MOTHER ISSUES

[TwinmumEST2024]

1. So ive been emtionally struggling for a month and a half. I had a argument with my 61 year old mother. One of my twins started to walk with her push walker and I was so proud I shared a short video on my Facebook of the back of her head. (I've expressed strongly in the past that I didnt wish to have any photos of videos of my children on social media at all). However I really wanted to share the moment but also was mindful of maintaining my daughters privacy by not showing her face. The next morning I receive a blunt message from my mum "you put the girls on facebook". No good morning, no question mark or anything further. I took that as a dig of my decision as a parent. So I responded saying to her that "I never put their faces on anything. It's only the backs of their heads. Same video that was send to barb. I so not put anything that shows their faces. I also don't need to explain this to you because it was my choice and their mum." She responded hostile and said i was being nasty. And began to swear at me. And said she was only asking. I couldn't understand why she would need to ask me this when she was one of the first people to view it on facebook. I then explained that I dont need to justify anything to her then ended the conversation. She then randomly turned up at my home unannounced, my husband opened the door to her first thing she said "have I don't something wrong. I've blocked your number and you on facebook. She started to argue with me that she was only asking, and I said I didnt need to explain and her message did not look like she was asking, it was a challenge towards my decision. She began to talk over me. My husband told her our children are sleeping. She disregarded this and kept going. I asked her to leave because I didnt wish to argue with her over my decision as a parent. She kept refusing to leave. And tried to talk my husband against me who was sitting on the couch. That is when I had enough of her behaviour and disregard to my family and my home. That she thought she was above me in my home. I started to get angry and my hand was shaking. I told her to get the f$#k out of my house at the top of my lungs and mu husband said you need to leave. On the way out of the house she remarked "you need mental help".  My mother has no respect towards my boundaries as a parent of my family. We have not heard from her for a month and a half. I've not contacted her because she stated that day she blocked me. Am I the bad person here? Her house make sent a message to my husband saying that I am the one who "fu#& up" not her. I can't but help feeling guilty about all this. But this has been ongoing behaviour of my mum for my whole life. And this is not how I plan to treat my daughters. 

[TrueSeeker]

Hello

I'm so sorry that you're going through all that. It's not right to be treated like that and something needs to be done. It can help to set clear boundaries with your mum. I would only focus on the big picture as discussing details can derail the communication a lot. I think that your mum needs to understand that you're very capable of taking care of your own children and if she wants to around, she needs to respect that. It can help to say that you care about your mum too as all this can come from your mum's insecurities.

It is very hard to handle situations like this, please keep reminding yourself that it's not you as you're doing your best. Sometimes, people can get stuck in emotionality and negativity and the only way for the them to feel better is to put others down. It's not right and they need help to learn how to deal with things in a healthy way.

Please take care as you deserve better than that and feel free to post whenever you feel like it as there's number of us here that come from similar environment