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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Moonbeamer Nightmares gone but grief continues
  • replies: 1

A couple of months ago my nightly anxiety nightmares seem to have ended.I have experienced nightmares most nights for many decades - they are anxiety dreams. Usually in these dreams there is something that needs to be done (eg pack for a trip) in a l... View more

A couple of months ago my nightly anxiety nightmares seem to have ended.I have experienced nightmares most nights for many decades - they are anxiety dreams. Usually in these dreams there is something that needs to be done (eg pack for a trip) in a limited time (eg catch a boat). I start the task and realise it is too big a job for me to do without help, but no-one helps. The people who should assist (eg they are going on the same trip) disappear or happily wander off doing their own things oblivious to the growing urgency. I ask for help but no-one hears me - no sound comes out. I keep doing the overwhelming task alone in increasing panic. I get exhausted and keep trying to get noticed so someone may help... always in vain. I wake up very upset, sometimes crying, sometimes screaming.In the real world, I did lose my voice as a teenager. Home and school were bastions of bullying and verbal abuse and after a while I stopped talking. I had stopped eating too. I was being yelled at whenever I spoke, so I just stopped. I was still yelled at and abused (for not talking), but I just gave up.Fast forward to now. Six-ish years ago I withdrew from contact with my family. This was after decades of difficulties and abuse. Without the love and compassion of my partner and dogs I would not have survived it. There was a major crash in my mental health, but things have steadily improved. I can now say I am probably my most content and free I have ever been... but the grief is still there.Not just deep sadness (missing a happy loving family that never really existed) but also quite a lot of confusion and anger.I have come to realise that lots of really nasty things happened that no-one has ever taken responsibility for. I have never in my life received an apology from anyone in my family for even the smallest thing - apparently they decided I was never to deserve it. At the same time, I still have the (bad) habit of apologising for everything. I feel that with all the years of lies, abuse, scape-goating and double standards that I have been treated very unjustly. I've never been allowed my say. There is no possibility for restitution. No possibility for basic human respect.Things seem to be getting better, but the unfairness is almost physically painful. The nightmares seem to have gone but these thoughts and feelings keep me awake at night and I worry about it all the time.

K34n Marriage break up
  • replies: 3

Hi Just wanting to know Since covid started I have been going down hill.My wife lost her business and I lost mine job due work place injury.We sold our house and went to move interstate but realised it wasn't for us.My wife went back to college to le... View more

Hi Just wanting to know Since covid started I have been going down hill.My wife lost her business and I lost mine job due work place injury.We sold our house and went to move interstate but realised it wasn't for us.My wife went back to college to learn a new career in 21,22 as hairdresser.I found a job locally.we had lived in a caravan park for 5months and we bought a duplex to live in My wife was unhappy with hairdressing and applied for a women's driver's academy to get a job through a company and got it they supplied training to get a truck licence and when she did she started full time Away from home 13hrs a day and she would get home and just sleep.I felt I was loosing her I felt unloved.Came mothers day this year she wanted to go away with a friend for weekend for a present.I was lost I started asking questions why with someone else we hadn't had time away for just us together and she wanted to do this with someone else I got really sick that night didn't receive any messages nothing and I lost it .Not knowing the didn't have reception. Any way we had starting to get along again.Every 2 to 3 weekends she would go to a BBQ on Saturdays with her work friends I was not invited through these.So anyway about 3 weeks ago she said she I'd going to 50 and 60 year old birthday party and would be staying the night.I thought I was strong and said ok.We had been getting along a bit better including more physical contact.Until Sunday night when she was going to bed and she said she is staying for the weekend .Then I asked some questions the place she was saying at is the 50 year olds birthday who is single.My heart broke.I felt hollow lost thinking the worst then I get a message the same night my best friends wife past away.Everything was ripping through my head.I e lost my wife told her I felt jealous lost hollow angry Because 30 years ago my first wife cheated on me then my girlfriend after that.I was thinking here I go again.Asking why she said I had trust issues and that I don't trust her and all she did is ever love me .I know she did And I loved her.I asked who else was going to the party she said some people with partners .and I said why wasn't I going and she said you won't asked and she just wants to go on her own with out me.I asked if she was ashamed of me and didn't love me and I t really made her turn away from me.I lost

SJC4Dalways Relationships
  • replies: 2

Hi there I'm a widower my husband died almost 8yrs ago I have 2 children.my daughter and I had very bad argument haven't seen her since 2019 or my two beautiful grandchildren.she won't talk to me or even give me the time of day.i am so hurt angry no ... View more

Hi there I'm a widower my husband died almost 8yrs ago I have 2 children.my daughter and I had very bad argument haven't seen her since 2019 or my two beautiful grandchildren.she won't talk to me or even give me the time of day.i am so hurt angry no other family apart from my son.

Mark h Confrontational Vs Non Confrontational
  • replies: 1

Hi Beyond Blue community I hope you are all keeping well today. I am just writing with regards to my current situation right now in the hope that some of you have gone through or am going through a similar situation. Eighteen months ago, I met an ama... View more

Hi Beyond Blue community I hope you are all keeping well today. I am just writing with regards to my current situation right now in the hope that some of you have gone through or am going through a similar situation. Eighteen months ago, I met an amazing lady who is now a big part of my life. After being separated from my ex partner for 16 months, I met this person by chance and obviously was and am extremely happy to be in a loving, secure relationship once again. My personality type is one that is placid. I am a non confrontational person but I am happy to own up to anything I have done wrong of course. I go forward in life laughing and being very positive even when things are bleak and not ideal. I prefer to be a glass half full personality I guess and look at things that bring joy to my day even if those things are quite simple such as walking the dogs or enjoying cooking something for us all. My partner has so many amazing qualities and she is caring beyond words however there are times (monthly) where things become irrational and the confronting arguments become for em, too much to cope with. As I am sensitive, I guess I take everything to heart but this week, there was a huge argument where I was shouted at and told that I was thinking things I simply wasn't. An example is that my partner has an amazing dog that now lives with us who does have a bit of a barking problem but nothing that upsets me at all. I do tell her to be quiet when she barks as I also work from home and this was taken by my partner as an attack to the point where I was told that "You don't like my dog being so annoying, you don't like me dog at all". This leads to me trying to calm the situation and putting my point forward but then it escalates and I end up with what I would class as emotional abuse. It's not something that I can live with, I am a punching bag for her and she has openly admitted that she does have a temper and can be quite negative and opinionated. this week I told her that I couldn't handle this anymore, it's too hard to deal with especially when I am doing nothing wrong at all. It feels like an attack or even something that makes me feel extremely unsafe, not in a physical way at all but emotionally for sure. This person has moved into my home and is adapting to massive change which I am so grateful for of course. She has been living with me now for 4 months but she's finding it hard. What do I do? I need help and advice.

Guest_4681 Dealing with self obsessed in laws
  • replies: 1

Hi fellow overthinkers, Am in a fix , am struggling to deal with my FIL who is extremely selfish and double standard person, he visits and stays with us for a year for last 15 years..up until 2018 my MIL was alive and they both used to stay for a yea... View more

Hi fellow overthinkers, Am in a fix , am struggling to deal with my FIL who is extremely selfish and double standard person, he visits and stays with us for a year for last 15 years..up until 2018 my MIL was alive and they both used to stay for a year and them break for abt 6 months then again same thing...since my hubby is only son he has to be there for them. My FIL is extremely social and he has no probs reaching out to strangers, sometimes he calls ppl over wen we are not there...I feel vulnerable around him due to my past experiences with my in laws..they have given me the worst time of my life...thr is no real respect in me for them , it's only coz of my hubby that I put up with him..it's been 19years of marriage but my past still haunts me especially when he stays with us..I get extremely frustrated and keep winging about everything to my hubby...am a natural giver so it's hard for me to behave against my nature but with him I feel like not doing anything but end up doing more than he deserves..I hv an issue that am a rebel...I cannot take any inappropriate comment or fake emotions..I hv to give bk...i can be very upfront and blunt if I do not agree with any1...I hv to express my true emotion...I cannot fake it..these days I feel like a loser and helpless..I feel like a problem myself...my hubby ignores his behaviour and move on but I can't...sometimes I feel like giving up on this marriage itself where my hubby only corrects me and ask me either to ignore or being smart in replying...I feel unheard and unsupported..I hv 2 school going girls and I don't want them affected because of my decision...am on antidepressants for last 10 years and not working right now...I support my hubby in every possible way but I barely get any acknowledgement..am sorry guys I may sound very random but my thoughts are all over the place am finding it hard to gather my thoughts and express correctly...not sure wat to do..any suggestions or help will be appreciated..thanks a ton..lots of Love and Light y'all

Edna Average Emotionally drained - elderly and sick parents
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I haven’t posted in a while. I suffered burnout and depression after a really unpleasant work experience up until a year ago. Even though I managed to escape and find a better situation, I feel like I’m still recovering from a traumatic and d... View more

Hi all, I haven’t posted in a while. I suffered burnout and depression after a really unpleasant work experience up until a year ago. Even though I managed to escape and find a better situation, I feel like I’m still recovering from a traumatic and damaging experience. The new job is quite stressful but in a better way I guess but I’m still dealing with the fallout and it has severely impacted my physical health and emotional wellbeing. Trying so hard to develop and maintain healthier coping mechanisms, but can’t stick to regular exercise routines and my nutrition is very erratic.The thing is that now I’m coping with a very ill and elderly father and my mother not coping well either. I’m extremely close to both of them and in fact, my counsellor has previously identified enmeshment. I call my mother every night to check in, as they live over two hours away. I also see them every week or two when they’re in my city for medical appointments. Most nights I hang up from our calls feeling incredibly drained after hearing all the problems with her, my father and my older sibling. It has always been negative but is worse than ever. I also find myself offloading my problems with her and feeling terrible for it, but it’s as the old saying goes ‘misery loves company’. Lately I’ve been dreading the calls and sometimes skipping them to preserve the little energy I have left after a stressful work week. Some nights I can barely cook for myself and go to bed exhausted and scroll on my phone to zone out until I fall asleep. Tonight I snapped at my mother after she repeated a negative story in the same conversation. I just couldn’t deal with it after experiencing chronic pain (headaches) and work stress for the last two weeks. She got upset and hung up, which made me feel more guilty. I know if I call to apologise she’ll either ignore the phone or give me the cold treatment… It’s hard because I live alone and don’t have a strong support network, so I internalise everything and it’s making me really sick and I’ve put on over 15kgs through emotional eating. I’m booked to see a new counsellor next week to discuss coping mechanisms, but wondered if anyone has advice based on their experience? I want to distance myself but they need me more than ever. However, I feel like I need support too! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Localfruit Found my wife having affair with her ex-boss
  • replies: 1

I am a 50yr old man.Last week I tracked my wife and found she has been checking into a motel 20km from where we lived. I don't know how long this has been going on.I confronted her, and after a very long pause, she confessed that she had been having ... View more

I am a 50yr old man.Last week I tracked my wife and found she has been checking into a motel 20km from where we lived. I don't know how long this has been going on.I confronted her, and after a very long pause, she confessed that she had been having an affair with her ex-boss which she worked with for 12 years, and claimed they never had sex. Her ex-boss is from a senior management role. Her lies keeps going. I have already forgiven her for the 2 past affairs when we were married within the 1st five years (honeymoon marriage).My heart is shattered, and feel so much pain.We have been married 23 years. We have 2 children 17yrs and 14yrs.She never showed any signs of affair, although it is hard to forget her past affairs.I am always away for work for days in a week. We laughed and have dinner with kids occasionally. We have heated quarrels from time to time.Now she says I was to blame,- because I don't listen to her, don't talk to her or my kids. - And when I come back, all I want is sex. Unfortunately for her, I do have a high sex drive. So now she is having sex with another man???- She says I speak with a harsh tone to her and my kids.- she says I belittle her.- she says i am distant from my parents and siblings, which maybe true, because I am a very private person.I am not rich, and I (or we) worked constantly to build our dream home, and save up money. So one day, we can start travelling around the world.My world has just crashed, and I am having trouble coping. Please help.

Wanwi_S Cleaning
  • replies: 3

My partner and I have an argument about cleaning the house. He told me everything doesn't need to be perfect when it doesn't. He told me not to push myself too hard to clean when the dishwasher only runs once a day, washing machine run once a week. W... View more

My partner and I have an argument about cleaning the house. He told me everything doesn't need to be perfect when it doesn't. He told me not to push myself too hard to clean when the dishwasher only runs once a day, washing machine run once a week. We have a robot vacuum. I could do it all on my own but what I don't understand is why we are not sharing the load.We have a 2 year old and I'm pregnant. I told him if he likes to do it his way, I won't touch his stuff. He can clean whenever he wants in his own convenient. I will just stop asking for help becuase it's more exhausting than doing the cleaning myself. He said it's good, just like when he was single.

Blue_baby I need help healing
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend and I were together when we were 16 for about 7 months. We broke up and we’re no contact and got back together 3 years later. Our relationship wasn’t healthy at all on both our parts and I should’ve known that people break up for a reaso... View more

My boyfriend and I were together when we were 16 for about 7 months. We broke up and we’re no contact and got back together 3 years later. Our relationship wasn’t healthy at all on both our parts and I should’ve known that people break up for a reason but I obviously got back with him because I love him. My boyfriend and I have had a rocky history where he previously cheated on me during our first relationship and he admitted it to me before we got back together because he felt guilty. We had some problems with him sleeping with another girl. Although we weren’t exclusive or dating. He told me he loved me and slept with another girl. I had a few problems with him watching inappropriate videos of other girls online and listening to girlfriend simulation ASMR which got brought up three times until it ultimately stopped. it’s been long since this problem and we he hasn’t done anything like that and he’s honestly changed. We’ve had conversations about how he previously treated me and he openly admits he was young and under the influence of his “friends” who ultimately wanted to sabotage our relationship to try get with me right after we broke up. Today we were having a conversation about my body and how my dysmorphia impacts us being intimate. He opened up to me and told me he had slept with a girl from my highschool during the time we broke up and she was a lot bigger than me and he doesn’t hate bigger girls. I’m really upset over his past because he slept with people I knew and I know I wasn’t with him but it makes me feel disgusted especially because I’ve seen some of these people multiple times and had many conversations with them and feel stupid to know those girls where sleeping with him as I was having conversations with them. I feel like I’m constantly having to heal over so many things in this relationship. I really do love him and honestly he’s changed for the better but I can’t help but think I’ve been hurt too much and there’s so much history to get over. I fear I’ll look back later on in my life and realise I settled for less or be unhappy with myself and relationships in the end. I have anxiety so I constantly overthink. We moved 16 hours away together from our city to move in together and get a better jobs but also to escape where we came from because we honestly were so toxic and had so many people know about us and obviously news about whose been sleeping with who (as I mentioned my boyfriend slept with multiple people after we broke up). I currently can’t afford the rent and I’m far away from any support. I have no friends. I have no car and usually share my boyfriends car. I am also no longer in contact with my family as I had an abusive relationship with them. I still love my boyfriend and maybe the best thing for my situation is to continue with the relationship despite the trauma and hurt and try to heal because at the end of the day he is a different person to who he was. I just need advice on how I can heal and manage my anxiety and overthinking. Or if I am making the right decision.

Gamechanger I am totally over everything
  • replies: 11

I live with my almost 19 year old son. I have issues and am on DSP because of these issues. I work as much as I can and keep everything running although I don't feel like doing so most of the time. The house is always clean, bills paid, lots of food ... View more

I live with my almost 19 year old son. I have issues and am on DSP because of these issues. I work as much as I can and keep everything running although I don't feel like doing so most of the time. The house is always clean, bills paid, lots of food etc and I make nice meals everynight. My son is so disrespectful and he is seriously upsetting me. He does nothing but sit in his computer room swearing at idiots on the game. He spends his pittance from his part time job on weed and takeaway food. He had his idiot friend over the other night. They got totally drunk. His friend was asleep on the couch...my son was being totally crazy. Set fire to his pants by the back door, if I hadn't been aware of this the whole house could have gone up in flames. He was being disgusting, rude, scaring me and being so disrespectful to me. The day after he was ashamed and apologetic. He then had insomnia for three nights and again became argumentative and belligerent towards me. I have tried getting him help and he always bails at the last minute. I am at the stage where I am starting to hate him. He is ruining any semblance of a life I could have. I do not need to be in this big house with the big mortgage. I could live in a unit and have money and no stress. He is totally incapable of living elsewhere and I would not kick him out as he would end up dead. But I am ruined inside by his behaviour and the fact I am absolutely trapped. His 'father' has a lot to do with all of this but he has remarried and has always treated my son like a nuisance. My son hates him and wants him dead. I just want some peace and I think there is only one way to get that.