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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Rogger How to deal with bigoted parent?
  • replies: 3

Hi, as of recent, I have noticed that my parents are quite bigoted, especially my mother. She often says offensive things whenever she sees something Asian of any kind (often Japanese or Korean), and she often says derogatory things about Aboriginal ... View more

Hi, as of recent, I have noticed that my parents are quite bigoted, especially my mother. She often says offensive things whenever she sees something Asian of any kind (often Japanese or Korean), and she often says derogatory things about Aboriginal people. She is also sexist, both in a misogynistic way, but also a misandristic way. This was quite upsetting for me, since I am quite against discrimination. So I was wondering, for those of you who have been through similar things, how do you deal with parents like this. Ok thanks for reading

Garry_H Partner wants to be a controlled drinker
  • replies: 3

Hi,My partner and I have been together for four years and alcohol has been an issue from very early on. It was apparent (to me) that we would not have a successful relationship if alcohol was involved, therefore I decided to stop drinking three & a h... View more

Hi,My partner and I have been together for four years and alcohol has been an issue from very early on. It was apparent (to me) that we would not have a successful relationship if alcohol was involved, therefore I decided to stop drinking three & a half years ago choosing the girl over the drink. (I was not a problem drinker).My partner tried to keep it under control but it came to a crisis point a number of times.About 18 months ago I said (in writing) that I could only continue (and wanted to) in a sober relationship. She stopped for a month or so and started seeing a counsellor. But within a couple of months she returned to what she calls “controlled drinking”. I was pitched that drinking would be limited to a “couple of drinks on special occasions”. She now drinks non-alc wines when with me (every night). Even the ritual of having to hold a wine glass every night still worries me – even if it is filled with non-alc wine. While I have not seen her drunk in over a year, “special occasions” has now become any time we are out socially. And I suspect that “a couple of drinks” is now only observed in my company, and that a different standard is applied when I am not there. I now have less contact with my friends and I avoid social occasions that involve alcohol.If I am fair I have to acknowledge that she has made a big effort and it would surprise me if she is binge drinking behind my back. The problem is that I just don’t care anymore whether she now has a handle on it or not. I am just over it. I am not interested in being an anxious observer for the next 20 years even if it subsequently turns out she can successfully be a controlled drinker. It’s just too draining, and the deception is soul destroying.Just reading over this I am answering my own question. I wonder if I should support her one last time (even thought the last two times were my last time).

emma22swans Sister-in-Law issues
  • replies: 2

Hi. I'm after any advice, if anyone has any they are willing to offer. I have struggled to get along with my in-laws pretty much since my husband and I met, due to the fact that he and I come from extremely different backgrounds - he's a country boy ... View more

Hi. I'm after any advice, if anyone has any they are willing to offer. I have struggled to get along with my in-laws pretty much since my husband and I met, due to the fact that he and I come from extremely different backgrounds - he's a country boy and I'm a city girl. Prior to the arrival of our little girl, things were going ok, not wonderful, but at least manageable. Since her arrival, things have steadily gotten worse, to the point that my husband is being put in a hugely difficult position, basically sticking up for me and his daughter, or agreeing with his parents and siblings (mainly his elder sister). This year two things have happened that have made me (and him) see red.Firstly, several months ago, my sister-in-law made comments to him that I'm not really part of 'their' family. His mothers' only response was 'you'll have to forgive (sister), that's just the way she is'. Sister-in-Law has since gone back on those comments, stating 'that's not what she meant' but I still haven't received an apology (and apparently I'm not likely too either).Secondly, she (and his parents) have shown very little to no interest in their granddaughter - unless we make the effort and take her to them. However, sister-in-law splashes all over my FB posts and photos about how much she loves her niece. Similarly, his mother will only call him (either phone call or video call). She asks him how we are all doing - which is difficult when he spends all day at work and I'm the one spending the most amount of time with our daughter. Also, unless we specifically ask for assistance, we don't get any, they assume silence means we're fine. Case in point - our daughter ended up with 2 stitches in her head last week, and we've only received one call (again, to my husband) to enquire as to how she is. And despite driving past our house over the weekend, they couldn't be bothered to call in and see how she (and us) were going.These behaviours are really stressing us out, and I'm feeling bad for the position my husband is being put in, but I don't feel that I'm putting him there - I'm trying to get his family involved (i.e. suggest he call them more often, which he often says no too because of how he is feeling) but there is only so much I can do, and I don't know how much more I can give, especially when I've also got pre-existing self-esteem issues and issues with my other sister-in-law (my brother's wife).

HelloGail My First Panic Attack
  • replies: 2

My first panic attack I shall never forget, it was on Balmoral Beach 1963 when I was 3. My mother made the yummiest Butterfly Cakes to take with my large family to the beach. I remember watching with eagerly eyes as my mother placed each cake into a ... View more

My first panic attack I shall never forget, it was on Balmoral Beach 1963 when I was 3. My mother made the yummiest Butterfly Cakes to take with my large family to the beach. I remember watching with eagerly eyes as my mother placed each cake into a large light blue plastic square container. My parents and 5 siblings were walking ahead of me and I lost sight of them. I still remember crying and screaming but at the same time looking for the blue container as that would be my mum. Suddenly my 9 year old sister grabbed my hand and I was alright. The Second panic was in 1972 age 12, one of my brothers was in jail for a brief period and this set it off. He was in jail over Christmas 1972 and our large family really missed his presence. We all use to visit him in Long Bay which reinforced my anxiety. After Boxing Day 1972 my other brother age 17 drove my dad and sister to Brisbane to visit our grand parents. During the night drive he turned on Pink Floyd and the song with the heart beat in it somehow freaked me out and I turned to my dad beside me and shouted you got to get me to a hospital I'm dying. My father gave me the hardest and quick slap across my face. I do not recommend slapping but the shock of him slapping my face shocked me out of this strange panic. And so, these attacks have come and gone, it broke up my marriage, my husband couldn't handle it as I began to fear travelling and just wanted to stay home in my fish bowl of a town which I was then residing. My main help has been change of diet, no sugar, no caffeine, no chocolate, no preservatives. I do have one of these occasionally but I feel better when my system is free of them. Also positive thinking and just sheer DETERMINATION. Thank you for reading. Hope it may help understand panic attacks.

dandy90 Depressed single mum
  • replies: 2

Hi all, First time poster here. I’m 32, single mum to a 5yo active boy. His dad ended our 10 year relationship about 4 years ago. I still grieve and have periods of depression about the loss of our relationship, being a single mum (I was raised by a ... View more

Hi all, First time poster here. I’m 32, single mum to a 5yo active boy. His dad ended our 10 year relationship about 4 years ago. I still grieve and have periods of depression about the loss of our relationship, being a single mum (I was raised by a single mum and never wanted this life for myself) and also I feel so much pain being away from my son 50% of the time. It all feels so wrong. My sons dad started a new relationship 3 years ago. I recently told him I wanted to get back together, he thought about it for 8 months but in the end, his answer was no. I am definitely depressed at the moment, I am definitely struggling to move on and let go. Especially because my ex partner is a great dad and he is kind to me. I have to see/talk to him often. I can’t seem to prioritise myself in order to even consider dating or even feel like I’m ‘owning’ the day, if anything most days it feels like I can’t get on top of life so I’m usually shut down and feel empty and scraping by rather then being proactive about much. I feel really sad and cry most days especially when my son is at his dads. Thankyou for reading my post

Earth Girl I did something really bad that I don't think can be fixed
  • replies: 10

In Primary school, there was a girl called S who two times picked up my lunch box, used it to scrape stuff of a seat, threw it into the air, sat down on the seat for about two seconds with her friends laughing and then got of the seat and laughed wit... View more

In Primary school, there was a girl called S who two times picked up my lunch box, used it to scrape stuff of a seat, threw it into the air, sat down on the seat for about two seconds with her friends laughing and then got of the seat and laughed with her friends and she did this when she saw me go over to collect it because she wanted me to see it. I know this really isn't that bad, but I held a huge grudge on it for a long time. When I was a teenager, I started using an online forum and I made different characters/accounts to try to work out an out of control social situation because I was getting bullied a lot at school and I didn't have anyone I could really talk to about it. I made two "mean girl" accounts and on one of them, I used S's first name and a very similar last name to hers. After a while of using these accounts, I realized that I wasn't even that annoyed with her anymore (people have done much worse things to me than that), but I kept using the name. One day, someone on the forum asked "Have you ever pretended to be someone on here before? I was going to but it's kind of like stealing their sole" and I was wondering if it had something to do with me, but I didn't say anything. I ended up deleted the accounts. Then I thought, if I make it more obvious that I was using irony on the S account, then people will know that it's not real, but no matter how obvious I made my satire, most people still thought I was being serious on that account. I kept thinking, this time people will get it... okay this time people will, but most people thought I was being serious on it no matter how outrageous I was being. I know what I did was pretty f'd up, but I have no idea what to do now, especially since I continued doing it for a long time and when I try to tell people that I was using irony on that account, they don't believe me and I probably have no idea how much I hurt S. My sister said to me "well, you have had people pretend to be you too, do you hate them?" and I said no and then she said, "Then S wouldn't feel that bad about it either" but I'm really not to sure about that. I feel pretty bad about what I did and I wish I could go back to fix it and all the other dumb stuff I did. If I apologized when I had the chance, it probably would have made a difference, but now I feel it would be sort of too little, too late.

HarleyQ Is it OK for my current partner to be angry with me for speaking to my ex-husband recently
  • replies: 1

I've been in my current relationship for 5 years prior to that I was married for 10 years with two kids. My ex husband has been in and out of incarceration for the past 5 years a week ago he got out of prison and contacted me via Facebook. As I know ... View more

I've been in my current relationship for 5 years prior to that I was married for 10 years with two kids. My ex husband has been in and out of incarceration for the past 5 years a week ago he got out of prison and contacted me via Facebook. As I know my current partner does not like him I did not write back at the time. However I did right back to my ex-husband using an old Facebook account. Since this happened last week my current partner has been verbally abusing me putting me down and has been somewhat controlling for example going through my bank accounts all my transactions all my phone calls all my text all my social media accounts basically my entire phone. My current partner feel justified to act this way because I lied and did not tell him that I had spoken to my ex husband recently as I knew it would cause me problems now I have been getting treated very badly since I don't know what to.do I have apologised

wallabyjack My wife wont keep medicine away from kids
  • replies: 1

My wife regularly takes sedatives and drugs for her hormones. She insists keeping these in an unlocked drawer beside her bed. We have a 1 year old and 4 year old child who like to wander the house and get into things like kids do. I've repeatedly ask... View more

My wife regularly takes sedatives and drugs for her hormones. She insists keeping these in an unlocked drawer beside her bed. We have a 1 year old and 4 year old child who like to wander the house and get into things like kids do. I've repeatedly asked her to lock them up safely and or keep them somewhere the kids cant reach. Her argument is that it's my responsibility to watch the kids at all times and that she needs her medicine at random times likes 3am (convenience). It's caused huge ongoing arguments. She won't budge and I keep bringing it up. If worst case happened, what would be the view taken by the authorities I wonder? I'm at wits end and this is a huge issue for me and our relationship.

Ymeee Tips to help ride the wave of anxiety/depression
  • replies: 2

Good morning everyone,My name is Patricia (Trish for short). I’m a person that used to be laid back, relaxed. Growing up not much used to worry me. Yeah, I had the occasional nervous (butterfly feelings) in the pit of my stomach, but I used to have a... View more

Good morning everyone,My name is Patricia (Trish for short). I’m a person that used to be laid back, relaxed. Growing up not much used to worry me. Yeah, I had the occasional nervous (butterfly feelings) in the pit of my stomach, but I used to have a carefree attitude, growing up. I was able to control my nervous feelings. but of recently, I’m finding now, that the tactics I used to use are no longer working. I would like to ask the community on beyond blue a question? What do you do to help your anxiety/depression? I understand that not everything works for everyone. I found that having a “timeout” used to work for me in the past, but now it seems to be not as effective as it used to be. I’d really love to start a discussion with the members on this site, just to see how people like myself overcome things like panic attacks. So if you would like to join into the discussion it please feel free to reply to this message.

Fusion2k4 High school sweethearts, seperated, then married
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I met my wife when she was 19 and myself 20. At the age of 24 I had strong urges to experience other women and we seperated and I did so. After 18 months we got back together and I was honest about my experiences, my wife is accepting. Now 34... View more

Hi all, I met my wife when she was 19 and myself 20. At the age of 24 I had strong urges to experience other women and we seperated and I did so. After 18 months we got back together and I was honest about my experiences, my wife is accepting. Now 34 and married for a few years, I wake up everyday with guilt at myself for not being able to be a perfect person. I recently spent 2 weeks in hospital due to strong suicide ideation. I wake up with heavy levels of cortisol in my chest, extreme guilt, sadness, regret. I feel i very much hate myself. The sad thing is I brought it upon myself. I want my wife to hate me and leave me for a better person. I call lifeline on occasion and have booked in with GP and psych. I get very scared about the future. I feel I'm not deserving of my wife or happiness. Would love some input and support.