directly, out come the comparisons and such "weighing scale" mentality results in forever not having hope of a stable relationship. Eg He forgot a BBQ event at his sisters place, due mainly that he had in-law issues, cancer, dementia etc. His sister- "I've never forgotten your BBQ's". He couldnt make it to a niece's basketball game. "(3 hours away and he'd already drove 500km that day for work) - "I attended your daughters engagement and I worked 2 jobs at the time" she'd say. Another- He visited his sister in hospital when she had pneumonia and while there he commented "I remember I never talked about my illnesses" All these reactions are unfair because they hold a high degree of expectation. What's more they are his siblings expectations based on her values, her actions, her mind. Essentially she goes through life in a manner (with people) that if they do not carry out her values and actions then they are wrong and likely a conflict will follow. My message here is- with people that compare what they would do to your actions is a state of mind whereby- conflict will occur more oftenAcceptance of others as individuals is limitedThe weighing scale mentality is "turmoil for gamble"that it passes guilt onto others often when it is human errorcan be a type of controlcan be felt as emotional blackmailSadly the consequences can be high. My friend has considered breaking off all contact with his sister after decades of trying to live up to her demands. There is no stability and he can never do "right". This is an example of unfair expectations based on the persons own ways they live their lives. If we all had the same values and never had human error we'd be clones. A sound long term relationship has elements of such acceptance, letting small things slide, promote caring and embracing personality. TonyWK

samseldom Living with a depressed person
  • replies: 1

I need someone who can relate.I am in a VERY turbulent 16year relationship which both myself and my partner have depression issues. I am a cold and emotionally distant person ,i wish it were not so.My partner is generally a warm passionate person who... View more

I need someone who can relate.I am in a VERY turbulent 16year relationship which both myself and my partner have depression issues. I am a cold and emotionally distant person ,i wish it were not so.My partner is generally a warm passionate person who makes friends easy but can also be very dominant. He is articulate, worldly and from a successful family. However he is depressed, and very angry. He is waiting on second open heart surgery after his first very traumatic one 5years ago.I dont know how to deal with his anger. Has anyone had to deal with something like this?

Nervybella Tricky relationship with mother
  • replies: 1

Feeling at my wits end today. I really don’t know where to go from here. I have a very close relationship with my mother but we have always bickered a bit. More so recently these have become full blown fights and I am just about at my wits end. For c... View more

Feeling at my wits end today. I really don’t know where to go from here. I have a very close relationship with my mother but we have always bickered a bit. More so recently these have become full blown fights and I am just about at my wits end. For context, below are some of the things she does - multiple calls and texts a day even when I’ve asked her to do less- gets upset with me when I say I don’t have anything to report after already talking to her throughout the day- will text me and if I don’t reply quick enough she will call me - invites herself over even when I’ve told her I have plans all of these things make me feel stifled and it’s way too much for me. I really want her to get professional help. Obviously I can’t diagnose her but I think she has some kind of condition. She’s impulsive, anxious, has poor time management and poor financial literacy. Low self esteem. Mood swings. The list goes on. She can be volatile to you one moment and the most loving and caring the next. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve said and asked repeatedly to please respect my boundaries and what I’m asking of you. Then she gets upset and defensive and makes me feel like an awful person for saying these things and how it makes me feel has anyone been in a similar space and gotten through it? I don’t want to have to cut her off or have major damage done to our relationship because I love her and we are close but I don’t know how much more I can handle -Bella

Wren2 Husband always angry, never happy and becomes quite horrible to our sons
  • replies: 1

Hi , first time poster here so excuse long post. I could go on forever this behaviour has happened on and off our whole relationship. I thought I knew better I’ve been married once before and he was very controlling and emotionally abusive but it see... View more

Hi , first time poster here so excuse long post. I could go on forever this behaviour has happened on and off our whole relationship. I thought I knew better I’ve been married once before and he was very controlling and emotionally abusive but it seems I ended up in a similar situation. Long story short we have been together for 19 years , we did separate once but I gave him another chance and didn’t want to be that on again off again couple. But lately I feel like I’m at my limit. He’s always angry at the world, he never takes responsibility for his mistakes, if I say something hd just yells , he’s horrible to our boys I feel like I’m always on edge just micro managing situations to try and stop him from going off. If I try and talk to him he just says “I’ve fn had enough , I’ll just leave” and makes me feel bad I try and say that’s not what I’m saying that I’m asking what’s going on with him and he always threatens to leave. He has lost two jobs in the last 12 months because of his attitude but it’s always someone else’s fault, but the only common denominator I see is him. I’m sick of feeling like I’m not enough, he’s never happy and says he never will be, jokes about dying, he refuses to get help says it’s just the way he is and if I don’t like it then he will go. Through our relationship it’s always been like this highs and lows when he’s good he’s caring fun when he’s low he’s mean and cold, the lows are getting more often I’ve tried to help but he don’t take it and I just don’t want to live the rest of my life having to feel like this and always worrying if he’s going to blow up at me or our sons or anyone that just says the wrong thing when he’s in one of his moods. I just really needs to say some of this stuff outside. I feel stuck, I know I’m not but it feels that way. Thanks for reading

Stevolica27 Christmas and the in-laws stress, or do I just need to chill out?
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I feel silly for askin' but I don't know where to get perspective from. In short, every year, my partner's family go away (a few hours away) to their holiday home. It's a nice place to go and my partner's family are great! But it's just ... View more

Hi everyone, I feel silly for askin' but I don't know where to get perspective from. In short, every year, my partner's family go away (a few hours away) to their holiday home. It's a nice place to go and my partner's family are great! But it's just too much (for me). They go away for the week and expect all of their adult children (and their partners, and friends, and whoever else) to go there and hang out. It's of course, totally fine for people to come and go, and everyone is very welcome. The issue I have is, I'm happy to go out there for Christmas Day each year and/or stay a couple of nights but much more than that is not a very nice time for me. My partner tends to get swept up with whatever's going on (constantly) leaving me with not much opportunity to plan my own things, or how to spend time. Anyway, last year, my partner kindly suggested that we go for a couple of nights then we go and do other things during the week either back from home, or else some time in other places in the region and have our own holiday. After nearly 10 years I was relieved last year to do this. But, my partner JUST said yesterday that, that was a big 'compromise' for them last year and this year I should 'compromise' and go to their family thing for the whole week. I thought finally last year we'd struck a balance. It actually makes me very anxious and well beyond unexcited to be committing to this week 3 hours away. It's a nice place to go but there's really not much going on and they don't really organise any outings etc. (and I can't just 'do my own thing') - all just making feel a little bored at best, held hostage at worst Any thoughts, criticisms, suggestions or advice welcome please. I can't resolve this inside my own head Thank you!