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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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RememberLove Depressed??? Husband, 25 yrs, says wants divorce
  • replies: 4

Hi, we are 25 yrs married this week. Have had up and downs. Husband has had depression and anxiety, and refuses treatment. Our divorce discussions began 2 years ago when he was violent. He isn't violent now but can get mean (mean comments) when he's ... View more

Hi, we are 25 yrs married this week. Have had up and downs. Husband has had depression and anxiety, and refuses treatment. Our divorce discussions began 2 years ago when he was violent. He isn't violent now but can get mean (mean comments) when he's down. We have some big things going on with our kids, but he won't seek help or counselling. We separated our accounts when we separated, and he now holds that against me as I work, earn and save more, and pay most of the bills. He is saying he can't plan with me in the picture and just wants his 'cut' to live his life as he wants. He hasn't had a discussion with me to what that looks like, other than saying he'll move away out bush. I understand and accept if he doesn't want to be in the marriage, however I'm concerned he is making a big decision based on the depression. I'm a bit lost to what to do, other than go along with it, as sad as it might be. One of the big challenges we are both dealing with is one of our adult kids is now trans. Any ideas to help ?

Jessksch I started hating everyone over the age of 55
  • replies: 15

I am not going to insult anyone with the word "boomer" because deep down I know not everyone is like that at that age group, but I can't help myself at the moment: My whole life my parents have put pressure on me and stopped caring about my wants, th... View more

I am not going to insult anyone with the word "boomer" because deep down I know not everyone is like that at that age group, but I can't help myself at the moment: My whole life my parents have put pressure on me and stopped caring about my wants, they wanted me out of the house as soon as possible because I was the youngest and they wanted to retire. I had pressure on me to stay in the country I studied and find any way possible because I was told I was not welcome home again. So I wasted most of my years here trying to figure out a way to stay. Thankfully I have a wonderful fiance whom I've been with now for 12 years. It may have started there, but lately now I get more and more resentful: I found out after my parents passed they had money, but they got it through doing some horrible things to our company's employees and not very legal stuff. I lost even more respect to them. Now, I wanted to get past this, but we are having trouble with our landlord. Years ago our kitchen flooded because the upper apartment people put stuff down their drain, our systems were connected and so our kitchen flooded, destroying the old wood flooring. The boards shrunk and gaps are inbetween. I have tried and tried to talk to the real estate and they said they contact the landlord but never get a reply. Finally I saved all the emails and have enough evidence, but I am so angry at this point as everything else is so cheaply made in this apartment and falling apart.We pay rent on time, are quiet, pay bills, keep things nice and clean and have never had a complaint from our apartment checkups, yet we do the right thing and have to suffer for it.Not to mention we will never be able to afford a house unless we move way out, thankfully my fiance can get a job there but I would be fucked. Then my mother in law kept saying she is worried for a war, spending so much money they have doing nothing...whereas us we probably won't even see the point of making it to 60. At least we aren't as selfish and having children so we make the next generation suffer, but I have become selfish, I just want them to suffer that's how bad my anger is! It is all too much and I have been trying so hard to do the right thing all the time and can't seem to care about people close to me who are in that age range because of all of this! I don't want to be hateful but then I see them talk like this and I get angry again!

Lonley_1 I'm going to be lonley forever
  • replies: 4

I'm 33yrs old with 5 kids. Aged 12 9 7 5 and 3 their dad walked out on us 2yrs ago for another woman and we haven't seen him since. He was a horrible man anyway but who's going to want an ugly fat single mum with 5 kids that are pretty much with me 2... View more

I'm 33yrs old with 5 kids. Aged 12 9 7 5 and 3 their dad walked out on us 2yrs ago for another woman and we haven't seen him since. He was a horrible man anyway but who's going to want an ugly fat single mum with 5 kids that are pretty much with me 24/7 I have no family my mum died a year ago and haven't seen my dad or siblings for years I havr no friends I'm so lonley I want to find love but I'm thinking this will be impossible. I also suffer anxiety which of course makes it harder. I feel that i have nothing in life to look forward to besides my kids which I love with all my heart but one day they will be grown and gone. And not many men would want to take on 5 kids that are not theres. I feel so sad lonley unloved and unwanted and I'm sure I'm destined to be alone forever just venting

cassie101 Jealousy issues
  • replies: 1

I have an issue with being jealous of my partner, if they go out if friends I get really uptight and start calling and messaging them till they come back because I’m jealous they are out with friends, I’m also jealous when my partner is messaging the... View more

I have an issue with being jealous of my partner, if they go out if friends I get really uptight and start calling and messaging them till they come back because I’m jealous they are out with friends, I’m also jealous when my partner is messaging their friends too. I think I get this because I don’t really have any friends and I just want to be with my partner all the time. how can I fix this?

Gnomes5 Frustrated mum of 4 high needs kids- extremely drained
  • replies: 1

I need sadvice or even just to vent and make me feel not so alone.I am not sure what or how to handle the situations I am currently facing with my eldest especially, although all my kids are high needs with ADHD, intellectual disability, suspected AS... View more

I need sadvice or even just to vent and make me feel not so alone.I am not sure what or how to handle the situations I am currently facing with my eldest especially, although all my kids are high needs with ADHD, intellectual disability, suspected ASD, anger issues, behavioural problems and more. Here's a very basic rundown. My 14 yr son has always been a struggle and has had issues since toddler years with his behaviour and need for control. (He witnessed his dad abuse me at 2.5yrs and when his little bro was born he became extremely protective of us both at age 3)He has gone through a lot of changes and witnessed incidents in his life which i know would play a part in his overall development. Most of his life I have been a single mum, I tried to date but he would push any potential partner away from me (mentally and physically) until they would leave for good.Covid and puberty (2020/2021) escalated everything, he became threatening towards me, controlling, manipulative and basically tried to rule the house and by this stage I had 2 more kids (now aged 14,11, 7 and 4) it became living on eggshells around him. He would rage and break things if he didn't get his way. This still happens but not as intense and he does have slightly more control over his actions and we have all had alot of family support services involved, including police from things hes been involved in. He steals money from us, lies all the time, treats his siblings and i like crap (then can be super nice and they dont understand at all) I stopped his pocket money but always has money (i now know its from drug drops for a dealer) He left school early year 8, how the hell was I meant to "force him to go"?He has so much freedom because how do i stop him, he sleeps all day and goes out late afternoon.He has so many workers involved to support him but he won't engage or tells them what they want to hear. This is all a very brief post and happy to tell more as I'm desperate for help and advice as these services are useless. The main issue I have now is the drug use, it started a year ago with weed after he told me he does it, (this is the thing he tells me EVERYTHING, it's good but it's almost a control thing as he knows there's nothing I can do so he tells me things i shouldnt really know as it puts me in a difficult place) He has recently started taking acid and mushrooms and I'm so worried about where he's heading, he calls himself a junkie and that he wants to enjoy his life as it's going to be short anyway his friends all do drugs and it's horrible. I know some of the parents whose teens do it yet the parents think they're perfect and I once told a parent and she blamed my son yet her son was the one who introduced my KID to it all, so I can't tell any of these other parents as they will blame me for not "controlling my child" I have never felt so alone and holding so many secrets to the point I suffer physically and mentally.All this while trying to maintain the other kids lives as normal as possible and their behaviours have also escalated. I feel hopeless and have so much regret and thoughts, like where did I go wrong.I am now in a same sex relationship, who the kids all accepted thankfully and my gf is a great help but my 14yo issues do affect us both and it strains the relationship, so I also have those issues going on. What am I meant to do? Police won't do anything, no one can force my eldest to stop drug taking, no such thing as rehab they've told me. I'm so worried about my other kids seeing and hearing all that happens, I try to shield them but they still see it and know that's trauma to them and explains some of their attitudes.They also have many of their own issues and I know it's only going to get worse as they grow up.I'm drained in every way possible, I imagine running away and disappearing every single day, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I struggle even more with all these services involved as I'm constantly needing to discuss the Children which just creates more stress. I have never felt more alone then I do now.

Alida Is there something wring with me?
  • replies: 4

Hello all. to start this discussion, I would just like to say that I am in the 15-18 age area, so take this to mind. This has all happened in the last few months. I am not overweight for my age, but I am a littler chubbier than the beauty standards w... View more

Hello all. to start this discussion, I would just like to say that I am in the 15-18 age area, so take this to mind. This has all happened in the last few months. I am not overweight for my age, but I am a littler chubbier than the beauty standards would like me to be. I have become extremely insecure to the point where I told my mother I had period cramps to get out of going to school for three days. I got into a massive fight with my "friend". I decided to tell her how I was feeling one day, hoping she would help me and support me, but instead, she said "You're not the only one with mental health issues, stop trying to act special to get attention". I haven't talked too her since, and I've been eating lunch in the school bathrooms. Ever since then, I've been finding the smallest things people do extremely irritating, and a get angry so easily. Is here something wrong with me? Please help!

Pippyl Hi I'm new. Single mum living with my abusive parents
  • replies: 7

Hi im new here. Never done anything like this I'm a very private person so I'm reluctant to give info but also I guess that's the point. I think what I'm looking for is likeminded people and support to get me through until this lockdown allows for me... View more

Hi im new here. Never done anything like this I'm a very private person so I'm reluctant to give info but also I guess that's the point. I think what I'm looking for is likeminded people and support to get me through until this lockdown allows for me to make the steps I need to make. I've had a lot of adversity in my life. It's come to the point I can no longer function and I have been bedridden for months. I'm a single mum with no support, I've started to see my own parents are abusive and the cause of so much pain so now that I see that I have no idea how I will raise my child as I was hoping they would take on a role in assisting me. My ex isn't around. So we live with them now as I can't even care for myself and that's when I've relised the severity. I left my ex due to domestic violence done years of work for us both to heal and earlier this year everything started to unravel and feel like I'm right back where I started so it feels I'll never get through it. I feel I've lost my identity like what I had with my ex was an illusion, now I feel my parents and my whole life is also an illusion. I'm scared for my child I think she deserves a foster home or something I feel so inadequate I don't know how to get better for her anymore. I question my worth as her parent I have been through worse and keep strong to keep her safe, I really wish she jus had loving capable parents, I have seriously considered this option and spoke with docs about it but she's had everyone give up on her, my parents actually kicked us out earlier this yr we were homeless then things came to a head and I was advised to return. I left her dad for her to have a better life but I feel nothing's changed coz I'm so broken. What I was trying to escape is actually our reality. So bcoz everyone's given up on her I can't I know how lost she'd be without me and it would be so painful for us both, but I also can't keep going this way. I have never felt normal I have never had genuine loving support that wasn't a person with an ulterior motive so trust is an issue. I don't trust or love myself I try. Honestly if I could foresee this life for her I wouldn't have had her coz it hurts so very much to hurt the 1 person you really love and she's the only person who's ever loved me and I have no idea how to love. Sorry I'm getting heavy it's jus not fair for her. I'm the adult to make the changes I know what I should do but I feel like I'm locked in a prison jus watching unable to do anything.

JSP How to be enough?
  • replies: 3

I've been facing my issues for 13 years. A lot of that time I was aware of my issues but didn't do much to fix them. In the past few years, I've made a lot of progress. I have a stable job with bosses and colleagues who love and treat me well. I've g... View more

I've been facing my issues for 13 years. A lot of that time I was aware of my issues but didn't do much to fix them. In the past few years, I've made a lot of progress. I have a stable job with bosses and colleagues who love and treat me well. I've gotten better at socialising - still not fantastic and can get anxious, but not as much as before. The people in my life have nothing but good things to say about me.The one thing that I have not had in the past 13 years is love, dating, romance. I haven't had it because for the most part, I haven't gone after it. It could be a cop-out for my avoidance, but I want a happy and healthy relationship and to be in one, you need to be happy and healthy yourself. So I've been a work in progress for a long time.But I'm starting to think that for a while now I would have been enough for a nice woman, it's just me that I have not been enough for. I'm trying to be perfect, but it will never be enough. I'll fix all my superficial flaws - it won't be enough. I'll have friends tell me that I'm a great guy, attractive, sweet, sexy - they must be lying or just trying to be nice.I don't even know what I'm doing anymore because I don't even know what it would be like to feel enough. How would you describe your feeling of enough? The feeling that lets you put yourself out there and gets people to love you in the way that I've been missing.

EarthAngle Grandparent/parent/grandchild relationship
  • replies: 1

Okay, so my dad is is not happy that he hardly ever gets to see his grandson anymore…. Understandable. Though my ex and I have court orders, I get my son Thursday after school and stays with me right through the weekend. We live an hour away from his... View more

Okay, so my dad is is not happy that he hardly ever gets to see his grandson anymore…. Understandable. Though my ex and I have court orders, I get my son Thursday after school and stays with me right through the weekend. We live an hour away from his school, so spending 2 hours in the car for him on Friday is so exhausting for a young boy of 7 by the time the weekend comes he doesn’t want to really go anywhere… I mean nor do I. We already live busy lives. Though I am in deep trouble because I don’t take my son out to see his granddad anymore… we used to visit each other occasionally when we lived in town. I also do hours upon hours a week of driving on top of work and maintaining the property where we live, my father and I don’t really have a great relationship but I have been threatened by another family member saying I am with holding my son from my father… that’s not the case. We all so damn exhausted we don’t want to be running around at the end of the week, we’re all spreading ourselves so thin. I’m so tired of the drama and being made feel like I have to run after him. I understand grandparent grandson relationships are important but I just don’t know what to do. He can come out and see him if he would like, though I like people to text before coming out as a courtesy.

SallyPeters02 Discovered partner had an affair
  • replies: 4

I have been with my partner James almost 5 years. I have two kids from my previous relationship, he has none (though he treats them as his own). James works in an industry where there are a lot of women and has always had female friends. He made it c... View more

I have been with my partner James almost 5 years. I have two kids from my previous relationship, he has none (though he treats them as his own). James works in an industry where there are a lot of women and has always had female friends. He made it clear at the beginning and wanted to make sure I was ok with that. I said yes as I trusted him. James become friends with Claire through work about 3 years and she also ended up being a client of his in his line of work. At one stage I began to feel uncomfortable with frequency of their texting and other little things like gift she got him for his bday with I felt was too much. He assured nothing was happening etc, but there was always something that made me uncomfortable. One thing being he was always quite secretive with his phone. I also tried to suggest we all go out and I become friends with Claire too and he’d say yeah yeah but never do anything about it. I tried not to look too much into it, and I wanted to trust him. However other than this, I did not question our relationship. He lived with me and kids and felt he loved me and always there for us. Always does sweet little things like bring me a coffee every morning and drop a lovely lunch to me at work. He is brilliant with the kids as well.Anyway, tbh while Claire is still in James life, I do feel it has backed off a lot in the past year. Recently however, James got so drunk to the point of me having to look after him and put him to bed. His phone was lying on the floor. I couldn’t resist and looked at his phone and went through all their msgs. They had a very volatile friendship/relationship, with lots of her yelling at him and calling him vile names. This causes me to scroll back very far in time and my worst fear was met, they were fooling around behind my back about a 1.5 years ago. I am so heartbroken and devastated, and empty. I confronted James about it the next day and he broke down. He admitted what happened a while ago and he is so incredibly sorry and will do anything to make things right. Which he did immediately by blocking her off all forms of contact/social media. He then proceeded to tell me that after he made his mistakes with her she turned on him and began to constantly use threats to tell me and ruin our family. To the point of photoshopping messages she sent to me , which she never actually sent. She would try to call him 10 times and if he didn’t respond she threatened to tell me. She also told him horrible physical things she would do to him like stab him etc. It was all to terrorise and break him. Which i believe as I saw a lot of it in those msgs. She is absolutely crazy.I found out 2 weeks ago and I’m still devastated. He says he is so sorry ang will do anything and everything to make things right. I am considering trying to work this out. But my mental state is so all over the shop. I feel so inadequate, sad, depressed, alone you name it. I keep thinking what did she have that I don’t? I am more attractive than her so it’s not that … from the msgs she is a cold hearted b$&ch so it’s not her personality. He tells me he doesn’t know why he did it, he loves me and always has, and has never been unhappy in our relationship.I don’t even know what I want /need from posting this, but maybe I just needed to write it out.