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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Lw32 Grieving. Struggling to understand m
  • replies: 3

Around 4 months ago my husband admitted to having feelings for another woman and had decided to leave me to pursue a relationship with her.This woman was someone he used to work with starting back in 2016. I became uncomfortable with how friendly the... View more

Around 4 months ago my husband admitted to having feelings for another woman and had decided to leave me to pursue a relationship with her.This woman was someone he used to work with starting back in 2016. I became uncomfortable with how friendly they started being with eachother and had expressed my feelings with him, asking him to lessen his contact with her.My husband, fiance at the time, fought with me constantly over it, gaslit me and told me that they barely spoke and that I had nothing to worry about. In 2018, she moved to the central coast & my husband encouraged me to become friends with her which I did but was short lived as she suddenly cut contact with me & my husband. This confused me but I was not concerned.Jump 4 months ago, I come to find out back when they were working together I was right in being concerned. He admitted that they did speak alot. That they became incredibly close, that rather than respecting me as his partner he went to her and told her how i was feeling and that when she moved away she sent him an email admitting to having feelings for him, which he responded to by admitting to also having feelings but they both agreed not to act on it because of him being in a relationship & having a family with me.He's also admitted that they've continued to stay in contact for years on and off with him deleting the messages every time to ensure I wouldn't find out.After reconnecting at the beginning of this year they've spoken secretly for months and have now expressed that their feelings for eachother are still there and that they have a desire to be with eachother.I am beyond devastated.We have been together for 14 years. Have 3 beautiful children. I am so loving and loyal to him. I would never have done this to him. Its been four months of me knowing about them & I am still not coping well. I dont want to lose him from my life & up until last week he was still living with us.I'm so confused & depressed. And am filled with so much grief over losing him. I'm struggling to understand how he could lie to me all these years and throw away our life together. How he could prioritize this other woman over me like he has. Making her feel special by picking her over me. By hurting me to be with her. I feel so betrayed & am left in disbelief at how he could fall in love with her.How I could go from being his wife to him treating me like I don't matter. Like I've been discarded & replaced. How he could betray me but act like I did something wrong.He's promised to always love me but I feel like he doesn't understand the pain & the betrayal im feeling or even grasp the gravity of the hurt he's causing me. He's hurt me so much over these past few months constantly backflipping on things he's promised & saying mean things to hurt me. Saying things like, I'm not his wife or our marriage doesn't matter, making me beg for him not to devalue me like that.There's still so much love & attraction between us though as this whole time he had continued to sleep with me behind her back, reassuring me that he does still love me & that he's not just using me & that it does mean something when we're intimate. He said that it's been hard because he has deep feelings for both of us. That he'd probably come back to me if it doesnt work out with them but said not to make it easy for him if he does. He even told me one night after we had sex that i'm the hottest chick he's ever been with. Probably ever will be with. And that sex with me is the best. And my response was "But you're married to me. You can have me." But he just said "But you know what the situation is & i want to be with her." I truely don't understand. He's my husband. He should be with me. There shouldn't be anyone else. She should never been in the background waiting.I dont have many people to talk to & havn't had many family or friends reach out to see if I'm ok.I feel so hopeless & lonely.

Aria87 My husband..... and his comments.
  • replies: 5

So, my husband does anything for me. He does more for me than most (and im not bragging).. alot around the house, helps out more than our share together, he is also OCD neat freak, which for me, i am not. im not messy but im not a neat freak. I find ... View more

So, my husband does anything for me. He does more for me than most (and im not bragging).. alot around the house, helps out more than our share together, he is also OCD neat freak, which for me, i am not. im not messy but im not a neat freak. I find when my husband is stressed, and i slip up on one issue, he flips his mind.. but today, i feel i dont deserve the comments he laid out on me via text.We have spoken MANY times how i tell him not to text me etc. MANY times how rude he comes across, and yes he admits how he is sorry but he was just mad. But, even if im the messiest in the world, i feel i dont deserve these comments.Today, i found him furious, as i forgot to do 2 tasks, over the weekend. Mind you i had a horrible weekend with computer systems failing and finding myself working over the weekend also.His reply to me today was: this week, i want your cupboards cleaned out and tidied. you have all weekend to do that.. i have had enough.. you make me look bad always, ive never been this frustrated before in my fucking life. use your brain.Wow.Stress or not, watch your mouth.Mind you, he has had a VERY stressful upbringing with his family, yet hes so stressed i left something around the house undone.Yes being OCD may be tiring for that person, but living with someone who has OCD is more tiring lol

MSAN Struggling being a mum
  • replies: 6

Hi, just throwing this in the universe, hoping someone will relate. I became a mum about a year ago with twins. My life is full of ups and downs. The first few months were so hectic. I was so down even with all the family around. Felt like a ghost, a... View more

Hi, just throwing this in the universe, hoping someone will relate. I became a mum about a year ago with twins. My life is full of ups and downs. The first few months were so hectic. I was so down even with all the family around. Felt like a ghost, a fraud in my body, still feel this way. Lately, ive been having lots of self hating thoughts about myself, mainly because of all the changes my body has undergone since giving birth. I feel grotesque. I hate myself. I am petite and I’ve put on quite a bit of weight. The GP says continuous sleep deprivation does that to your body. Nothing i can do about that. My husband sometimes jokes about my weight gain. Once he called me a fat golliwogg. I am a black women with frizzy hair. And i had to cut my hair due to hormones, hair falling off. Anyway, i still havnt recovered from this comment. Im so hurt. He makes comments about skinny beautiful women on tv. I feel angry. I gave birth to his babies and I’m paying the price still. I was already depressed but now i feel worthless, ugly, unworthy of love, of sex, of attention. Im just sad all the time.

Kr4d_Nr41k I'm losing feelings for my girlfriend. Can someone help?
  • replies: 2

We've been together for just under 6 months now. And lately I've just lost feelings for her. I don't know why this is or how to explain it because this is my first relationship. But earlier in the relationship I was so happy when I was around her. No... View more

We've been together for just under 6 months now. And lately I've just lost feelings for her. I don't know why this is or how to explain it because this is my first relationship. But earlier in the relationship I was so happy when I was around her. Now that's not the case, it's quite the opposite. My best mate and her and her best friend and an argument over something. And now her best friend wants nothing to do with me, and my girlfriend also hates his guts now. Now before I have people saying "You should communicate more", I already did. With my mate and her. What should I do? How do I try and salvage this?

Bluespooks My bipolar girlfriend of a few weeks shy of a year just broke up with me pretty much out of the blue
  • replies: 2

Hi so I need some advice, my (F) girlfriend (F) has bipolar 2 and is medicated for it and is in regular therapy and has been since her diagnosis (about 2 years ago). Our relationship has been up and down as it often is and she has tried to leave me b... View more

Hi so I need some advice, my (F) girlfriend (F) has bipolar 2 and is medicated for it and is in regular therapy and has been since her diagnosis (about 2 years ago). Our relationship has been up and down as it often is and she has tried to leave me before in moments of bipolar rage but always apologizes and we make up. I have my own slew of mental health issues with anxiety and c-ptsd from a sexual assault act that happened with a previous partner. This is relevant. Recently I went through a change in medication and the transition period was a bit rough on the relationship but I thought we worked through and it was okay. My girlfriend, let's call her P, got sent into a manic episode about a week and a half ago but came out of it probably about 4-5 days ago and she went straight into a depressive episode, she has been depressive for about 2 months consistently (with the 1 and a half week manic break) P went to see her therapist two days ago and her therapist told her that she is really worried about her and that the way P has treated me wasn't okay and she needs to follow her gut on what to do, following this therapy session her and I talked and we were okay, the conversations were normal until I started to fall asleep on ft and P started talking thinking I was asleep, she told me how much she loved me and how I was perfect and how I was the perfect person for her, and that she knew I was going to get better and she would be there watching me no matter if she was still here or not. That last comment struck me as odd but I moved past it and eventually fell asleep. I woke up the following day with a bad gut feeling but P texted good morning as normal "Good morning my angel" so I went on with my day. that afternoon I decided to go home and get some uni work done and called her mid-way through since I was bored we talked and everything was normal until suddenly she said we need to fix ourselves. This started a spiral of very emotional conversation which ended with her ending things. the reason she gave was that she wasn't well and needed to get better and so did I. The issue with this is that I am quite well, the best I have been for years. She proceeded to tell me how she didn't want to do this and that she will always love me but she had to do this for me. which once again confused me. I saw her today and we cried together and she told me she hated this and would come back later if she could because she will never love anyone else like this but she needed to do this for me. She has done this once before for the same reasons and changed her mind after 6 days, later telling me it was because she was unwell and suicidal and pushing me away. Is the same thing happening here or is it really over? If it is the same thing as last time what do I do? Please someone help me.

Mark h Can I trust this person?
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone I would really love to grab YOUR advice and help with an issue I am facing currently. I begin by telling you that I was married for 22 years and unfortunately that ended in separation 3 years ago now. This ended due to infidelity on my ex... View more

Hi everyone I would really love to grab YOUR advice and help with an issue I am facing currently. I begin by telling you that I was married for 22 years and unfortunately that ended in separation 3 years ago now. This ended due to infidelity on my ex wife's side and so I spent 14 months on my own to get myself back on track with the help of my two amazing boys. It was tough but I got through it. Back in Feb 2022 I met a new lady who I fell in love with very quickly. We were the same person, we liked the same things, we were inseparable. In March this year, this lady moved into my property to see if we could actually live together which I believed was the next progression after 13 months of being together. It was at this point things started going wrong. This person started having monthly cycles where she became highly unreasonable, I didn't feel safe. I was shouted at, screamed at occasionally and the things that were said were unrationable. After seeing a health professional she was told that she was in full Menopause as well as suffering with depression. I was fine with this and was here to support in any way I could but the monthly cycles increased and I just wasn't coping. I lost my identity or sense of purpose. I even ended up staying out driving fearful of coming back to my home. Five weeks ago, I ended the relationship. I just didn't see a future and she ended moving back into her brothers house being that she had sold her family home months before. Everybody including me, told her not to do this but there was no telling her unfortunately. She is obviously now facing a challenging time with no home to go to but she also has the funds from her house sale which is substantial. I feel incredibly guilty for ending this. I still love this person, she keeps telling me that she wants to come back and make everything work. She sees her mistakes and wants to be with me. Unfortunately I have been told that she has been seeing other men and even went on dates two weeks after we separated. Today I asked her if she has been seeing anyone and she has told me that she went back on a dating app called Hinge but she is not interested anymore and wants to be back. I don't know if I can trust this person to not fall back into old ways. I love her, I have feelings but how do I forgive and accept her into the home after everything? I am a very passive person and very non confrontational. People that surround her say that she is focussed on money and has narcisistic qualities? I am being told it's in my best interests to stay away BUT why do I feel drawn to try and make this work? Any help or advice you can share would be extremely beneficial.M

Jack77 Losing support
  • replies: 2

Hi all I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety for some years now thought I had support from my wife but now I fill that the relationship is braking up so filling l may be losing her support is it because of my depression getting too much for... View more

Hi all I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety for some years now thought I had support from my wife but now I fill that the relationship is braking up so filling l may be losing her support is it because of my depression getting too much for her trying talking about it but it’s hard and even trying asking if we could talk to a marriage therapist but doesn’t seem too want to I love her she’s my best friend how do you get someone to talk about how they filling if that don’t want to

Aria87 Narcissistic Dad...and his blame game.
  • replies: 18

Over the past few years, my dads behavior has taken a toll on my marriage.My father treats my husband like he does everyone and anyone. Hes rude, he talks about people, and blames everyone else for any action. My husband had enough, and cut himself o... View more

Over the past few years, my dads behavior has taken a toll on my marriage.My father treats my husband like he does everyone and anyone. Hes rude, he talks about people, and blames everyone else for any action. My husband had enough, and cut himself off from my parents as he was over my dad calling him only when he wanted something, then when my husband would reach out back he would ignore him or reject his calls if it wasnt a convenient time for him then my dad would stay all quiet acting like he did nothing wrong. Months have gone by, and my dad hasnt asked where my husband has been, because he knows he has stuffed up again. But my dad, will blame my husband and also backstab him to my brothers. My mum would ask, as she is the fixer for all these situations however my husband wont back down now until my dad contacts him back and my husband wants to tell my dad how he upset him so he can learn to stop doing it to him. My husband will every now and then comment about my parents, and i believe this is unfair as i have accepted what they have done, i dont ask my husband to attend things or anything. my dad would call, and call when he wants something, then i would call back when it works for me and he would drop comments like how hes disappointed i haven't gone over sooner, blah blah blah. as strong as i try to be with this, it manages to get under my skin.and, whats worse, i work with my family, so i cant always stay away from my father, unfortunately. im anxious that when it comes down to it and i tell my dad what he did, he will just blow up and blame me and my husband over and over again causing MORE troubles. its like he picks a fight with a new person every month.

Huri Given up
  • replies: 3

My daughter and I had a misunderstanding at the start of the year over her partner. I suffer bad Mental Health and also have Health Problems added to it. So my daughter found out what I said to my younger son about her partner I know it was wrong I s... View more

My daughter and I had a misunderstanding at the start of the year over her partner. I suffer bad Mental Health and also have Health Problems added to it. So my daughter found out what I said to my younger son about her partner I know it was wrong I should have confronted her so he told her. Instead of confronting me I had a very long message so hurtful it broke me as well as it broke her. 1 she said that I was see that her partner was treating her the same way I was treated (but in denial). 2 said her partner loves her (but hear stories when he gets angry at her).He is nice it his own ways just don't like the way she gets treated. So I had forward the message to my sister she suggested to let my daughter know I love her and message her now and again that I do. We follow each other on social media and yesterday I had sent her message today received a reply and she is not happy with me at all. It has broken me and at a point where I am completely done. I am too old for this too broken and feel like I don't want to be here anymore.I haven't had any self harm thoughts in over 10 years and it's managed to creep its ugly head back in. BUT I know I can't do that to the rest of my family what will it prove, my son will be so lonely and I can't do that to him. But that thought is sitting hard on my shoulder. My cat is looking at me saying I know you are not okay but you will be fine.