I did something really bad that I don't think can be fixed

Earth Girl · ‎19-12-2022

In Primary school, there was a girl called S who two times picked up my lunch box, used it to scrape stuff of a seat, threw it into the air, sat down on the seat for about two seconds with her friends laughing and then got of the seat and laughed with her friends and she did this when she saw me go over to collect it because she wanted me to see it. I know this really isn't that bad, but I held a huge grudge on it for a long time.

When I was a teenager, I started using an online forum and I made different characters/accounts to try to work out an out of control social situation because I was getting bullied a lot at school and I didn't have anyone I could really talk to about it. I made two "mean girl" accounts and on one of them, I used S's first name and a very similar last name to hers. After a while of using these accounts, I realized that I wasn't even that annoyed with her anymore (people have done much worse things to me than that), but I kept using the name.

One day, someone on the forum asked "Have you ever pretended to be someone on here before? I was going to but it's kind of like stealing their sole" and I was wondering if it had something to do with me, but I didn't say anything.

I ended up deleted the accounts. Then I thought, if I make it more obvious that I was using irony on the S account, then people will know that it's not real, but no matter how obvious I made my satire, most people still thought I was being serious on that account. I kept thinking, this time people will get it... okay this time people will, but most people thought I was being serious on it no matter how outrageous I was being.

I know what I did was pretty f'd up, but I have no idea what to do now, especially since I continued doing it for a long time and when I try to tell people that I was using irony on that account, they don't believe me and I probably have no idea how much I hurt S.

My sister said to me "well, you have had people pretend to be you too, do you hate them?" and I said no and then she said, "Then S wouldn't feel that bad about it either" but I'm really not to sure about that. I feel pretty bad about what I did and I wish I could go back to fix it and all the other dumb stuff I did.

If I apologized when I had the chance, it probably would have made a difference, but now I feel it would be sort of too little, too late.

white knight · ‎21-12-2022

Hi, welcome

It is never too late to apologise.

However, the longer you leave it the less chance that apology will be accepted. If it isnt accepted then you've done your best and that should be good enough.

There's a movie called "catch me if you can" (true story) its about a man that portrayed a doctor and a pilot and other professionals but he actually flew the planes and so on, he fooled everyone. Finally he got caught and was sent to prison. While he was in jail he was offered a job with the FBI so they could catch other fraudsters like him.

The message is- everyone makes mistakes, the real crime with doing the same bad acts over and over again.

So I suggest the following-

Never create false accounts again
Try to apologise to "S" as sincerely as you can
Dont agree with your sister automatically, think about her views and form your own views.
Seek to lead a good honest life.
Dont dwell on your childhood errors, you were young
Dont hold grudges with those kids like "S" they were kids too that bullied not knowing its effect

I hope I've helped. By writing in here about this topic you could be helping many more readers that have been bullied or use fake accounts. So I'm thankful of your post, be proud of that first step.

TonyWK

james1 · ‎21-12-2022

Hey Earth Girl,

Thanks for your post. It can be really hard to admit to things we feel embarrassed about and so I just wanted to briefly thank you for your honesty.

I do hope you can find some way to forgive yourself, as I think that is the most important thing. It can be so hard to know what to do in these kinds of scenarios - maybe they want an apology, or maybe they never want to hear from us again. I think TonyWK made a really good point in saying that the real crime is doing the same thing again.

People do dumb and mean things all the time. You're certainly not alone in having made a mistake in the past that may have hurt someone, and chances are you'll make more mistakes in the future. But maybe having had this experience, you'll be able to manage the future problems better and people will appreciate that you really are trying to grow and do better. I think there's something good in that.

James

Earth Girl · ‎22-12-2022

Thanks guys.

I really want to apologize to her, but I have a strong feeling that it might actually make it worse now. I think the worst part of this is that I didn't stop when I was a teenager, I continued doing it until I was 21. When I was 17-18 I was doing it because I was being mean, but when I got older, I was doing it to try to make people realized not to take that account seriously, and that the things I was saying on it were sarcastic, but they still believed it.

I would never use someone else's real name on an account again.

I don't use that site anymore and S moved to a different city so the only way I could apologize to her is through Facebook which I also don't have right now because I deleted it a while ago. I'm really not sure how to go about this and it would be really hard to know what exactly to say because I don't want to make things worse.

white knight · ‎22-12-2022

In those circumstances then I'd let it go.

One day you might bump into each other and it will be an opportunity. It happened to me, I'm 66yo and there was a gap of 22 years between seeing him again, I apologised and now we are very good friends. He told me "when you apologised I knew it was genuine and wanted people like you in my life.

TonyWK

Earth Girl · ‎22-12-2022

I'm really not sure what to do. I want to apologize and if I don't, I'll continue thinking about this everyday and S might too. It's very unlikely that I will ever bump into her.

white knight · ‎22-12-2022

There is two choices- apologise or try to move on. If you feel its effecting you that much then be brave and apologise.

There are no other alternatives. Bravery, courage grows to those that exercise it.

TonyWK

Earth Girl · ‎22-12-2022

When I was 17-21, I had a big grudge over a girl over something little she did in Primary school and I went about it in a really awful way - I pretended to be her online and for a long time as well. At first I was pretending to be her because I was being mean, but later I was pretending to be her to try to make it more obvious that what I was saying on there wasn't really happening and that the person using the account was just being silly.

So I feel the least I could do is apologize and it's not so much that that I'm afraid of, it's more the fact that I waited so long (it's been about 10 years) and that I'm worried about making her feel worse. Plus, the only way I can apologize to her is through Facebook. I still really want to apologize though.

I was thinking of saying:

Hi ....., I should have done this a very long time ago, but I wanted to say that I'm really sorry about what I did. It was extremely messed up and selfish of me to do it. I will never pretend to be someone ever again.

I don't even know what else to say though because I made such a huge mess and I don't know how to finish it off. Does it sound okay?

white knight · ‎23-12-2022

It sounds perfect. Just be prepared to either get no reply or for it to be rejected. She can take it how she wants. Well done

TonyWK

Earth Girl · ‎24-12-2022

Thank you. She didn't reply which I had a feeling would happen, but I'm still glad that I did it. I really hope it made her feel a tiny bit better at least and not worse.