Dear New Member~
I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum, it is a place where others have come who have been in similar circumstances.
It really is a heart-breaking situation for you that your partner does not seek out your company, or try to drink and smoke less to please you. I guess it makes you feel of litle value. Unfortunately as it goes on it is only human (though completely wrong) to think you as of less worth. It is in fact your partner that is the problem.
The only way a person gives up use of alcohol and tobacco is if they realy want to do it, then they can take advantage of clinical and support groups. Without that desire it normally does not work.
Can I suggest as a first step you seek out couples counceling, sometimes a third party can make peple see things in a different light and help them recognize what they have been doing. I'd recommend Relationships Australia (1300 364 277), and if they're not in your area they may be able to suggest a suitable place near you.
It may well have crossed your mind to simply leave. You may think even his promises are only made to keep the peace. I can't say if that is a good idea or not, it depends on too many factors I've no knowledge of. Children, court case, finances, if you have somewhere to go, and most importantly if you have someone who will support you. They do not have to 'fix' everything, just listen and show they care.
Do you have anyone like that?
Perhaps counseling may unearth mutual interests that may make him join you inside.
You know you are welcome here any time
Croix
