Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Guest_4482 Out of the blue
  • replies: 2

My husband and I just had a massive argument. It caught me by surprise as I thought we were rock solid. The crux of the argument was he feels like he can't make me happy. I'm always angry and sad and he says he must be the cause of my misery because ... View more

My husband and I just had a massive argument. It caught me by surprise as I thought we were rock solid. The crux of the argument was he feels like he can't make me happy. I'm always angry and sad and he says he must be the cause of my misery because he doesn't make me happy? I actually adore him. He's so unique and special and I'm so grateful for him. I tell him this. A lot. I'm not a material person, this is my second marriage and what matters most to me is love not money or possessions. He says I'm always stressed and miserable so I must think he is the cause. I don't think that. I've told him that. We both lead very busy lives and live modestly. I'm just tired, stressed about life and exhausted. He's always been the one thing I was sure of. Now I'm wondering if he doesn't want to be with me. Earlier in the argument he basically said sell the house and was ready to leave. By the end of the conversation he said he loved me. We have been together 10 years, 3 children. I'm hurt by some words he used. I felt he really meant them then backpedalled. I know I can be miserable and grouchy. I own that. This argument has really hurtful though. He has a lot going on with his family, and his job. Which would have amped his emotions but he said basically he wanted to end it all , us and his life because I make him miserable. I actually thought I was a supportive and caring wife. I genuinely didn't see this coming. I don't know what to do. I love this man. I appreciate him and I see his trauma and current issues out of his control. I want to be there for him. Why does he feel like I don't just because I'm struggling with my own issues day to day? Unrelated to him- which I've communicated to him. Help- any advice. I welcome all ideas and constructive criticism. Thankyou

Vhnice06 Recovering from narcissist abuse
  • replies: 12

Hi beautiful people I’m finally here after 4,5 years realising on how bad is becoming my mental health situation and every aspect of my life on dealing with the verbal and physical abuse from my ex partner . It’s been an on and off relationship that ... View more

Hi beautiful people I’m finally here after 4,5 years realising on how bad is becoming my mental health situation and every aspect of my life on dealing with the verbal and physical abuse from my ex partner . It’s been an on and off relationship that traps me on every situation . I’m here by myself without nobody I can talk or express my feelings , just trying to reach out for people that understand what I have been going through without judging me because of how “ weak “ I have been . I just really want to have a group support that allows me encourage myself every time I’m feeling “ like I need him back “ . Thank you so much

cheesy24 growing up with abusive father.
  • replies: 1

I was born in Africa and i didn't know my father until i was 6 years old. My upbringing back home was great, it was full of love and fun. After coming to here I quickly understood that the person my mother use to tell me about was not him. When I was... View more

I was born in Africa and i didn't know my father until i was 6 years old. My upbringing back home was great, it was full of love and fun. After coming to here I quickly understood that the person my mother use to tell me about was not him. When I was around 8 years old is when the abuse really started to take off, not on just me but it trickled down to my mother as well. He would get drunk often and see us like burdens on him and verbally and physically abuse us (me mainly). I became the outlet for his anger and frustrations in life and would get blamed for things I had no part in. Imagine your father gets into an accident at work then comes home and whips you and slaps you because he was thinking about you. every time he'd come home, i would be fearful thinking about what's going to happen today ect. The abuse started to get worse when i was obviously struggling in school because i knew no english at all when i came here and the english i knew were just swear words i found funny from movies ( i didn't know what they meant). I would get parent/teacher interviews in primary school and would get home and start getting belted with the metal end of the belt while being called all these names, being told i was stupid and that I was lazy. It went like this for a long time and when i got to high school I got absolutely no support from them, I would get sent to school with no food not lunch money while my little siblings did. In my mind it made me feel like nobody cared about me and everything that i had been told about myself was true. this really hurt me to my core and i started to believe all of these things. The abuse really had very bad effects on me because whenever there is a conflict I am involved in, I will turn into that little boy that was terrified of his father and not stand up for myself. When i was about 18 i got fed up with everything and I left the house and this is when i started experimenting with drugs and alcohol. I won't blame that on him but he had a big part to play in it. I had a conversation with him recently about all the things that he use to do to me and said I have already forgiven you so i don't really care but his response was "I am not sorry for anything I did in the past to you, look now you are big and strong". when those words left his lips it took every ounce of strength in my body to not take his head off, all those years of abuse and neglect were about to be unleashed on him but somehow I stayed cool and told him the reason I am big and strong now is so nobody can do what you did to me when i was a little boy. He followed up by saying he could still hurt me and I told him if he ever put his hands on any of my little siblings or mother like he did me, I would go to jail for 20 years and your children would be raised without a father. I probable shouldn't have said that but i was very emotional at the time and it came out. He was drinking while i had this conversation with him but i think the best thing for me to do is completely cut him off from all aspects of my life. I don't even want to look at him because it makes me sick inside.

Rosie-65 Feeling guilty
  • replies: 1

I feel bad because I love my daughter but I want her out of my house! She came to stay for approx six months but 2 years later is still here and doesn't do much to help me and I'm starting to feel dragged down emotionally and financially - any sugges... View more

I feel bad because I love my daughter but I want her out of my house! She came to stay for approx six months but 2 years later is still here and doesn't do much to help me and I'm starting to feel dragged down emotionally and financially - any suggestions?

snowflake_1903 Is this normal?
  • replies: 2

Is it just my family, that when i do something wrong, my mum is always name shaming, always going off about how incompetent i am. She gets agressive, throwing things around, slamming doors, and disregarding my personal items. And sometimes my dad, wh... View more

Is it just my family, that when i do something wrong, my mum is always name shaming, always going off about how incompetent i am. She gets agressive, throwing things around, slamming doors, and disregarding my personal items. And sometimes my dad, when he gets angry with something i've done, he doesn't hold back and yells.I work with him, and i once handed a customer too much change, and he yelled about how dumb i was and how he was going to go buy me a calculator, infront of our collegues and customers. I felt so little, unimportant and unnecessary.I can't dress a certain way. Yet my mum always says if i had your body, the things i would wear. So why aren't you letting me express myself and my 'beautiful body' the way i want to?Why do i have to hide. I feel as though i am incapable of finding myself because i don't have the freedom. Yes i am allowed to buy whatever i want, i work and earn my own money. But i still get questioned. I'm allowed to go out with friends, go to concerts, i have freedom in my social life, if that makes sense. But i don't have freedom to be myself, because then i'm being weird.I wear my airpods in the car and listen to my own music, because if i play it in the car, my mum says something about how weird it is, or how she doesn't know any and she wants me to change it. And when i put my airpods in, im being disrespectful. Sometimes it comes to the point where if i just left, and wasn't around anymore, how much calmer things would be. How much happier and relaxed the people around me would be. But then the only thing really keeping my weighed down is my cat. The one little thing that i have left. The one living thing that doesn't hurt me. I always think, if i left, what would they do to her, or what would happen to her. So i stay. For her sake.Whenever i say someting, or something happens in their day to day lives, i prepare myself mentally. Because i know whatever they're feeling, they're going to take out on me. And if they've had a bad day, and I do or say soemthing that pushed them off the edge without realising, will make me a shitting, selfish, disrespectful person. I feel like this is more of a rant, so sorry about that. I don't feel safe in a way, to talk to my friends about this. Because i'm the counsellor for them. No one is the counsellor for me. And i feel alone and can't wait till i move far away, and don't have to worry about who's going to hurt me next.

Marie2447 Single tired lonely mum
  • replies: 2

Hi I’m a 29 yr old single mum of 3 young children. I became a single mum almost 2 years ago when I left an 11 year relationship with my children’s father. His completely absent and so is his family. I have very little and almost no support with my ow... View more

Hi I’m a 29 yr old single mum of 3 young children. I became a single mum almost 2 years ago when I left an 11 year relationship with my children’s father. His completely absent and so is his family. I have very little and almost no support with my own family who can be very toxic. My friends are very supportive and have been apart of my healing journey. I’m currently going through a phase of feeling very alone and like I don’t know what I’m doing. My friends are all getting engaged and some are even rekindling things with their exes which will never be an option for me and I’m still very much traumatised from the emotional abuse he put me through. My friends never make me feel like I’m not included because they have their partners there but I can’t help but feel like I don’t belong anymore which is sad because these friends of mine have always been there. I’ve struggled and been diagnosed in the past with depression and anxiety and I feel very lost at the moment, I just wish I had some single mum friends who I can talk to about what I’m going through and who at least gets it.

LostAquarius My response to others anger
  • replies: 7

Way too much of a back story to include here but…I’m wondering if my reaction to other people’s anger is “normal”/“healthy”…. I have 2 different reactions to the 2 most important people in my life right now so it’s confusing. In my previous relations... View more

Way too much of a back story to include here but…I’m wondering if my reaction to other people’s anger is “normal”/“healthy”…. I have 2 different reactions to the 2 most important people in my life right now so it’s confusing. In my previous relationship (which ended over 3 years ago [were married 8 years]) my husband was a very “grumpy” person generally. He had many prominent narcissistic traits and he would tell at me and be angry at me when even when I was crying. He hated me crying. I would get very scared when he got angry and I would shake and be very nervous.Anyway, fast forward a few years and I have been in a new relationship for a year. I promised myself I would never let anyone’s unjust anger get to me again. So my new partner also has a tendency to get angry about little things. Very easily frustrated and will swear and carry on about things that go wrong. Anyway, with this relationship I stand my ground, if he says something unkind or unnecessary to me I say “I will not be spoken to like that”, I do not cry and I display an upbeat cheery disposition to show that no one can get me down. If I do feel the need to cry I do it in private. Refuse to let others see me cry. so that’s one reaction. My other reaction occurs when my daughter is verbally attacking me. She’s 13. I get “told off” for a lot of this I do wrong. If I don’t pack her lunch. If I do pack her lunch. If I forget to put her laptop on charge etc etc. I’ve been called stupid and a crap mum and all the horrible things and she yells at me when I try to help her do anything. Pushed me over the other day, I can’t even remember what I did wrong apparently, I think she was just in a rage…. Anyway. With her I try to keep my upbeat attitude. I don’t let her see me cry but when she goes off I hide and I just burst into tears. Her words hurt me so much more than anyone else’s. I also feel quite scared of her because she can get very violent towards me. Spits at me. Shoves me. I’m scared of making her angry so I am often “on edge” around her. I try SO hard everyday to be happy and bright and helpful and loving and do everything for everyone. I make sure they both have what they need and at any moment when I am summoned I am there ready for my orders, with a smile on my face. I genuinely love attending to my family but I do feel like I get taken advantage of sometimes. My kindness is my weakness. Would be interested to hear some other peoples opinions. Hope everyone is ok.

Beanie123 Breakup of 5 months with severe depressive
  • replies: 7

Hi all I have been struggling to deal with a breakup of 5 months with a guy who I was dating. We definitely have both been through trauma and have already started a bit of a toxic back and forth. About a month ago I offered friendship as a solution t... View more

Hi all I have been struggling to deal with a breakup of 5 months with a guy who I was dating. We definitely have both been through trauma and have already started a bit of a toxic back and forth. About a month ago I offered friendship as a solution to our trust problems. For context we live long distance but have discussed moving in with each other at some point if everything went well. He was always very clear in saying he struggled badly with relationships ending so he had to be certain this was something he wanted. I found this off the bat really hard as it kind of put the onus on me to "prove" to him that I was worth it. We seemed to get along very well as friends maybe because we both had relaxed off the idea of a relationship. The distance also helped as we weren't scared of bumping into each other but we spoke everyday morning to evening. This is when he confided he had become very depressed and felt very lonely to the point he was pushing away and loosing friends. I felt safe enough to offer to go see him one weekend and spend some platonic time and keep him company as he lives alone and I was becoming concerned he would get worse. Obviously we care about each other deeply (or so I though). Everything was fine until the morning of me going to see him- he called me on the way there and basically told me not to come because he was having an anxiety attack. I felt VERY triggered by this as it was something we were both looking forward too and felt like he may have been making an excuse to not see me. After some back and forth he began saying that he wanted a relationship where people don't fight and maybe he needed to keep looking for someone like that. I said if thats what he wanted he could go have it I wasn't going to stop him. He also said things like, he wasn't convinced a relationship was right for him, that he was happier alone, that he needed to be 100% sure etc. He also said he didn't think he was running out of time to find love and kept asking why I would even want him when I have so many other options and If i was with him out of desperation and there was no one else. For context we are both in our 40's never married and no children. I did end up going to his place once he calmed down but he had a manic episode and basically ended the relationship and I left silently and blocked him. I have no idea how to help/ deal with this and how to support someone struggling like that. I also have bad anxiety and feel guilty that i left him like that

Tiah_ I Need Help.
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I've posted on here a few times before, but I ended up stopping because I felt I was in a better headspace. Telling by the fact I'm posting once again, clearly something has changed. I'm 18, and I moved back in with my mother and her boy... View more

Hi everyone, I've posted on here a few times before, but I ended up stopping because I felt I was in a better headspace. Telling by the fact I'm posting once again, clearly something has changed. I'm 18, and I moved back in with my mother and her boyfriend around the start of last year. I had moved away from her previously because of how strained our relationship had become. When I came back, it felt like she and I had finally started to heal. We weren't arguing half as much, she was less neglectful, and overall it just seemed like things had gotten better. That was until a few months ago. Around August, my mother and her boyfriend moved into a new house, and it was from here on out that things started going downhill. It wasn't bad at first, but it's to the point where I dread even coming from work. She's constantly furious with me, even when there's nothing to be mad about. Not to mention, when I get paid, she takes almost all my money. I understand that I'm 18 and need to pay my way, but $130+ every time I get paid has been so financially draining, especially when there are countless things I need to save up for but can't because the more money I make the more she wants. She doesn't have a job either, so sometimes it feels like she uses the board as an excuse for me to give her more than she needs. I'm at the worst point I've been in a long time, and it's to the point where I'm planning on going to a local motel for a few days once I've got a bit of money saved up (nothing suspicious, I just really need some time away from her, and I have nowhere else to go.) I'm sorry for the long rant, and if you're reading this, thank you for listening. If anyone has any idea on how I can cope with this, please let me know!

Bee1998 Partner crossed my boundary in regards to P*rn
  • replies: 4

I’m not sure how to move forward / forgive my partner … On Saturday morning, my partner asked me as soon as we got out of bed if he could watch p*rn. He knows p*rn is something I don’t want in the relationship / am triggered and hurt by. We have been... View more

I’m not sure how to move forward / forgive my partner … On Saturday morning, my partner asked me as soon as we got out of bed if he could watch p*rn. He knows p*rn is something I don’t want in the relationship / am triggered and hurt by. We have been to therapy together to discuss it too, and our therapist stated that it’s fine to watch it, as long as we have spoken about it and are both okay with it. I’m not okay with it anymore, due to past trauma and sexual abuse. At the start of our relationship, it didn’t bother me, but after being betrayed countless times by my partner, I’m now not okay with it. It hurts me too much. Despite knowing all of this, and me expressing how I felt about it on the weekend, my partner went ahead and pleased himself several times to p*rn. Mind you, he was telling me the night before that we were going to be intimate, but he never followed through. We haven’t had s*x for a few days either, so him choosing p*rn over real intimacy with me really opened the wound more. It even went as far as him sleeping in the spare room and spending the whole weekend behind closed doors. No communication, nothing. This left me in tears the whole weekend. Especially when I had to sleep alone at night, knowing he was deceiving me / going against what I said. Come Sunday night, he finally started to ‘try’ and hug me etc, but by that point I was so numb that I didn’t want to show any affection, or even talk to him or be near him. I feel so betrayed. I feel like my concerns and emotions were rejected and walked all over. Also, what kind of partner actively chooses to pleasure themselves to p*rn when they have a partner at home expressing they want to be intimate ?! I never once turned it down or said I didn’t want to. He has literally chosen other females over me, and it is killing me.