Relationship and family issues

Does this mean all was well (back then)?

replies: 5

Back when I was in college, which is a long time ago, I was using a forum and one day I met a girl on there who seemed really nice. I read her bio on her profile and thought she seemed really cool as well so I added her as a contact and one day, she ... View more

Back when I was in college, which is a long time ago, I was using a forum and one day I met a girl on there who seemed really nice. I read her bio on her profile and thought she seemed really cool as well so I added her as a contact and one day, she said that I'm "like the best friend that she has never had" and she also asked me to please email her and soon we became really good friends on there and we would email each other often and they were long emails too. She was really fun and interesting to talk to and also very talented (she wrote really good songs) and in a way I think I may have had a bit of a girl crush on her which is awkward (especially since I once saw in one of her old posts she made before we knew each other that she thinks that sort of thing is wrong and that even thinking it's okay is wrong). I was having a really rough year and had unmedicated psychosis for a while without knowing it (I sometimes heard voices and was stressed but that's all I knew and I didn't think too much into it). On her birthday I thought I would send her an email about how cool I thought she was and the email I made was really weird so luckily it didn't go through. I asked about the email on the thread and people were telling me not to post it (which I didn't end up doing) and luckily too since in the email I was saying things like "I want to be like you so much" and it was kind of scary. I later typed "h" into the email thing to her to see if it would go through and it actually did this time and she emailed me back "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" with a day dreaming emoji next to it and I looked it up several years ago and it says that if your friend says that to you, that it means they are really excited to talk to you so I'm assuming that everything was okay still even though she probably saw my email message thing (I didn't send it directly to her but she probably would have seen it in the thread before I deleted the thread)? Hopefully she didn't think I was a psycho? Also, the day dreaming emoji sounds positive as well? Like something you would send to someone you saw as a really good friend?

Sibling family estrangement.

replies: 9

I became a victim of a most serious crime. It was a life changing event. No fault of my own. Not my husband. It happened in my private life. I was the 3rd victim. As a result I became ill with major reactive depression cptsd. Anxiety. My husband told... View more

I became a victim of a most serious crime. It was a life changing event. No fault of my own. Not my husband. It happened in my private life. I was the 3rd victim. As a result I became ill with major reactive depression cptsd. Anxiety. My husband told police "he was not returning to see what was left of his wife". He also told police "shoot her she won't be able to live with what happened". He was defence service. I have 3 older brothers, all professional people.1 said "fluff off I'm busy." Another said " I'm sorry what happened to you but you are no longer family dont come to my home near my family I'll call the police." My eldest said "im not comming back you choose to live like this and look what you are doing to mum and dad". Well that was 35yrs ago. Mum and dad were aged and wonderful as my uncles. And aunt. Sadly now all deceased. I returned to my career. After loosing everything and was transferred to public housing. It is family shame but mum and dad said anything can be a home. They helped with cleaning gardening and maintenance. I am so grateful to have a home. 2 of my brothers wives are deceased and they didn't tell me. I sent flowers to funerals. Christmas cards over the years. No response. I have retired due to physical health, rare untreatable cancer. I am alone and hide from society where I can. I am getting my personal affairs in order and my brothers adult children are looked after from my estate.I will have no funeral. I have 2 good cousins and a best friend.My home is small lovely and peaceful. I still hurt when the dark days are looming. I feel I am nothing. Then dark thoughts. It is my responsibility not to act on them. There is no help out there. Beyond blue has a good ice app and articles.My own family . I am so below them because I live in housing.I have a mental illness. I do on occasion interect with 1 brother, he can be rude and his 3rd wife is nasty. He allows this and is very cruel, thinking he is funny. He never asks how I am.We only make contact family business. We all grew up together Weddings 21st births family Christmas. Family holidays.Has anyone else been treated like this? Over 35 years. Honesy if it wasn't for my 2 sheepdogs I won't be here. But it is a beautiful world.I am now 62. No support but a oncologist and good GP. When I was in danger the police were inappropriate and medical staff were non sympathetic. I remember their comments and treatment.Thankyou for listening. Please know " I tried to make it right". I feel an outcast and unworthy. It is my secret. Especially from work.I am a retired general nurse of 43yrs. Nurses are never to break.But we do. I can only talk of this because I am retired.Blessings to each and every one of you. Again thankyou for listening. J.

Moving in with boyfriend

replies: 1

My boyfriend has been overseas for the last four months and we’ve been able to continue developing our relationship. We will have been dating for a year in September, and circumstances mean that logistically it would be a good time to move in togethe... View more

My boyfriend has been overseas for the last four months and we’ve been able to continue developing our relationship. We will have been dating for a year in September, and circumstances mean that logistically it would be a good time to move in together when he gets back in a few weeks. I’ve never lived with a partner before but we feel solid, however I’m worried about messing anything up. Any advice on how to know when it’s good to move in together?

Cheating is a dealbreaker??

replies: 3

Hi, I have been married for 25 years and i thought our life together was pretty perfect. We spend lots of time together going for walks, going out for dinners and shows and going on mini-holidays often. 8 months ago i discovered he had starting engag... View more

Hi, I have been married for 25 years and i thought our life together was pretty perfect. We spend lots of time together going for walks, going out for dinners and shows and going on mini-holidays often. 8 months ago i discovered he had starting engaging in online sex chats. He assured me it was just chats, photos and one potential meetup that he thought better of and cancelled.I was absolutely devastated and in shock. However he has now admitted that he had sex with 2 of those women, (i suspect there were probably more that he hasn't admitted to). This was even more unbelievable to me. I begged for honesty back then and he continued to lie to me, although i understand he didnt want to own up to more as it would surely break us up. As bad as i feel I could almost move past this as it was months ago and could think of it as a once off mistake. However i also just found out he resubscribed to the sex site again a few weeks ago and was heading in the same direction again, spending money for photos, gifts and looking at bars for meet ups. I also found out that he has met up with a couple of women from the gym for coffees, platonic at this point, but of course they are single women and im sure they would think he wants more and he obviously knows its wrong as this was also kept a secret from me.Now that this has been exposed he knows i really might leave him now and he is desperate to do anything to stop that happening. We have just started couples counselling to try to get an understanding as to why it happened and to help me decide whether to stay or break up.He would be distraught if our young adult children ever found out.I always thought that cheating would be a deal breaker for me and it would be an easy decision, however in reality its not that easy.The problem is that i really love him and i loved our life together and just want things to go back to the way they were, but dont think we can ever be the same again and struggle to see at the moment how we could even be somewhat happy again.I hate the thought of ending everything after 25 years, selling the house, upsetting the family, being on my own etc...Its all so sad and daunting. The easiest option is to carry on, but obviously with new conditions.Is there anyone out there with a similar experience who has stayed and made it work?Thanks for reading my story.

Feel like giving up on my son

replies: 4

My son is 15. He and I don't get along. It's gone from good to terrible over the years. Right now, I find myself despising his behaviour, which I find selfish; inconsiderate. At school, he is skipping classes, being late and regularly in detention. T... View more

My son is 15. He and I don't get along. It's gone from good to terrible over the years. Right now, I find myself despising his behaviour, which I find selfish; inconsiderate. At school, he is skipping classes, being late and regularly in detention. There is a lot of yelling most days between my son and his mother/my wife.My wife and I argue regularly about how to address his behaviour. It's tearing us apart. I called in sick from work today, for the first time ever in my life due to the anxiety I am feeling.I feel like I've failed as a parent.I don't have anyone to speak with.I feel so low that I an no longer communicative at home.I wish somehow that I could be a source of encouragement; comfort for him... but he is angry with me, and he doesn't want to do anything with me.For now, he still comes home; but I feel that will change for the worse in the coming weeks. It's like seeing a train wreck unfold and being powerless to stop it. I don't know what to do.

Am I a bad friend??

replies: 1

I'm just needing a bit of advice as to what to do with this. I have been very close friends with this person for around 3 years now. A few weeks ago, it was their birthday, and a few days later was their party. I woke up the morning of their party wi... View more

I'm just needing a bit of advice as to what to do with this. I have been very close friends with this person for around 3 years now. A few weeks ago, it was their birthday, and a few days later was their party. I woke up the morning of their party with a migraine aura (my warning sign that I'm about to get one), body aches and a sore throat. I took some medicine and had plenty of water and rest, but about an hour later it was getting worse. I was so upset, I was crying and telling my mum that I still want to go, and she told me that realistically, I wouldn't last very long. I took a covid test, negative, but I genuinely was not well. I was too sick and upset to message them, so I got my mum to calls theirs. Then I don't hear anything from them for two weeks. At the moment I'm really struggling with my mental health, my dog just passed away, and I'm also very socially isolated due to me being homeschooled. They know all of this, they also know that they are my only friend. I messaged them a few times over the two weeks, no reply. Then yesterday I asked if they were upset with me, and it turns out that they felt very disrespected because I didn't contact them directly on the day of their party. They seem really pissed off, and I felt really bad initially, but I literally couldn't open my eyes unless I was in a pitch black room because of the migraine, they knew this. Then they ignored me whilst I was talking about how lonely I am, and how much I need to spend some time with them. Am I in the wrong? I am genuinely really annoyed with them and I'm wondering if this friendship is worth continuing. This has absolutely destroyed me and I've been crying pretty much constantly since they told me.

Making things more positive for my wife

replies: 1

I'm currently in hospital being treated for depression, but I'm hoping to come home on Friday. My wife is having a really hard time supporting me through my mental illness, which has put a cloud over our relationship for 9 years. I want to try and ma... View more

I'm currently in hospital being treated for depression, but I'm hoping to come home on Friday. My wife is having a really hard time supporting me through my mental illness, which has put a cloud over our relationship for 9 years. I want to try and make things different at home when I come back, like only talking about my mental health problems once a week at a set day/time, and the rest of the time try and make things more light and fun for her. Does anyone have any advice or strategies they have used to make things more positive for their loved ones, while also not being unrealistic about the impacts of depression?

unbalanced partnership

replies: 4

I have been with my partner almost 25 years. We are not married and have 2 children. We live in a house owned by his parents, and our rent is very reasonable. My partner has been running his own business from downstairs for 7 years, but has never ear... View more

I have been with my partner almost 25 years. We are not married and have 2 children. We live in a house owned by his parents, and our rent is very reasonable. My partner has been running his own business from downstairs for 7 years, but has never earned enough to pay tax. I have casual work, but have primarily been a stay at home Mum whilst our children were young. My partner slipped a disc in his back 4 years ago and was totally incapacitated for 6 months, leaving me to do everything, and I mean everything. Being a sole trader he did not receive any financial suport whilst his back was buggered, he couldn’t even drag himself to the toilet, I was emptying containers of pee for months. Anyway, fast forward to now, his back is better, but his business has not picked up and he has done nothing to try and get more clients. He barely earns $250 a week most weeks. We are surviving on tiny government handouts and I am at my wits end. I am looking for a second job. My frustrations are these: Despite being well enough now to work, he does nothing to try and help himself. Running a business is hard, but he is not putting in the effort. He does zero advertising, does not hustle to find more clients at all. He has no website, nor is he saving to try and build one. I do all his invoicing and responding to emails that will sit there if I do not. He doesn’t seem to have any motivation at all. When he hurt his back his parents gave him a repreive from paying rent, but I have still been paying my share… but there is no end in sight. They have not given him a deadline as to when they want the money back, and I feel that it’s unfair that I am struggling to pay, when he is not. 4 years it has been this way. Aside from the injury he’s had other ongoing back issues most of his life and we have never shared a bed as he can’t sleep in one because it hurts his back. So every night I go to bed alone. I’m sure you can see what this has done to our sex life – it is non-existent. I am lonely and tired of this situation. Despite having no money, nor paying any rent he smokes cigarettes and weed and manages to find money for those. I do not feel I can rely on him financially at all. I pay for all the children’s expenses, laptops, school needs etc… If an unexpected bill pops up, I have to deal with it alone, or his Mother swoops in to give him money. I feel he is taking advantage of his parents and me. I have tried discussing the sleeping arrangements and even bought a new, harder mattress for us but he still does not use it or come to bed. He sleeps in an office chair all night falling asleep after playing video games, or sleeps on a roll mat on the floor of his studio downstairs. I sleep in our bedroom upstairs. His sleeping patterns are all over the shop, often he stays up until 4am and then sleeps until midday or until he has a client. He often falls asleep in front of the TV. It feels like he is disinterested in me and our family. We have no plans for our future, neither holidays, buying a house together nor general future discussion. I feel more like flatmates with children rather than a couple with mutual desires. Is it time to walk away or can this be fixed? Thank-you

Relationship with Mother (Autism vs Neurotypical) causing sadness

replies: 1

Hi all, I have a bit of an odd situation - l am a 21 y.o and have a pretty bad deep relationship with my mum. As of late, my relationship with my mum has really taken a turn for the worse. She is always taking what l say to heart (e.g she was discuss... View more

Hi all, I have a bit of an odd situation - l am a 21 y.o and have a pretty bad deep relationship with my mum. As of late, my relationship with my mum has really taken a turn for the worse. She is always taking what l say to heart (e.g she was discussing how work was bothering her and l made a joke about it which was meant to be funny, but she took it as me mocking her situation). I also decided not to go to her place due to some emotional issues and she took this as me punishing her for something that had happened. I even sent her flowers as a gesture, and she didn't care to appreciate them or my intent. Whenever l come to her place, l feel like l am walking on eggshells and that if l say the wrong thing, she will take offence. She is also HUGE on me not being able to show empathy (l can show it for some situations l have been in, but not so much for her, l don't know why) and berates me for this and chalks it up to me "not caring" about her/it being a lack of care factor. This is absolutely not the case, l just cannot empathise with certain situations. With my dad, l feel as if l am able to be more free and do/so whatever l like (use sarcasm, be funny, tell jokes that he gets and understands and talk more about my struggles in the neurotypical world than with my mum) and she takes this as me favouring him. She also tries to say that she is autistic since she relates to one or two problems that l mention l face, which is just incredibly annoying to belittle my experience. This relationship with her has been mostly me bending to her will over the past few years (essentially since l was 7) and has left me feeling quite drained and not happy. We have our happy moments here and there, and l know she does love and care for me, but l don't know if l can continue dealing with her constantly bringing up issues about me (since l am who l am and l don't feel like l need to change anything just to suit one person). When l was a lot younger and after my parents divorce, she would always go out and get drunk and l would have to try to take care of her. She is also dating someone who is NOT good for her own mental health (issues l will not go in to) and displays deep levels of narcissism. Although over the years she has improved, l still feel as if l cannot be my true self around her since she does not appreciate it and thinks my true self is rude or has behavioural issues. Not exactly sure what l'm asking for here, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Dealing with the aftermath of husbands cheating

replies: 14

Hi everyone, Feeling like I have been on a rollercoaster for the last 10 days and trying to make sense of everything, including my emotions. Started Monday a week ago when, remembering hubby had told me the day before he had a Christmas email from fr... View more

Hi everyone, Feeling like I have been on a rollercoaster for the last 10 days and trying to make sense of everything, including my emotions. Started Monday a week ago when, remembering hubby had told me the day before he had a Christmas email from friends of ours, I picked up his iPad to see what they had to say. All the usual Christmas catchup, what children were doing etc. then I saw the email next to it. With the first line of conversation showing. “I love you”. I asked for an explanation obviously and all that happened was he grabbed the iPad off me and muttered it was nothing, just someone he was talking to online that he had met on Instagram. I looked her up - she is a 29 year old blonde who is everything I’m not. And he is more than twice that age and I am 50...was 50...51 today! He refused to tell me anymore so I packed a bag and went to Mum’s. The following day I came home, he still wouldn’t talk, so I threw him out instead. Each subsequent day we tried to talk and the story expanded from ‘absolutely nothing that wasn’t general chit chat’, to ‘have developed feelings for her’. I logged into his account and started trawling (he uses one of two passwords for everything which isn’t bright if you are cheating). By the end of the week I had found 7 girls, and he admitted to online sex chats, exchange of naked photos etc. but what really hurt was that every time he told me something, he swore I now knew everything (I kept insisting I needed honest disclosure). So, bottom line from him is that because they never touched in person it wasn’t so bad and that he has been honest because he didn’t lie in his responses, just didn’t tell me anything I didn’t directly ask - that withholding information is not lying. I didn’t eat for 5 days and vomited even water back up. Now I just feel numb with intermittent bouts of extreme emotion where all I can do is sit and let the pain wash over me. The timing wasn’t great. In those 10 days have been an anniversary (26 years), New Years, and my birthday. Which isn’t helping at all. I had no idea this was happening, I have never even checked his Facebook posts before, never bothered to see who he followed on Instagram, never looked at his email (prob why he wasn’t worried about the password thing). I went crazy after this, logging into everything, trying to find out what I could. Eventually I realised that this was both unhealthy and that he had started to cover his trail by deleting everything... Sorry, for dumping!

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Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

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