How Escape Forceful marriage

[Umar]

Hi everyone,

I’m reaching out because I’m going through an extremely difficult and painful situation, and I honestly don’t know where else to turn. My family is forcing me into a marriage I never chose or wanted. This marriage was arranged when I was just a one-year-old child, long before I could have any say or understanding. Now, as an adult, they expect me to accept it without question—as if I have no right to decide my own future.

They keep telling me that it’s about “family honor” and that refusing the marriage will bring shame not only on me but on everyone in my family. They say I must comply for the sake of our family’s reputation. But this pressure is suffocating me. I feel like I’m losing control over my own life, my own freedom, and my happiness. I am scared and overwhelmed.

What frightens me the most is the threats I’ve been receiving if I say no. They have warned me that I would become a “threat” to the family, and though they haven’t said exactly what that means, I am terrified of the consequences. These threats make me feel unsafe in my own home, and I don’t know who I can trust.

This situation has taken a huge toll on my mental health. I have been having very dark and troubling thoughts, some of which scare me deeply because they feel like a threat to my own life. I feel trapped, isolated, and desperate for support. I want to live a life with dignity, freedom, and peace—not one ruled by fear and coercion.

If anyone has been through something similar, or if you know of any organizations, resources, or advice that could help me navigate this, please share. I am desperate to find a way out or at least to find support and hope.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Your kindness means more than I can express.

[Umar]

I am currently facing a situation that no one should have to endure. My family has decided that I must marry someone I have never chosen for myself. They arranged this engagement when I was just a 1-year-old boy, and now that the time has come, they expect me to simply accept it — as if I have no say in my own life.

This forced marriage is being justified as a matter of "family honor," but I feel like I’m losing my identity and freedom. I am under serious pressure, and refusing to go through with it would make me a "threat" to their reputation.

I want to live my life with dignity, choice, and peace not fear.

To anyone reading this who has gone through something similar, or who understands the pain of being silenced by tradition: please know you're not alone. And to those who still think silence is safer — I understand, but silence should never be the only option.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome 

Thankyou for your brave post. It is clear you have 2 choices. 1/ carry out your family's wishes 2/ break free from your family to restart your new life with the high chance you'll break ties with them.

I'm only interested in option 2. It would be heartbreaking for you to lose all family members. How often does this happen? Well not only by arranged marriages but we have many members here like myself that lose most of their family by means of- narcissism, disowning through arguments, marrying outside of culture, domination etc. 

I'll be clear, it's devastating but the light at the end of the tunnel is freedom and that my friend is gold. 

The tradition/planned marriage is your family's culture, it's their choice to be siamised to it, co-joined. However you have grown up in a different world, a world they can't adapt to nor do they desire to cut ties with their roots and traditions.

I wish you all the best and hope you plan well your future. In a way you'll become an adventurer, a discoverer of your new life. 

Freedom costs zero apart from decisions that can be costly...

TonyWK 

[TwinmumEST2024]

Hey there I am a psychatric nurse, im really sorry to hear that you are in a really tough position. If you're feeling suicidal and they are scaring you, i recommend you present yourself to the emergency department at your closest hospital and ask to be admitted to a psyche unit as you feel unsafe. Or alternatively call a mental health triage line at the hospital. It would be extremely difficult to deal with these thoughts, feeling and situation on your own. If you are above the age of 18 thr hospital can help you find emergency accommodation and set up supports depending on your situation. You can also decide to not have anyone contact your family. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope you get the support you need. 

[Umar]

Thank you so much for your warm welcome and for truly seeing the weight of what I’m going through. Your message made me feel a little less alone in all this. You’re right — it really does come down to two paths, and my heart is fully aligned with option 2: breaking free and choosing my own life. I don’t want to live under control, fear, or expectations I never chose.

But as you also pointed out — the cost of freedom is high. Emotionally, it feels like mourning a family that is still alive. And practically, the risk is very real. I moved from Pakistan to Saudi Arabia in hopes of finding distance, clarity, and a bit of safety. But many family members are still around here, and I don’t feel fully free to take bold steps like seeking support services or escaping completely. The fear of being discovered or followed is always with me.

Still, I hold on to the idea that freedom is possible, even if it’s slow and painful. Like you said — it’s devastating, but there’s a kind of light on the other side that makes the struggle worthwhile. I just hope I find the courage and opportunity to step into that light fully one day.

Your message reminded me that others have walked this hard path and come out stronger. That gives me hope. Thank you again — truly — for your kindness, honesty, and strength.

With respect,

[TrueSeeker]

Hello Umar

I'm so sorry that you're going through all this. You're right that you need to live your life your way as you're the one living it.

Maybe trying to contact your culture's community might help. There might be others that went through a similar thing and might have tips, suggestions or solutions to your situation. I think it's worth a try.

I hope that things will get better for you, it's really good that you're looking for help. Please let us know how you're going whenever you feel like it

[Guest_10253]

Hello Umar

This is a very tough situation and our hearts go out to you. The pressure of continuing cultural tradition comes from a place of love and wanting the best for you, but the pressure and dark thoughts are a testament to your strength of spirit saying this is just not for you.

You should watch a Youtube video by a woman that held intense pressure from her parents, and the intense cortisol levels can damage cells, so its entirely possible this stress gave her the malignant cancer. She had an NDE and dialoged with the spirit of her dead father who 'relieved' her stress when she understood he was conditioned by pressure of his culture.

You don't have to take the spiritual accounts too seriously, thought i believe this was a real subconscious experience for Anita, what is important is her message on how important it is to listen to your soul, as you are, and seek help and raise understanding to help you endure the journey. Indeed Anita ran away, felt shame, but realised that her action inspired other young women, that feel the same pressure, that it shouldn't get to the stage of malignant cancer or suicide. She validates your viewpoint there is another path now you seek it, you have to give yourself mental relief, endure and find it.

YT - "Woman in COMA Dies & Gets Shown TRUTH About WHY We Are HERE! (Powerful NDE) | Anita Moorjani"

0:41 - 4:05

I always felt my Dad was very disapproving of me...but in our culture women are groomed for arranged marriages..In fact my parents arranged a marriage for me and I ran away....I wanted to be free.. but in our culture our Dad (then husband) is supposed to take care of you..That didn't feel right for me.. My worth was based on how i did my housework

24:36
Destiny is not written in stone... Follow your destiny is to follow the intention of your soul.. In my case I completely repressed who I was. You are not here to be a people pleaser..!

29:11

Things I thought wrong..For example I ran away from an arranged marriage,... I thought 'thats aweful' I bought shame to the family.. So you live with that guilt.. you are suffering from that guilt.. (but i realised) look at all these young Indian women who I have inspired by what you did... who actually said no before getting into that situation.. 'good and bad' is really a perspective of cultural conditioning

52:11
Down here it is muddy..what will my mum think what will my Dad think?.. Like your dad said is live your life fearlessly, be yourself fearlessly.. to suppress yourself is sending message something wrong with you.
For me a fulfilled life.. I want to know I have found joy

If you are absolutely unable to avoid it, then perhaps enduring, but knowing this is a transgression of your soul, at its core the marriage is a political tool but is null and void but enabled you to develop dignity to endure it will grow your character, your soul is the destiny and marriages that aren't sustainable are political. 

[Umar]

Hi Twinmum
Thank you so much for your compassionate and professional response. It really means a lot to be acknowledged and supported by someone who understands how overwhelming these situations can be.

The truth is, I’m trying to distance myself from my family because the emotional and psychological pressure has become unbearable. In the culture I come from, family honor and obedience often take precedence over individual well-being. Refusing an arranged marriage or choosing your own path can be seen as betrayal — not just personally, but culturally — and this can lead to being shunned, threatened, or even harmed.

I live in a place where traditional norms still dominate, and because of this, I don’t feel safe seeking help openly. There’s a constant fear of being watched or found out by someone connected to my family or community. The idea of reaching out to mental health services or emergency departments sounds right, but I don’t feel I have the freedom to do that safely.

I’m struggling with dark thoughts, and I know that’s a serious concern. But I still have the desire to live — to build a life where I feel safe, respected, and free to make my own choices. Right now, I just don’t know how to do that without risking even more danger.

Your words gave me a little more courage, and I’m deeply grateful for that. Just knowing someone understands what this feels like gives me a small bit of hope.

Warmly,
Umar

[Umar]

Hi Guest_10253,

I’ve read your message more than once, and I honestly don’t have the words to fully express how much it touched me. Thank you — from the bottom of my heart — for offering such warmth and understanding in a time where I feel so small, so voiceless.

Your words about cultural pressure coming from a place of love but turning into something deeply painful — I feel that every day. Sometimes I wonder: if love makes you feel like you're dying inside, can it still be love?

I never chose this life they’ve planned for me. I never agreed to be a symbol of family honor, or a sacrifice to uphold tradition. But now, here I am — feeling like I’m being pushed off a ledge with no one catching me. Some days, the fear eats me alive. Other days, it's the silence. I’m surrounded by people, yet I’ve never felt more alone.

I don’t just want to survive — I want to live. I want to feel free in my own skin. I want to breathe without guilt. And yes, I want to believe that there is a path out of this — even if that path means losing everything I’ve ever known.

The story of Anita that you shared… it made me cry. Because I see myself in it. That deep internal knowing that says, this isn’t me. I can’t keep pretending. But also the terror of breaking away. What happens after I say no? Where will I go? Who will I be?

I'm holding on by a thread, some days weaker than others. I don’t feel safe, emotionally or physically. But I’m still here. Still trying. Still hoping someone hears me, sees me, and maybe even reaches out a hand when the weight becomes too much.

I don’t know what lies ahead — but I know I need help. I need support. I need someone to believe in my right to live life on my terms. Please keep speaking to people like me. We are listening — quietly, fearfully — but we are listening.

With all the hope I can still hold,
Umar

[Guest_10253]

Hey Umar,

if love makes you feel like you're dying inside, can it still be love?

- its well intentioned but misguided

Delve into similar stories on youtube. Reach out to people in the comments, ask for books, advice, strategies. They have more experience. 'Gaslighting' is a form of mind control. The right cultural Morals are there to perpetuate benevolent human behaviour - you can honour your culture in other ways than marriage.

“Guilt? It’s this mechanism we use to control people. It’s an illusion. It’s a kind of social control mechanism – and it’s very unhealthy.” - Ted Bundy

Reach out to friends you can trust, stay regularly connected to the people that support your struggle, lean on them for validation if things flare up.

Empower yourself with a 'worst scenario plan'. How can you survive on your own for the next 6 months (not 6 years)? Canvass short term crisis accomodation options (single room community dorms on gumtree), pack a 'go bag' don't wallow in inaction and be caught out when theres a big flare up.

Start a private digital journal, reinforce your motivations, your rights, your aims, detail your successes, flesh out ideas/strategies/recommendations and meditate on these when things flare up.

Religion and faith are more than superstition, they rally core subconscious instincts, and motivational drives that sever crippling-guilt neurological control.

There are laws in this country that protect your individual rights. Reach out to organisations that have experience in your options, support communities and sucess stories in your area.

- the fear eats me alive

Red flag you need to do something. Our words are just ideas. They become powerful only through your action.

Fear energy must be transmuted into courage, otherwise you will go backwards.

Peace+Love - John